


The Way Way Back

by sephypoo



Series: RED [1]
Category: Compilation of Final Fantasy VII, Kingdom Hearts
Genre: F/M, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-16
Updated: 2018-03-01
Packaged: 2019-03-19 12:48:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 3
Words: 88,724
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13704786
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sephypoo/pseuds/sephypoo
Summary: RED was my very first fanfic. I took it down a few years ago to use the plot for original fic. Five books later, I'm re-posting it. If you read RED back then, you know that it was a mess of prequel, story, sequel, plus various other chapters that fell all long the time line. I have incorporated all of those parts into one three part series. The way way back will of course be the back stories for the main characters- Riku, Reno, Axel, Cloud, Sora, Roxas, Ventus, and Vanitas. If that sounds like a lot, it is. I own nothing.If you read RED years ago, I hope you will read it again in it's more polished form, and if you're not familiar with RED, be WARNED: drugs, violence, suicide, graphic sex, incest, mental illness.





	1. RIKU

**Author's Note:**

> Once again, thank you to my sister without whom none of this would have ever been written. I love you Runt.

RIKU

  


“Happy Valentine’s Day darling,” Xemnas said as he gave his wife a beautifully wrapped box.

“Thank you my love. Did you like your desk? It was supposed to have been delivered last week.” She asked as she began to untie the silk ribbon that adorned her gift.

“Yes, it’s beautiful and I must say I was surprised.” Xemnas was pouring himself a drink as he waited to hear her reaction to his gift.

“Oh! You… I’m so happy! I love you so much! Thank you.”

Xemnas hugged his wife as she gushed over the paperwork in the box. She wanted to adopt a child and she was firm on the subject…so be it. She wanted to be a mother, now she was one. He kissed her head. “I’m glad you’re happy dear. Let’s go and get him. I arranged everything so that he would be ready today. I prepared a nursery as well in your absence.”

“You’ll fall in love the minute you see him dear, he’s so beautiful!”

Xemnas doubted every word of her statement but he smiled anyway as they left for the mainland. She had been after him to start a family for years. Going to orphanages to visit had been her hobby when she wasn’t working for the past year and a half.

After finding the perfect baby in Midgar, she had still failed to get Xemnas to come and see the infant. In order to move things along she explained to the workers that her husband was a very successful but busy man and applied for the adoption herself, promising his signature when she returned. Six months had passed since then and she was finally going to return, papers in hand, to bring her son home.

They landed in Midgar and had a late lunch before going to the children’s home. She didn’t like to use the word orphanage in the case of _her_ baby, because it made him sound faulty in some way, as if someone had thrown him away. This was a child whose parents had died and that was different in her eyes. She had told her friends about him and made sure to relate that he was not orphaned, merely unfortunate that he had lost both his parents. That made it seem more like she was doing a charity by adopting the poor thing…saving him from the system as it were.

Upon entering the orphanage Xemnas crinkled his nose at the smell of disinfectant and looked around at the humble setting. Any son of his was not going to grow up in such a hovel. He would grow up on the Island away from all of this. He would _have_ the best…he would _be_ the best…and if he wasn’t or didn’t seem to be capable then, well…he would be replaced. Either way, he didn’t want his name attached to this child, _just in case he turned out to be faulty_.

Xemnas had spent six months dragging his feet about signing the papers and doing research about this child’s parentage. What he found out was part of the reason he decided to sign the papers and give them to his wife on this day. The child was born in an asylum to Aerith Gainsborough. His father was listed as Sephiroth, the ShinRa general who went berserk and burned down the village of Nibelheim not long ago.

But Sephiroth, insanity aside, was a great general. Xemnas was convinced that if this child had any of his father’s genes, chances were that he would also be great. He lined many a pocket to keep all of this quiet because the fact that the baby’s mother was still alive and institutionalized could cause a scandal.  

While doing his research, he also found that Sephiroth’s biological father had been one Vincent Valentine, thereby making everything from then on that pertained to Sephiroth to also contain the surname Valentine. He saw this holiday gift as the perfect opportunity to hush her up about motherhood and by giving her the signed papers on this day, she would delight at having Valentine as the baby’s surname. Further, she wouldn’t associate _Valentine_ with that general if the subject ever came up in conversation…and he doubted that it would.

 

The boy, now nearly a year old walked out to meet them with the assistance of a caregiver who looked like she could double as a homeless person, in Xemnas’ opinion. _The child has bells on_ _his shoes._ He stood and stared at them with huge aqua colored eyes and Mrs. Xemnas could hardly contain her excitement as she cooed over him.

Xemnas stared at the child with a frozen smile wondering how long he would have to stand there before he could take him out and get him into some proper clothing…his was atrocious. _Who wanted animals on their child's clothes and bells on his shoes?_ _Preposterous._

The caregiver picked him up and hugged him sweetly. “Say hello to your new mommy and daddy, Riku.”

The child blinked. “Hello”.

Mrs. Xemnas stepped forward, “May I hold you now, Riku?”

He nodded, and when she smiled with tears in her eyes, he smiled back. That was it for her, she was ready to get his paperwork and go shopping. Xemnas put his arm around her and patted little Riku on the back…he could have sworn he saw a challenge in the child’s eyes when he touched his wife. _Ridiculous_.

The caregiver took a photo of the happy family and they went on their way. Xemnas told their driver as they got into the car, “Take us directly to a boutique for children please, the child is in rags.”

  


Riku loved his new home. There were lots of places to hide and the Xemnases soon learned the reason behind having bells on the Riku’s shoes. He hid in the shrubs, in the cupboards, in closets, under everything he could fit under, but his favorite place to hide was in Xemnas’ office, under his desk.

Little Riku was curious about everything. One room at the estate was filled with trophy animals, prompting the question, “Why dat jus a face? Where da tail at, an da body?”

“The rest of the animal wasn’t attractive enough to keep, dear.” Mrs. Xemnas smiled. Immediately young Riku decided that if something wasn’t pretty then it wasn’t worth keeping. He hoped he was pretty enough for Mom.

There was a glass room filled with flowers and trees where he liked to have his lunch when it was rainy. Some of the trees had fruit and if it was ripe he was allowed to pick and eat it. He liked the yellow star-shaped ones best. There was also a room with water. “Water, water! Yay! Big baf!” Riku said running toward the pool.

“That’s not a bath dear, that’s the pool. I will teach you to swim and you may swim as often as you like as long as you’re a good boy.” She told him catching him before he could launch himself into the _baf_.

Riku also liked the elevator…a lot.

The first two years for Riku were all about learning _no-nos_. _No_ food in the toy box, _no_ food in the bath, _no_ fingers in the nose or mouth, _no_ being naked unless you were in the bath, _no, no,_ _no…_ but there were great things he was permitted to do. He could run everywhere, he could bathe as long as he liked, and he had every toy that a child could want. What he didn’t have were parents. They were gone much of the time leaving him in the care of nannies.

  


At three he was expected to make an appearance at Mom and Dad’s dinner parties. They explained that as he got older, more would be expected of him. He didn’t have to say anything but he had to wear special clothes and be introduced before he was allowed to go play.

He always knew if he did a good job on his appearance because Mrs. Xemnas looked pleased and gave him a wink. He lived for those winks and smiles from her.

Riku wasn’t often sad but sometimes he made Mom yell “Shit!” because he had done something bad…like un-pot the flowers or let the goldfish swim in the toilet.

Dad didn’t yell at him but he had a really scary stare. Riku wanted to sleep with Mom in the big bed sometimes but Dad always sternly refused and sent him back to his room. Mom _always_ agreed with Dad, and watched him be ushered out. Dad was a strict disciplinarian... but he was away a lot.

On the occasion that Dad was away and Mom was home, which wasn’t often, Riku would get up early, crawl into her big bed and fall back to sleep holding the edge of her silk gown. When she woke she would kiss his hair and order their breakfast in bed.

  


At age 5 he asked for a kitten. Instead, his father hired someone to teach him to surf and got him a new nanny named Lulu. As it turned out, that was far better than having a kitten.

Lulu had long dark hair that held beautiful bows and trinkets that fascinated Riku. When she smiled at him he thought she looked like a fairy tale princess. Also at 5, he was moved from his nursery into one of the bigger rooms. He was permitted to choose a color scheme and it was decorated thusly.

Riku enjoyed school because he was able to play with other kids without his nanny hovering like she did at play dates. And school was great because that’s where he met Olette. She was smart because she knew a lot about _regular_ stuff.

Olette looked up from her worksheet and crayons to inform Riku, “Why is your hair that color?”

“My dad says its cause of canities.” He blurted without missing a beat.

“Canneeesheees… That’s not regular. Can I catch it?” she wrinkled her nose and pulled her crayons a safe distance from his.

“No… he said I’m not contagers.” Riku felt embarrassed that she didn’t want her supplies touching his but he didn’t cry.

Satisfied with the answer, she replaced her crayons with a smile. “I saw that big car your Daddy drives…and you know regular people don’t have cars that big.”

Riku stared at her, secretly admiring her green eyes and said quietly, “My Daddy doesn’t drive me to school.”

“Well that’s not regular either! Who drives the big car?” Olette laid down her crayon because at this point, Riku was far more interesting.

“The driver…I don’t know his name but he always drives the big car.” Riku said almost apologetically and immediately feeling guilty for not knowing the driver’s name.

“You’re weird. Wanna be friends?” She asked.

Riku nodded enthusiastically.

“Okay but friends have to like something about the other person. What do you like about me?”

“I like your eyes and your hair how it does…when it’s up like…ears.” Riku flopped his hands beside his head and Olette giggled. “You mean pigtails, silly.”

Riku smiled and Olette reached across the table and poked his cheek gently where his dimples were. He scrunched his face and she laughed again. He had found his new favorite thing to do- make Olette laugh.

The teacher soon came over to shush them and they quieted respectfully but as soon as she was back at her desk Riku whispered. “What do you like about me?”

Olette smiled at him and said, “Everything.”

That night on the phone, Riku told Mom and Dad all about his new friend Olette, her pigtails, her white cat named Fluffy, and her mom that drove her to school. He heard them laugh and that made him happy…almost as happy as _seeing_ them laugh.

The next week he called his parents because Olette had invited him over to her house to play. He was not allowed. Riku was unhappy but respectful of their wishes.

  


The teachers at their school doted on him but Olette was there with his reality check. “You’re the pet cause your folks are rich. That’s why…it’s not cause you’re better.”

Riku looked crestfallen at this revelation, but Olette took his hand and smiled. “It’s ok…I don’t care if you’re rich…I like you anyway.”

He liked when Olette held his hand because he knew she would stay by him. If she wasn’t holding his hand she could easily walk away…he didn’t like how that made him feel. Olette was his special friend and she liked him even though he wasn’t ‘regular’.

Not everyone liked Riku and sometimes he got picked on because of his silver hair. Olette always defended him, and he defended her in return.

“My dress _is not_ ugly! You’re ugly!” Olette squawked at the playground bullies who continued to tease her until Riku got off the swings and stepped to her side. One of the little boys said, “What you gonna do _old man_? You have _old man hair!_ ”

Riku was more upset because of what they said to Olette but figured one reason was as good as the other, and punched the tallest boy in the nose, making it bleed. The other bullies ran off to tell a teacher and Olette hugged Riku. “I wanna learn to hit like that!”

“I’ll teach you.” Riku said confidently. “My nanny Lulu taught me.”

“You know, regular people don’t have nannies.” Olette said matter-of-factly.

  


Lulu spent more holidays with Riku than his parents did, and when he turned 8, she was the one who took him shopping for his gifts. She was also charged with accompanying him to his birthday party that had been arranged by Mom over the phone.

"Do you want a new toy Master Riku?" She asked, looking down at the slim boy at her side.

"No ma'am. I want something I can share with Oly." Riku said thoughtfully.

Lulu followed him through the mall and thought of what a kind heart he had, this sweet boy who was growing up all alone in that huge estate. She had taken the nanny position right out of college and planned to stay only until she could find a job within her field of study, but once she got to know Riku, she couldn't leave him. 

For his birthday gift, he chose two phones so that Olette could keep one and he could talk to her as much as he liked. His birthday party was attended by fifty guests and Olette was the only child there without a nanny.

  


Riku wished that Mom was home more so he could tell her about all the fun he had at school and all the cool things he found in the tide pools, but the older he got, the less he called her... he told Lulu instead. Mom made up for her absence by buying him a new surfboard, but it was Lulu who watched him surf.

Olette was finally permitted to come to his house for a visit after Lulu promised that she would watch the girl and it wouldn’t interfere with her duties. Riku gave her extra hugs for that. He showed Olette the house and grounds and they had dinner together in the big dining room. Olette thought his house looked like a castle and she pretended she was a princess and Riku was a prince. “Can I call you Prince Riku?”

“I don’t care…can I be a prince that turns into a frog?”

“I don’t care…but why would you want to be a frog?”

“I like frogs better than people…I like _all_ animals better than people…except for you and Lulu.” Riku muttered as he shoved his food around on his plate.

He didn’t cry for Mom anymore because she was hardly ever there. He wasn’t allowed to cry when Dad was home so he stayed in his room a lot with Lulu. If he was lonely, Lulu sat with him. If he was sick, Lulu cared for him. Dad had told him at dinner one night that he had a very important job that required him to be away and that Riku was the master of the house…and that’s why Lulu called him Master Riku.

  


By the time he was ten years old, his parents were gone more than they were home. Lulu lived there with Riku, but the housekeeper Ilsa and the cook Rosa came early in the mornings and left late. Ilsa was always fussing over things in the house and putting fresh flowers out. Their cook Rosa had been chosen by Dad and whenever he was home, he was really friendly with her. There were also gardeners and pool men who came once a week. Riku was used to the routine and could tell the day of the week by the servants who showed up and what duties they performed.

Lulu went to his room many nights because she woke to the sound of him crying. He wouldn’t remember why he was sad when she woke him but it concerned her just the same. When Xemnas was home, Lulu was much less available at night but Riku didn’t seem to notice. She tried to talk to him about his father but was always met with frustration and anger. He clearly blamed Xemnas for keeping his mother away.

  


The beachfront of their estate was private, so Riku usually surfed alone unless Olette came over. Since Mom and Dad were away so much, Lulu allowed her to visit and Riku taught her to surf…he thought she was pretty good for a girl.

One day he walked down the beach to the public area to surf and that’s when he met Snow Villiers. Snow was funny and his parents were hippies so he was homeschooled. Riku liked him instantly and invited him to surf with him on his beach. “I can come when Hayner’s not here. He’s my lil bud so I can’t bail on him.” Snow had told him.

“Bring him too.”

“I’ll have to ask his folks because he’s just a kid.” Snow said as if they were adults. The very next afternoon Snow showed up alone and they surfed until dark. Olette was there too and Riku knew that was how he wanted to spend _all_ his afternoons. Lulu kept her distance as she watched him with his friends, relieved that he was beginning to have a somewhat normal childhood.

  


Riku was popular in middle school and since everyone picked at him about Olette, he asked her to be his girlfriend. Olette wanted to know, “Does that mean I get to kiss you?” She fluttered her lashes.

“Yes… ugh.” Riku was already regretting his decision a tiny bit.

The time of _ugh_ ended shortly after Olette turned 13. Riku loved surfing and Olette loved Riku. Snow listened to Riku bitch about Olette always wanting to kiss him and he listened to Olette bitch about Riku always wanting to surf.

Girls at school were always following him around and flirting, but he would have none of it. _They’re just silly girls_ , he told Snow. Lulu always told him he was handsome but he never believed her, and Olette said he was hot but she was biased. So Riku just continued being Riku…defender of the weak, buyer of the occasional lunch for whoever didn’t have any…and Olette’s boyfriend.

One evening on the beach he was gossiping with his friends. The cook had been let go. Apparently, Mrs. Xemnas didn’t think Riku needed someone to cook him 3 meals a day, especially a cook that was so _friendly_ with Mr. Xemnas.

“They were totally fucking.” Riku told Snow and Olette as they passed a bottle of vodka. He had discovered the magic of alcohol early on and had already developed likes and dislikes from raiding his dad’s liquor cabinet.

Snow lit a joint and passed it around as they sat on the beach. After a while he fell asleep and Riku lay back to look at the stars and smoke the rest of his weed. Olette crawled on top of him, holding the vodka, giggling. He laughed and rested his hands on her thighs. “What are you doing Oly? You’re drunk.”

“So are you.” She giggled and smiled down at him, taking the joint from his hand to smash it in the sand.

“Come on… I was almost done anyways.” Riku whined.

Olette pouted and leaned down to kiss him. _This is different_ Riku thought and he hugged her against his chest. She squirmed in his arms and his eyes popped open as he continued to kiss her. This was… _a lot different_. Riku didn’t bitch about Olette’s kisses anymore after that night.

  


He carried himself like royalty in middle school because he had been taught to do so. Lots of kids thought he was stuck-up but mostly they just liked to look at him. At 13, he played sports and surfed, he was smart and well mannered, and his teachers liked him, one in particular.

His Algebra teacher Mr. Vexen often asked him to stay after class and help mark tests. Riku always agreed because he would get extra credit and sometimes candy…and who didn’t like candy right?

One afternoon it was raining when Mr. Vexen asked him to stay. He had called his driver to let him know he would be late and the teacher would bring him home later. This had been the norm for the last three times he had stayed after so he thought nothing of it. When the papers were done Mr. Vexen sighed and said, “Well Riku, what would you like to do now?”

“I guess it’s time for me to go.” He looked out the window at the rain falling in sheets as the wind stirred the trees.

“We could kill a little time if you want. I brought us something special today.” Mr. Vexen reached under his desk to retrieve a box that contained a bottle, 2 glasses and what looked like the small sandwiches that Lulu made when he stayed on the beach all day.

Riku was sitting in a chair opposite Vexen’s desk and the man could see his expression as he eyed the treats. He knew he would be hungry this late after school so he had come prepared.

He poured their drinks as they chatted about school and his plans for the future. Riku was no stranger to alcohol and knew that Mr. Vexen had given him wine. He had wine at his parents’ dinner parties since he was 10 or 11 when he was permitted to dine with the adults. He remembered once not long ago, a friend of Mom’s nearly caused a scandal when she kept touching his leg under the table… until her husband saw.

Mr. Vexen came around to Riku’s side of the desk and sat on the edge. Riku looked up at him and noticed that his eyesight was becoming blurry and he felt like he had a lot more wine than he should have had.

“Mm not feelin too well, Mr. Vexen…can you drive me home now?” Riku slurred as he tried to stand.

“You appear to have had too much to drink Riku and no doubt that is my fault. I cannot take you home in this condition, you understand. We have time, why don’t you put your head down here until you’re feeling better and then I’ll take you, alright?”

Riku nodded and no sooner had he put his head on his folded arms, he started to feel hot all over. When he woke, he was groggy and he hurt. Mr. Vexen was shaking him awake and saying something about taking him home. He tried to stand and screamed out in pain. Mr. Vexen looked at him sternly and said, “You must have sat in the same position for too long. You’ll feel better once you get moving. Come along now.”

Riku limped out to the car and sat gingerly and Mr. Vexen seemed to take no notice. He drove him straight home and Riku realized he had been at the school for hours. He thanked his teacher then apologized for losing his composure and needing a nap. Mr. Vexen assured him it was fine and said he would see him the following day at school.

Riku went inside and straight to his room. He felt awful and didn’t even call Olette. In the bathroom he was shocked to find that he was bleeding. He wondered if the wine or the sandwiches had made him ill and he thought of telling Lulu, but this was embarrassing.

After his shower he noticed that he had bruises on his hips…they were like dots. He stared briefly as he thought of the time lapse and the pain…surely Mr. Vexen didn’t… Riku touched his backside and then turned to the mirror to inspect it. There were a few bruises there as well. Two of them were darker than the others, one on either side. He turned to the side and looked again…if the bruises lined up they were about the span of a hand…

He cried and screamed and when Lulu asked him what was wrong he told her to leave him alone. Mom was gone with Dad again and he didn’t want to see anyone. He refused to get out of bed the next morning for school and as soon as he could sneak away he grabbed a bottle of Xemnas’ good vodka and went to the beach.

When Lulu found him, he was drunk and worn out from surfing and not eating. She took him up to his rooms and sat by his bed while he slept it off. As he slept she took out her rosary and prayed. _What could've happened to this beautiful boy to make him so miserable?_

He never told her what he suspected had happened, but he never stayed to help Mr. Vexen again. After his third refusal to stay Vexen asked him why he had stopped helping him, to which Riku lowered his voice and replied, “You don't need my help. You just wanna help yourself to my ass. I know what you did...and it's never going to happen again.” The look on Vexen’s face was enough to confirm his suspicions.

  


Two days before his 14th birthday Lulu came to him in tears as he sat doing his homework. He was startled to see her upset. “What’s wrong?”

“Master Riku…I came to say goodbye to you. Mr. Xemnas said you’re too old for a nanny.” She sniffed into her handkerchief. “Please don’t tell him I was crying. He will be angry that you saw me upset.”

“I won’t tell, Lulu…I’ll miss you.” Riku hugged her and closed his eyes tightly, trying to think of a way to get Xemnas to allow her to stay … she had been like a mother to him. “I love you Lulu.”

“I love you too…Master Riku.”

He was miserable as he helped her with her bags and when she was gone, he went to his dad’s office upstairs to find it empty. He called him and got his voicemail. Thinking about it for a second he called back and left a message. “Fuck you, Dad.”

  


School was out for summer and Riku was preparing for a beach party. He had met a few people through Snow and going to the public beach so he had plenty of booze and _goods_ for the party. Being a rich kid had its perks. His parents called to congratulate him on his grades and told him to enjoy the summer. They were in Europe but planned to be home for a weekend in July.

On the beach he got completely trashed with his friends. Someone gave him something new to smoke and he fell in love. “Heroin really? Wow.” Thus, began the affair...

Later after the fire had died down and people were passed out on blankets everywhere, he and Olette went into the house and up to his room. He had moved up to the top floor of the house a couple years earlier and asked that the rooms of the suite be done in white.

Olette jumped on his bed and he laughed at her as he took his shirt off. He opened the windows and doors that let the ocean breeze in to stir the sheers. They billowed through the room and Olette stopped jumping to watch them. Riku walked over to her while she was entranced, and snatched her ankles forward. She squealed as she fell and bounced when she landed, and he crawled on the bed to hover over her. “Stay?”

“Yes” She said as she put her hands on his chest. He kissed her, but then got off the bed. “Where are you going, Riku?”

“Getting a shower. I’m salty.” He laughed as he left her to explore the rooms.

When he emerged he was wearing a white robe and had another one for her. He held it out to her so she took the robe as well as his hand and started for the bathroom. Inside she undressed and stepped into the shower as he watched.

 _He didn’t know if he should go in with her or not… if he did would she be mad…if she wanted to shower with him the why didn’t she…he would have to be naked in front of Oly_. Dropping his robe, he stepped inside the shower with her. She took his hands and stepped back, looking him over.

He felt embarrassed but was determined not to show it. He had seen her topless but that was all and she had touched him before but only when he was still dressed...well half-dressed anyways. He had enough drugs in his system that emotions were dulled and a high Riku was a fearless Riku.

After he felt she had looked long enough, he pulled her to him and kissed her. He wanted to touch her everywhere. All the places he was forbidden to touch before, he was now permitted and soon his groping and kissing got the better of them and they stumbled to the bed.

He had an informed idea of how this was supposed to go because Snow had been with girls before and answered all Riku's questions...plus he plenty of time to watch porn. He remembered to be careful because Oly had never done it before either. She told him to stop once, then told him _not_ to stop. Riku wondered absently if he would ever understand women.

The next morning, she woke before him and watched him as he slept. She kissed his lips and his nose to wake him and he smiled and rolled her over in the bed. One of her favorite things was talking to Riku as soon as he woke up and all his defenses were down. “Stay Oly. I get _so_ lonely here.” He confided.

“I can’t stay all the time but I’ll be here as much as I can.” She promised as she pushed him off of her.

He held her arms as he fell back and pulled her on top of him, laughing. “Don’t go yet.”

She sat up straddling his hips. “Oww… Riku.” She pouted as she squirmed.

He chuckled and grabbed her hips. "I didn't mean to hurt you last night, Oly."

She thought of the previous night, the tears she shed and how he had apologized and waited for her to say she was ok. She was amazed at how gentle he could be and how amazing it was to feel him inside of her. This was the boy who taught her to fight, taught her to surf, and now he had shown her this. _There’s nobody else in the world who will ever mean this much to me_ , she thought as she looked into his sleepy eyes.

Riku gazed up at her in wonderment. _How does she not hate me?_ _I’ve always been such a brat to her. And last night, even though_ _I hurt her when I took her virginity, she looked at_ _me like I hung the moon._ _What does she see in me, a kid whose own parents don't even want to be around him?_ Riku pulled her down and kissed her. "Yanno if we do it again it won't hurt as much." He whispered.

"Really?" Olette said grinning.

"Mmhmm." He rolled her underneath him again. They had found something they enjoyed more than surfing and from that day, they didn't miss an opportunity.

  


Winter came again; time for bonfires and sweaters, and visits from the parents. Olette had dinner with Riku and his family when they popped in for the holidays. It was about that time when she started to notice small cuts on his legs, high up on his thighs where they couldn’t be seen unless he was completely undressed. He always made excuses, so she blew it off.

He was doing more and more drugs and his grades had started to slip. His solution for that was to do more drugs. Riku’s routine now consisted of snorting his breakfast, going to school, snorting lunch, afternoon classes, driving home, smoking some brown and dozing, homework, dinner, and then bed.

Spring came and went in a blur of school, parties, and sex. School was almost out for summer when Olette didn't show up one morning and hadn't called or text. Riku called her at lunch and her mom said she was sick. The next day she was out again so he bought her a gift and some flowers and went to her house.

“Olette is in bed sick…I think it’s a stomach bug so you may not want to stay long.” Belle informed Riku as he stepped inside.

“No problem. I don’t want any part of that.” He chuckled, making her smile and nod.

“Go on then, Romeo…nice flowers by the way. Did I ever tell you what a sweet boy you are?” She winked.

“Once or twice.” Riku said as he thought _, you wouldn’t say that if you knew what I do to your daughter, hehe._

Sitting on her bed and holding her hand, he listened as she bitched about feeling fine and wanting to go out. "I told her I'm fine, it's just in the mornings I feel horrible..." She stared at Riku briefly and then whispered "Nooooo."

"What is it?" He was clueless.

"Nothing ... I feel bad and you should go." She said sharply and lay back down, turning her head away.

“But I just got here…Oly?” Riku tried to turn her face back toward him but she shrugged him off.

“Just go away.”

Riku looked wounded as he left. Olette had never thrown him out before. He went home, got high and cut his legs until he felt better, then went downstairs to swim.

After about an hour, Ilsa went down to check on him and bring him a robe. She looked at the boy who she had watched grow. She knew his heart was broken when Lulu left and she wasn’t sure he would be ok. Watching him float silently on his board in the pool she thought of what she might say to draw him out. She often thought that he was too quiet…almost like having a ghost in the house instead of a teenage boy, but she figured he would perk up eventually. After a few more minutes of silent reflection, she sighed and then left him without speaking.

When she was gone, Riku looked around the tiled room that housed their indoor pool _. I wonder what Mom is doing right now. Why did Oly throw me out like that? Is she fucking someone else? Do I suck at that too? I’m useless. If I died nobody would care. Nobody would even notice until I didn't show up for track or wrestling..._

He rolled off his board and swam to the side of the pool where he saw his glass from earlier. Hopping out of the pool, he drained the vodka from it, threw it against the wall, and then walked through the shards to find the one he wanted.

Diving back into the pool, he lay on his board and cut his wrists in tiny slits and then dropped his arms into the water to watch the blood swirl. He wasn’t trying to bleed to death; he just wanted to feel something. When he bled it was like all the misery went out with it. He watched until the bleeding had stopped and then he went up to bed leaving a trail of bloody footprints; the only sign of his quiet suffering.

  


The next morning before school, Olette was at his door. He opened the main door in his boxers with his hair all in disarray and stared at her. Before she had a chance to speak, he snapped, “Why you throw me out yesterday, Oly? You don’t wanna see me no more? Is that why you’re here?”

Olette simply started to cry. He just stood there in his underwear and stared, thinking of how he had fucked up _yet again_. “Shit Oly, I’m sorry.”

He hugged her and pulled her into the house, closing the door behind her. “What’s wrong? What did I do, baby?”

“Rikuuu” she cried as she hugged him “I think I’m pregnant.”

He stared at the door behind her like it had grown a face while she cried softly against his chest. He held her but his mind was going in a million different directions at once.

“What…how…I mean…we. Doctor, doctor. You should see a doctor right?” Riku sputtered and she stopped sobbing and looked at him.

“I was gonna skip school and go to the clinic today. Do you…”

“Yes! Yes, I wanna go with you.” He hugged her tighter and then let her go suddenly. “You should sit down. Are you hungry? Are you in pain?”

Olette smiled as she dried her tears and said, "No. I just feel a little...nauseated."

Riku ushered her to the nearest bathroom and wet a washcloth to give her, then paused and got her a glass of water. He paused again and said, "I should get dressed. If you're coming up, take the elevator." He turned to walk out and added, "It’s gonna be ok, Oly. I promise."

As he dressed he thought about what he needed to do. He was just 15... She was just 14 and would still be 14 when the baby came. _Baby_. He looked down at his designer clothes and custom shoes and felt ashamed to have put her in this position. _I should have been more responsible…I don't know how to be a dad…_

He looked into the mirror as he tried to un-wreck his hair. _I may not know how to be a dad but I’ll be a better one than Xemnas_. He would see his baby every day no matter what. _I’ll take care of everything, starting with the doctor._ He grabbed his wallet and phone as he headed back down.

Olette was sitting on the sofa dozing. He leaned down and kissed her. "Wake up, sleeping beauty."

She smiled and opened her eyes. "Hey you."

"Ready?"

"Yes."

"I called my doctor who recommended another doctor for you. We should see her instead of the clinic." Riku said as he grabbed a set of keys.

"But Riku, I didn't bring any money...and won't your parents find out?"

"I have money so you don't need to worry about that. And by the time my parents take an interest in my life, our kid will be graduating college."

Olette giggled. "Okay. I guess you're driving us too."

"Absolutely. You're not taking my baby on the bus." He smiled.

  


Back at the estate after the doctor visit, they went to bed and stayed there until the afternoon. He thought of all the things that he wished Xemnas had done with him when he was a kid. He thought of the lonely days he had spent and the nights he cried himself to sleep. Riku kept touching her belly and finally said, "Oly...I know you may need to think about it for a while because it's your decision ultimately but...I really hope..." He caught his breath to keep from crying. "I want..."

"What Riku, what do you want?"

"Have my baby, Oly. Don't get rid of it or give it away. I know that nurse made it seem really easy, and the smart thing to do but…" He cried into her hair. "I'll be a good dad. I swear."

She cried with him. No one knew his pain better than Olette. She had been there for all of it, save the first 5 years. She knew how much he loved his mother and resented his father, and she knew she could never take this chance at happiness away from him. "Of course I’ll have the baby Riku. It’s a part of you, and I love you."

"I love you too." Riku said as he kissed her.

  


After convincing him it would go better if he _wasn't_ there when she told her parents, he stayed home and walked the floors until she called. "Hey Riku…my mom is still crying and my dad got drunk and went to bed. He said he was gonna kill you but I don't think he will. Can I come over?"

"Yes! You can _live_ here if you want. Want me to come walk you over?"

"Sure." She said, "But what if my dad wakes up? You’re awfully brave coming over here."

"Fearless baby! Be there in a few."

By the time the Xemnases found out, Olette was already showing. They threw a fit and he sat and watched them yell at one another.

“This is all your fault for encouraging them to spend time together!” Xemnas roared.

“My fault? You’re the one who insists on staying away so much that we can’t keep proper watch over our own child!”

“He’s NOT A CHILD!” Xemnas growled as he poured another drink. It had been late when they got in, and Riku had come downstairs in the middle of their fight to get something from the kitchen and upon seeing him, they ordered him to sit down while they fought.

So he sat: nappy hair, in his boxers, drinking orange juice. Olette was sleeping soundly upstairs in his bed and they had no idea. When they stopped yelling he stood, scratched his balls and walked away. They stared after him as he climbed the stairs and he could feel their eyes boring into him…so he scratched his ass for good measure. He heard Xemnas growl as he reached the first landing and he smiled.

Soon enough they were gone again, Olette was doing homeschool, and Riku was there every afternoon. Her dad didn't speak to him until the day of the first ultrasound when they saw the tiny baby. In the hallway of the hospital he put his hand on Riku's shoulder. "I haven't been there for Olette during this like I should have been...or for you...and I'm sorry."

“Um…thank you sir…and it’s ok.” Riku said respectfully as he watched the man walk away thinking, _that’s the kind of man I’d like to be…a man who can say he’s sorry and wants to fix things…not a man who denies everything and watches while the world burns._

  


Riku told his parents that his baby was a girl. Xemnas got drunk and called Olette’s parents, offering them money if they would get rid of it. They told him where he could put his money and hung up. Mrs. Xemnas sent gifts the next day as an apology for her husband’s behavior and Olette's mom thanked her kindly and invited her over. She never went, but she continued to send gifts for Olette as well as the baby. Riku felt that his mom really wanted to be a part of the baby's life but Xemnas would forbid it. Once again, Xemnas was ruining things for him and Mom.

“I don’t like any of these…you pick her name.” Olette said as he lay curled beside Riku on his sofa with books of baby names and swatches of fabric for bedding that he was having made for her crib.

“How about Luna?” Riku said as he rubbed Olette’s belly and his eyelids drooped. "It means moon…and the moon rules the tides like she rules my heart."

Olette smiled and smoothed his hair away from his face. He slept so much lately, almost as if he was the one carrying the baby. She giggled and kissed his head while he rested.

The young parents-to-be took photos for her baby album and collected things for her right up until the big day arrived. Olette was at home when her water broke and Riku was out for a night surf. Her dad came running down the beach yelling, "Baby! Baby!"

At the hospital, Riku held her hand through contractions and when Luna was born, the doctor handed her over to Riku as he cried. Holding her for Olette to see as her mom took pictures, he couldn't believe how tiny she was and how perfectly beautiful. He was such a fuck-up, how could he have had a hand in something so amazing?

She had little silver fuzz on her head, deep blue eyes, and as he looked at her, Riku knew he would never be the same. The tiny girl held a heart that he didn’t even realize he had.

When they took Luna home, he didn't leave Olette’s house for anything but school. He fed Luna, changed her, bathed her, and walked the floors at night. He insisted on sharing in every part of her life but Olette was back on her feet soon and fussing over him. "You're exhausted. You need to sleep. You should eat. Go surf!"

He laughed at her and kissed his girls. "I'll get outta your hair for a while, ok."

She kissed him. "Ok. See you tonight?"

"Yes!" Riku went surfing with Snow and Hayner and the waves broke perfectly for him. Life was good.

  


When Luna was 6 weeks old Riku set up a nursery in his suite at home so that they could stay with him and give her folks a break. He had everything from a crib to bottles and diapers and everything was white. When Olette saw it all she couldn’t believe it.

"It's all so beautiful, Riku." She touched the soft blankets and marveled at the sun-catcher mobile.

He was holding Luna while she slept, so he whispered. "Nothing but the best for my girls."

"What about the money...it must have cost you a fortune."

"Mom told me to buy whatever you and Luna needed, spare no expense. She said she's sorry she can't be here more." Riku sounded a little sad like maybe he was sorry too.

When Ilsa saw the nursery, she told Riku what a good boy he was. He didn't really believe that he was a good boy but he thought it was sweet that Ilsa insisted on telling him. _Good boys don't become fathers at 15._ She called Lulu and told her all about Luna and Lulu cried because she was missing this very important time in her boy's life. She had been barred from the estate when she was let go and had taken a job in another town, settling and starting a family of her own.

The first night Olette and Luna stayed at the estate, Riku knew that he'd never want them to leave. He was happy to get up at night to make a bottle in his small kitchen and rock her back to sleep listening to the sounds of the ocean. Eventually though, Olette went back home leaving Riku alone in the mansion where he lay in bed staring at the empty crib. By 2 a.m. he figured sleep was pointless so he got dressed and headed out.

Sitting on the sandy ground outside Olette's gate, he waited. When he saw a light come on around 3 a.m. he knew it was time for Luna’s bottle. Creeping across the porch, he tapped lightly on the door. Olette opened it holding Luna, "I knew you couldn't do it." He grinned and grabbed his girls.

  


When she was three months old he gave her a party and they had pictures made. After everyone left, he went to Olette. "Oly I been thinking...I know we're young but _I know_ this is what I want ...for the rest of my life. Will you marry me?"

In his hand he held a beautiful ring that he had carried all day. It wasn't huge but it wasn't tiny, it was perfect. She cried and said yes.

His parents however, had another idea. They argued and refused to sign consent so he had to go to Olette and explain that they would have to wait. He was sure his mom would have allowed it, but his father was totally against it and Mom _always_ agreed with Dad. Marriage or not, Olette was still happy.

Riku had fallen into a new routine and his routine didn’t include drugs. He had weaned himself off heroin and didn’t even drink that often. He didn’t want to forget a single moment he spent with his daughter. He napped with her during the day on weekends and she was such a Daddy’s girl that Olette began to feel a little jealous. Her mom assured her that she was irreplaceable.

The older Luna got, the more she looked like Riku. Her hair was silver and shiny and when it grew long enough to hold barrettes, Riku bought her tons. Her eyes were the same color as his and she had a tiny dimple on her right cheek that showed when she smiled.

By the time she was 4 months old he had her on his surf board and she would laugh and coo as they floated. He would adjust her tiny sun hat and sing to her. Snow and Hayner went out with them sometimes just to watch her play and laugh while she sat on the board leaned against her dad. They took lots of pictures and sent them all to Riku. The two had never seen their friend so happy.

One night shortly after she turned 5 months old, they all went to sleep and didn't wake for a nighttime bottle…and they didn't wake for a morning bottle. Riku went to wake his princess only to find that their baby wasn't sleeping.

  


The loss was devastating to the young parents and after the funeral they went home to Riku’s rooms where they stayed for days. Ignoring calls from everyone, they clung to one another in their misery. On the fourth day, Olette showed up at home and Riku wasn't with her. She had left him sleeping with a note that said: _I don't think I can love you anymore. I don't think I can love at all anymore._

When Riku woke and saw the note he went into his bathroom and locked the door. Having given the two their space for a few days, Ilsa became concerned when Riku stopped answering her calls from outside the suite. Finally worry got the best of her and she used her key to get inside where she found Riku asleep in the shower. There was blood on the floor and the countertop and smeared on the shower floor. Horrified at the scene, she called 911 and then called Xemnas.

Riku was sent to an in-patient care facility where he was counseled and medicated and then returned to his parents after 30 days, a completely different person. He stared at his phone but didn't call Olette, instead he went surfing in search of peace. He cried and screamed and lay on his board until dark and then he went into town to buy drugs. Riku got high...and stayed high and at 16, his life became one long party.

  


"I'll be out in a sec..." Riku tried his best to keep his voice even and normal. He looked around at the white walls of his bathroom while sweat ran down his face. Blowing out a breath, he looked down at his hands that, at that moment felt detached from the rest of him. One hand held a razor while the other was a tight fist and both were shaking. _Why today? Why did Hayner pick this day_ _to want to surf with his junkie hero Riku?_ _Maybe he had noticed that I been down. Maybe he had_ _been sent here by Snowman._ Who knew?

All Riku knew was that the moment the blade touched his skin, he heard Hayner's voice outside his bathroom door. _Fuck summertime. I should just go away with Mom for summer. Dad said she went on vacations to Europe every year...she never asks me to go…or maybe she does and I’m just too stoned too remember. I should call her_ , he thought, knowing full well that he wouldn’t.

Sighing and putting his razor blade away for later- because for Riku, there would always be a _later_ \- and opened the door. "Hayner! What's up man? Ready to get your toes wet?"

Looking around at the empty bedroom, Riku was puzzled...where the fuck was Hayner? _Probably went out to sit, or to the balcony..._

Searching the rest of his suite briefly, he found no trace of his young friend. Assuming he had gone on down to the beach, Riku suited up and went downstairs. Passing by Xemnas on his way toward the doors, he chirped, "Going to carve."

Xemnas nodded and stopped to watch him continue out with that hideous yellow board. It was much easier to find him out there on that board, but he worried anyway. Riku had a bit of a bounce in his step and Xemnas smiled a small smile of hope that quickly faded when he wondered if his son’s happiness was drug-induced.

Out on the beach, no one was there waiting. Riku looked around confused as his phone buzzed, making him jump. A text from Hayner _\- me and Snow in Port Royal- scored some sweet gear. Home later. Bonfire?_

Riku looked up at the windows of his rooms and stared. He definitely heard Hayner knock on his bathroom door and ask him if he wanted to surf. _What the fuck?_ Shaking his head, he assumed it was the drugs...residual hallucinations...and that shadow up there that looked like a man watching him...same thing.

Since Luna’s passing and Olette’s abandonment, Riku had stayed high and effectively fucked his way through all his fair-weather friends, and their friends, and even some people he didn’t know. Sighing, he text back _\- I'll be there._

  


Later that night at the bonfire, he got high as usual, got head from some random chick as usual, and then staggered down the beach singing with Hayner, toward home...as usual. Xemnas heard him come in and sighed with relief. At least he knew where he was tonight. After sending his wife a quick text, he went to bed.

The next day around lunch time (there was no point in calling before then) Riku's phone woke him from his dreams of the ocean. Moaning as he reached to silence it, he barely opened his eyes. But when he focused on the caller ID, he was immediately wide awake. "Hello?"

"Riku darling. How is mother's handsome young man?" His mother cooed.

"I'm good Mom. How are you?" Riku asked, feeling quite mechanical but bursting to ask her a million questions.

"I'm well but I miss you, my prince. Come to Paris..." She sounded almost pleading and he knew immediately that he should pack because there was _no way_ he would say no.

"I miss you too, Mom…and don’t call me that. I’m not a baby anymore." Truer words were never spoken as he looked around at his comfortable white cell. She called him her prince because he was so precious to her, but when he heard the pet name, it implied to him that Xemnas was a king and he would not entertain that thought for a second. "I'll hop a flight and call you when I get there."

They said their goodbyes and he packed light because she loved to take him shopping…and after all, it was Paris. Stopping at Xemnas’ study, Riku knocked. "Dad? You in there?"

Not getting an answer, Riku continued down to the ground floor where he found Xemnas sitting in the main parlor, reading. "Hey Dad, I'm going to stay with mom for a while."

"Alright son. Safe trip and give Mother my love." Xemnas said as calmly as he could. He wanted to rush the boy and inject a tracking chip into him but he knew that was impossible. "Call me when you land so that I know you made it safely, yes?"

"Yes sir." Riku replied as he started for the door. At 16, he was a very worldly child. He had seen too much for such a young mind and didn’t deal with any of it well. He was however, very independent and this worried his father constantly. A million times he had threatened the boy’s very life and a million times he had regretted it. He had hoped that Riku would get away from drugs and the lifestyle, but it seemed to get worse with each passing year. Xemnas worried that the only thing that would stop him would be death.

  


Landing safely in Paris, Riku called his mother from the airport and left her a voice mail. Choosing a restaurant, he sat to eat, since she would probably be a few hours. He had dressed for comfort before flying, so he looked a little out of place in the airport unless you counted the homeless milling about here and there begging for scraps or money.

"L'argent ou de la nourriture?" A tired voice asked from over his shoulder.

Riku turned to see a young man, maybe in his mid-twenties with dirty hair and worn out clothes...layers of them. A man wearing multiple layers of clothes in the summer could only mean one thing, so Riku held out his hand toward the seat across from him. "Asseoir avec moi."

"Non, je suis sale." The man said dropping his head in shame and making no move to sit.

Riku sighed, then said patiently. "S'il vous plaît, je suis solitaire."

The man looked at Riku amazed that such a beautiful boy would be traveling alone, much less humble enough to admit that he was lonely and willing to buy a stranger's company with food.

"Merci, vous êtes très aimable." The man said and then cleared his throat. If this young man wanted company then he would be a polite guest and not just wait silently for his hand-out. "Enchante. Je m'apelle Leon."

Riku smiled. "Enchante Leon, je suis Riku. Que vous voulez manger?"

"Vous pouvez choisir pour moi." Leon said humbly.

Riku cocked his head at him and nodded, then proceeded to order for the both of them. He ate in virtual silence but Riku studied him throughout the meal. He seemed to have paint under his nails as well as on some of his clothes... _maybe he's a painter...or maybe he just huffs paint_ , Riku pondered. When their meal, complete with dessert and wine was nearly done, Riku decided to ask. "Etes vous un artiste?"

Leon looked up at him and smiled sweetly, charming the young tourist. "Me appeler et artiste impliquerait que je gagne ma vie avec mon art."

Riku poured more wine. "Je voudrais voir votre travail...S'il vous plaît."

"Comment puis-je refuser un tel hôte gracieux." Leon smiled as he sipped his wine.

Riku tried calling his mother again as he left the airport with his new vagabond friend and got her voicemail again. Calling Xemnas, he was surprised when the man answered immediately. "Hey Dad, just wanted you to know I'm in Paris. Mom isn't answering so I'm gonna get a room of my own if I don’t hear from her soon...yeah I will...yes Dad. Love you."

Riku started to hail a cab but Leon stopped him and pointed. “Il est une courte promenade dans ce sens."

“OK, ehh…ensuite, nous allons marcher.’’ Riku said with a smile. He liked Leon’s pale blue eyes and brown hair…and he walked with a grace that defied his humble lot in life. Riku wondered briefly if he was an idiot for following this homeless guy to God knows where… decided that he _was_ an idiot…and continued on.

As they walked, Riku noted that although the man wore layers of clothes, he was clearly not heavy of frame. His brown hair was dull from neglect but his face was kind and youthful, save the slight crinkles at the corners of his eyes that told his age to be beyond twenty. He was only slightly shorter than Riku himself, but then he was tall for his age- at sixteen he had surpassed all of his classmates and teachers.

They ended up walking around the tarmac to an old hangar that looked like it hadn’t been used in thirty years or better. Leon glanced back at Riku and grinned as he tugged the door open just enough for them to slip through. “S'il vous plaît, venir à l'intérieur.”

As Riku stepped inside the old hangar into the darkness, he reached out to steady himself on the door, but touched Leon’s hand instead. Meeting pale blues, he smiled. “Merci…”

Inside was an old plane that was dusty and partially covered with a canvas tarp that had been cut away piece by piece, Riku was guessing… _for the artwork_. He followed Leon to the far corner of the seemingly deserted building that smelled of dust and oil. The light that shone through the dirty windows wasn’t enough to properly light the entire space, but he could see well enough out in the open.

Approaching the corner he could see canvasses propped against the wall, but no supplies except for a random paint brush here and there… _he must hide them._ Leon turned to him and smiled a bit nervously. “S'il vous plaît être gentil.”

Riku smiled and patted his arm. “I’m no art critic! Um…sorry. Je ne suis pas critique d'art.”

Leon beamed at him and placed his hand on his chest. “I speak your language little!”

Riku grinned, “Cool!”

“I think you are very good to speak French.” Leon said grinning from ear to ear.

“Thanks…my mom is fluent and uses it around the house, so I kind of grew up with it.”

“So…my work.” Leon uncovered the canvasses and Riku gasped at the bright colors. They were beautiful and seemed to possess a light of their own inside the dank old hangar.

“They’re beautiful, Leon!” Riku said bending down to see the detail better. “I can’t believe people don’t buy these.”

Leon was still smiling as he watched the teen inspect his work. “Thank you…Riku.”

Riku looked back at him grinning as he stood. “I like the way you say my name ‘Riikuu.”

They laughed together briefly but were interrupted by his phone. Holding up a finger to his new friend, he turned away. “Hi Mom…no it’s ok. I grabbed something to eat…yeah I’m still here. Sure. Can I bring a friend? Yes…he’s an artist, his name is Leon. Ok. Thanks Mom. Love you. See you in thirty.”

Riku turned to Leon who was busy with a blank canvas and a stub of charcoal. Curious he stepped over to see that he had sketched a quick outline that he could tell was him. “Ahh it’s me! I’m flattered…Je suis flatté”

“It is just a drawing…” Leon said humbly.

“Would you like to come with me…and meet my mother? She’s a great lover of art and I like your company, to be honest.” Riku offered, looking into the stormy blue eyes.

“I am not fit to meet…anyone, but you may take a painting, if you wish…paiement for the meal.” Leon looked a bit lost as he turned away from Riku to sit his canvas aside.

“We’re just going to a hotel…it’s no big deal. We could hang out…with Mom.” Riku said and then chewed his lip as he waited. He so wanted to take this talented man back with him and get him some decent clothes and food…and possibly a job…and maybe a place to live. Riku appreciated what he had more than anyone realized, especially his father, and he loved more than anything to share it with others.

Leon sighed. “How… what is your age, Riku?”

The teen looked at him, puzzled. “16 why?”

“Do you not think your mother will be, um…en colere…you want to…hang out…with a man almost twice your age?” Leon asked.

Riku felt his cheeks heat up but instead of running away embarrassed, he dropped his bag and pulled up his left sleeve. “As long as I’m not doing this…” He pointed to the track marks that were beginning to fade. “Or this…” He pointed to the scars from where he had cut his wrists after the death of his daughter. “She really doesn’t care who I hang out with.”

Leon stared in shock. He looked up at the angelic face and then back to the abused arm of a suicidal junkie, and he couldn’t force the two into the same person in his mind. Reaching a dirty hand to touch the bruised skin, he nodded. “I will go with you.”

Riku smiled and pulled his sleeve down to cover his shame and picked his bag up from the cement floor. Leon smiled at him as if to say everything would be alright. “I need to…” He motioned toward his clothes and shook his head.

“Change? If you want.” Riku said with all the honesty he possessed. He truly didn’t care if Leon piled into the limo as-is.

Leon chuckled and turned away. “I will be une minute.”

Riku watched as he jogged to the opposite corner of the hangar where there was a makeshift shower with a crude drape of fabric beside it. “Leon! Wait…vous voulez?” Riku grabbed his travel toiletries from his bag and trotted over to bestow them on the already undressing artist.

“Oh! Yes merci!” Leon lit up and took the small bag as Riku turned to walk away.

Fifteen minutes later the artist bounced to a stop in front of Riku who had been engrossed in one of the paintings… a seascape. “I am clean…and happy. Merci beaucoup.”

Riku looked up and laughed. “Holy shit, Leon! You look great! My mom just may keep you and send me back home.”

Leon smiled. “I spend little on these things…I buy peindre.”

Riku nodded, respecting the commitment the artist had to his craft.

  


Soon they were picked up and whisked off to a fine hotel where they ate and chatted with his mom about art and Paris and the weather. Leon had pulled his hair back into a low ponytail and Riku fidgeted with wanting to run his fingers through the silky-looking chestnut strands.

She took them out shopping and to an art walk, and she seemed quite taken with Leon and him with her. Riku was happy to see the both of them smiling and chattering away. Later that evening as his mother sat on the balcony watching the city lights come on, Riku approached Leon. “Would you like to stay the night?”

Leon looked at him, shocked. “I…I do not… know…”

Riku stared at him, not backing off an inch. Leon stammered under the intense aqua gaze and then nodded. He was completely confused but a clean, free roof was just that, and he wasn’t going to pass it up.

They stayed up most of the night talking about their lives, loves and losses. Riku learned that Leon was a 28 year old widower who had given up on life when his wife passed away suddenly from a heart defect. He lost his job and subsequently their home, then turned to the streets. He sold his paintings when he could, and used what little money he made to buy more paint and what he needed to get by.

As the sun began to rise, the two were yawning as they lazed on the sofa. “Si je commission une peinture comme un cadeau pour ma mère, le feriez-vous?”

“Yes.” Leon smiled. “Your mother and you are…wonderful to me, Riku. You have a heart…grand comme l’ocean.”

Riku smiled and took Leon’s hand before closing his eyes. Leon watched him doze and thought of all the things Riku had shared with him. He had seen the scars so he knew that the drug use and suicide attempt were left out of their conversation on purpose. There was something missing from this boy. It was like he had a huge hole inside that he was trying desperately to fill. Something was terribly sad about Riku Valentine.

  


Around lunch time Leon awoke to find that he had been covered in a very expensive blanket and he was alone. There was a note on the table along with tea and coffee and some covered food trays. Sitting up slowly, he read the note.

_Léon,_

_Maman et moi sommes allés faire des emplettes pour quelques choses. S'il vous plaît faites comme chez vous. Nous reviendrons sous peu pour vous chercher afin que vous pouvez obtenir ce que vous avez besoin pour la peint. À bientôt._

_Riku_

_P.S. Le bain est enorme… Donc, beaucoup de bulles!_

Leon wandered into the bathroom and saw the aforementioned huge tub. Going back into the sitting room, he ate and had some tea and then took a long hot soak…with many bubbles. When Riku and his mother returned, they found the brunette asleep again, but clean and dressed in the clothes that had been left for him.

“Wake up…” Riku snickered by his ear. Leon rolled up one pale blue eye and grinned.

“You were right about de bulles.” He said as he sat up and kissed both Riku’s cheeks, making him giggle again.

The three went about town together like old friends. They had coffee by the river and Mrs. Xemnas and Leon laughed as Riku was followed about by cats. “Chats adore Riku.” She said smiling fondly.

“Les chats sont un bon juge de caractere.” Leon chuckled as they watched the teen try and pet them all at once. “He is…magnifique. Belle et brise.”

At that Mrs. Xemnas turned to Leon and smiled, taking his hand. “Ne pas tomber amoureux…he will break you.”

Leon looked into her sad eyes and saw the same emptiness in them that he saw in her son’s.

  


They returned to the hotel with an enormous canvas and loads of painting supplies. Leon had been near tears but Riku’s mother would not take no for an answer. She explained that there was already a place in her suite at home on Destiny Island where she planned to hang a portrait of her only son, and it needed to be this size in order to look appropriate for the height of the ceilings and the size of the room.

Clearing a space for him to work, Leon was in heaven and couldn’t wait to get started. Hanging his coat and cuffing the sleeves of his white linen shirt, he asked Riku to sit while he sketched his form in long fluid strokes. Riku watched him work and was amazed at how the tiniest change could make such a huge difference. He thought that Leon was more of a magician than an artist, but he didn’t say so…because that would be childish.

Leon worked diligently and when Riku asked him to stop for dinner, he grumbled, but then remembered where he was and graciously accepted. Over dinner, Mrs. Xemnas explained and apologized that she had some errands to do the following day and they may keep her away. She implored both of them to stay out of trouble and behave themselves. Leon laughed and nodded but Riku just stared emptily.

It was clear that the boy didn’t like being away from his mother, Leon thought. He wondered if she had any idea how much he loved her…he doubted it. Rising to leave them, she leaned over to whisper to Riku and a broad smile came across his face. “Je t’aime.” He said and kissed her cheek.

She giggled and kissed him back. “I’m retiring to the bath and bed. You men have a good evening.”

  


That night as Riku lounged watching Leon paint, he thought about explaining about the drugs…but he didn’t. He thought about telling him about Luna…but he didn’t tell that either. Instead he walked over and took the brush from his hand and looked into tired blue eyes. “Tu es fatigue.”

“J’ai besoin de travailler.” Leon said hoarsely.

“Vous avez besoin de dormir.” Riku said tugging his hand and lacing their fingers together.

“Riku…I…you are…” Leon stuttered but followed where Riku led.

“I know what I am…and I’m tired. Just sleep with me…I don’t want to sleep alone.” Riku mumbled as he led the artist to the bed where they undressed and snuggled…and slept.

  


The morning sun warmed the sheets and Riku woke to the sweet smell of peonies. Inhaling deeply, he turned to find Leon sitting up in bed, reading the paper. “Good morning.”

Leon popped the paper gently. “Good morning to you. We should talk about this sleeping.”

Riku quirked a brow and nit his lip. ‘Okay… talk.”

Leon sniffed from behind the paper. “It is not… acceptable for me to sleep on a bed with you. You are a boy, still. Riku.”

Tugging the newspaper down a bit to gain eye contact, Riku smiled. “We just slept… there’s nothing wrong with that.”

Leon began to nod slowly, instantly entranced by the aqua gaze, but then as if he hit a mental pot hole, he began to shake his head. “Non, nous n'étions pas habillés correctement ... c'était indécent de ma part. Je suis un homme et tu es un ...

Riku leaned closer to his face as he pulled the newspaper from between them. “I haven’t been a child for a very long time.” Tossing the paper to the floor, he sat astride the artist’s thighs and leaned in to brush his lips against his.

Leon gasped, heart in his throat, and grabbed the hands that rested on his shoulders “Non…I do not … je n'ai jamais…”

Ignoring the strong hands that held his wrists, he kissed Leon again gently and whispered against his lips. “I will teach you.”

Leon breathed as he released his grip that held Riku at bay, and then gasped again when the teen’s hands wandered from his shoulders to his neck, caressed his throat and then descended to his chest, abs and beyond.

  


Two weeks later the painting was finished, along with many more sketches, and Leon sat staring at Riku with a heavy heart. “It is not as beautiful as you.”

Riku looked up from the mess of sheets and smiled. “I’m _not_ beautiful.”

“I have no right to ask you to stay in Paris…but I want to.” Leon said as tears came to his eyes. “I have nothing to offer you but my heart.”

“Come back to bed.” Riku said as he tried to veer the conversation away from hearts. He didn’t deserve this man’s heart, but he had stolen it anyway. Leon looked at him longingly as the guilt ate away at Riku’s gut. He shouldn’t have seduced the artist…but he did…and now he was sad. Riku had broken someone else.

Sighing, he crawled off the bed and walked naked over to where Leon sat in front of the portrait. It was beautiful, there was no denying that. Turning to the brunette, he kissed him and pulled him toward the bed.

Later at dinner, the painting was shown to Riku’s mother and she was over the moon. Rushing to where he sat at the small table, she wrapped Leon in a hug. “It’s beautiful! And now, I’m sure that I made the right choice!”

Leon looked confused, but Riku didn’t look at all fazed. The two had been plotting. She knew of Riku’s affair with the artist and made herself scarce in the evenings by spending time with her sister who lived there. Riku sat smoking a cigarette and watching his mother fawn over the painting and Leon. He smiled and nodded to her. “You should tell him now, Mom. I’ll be leaving soon.”

“Tell me what?” Leon asked thoroughly confused by the two.

“I own a small gallery here and I desperately need someone to oversee it…I was hoping that you would agree to do it for me. Riku said that you might enjoy it and you could display and sell your own work there as well.” She smiled as Leon stared at her with wide eyes.

Turning to Riku, he said “Vous avez planifie cela…combien de temps?”

Riku winked at him as he snuffed his cigarette. “Since I saw your work in the hangar.”

“I cannot accept…such a genereux gift.” Leon’s heart pounded at the prospect of living again as opposed to simply existing. He looked from one to the other and they seemed calm and resolved on the matter.

“You _must_ accept it.” Riku leaned over and kissed his cheek. “Because it’s your payment for the portrait…and there’s a small apartment in the back of the gallery where you may live.”

Leon gasped as his eyes stung with tears. “C’est trop.” Breathless with excitement as the long forgotten feeling of hope filled his heart, the artist covered his face with his hands.

Riku pulled him close and stroked his hair as he whispered, “It’s not enough.”

Threading his fingers through silver tresses, Leon whispered as he cried softly, “Mon prince.”

Mrs. Xemnas smiled as she dabbed tears from the corners of her eyes.

 

Riku’s last days in Paris were spent settling Leon in at the gallery and shopping with his mother. At the airport, Leon was seeing them off and thanking them again profusely. “Stop, ok.” Riku chuckled as his mother hugged Leon and then stepped away to allow them to say goodbye.

“Vais-je vous revoir?” Leon whispered as he hugged the teen close.

Riku kissed him and smiled. “No.”

  


By 17 he was notorious on Destiny and in Radiant Garden for his beach parties and his drugs. He was quite the host. Olette showed up occasionally to get drunk and surf but she couldn't look him in the eye sober, and the feeling was mutual. After their split he expanded his sexual horizons and was frequently sought after and frequently obliged whoever wanted to use him for a night or two. He wasn’t very discerning and word spread about that as well.

One weekend in particular he had taken two girls and a guy home but still managed to wake up alone on Sunday morning. Cooking up a speedball for breakfast he went through his mental litany of _why am I still here? There is no point to this shit anymore…_

Realizing that he needed to score more drugs, he tried to muster the motivation but failed, and decided to go into town later that day…he just didn’t feel like existing. He had talked with the gardener- Denzel- about growing his own weed in the greenhouse and Denzel agreed to tend it for him when Riku told him he could smoke all he wanted in return for his professional care…so at least he had weed. Riku knew that he would be sick if he didn’t score more junk, but he really just wanted to sleep.

Still naked from his weekend of debauchery, he wandered over to Luna’s crib that he still refused to take down, and picked up her blanket. He couldn’t smell her baby-smell on it anymore and he cried as he crawled back into bed. Crying himself to sleep, he dreamed of his daughter…

…and woke to voices…a voice and his own… _Hayner?_

“… _wanted to know if you wanted to come surf…”_

Everything sounded muffled and far away. Riku mumbled unintelligibly and then he felt it… _sick_. How long had he been asleep? His stomach lurched and cramped as he tried to get to the bathroom.

He didn’t make it, and threw up on the white marble floor. Trying to veer around it, he slipped and fell only to heave again where he landed. Crawling to the bathroom covered in vomit he was thankful that he had all but stopped eating or he probably would’ve shit himself too.

Feeling the vomit clogging his nose made him even more nauseous as he retched again and collapsed holding his stomach. There was that voice again… _Hayner was still here?_

_“…ok Riku…”_

_“...I’ll help…”_

Riku heard the shower and said “No, no, no, no…” He felt hands under his arms and then the sensation of being dragged through pools of vomit, which made him gag and cough but there was nothing left to come up.

_Was that Hayner or Snow?_

He felt the warm water hitting his skin like a shower of needles and he started screaming. The hands were holding him under the spray and he fought every second of it. Finally, he exhausted himself and was still, but crying and curled into a ball.

The next thing he was aware of was that the water was off and he was wrapped in a bath sheet. It was quiet and his stomach hurt. Hayner was sitting against the wall with his head down and they were still in the bathroom. Riku moved to get to his knees but he was shaking so badly he could barely manage it. Hayner’s eyes popped open and he rushed to his side.

 _Had he been crying?_ He helped Riku toward the toilet where he hung his head and gagged, spitting out bile and snot, then tried to put a bottle of water in his hand but he was shaking so badly that he couldn’t hold it. Desperate for a drink, he raised his head to allow Hayner put the bottle to his lips.

Exhausted, Riku laid his head on the toilet seat and looked around with feverish eyes. _Clean… someone had cleaned the bathroom._ He tried to ask Hayner but when he tried to speak he gagged. Hayner petted his hair and Riku could hear him sniffle. He tried again to speak, “Hey…ya got any H?”

“No…” Hayner said.

“Can ya get me some?” Riku croaked as he felt hot tears coming to his eyes.

“No, you don’t need it.” Hayner said sadly.

“Yes I do…” Riku whined. “I do…it’ll make me better. Don’t you want me to feel better? Don’t you wanna surf with me? Come on, just get me somethin to make me well and then I’ll do anything ya want ok. You want me to blow you for it? Is that what you’re waitin for? I will…”

He pawed at poor Hayner as he scooted away. “No I…I don’t want that.” He squeaked.

Riku lolled his head and cried, which set off his gagging, which brought up his water. At least he was at the toilet he thought as his eyes watered and his nose ran. A few minutes passed and he felt a cool cloth wiping his face. “Sorry…” was all he could muster.

Later when he felt like moving, Hayner helped him to bed where he stayed for two more days. He kept down his water after that so his friend brought him some food from his small kitchen. He ate a couple bites and slept, then woke up to find Hayner asleep in a chair by the bed and fell back to sleep again.

When he woke up sweating and shivering and grinding his teeth, Hayner was there to bring him more blankets and give him more water and juice. When he woke up screaming and disoriented, Hayner was there to keep him from leaping off the balcony or getting his hands on the razor blades in the bathroom. Finally, he woke feeling reasonably lucid and Hayner was still there, staring at him, waiting. Riku smiled at him and said, “Hey dude. Sorry about all this.”

Hayner smiled nervously and said, “It’s cool Riku. I’m just glad you’re ok.” Then he started to cry.

Riku sat up in bed holding his head briefly, and then reached for him. “Come on, c’mere. Don’t cry. I’m good, ok. I was just junk sick. I’m a junkie Hayner…a no good junkie.”

“No! You’re Riku the silver surfer and you’re awesome…and I thought you were gonna die.” Hayner cried.

Riku petted him and cried too. He had totally scarred this kid for life. He tried to remember how old Snow had said he was…he knew he was a few years younger than him.

Riku stopped crying and hugged Hayner close. “I’m sorry little dude. I owe you big time ok. If it weren’t for you, I donno what would’ve happened to me. You’re the one who’s awesome.”

Hayner was barely 14. From then on, if Riku knew Hayner wanted something, he got it for him and they surfed together often…but Riku still went back to his first love, heroin.

  
  


Radiant Garden University wasn't too far from home, but far enough that Riku felt a little liberated. He got wasted his first week and woke up on a bench at a bus stop wearing only his jeans. He laughed it off and walked back to campus barefoot.

He became a fixture at local clubs before he was old enough to be inside them. Never one to pass up a good time, Riku went home with various men and women but never formed a relationship…until Laguna. The dark haired, blue eyed man turned out to be the friend of a friend who seemed to want to take care of the reckless youth, so he became Riku's first official boyfriend…

  


Tiny water droplets clung to the dark silver strands of hair as they zipped down their length like cars on a rollercoaster. Some reflected a prism before leaping off the end into the whirlpool below. The water made veins on the floor of the shower as it veered around the still form and made its way to the drain.

Aqua eyes fluttered open only to close immediately to shut out the splashing water drops that were much too warm to be rain. Wiping his face with one pruned hand, Riku rolled so that his face was out of the spray. It was day two or three and he wasn’t sure what that meant calendar-wise, but he could tell how many days he had been junk sick by the grinding in his gut and the ache in his head. Shakily getting to his knees, he coughed and felt his lungs expand like spit filled balloons…it was a miracle that the crackling wasn’t audible as he inhaled deeply.

Using the sink to pull himself to his feet, he stumbled out of the bathroom and looked around the empty apartment. _Where the fuck am I this time? I seriously need to stop doing this shit. I was at the club and left with…um…that guy. Fuck…_

Finding his phone, he scooped it up but a note that had been tucked under it fluttered to the floor. “Aha!” He said in a silly British accent “There is nothing like first-hand evidence!”

Popping the stationary like Xemnas popped the morning paper, he squinted at it and then looked away to find his cigarettes nearby. Sitting on the sofa naked, he crossed his ankles and reclined to smoke as he read:

_Dear Riku,_

_You’ve been very sick so I let you sleep. I hope you aren’t angry with me. There is food for you in the oven and juice in the refrigerator. You really should eat. I had to go to work but I’ll be home soon. Your clothes are clean and folded by the bed. If you leave before I arrive, please be careful and know that I enjoyed our time…but I would love for you to stay. Text me when you wake._

_Laguna_

Riku dropped an ash on the stationary as he stared at the neat handwriting. _I would love for you to stay…I would love for you to stay…_ odd how the words that he had always wanted to hear had come so suddenly and unexpectedly. _Laguna…Laguna…_ the guy from the club. The guy that he had flirted with… _wait…what day is it again?_

Checking his phone as he made his way to the kitchen, he had over forty messages from a dozen different people. They wanted drugs, they wanted sex, they wanted him to come to their party. _Dude, did you seriously fuck my sister? You asshole… I heard about you and Pence’s mom!sick!...are you coming or not??...You got a hit?...were you at the Sync Friday night?...Did you ditch school?_

 _Oh no…school…_ Looking at the date, he sighed. It was Monday so he had only missed one day of classes and that was great because he didn’t want to incur the wrath of Xemnas. Spotting the food, he opened the covered dish to find what he could only describe as a gourmet meal. Picking over it cold, he savored each bite and wondered which restaurant Laguna had ordered it from… _I would love for you to stay…stay…_

The apartment was nice and everything looked well taken care of…this guy wasn’t a junkie for sure, unless he had a housekeeper. Walking through, licking his fingers, he picked up framed photos and peered into drawers. He still hadn’t bothered with his clothes and since the contents of his wallet hadn’t been disturbed, he assumed that this Laguna wasn’t going to use him for his money…he wondered if Laguna even knew who he was. _Stay…_

He was a beautiful man, with his black hair and blue eyes… _exotic_ , Riku thought as he wandered through, opening doors and peeking out of blinds… _aah I’m still in Radiant._ The sun was beginning to set so he figured he would just stay the night, after all, he didn’t want to disappoint his gracious host. He had been treated much differently in the past if he crashed somewhere and got sick…he would get dumped in random places or rolled onto the port at the hospital emergency area as his so-called friends sped away…with his money…and sometimes his clothes.

Shaking his head, Riku went about making himself presentable for Laguna’s return from work.

  


Laguna arrived home around midnight, exhausted. The kitchen had been short-handed again after the owner threw another temper tantrum so he pitched in with the closing after the last dish had been prepared. The apartment was quiet and semi-dark as the sconces by the fireplace glowed softly _. Hmm…I haven’t used those in months_ , he thought and he quietly made his way to the laundry room to deposit his whites, toss his hat, and then padded barefoot toward his bedroom for a shower. Right inside the door, he paused and covered his mouth with his hand.

He had left Riku sleeping around noon that day in the sweat covered sheets. He had been restless since he started getting sick late Friday night or early Saturday morning so Laguna didn’t disturb his rest to change sheets. He did however empty the small garbage pail that he had gotten from the bathroom for Riku to vomit into. When he woke briefly Sunday to cry and curse and babble about women…Olette and Luna…he didn’t show any signs that he recognized Laguna himself or had any idea where he was. It was the most wretched, pitiful sight he had ever seen and the fact that this…boy…was so intensely beautiful, made it even more painful to watch.

But here he was, clean and sleeping peacefully. He had changed the bed and cleaned up any other mess he had made, returning the garbage can to the bathroom…and there was a note. Creeping to the bedside, he picked up the note that was on his pillow:

_Dear Laguna,_

_Thank you so much for taking care of me while I was sick. I apologize for the mess and the inconvenience. I wasn’t sure how to repay you for your kindness other than to give you the one thing you asked for, that incidentally is the one thing that no one ever wants from me…to stay._

_XXX, Riku_

At this point Laguna looked down at the sleeping form tucked snugly under the navy-blue sheets with the duvet folded neatly at the bottom of the bed. His silver hair across the dark pillow reflected what little light leaked into the room and reminded Laguna of the moon in the night sky. He smiled as he leaned down and breathed in the scent of shampoo and soap and mint with a hint of sweetness, like hard candy.

Placing a gentle kiss on a soft cheek, Laguna smiled as he thought back to the club and how he almost blew Riku off when he found out he was only 18 and a freshman at Radiant Garden University. Those things plus the fact that he was amazing in bed were the only things he knew about the sleeping teen… _yes, I want to know you…_ Laguna thought and then slipped away to shower.

  


Riku woke when he felt the soft lips touch his face, but didn’t open his eyes until he heard the bathroom door close. He could slip into the shower and make this whole ‘stay’ all about sex, but he didn’t want to do that. He hadn’t had a real relationship since Olette and he wanted to get to know Laguna Loire, so he stayed in bed and waited.

Ready for bed, Laguna crept out of the bathroom wearing pajama pants and was greeted by bright aqua eyes gazing up from his pillow. “Hi” He whispered.

Riku smiled and whispered the greeting back to him as he crawled into bed. “How was your day?”

Laguna stared and blinked. “It was, um…it was hectic.” He didn’t plan on boring his guest with details of workplace drama but…

“Why?” Riku asked threading his fingers through black silken strands. “What happened?”

Laguna smiled and told him about his long day without going into too much detail. “How are you feeling?”

“I’m better. Thank you for everything.” Riku said and noticed that Laguna was staring into his eyes very intensely.

“You don’t need to thank me…I just, you were so…” Laguna tried to find words that wouldn’t offend the other but he was having trouble.

“I know, gross, right?” Riku giggled.

“No! I would never call you gross…I was going to say pitiful but then I thought…you know what, Riku? I don’t even know your last name.”

“It’s Valentine…I’m from Destiny.” Riku paused and bit his lip, hoping that his reputation didn’t ruin this new beginning for him.

“And you’re 18…what are you doing here…with me, I mean?” Laguna asked as he reached for Riku’s hand.

Lowering his eyes, Riku mumbled. “I can go if you want…I just thought…”

“No that’s not what I meant.” Laguna lifted his chin and kissed him. “I just meant why would you want to come home with me when there are tons of other boys your own age who would love to be with you? I just can’t help but feel I’m taking advantage of you somewhat.”

“You’re not.” Riku said simply. “And I came home with you because you’re different, and beautiful, and kind.”

Laguna stared at him briefly and then smiled. “Are you sure you’re just 18?”

Riku grinned and Laguna pulled him close and kissed his hair. “I’m glad you stayed.”

The smile faded from Riku’s face but Laguna couldn’t see. _He’s glad I stayed…_ “Roll over and let me rub your back.”

Laguna snorted “This just keeps getting better and better.” as he rolled onto his stomach and Riku crawled over him to sit astride his ass. Rubbing sore muscles while they chatted about school and work, sharing details about themselves, Riku wasn’t surprised when Laguna began to slur his words and yawn. He stopped talking and waited for the slow even breaths of sleep. When he was sure he was sleeping, he slid back into bed beside him and wrapped his arms around him. Laguna made a funny purring mumble that made Riku smile as he drifted off to sleep as well.

The next morning, Laguna woke alone. Realizing that Riku was gone from the bed, he bolted upright and heard the crinkle of paper. He had left a note on the pillow:

_Dear Laguna,_

_I didn’t want to bail on you but I have class. Text me when you wake up._

_XXX, Riku_

Laguna smiled and dragged out of bed to prepare for another day at the restaurant. He didn’t need to be there until four but he had laundry…maybe not. There was a stack of neatly folded laundry on the settee. Smiling he went into the kitchen to find hot coffee and he chuckled. “I could so get used to this…”

Grabbing his coffee and his phone, he sat down to text his newly beloved.

Laguna: Hi, thanks for the coffee and you didn’t have to do laundry, but thanks just the same

Riku: hey baby. Ru free fr lunch?

Laguna: abs

Riku: where u wanna go?

Laguna: idm to me. What would you like?

Riku: you ;-)

Laguna: come here for lunch then

Riku: b there n fifteen

Laguna ran to the bathroom to freshen up and across town, Riku hopped into his car and headed his way, only stopping to buy flowers. He knew that Laguna like fresh flowers as they were all around his apartment, so it wouldn’t be weird…plus he wanted to do something to surprise him. Showing up with flowers turned out to be a great idea. Laguna was charmed and ‘lunch’ was exhausting in a good way.

  


“You could bring some things…clothes…if you wanted.” Laguna said as he lay with Riku spooned against his back.

“Yeah…like move in?”

“Yes…if you want…if you’re comfortable with that.” Laguna murmured, praying that he wasn’t moving too fast and assuming too much.

“Are you sure? I can be a pain in the ass.” Riku giggled, hoping that Laguna was saying what he thought he was saying.

“I’m sure…but…I want…I mean I don’t want you to…because I’m not going to…” Laguna stammered wondering why Riku always made him feel like the younger of the two.

“I don’t wanna see anyone else.” Riku sorted it out and he thought that’s what he was getting at. “And I don’t want you to see anyone else either. I’m not good at sharing what’s mine…I’m greedy.”

“Yours.”

“Yes.”

“I like that.”

“Good.”

  


Weeks later Laguna came home from the restaurant early and brought dinner for Riku. When he entered his apartment, he heard music coming from the bedroom. Putting the food down on the kitchen counter, he proceeded to see what his young lover was up to. Since he had moved in, they had been in honeymoon mode and the rest of the world seemed to be standing still.

Riku looked up surprised from where he sat on the bedroom floor. "You're early..."

"I am. I brought you dinner and thought I'd get it here before you went to bed." Laguna smiled but made no advance around the bed to see what Riku was doing on the floor. He could only see his face from where he stood by the door and at that moment Riku's face looked slightly frustrated.

"Um...can you give me a second?"

"Sure." Laguna turned to go back into the den when he heard paper rattling. He smiled and carried on.

Sitting on the sofa with a glass of wine, he beamed when Riku stepped out of the bedroom with a gift-wrapped box. "I was going to leave it here for you to find tonight but...I'm glad you're home early."

"May I open it now?" Laguna was almost bouncing with excitement and Riku smiled, taking a seat and giving him the small gift.

“It’s something I saw that reminded me of you…if you don’t like it, I can return it.” Riku said as he chewed his jaw, hoping that he had made a good choice.

Laguna began to open the paper but stopped and looked up into expectant aqua eyes. “You know, I’ll love it no matter what it is.”

Going back to his task, he opened the paper to reveal a box from a custom jeweler in the city. Suddenly overcome, he grabbed Riku and kissed him trying to keep the tears from leaking out. “You didn’t even open it yet.” Riku giggled and caressed his shoulders.

“I know, but…you’re just so sweet…you bought me jewelry.” Laguna blushed.

“Now that I know you’ll kiss me like that, I’ll be shopping more often.” Riku chuckled.

Opening the box, he gasped and looked up at Riku surprised. “Are you insane?”

“That’s actually debatable, but it has nothing to do with buying this.”

“How on earth…please tell me you didn’t go into debt for this.”

“I didn’t go into debt for…”

“Stop it…really?”

“Really, I paid for it.”

“Riku, it’s beautiful.”

“You’re beautiful.”

“Oh…” Laguna’s tears fell anyway as he lifted the gold band inlaid with lapis lazuli and set with sapphires. Riku slipped the ring onto the middle finger of his left hand then took it off and slipped it onto his thumb.

“Where do you like it better?”

Laguna didn’t answer as he crawled onto Riku’s lap and kissed him breathless.

A month into their honeymooning, they were invited out by some friends of Laguna’s from the restaurant. He insisted on dinner somewhere instead of a club…they were a couple now and he wanted to do things that he didn’t do when he was single. As they dressed for dinner, they chatted about their plans for the coming week. “I have to see my dad at some point. He’s home and wants to have lunch with me before he goes back to Twilight Town.”

“Didn’t you say he’s the Dean at TU?”

“Yes…probably will retire from there. He’s done the lecture circuit before, so he may go back to that after retirement…who knows with Dad.”

“So why didn’t you go to TU?”

“Did I mention that my dad is the Dean there?” Riku snorted and Laguna chuckled.

The dinner with Laguna’s friends went well, and happened to be at Celes, a French restaurant that Xemnas was partial to. Laguna watched Riku glance briefly at the menu and then speak to the waiter in flawless French. When he saw his boyfriend staring at him with a sly smile, he giggled. “What I do?”

“Nothing…I just didn’t know you were bi-lingual and it took me by surprise.”

Riku leaned to whisper into his ear and his face turned 3 shades of pink as his friends looked on with approval. The new boyfriend seemed to be good for Laguna…teenager or not.

Laguna had guessed that he was accustomed to this type of dining by the ease with which he dressed in his suit and tie while they talked that afternoon. _How did a boy of privilege acquire such a nasty addiction_ , he wondered? His hair was pulled back neatly in a ponytail, as was Riku’s and they were wearing matching diamond earrings (courtesy of Riku). His friends knew that he was in love…and who could blame him. At 25, Laguna had seen his share of relationships, but none had lasted. He was very independent and liked to do things his own way…some people couldn’t handle a strong personality…but apparently this guy was the one who could.

  


A break from school was upon them and Riku was faced with going home to Destiny or staying with Laguna in Radiant. He appeared happy, but Laguna prepared himself for the bomb to drop just the same. They had been together for over two months and he had yet to tell Riku that he loved him. Staring at the student as he lay on the floor reading with a glass of wine to his right, Laguna wondered what would become of the two of them. Would Riku still be charmed by him when he was 30 and he was only 23?

Feeling eyes on him Riku looked up from his book. “Come here, baby.”

Smiling and dropping down to crawl over and lay atop Riku’s back, Laguna nuzzled his neck making him giggle. “What were you thinking about just now?”

“You.”

“What about me?”

Laguna debated for a second but he knew the best way to deal with his lover was straight-forward, no bullshit. “Are you going to Destiny for break?”

“No…I’m staying home.”

Laguna smiled and kissed his neck. “Ok”

“Did you have plans?” Riku asked, puzzled by the reaction he got. “If you have plans. I could go and stay there…I don’t wanna…”

“No sweetness, the only plans I have are with you.”

Riku smiled. “Ok.”

Laguna crawled off his back and sat up, taking his wine and draining the glass before he sat it on the coffee table and took his book and closed it. Riku sat up in front of him and gasped. “Why are you crying? What did I do? Why are you upset?”

Laguna smiled through his tears and shook his head. “You didn’t do anything…I just…oh God.”

“What? Did someone else hurt you? Want me to kick their ass? I will, just say the word…”

“Would you stop?” Laguna laughed, wiping his tears away. Riku pounced on him and lay him down gently but then plundered his mouth. Laguna wrapped his legs around him and returned the kiss desperately. “Will it always be like this?” Riku whispered as he placed gentle kisses on the other’s face and throat.

“No…one day I will be old and contrary and possibly senile.” Laguna smiled as he tugged at Riku’s shirt so he could get his hands underneath it.

“I will too, but that’s not what I meant.” Riku giggled at the thought of Laguna being senile.

“I love you Riku. I am deeply in love with you…so if that’s what you’re asking, then yes…it will always be like this.” Before Laguna even considered how Riku would react, he had said it and now he had to reap the consequences…whatever they might be.

Riku growled gently but his voice cracked a bit and he kissed Laguna more passionately than before. “I love you.” He whispered between kisses. “I love you Laguna…”

  


The two vacationed together and then Riku went to Destiny to visit his parents for a week…and came home stoned. Laguna nursed him back to health again like he had when they first met and life was falling back into place with Riku starting his next semester at Radiant. That proved to be the beginning of the drawn-out end.

Riku fell back into partying on the weekends and getting stoned. Laguna tried to accommodate him and learned quickly not to piss him off. When Riku was high, he was generally happy until he started thinking…thinking about Xemnas, thinking about what he had put his mom through, thinking about Luna and how he missed her. One night in particular, Laguna had gone out with Riku but ended up coming home alone when Riku went to cook and never returned.

Exhausted and tired but worried none the less, he rummaged around until he found some powder, had a bump and the left a note before going back out to look for Riku. At 4 a.m., he finally found him in only jeans on a park bench. He had been robbed, of course and he was shaking as he lay staring. “Where ever have you been, Riku Valentine?” Laguna said quietly.

“I don’t know.”

Laguna helped him to his feet and started toward his car. “What are you on?”

Riku stood on his own briefly, clearly not recognizing Laguna, and the shoved him to the ground. “Fuck off.”

Laguna watched him stumble around disoriented for a few minutes and then begin to look for him again mumbling, “Laguna?”

“I’m right here, baby.”

“Oh, thank God….”

Those occasions were nearly every weekend and it kept getting worse. Riku was back on junk full time, and was doing speed besides. One afternoon, he was yelling at Laguna demanding to know who had put the bruises on him. “Nobody, Riku. Just forget it.” Laguna snapped.

“I wanna know who did that to you! Are you fuckin someone else?” Riku roared as he grabbed his boyfriend’s bare arms.

“Stop it Riku!”

“Tell me who did it!” Riku screamed.

“YOU did it!” Laguna screamed back.

Riku froze and stared at the bruises, then whispered. “I’m sorry…I’m so sorry.”

Laguna comforted him while he cried with him. Where had his sweet beautiful Riku gone? Make-up sex was amazing and Riku cut classes the next day so they could stay in bed but the violence soon returned and in less than two months, after returning home from surgery for a badly broken wrist, Laguna found that his love had abandoned him altogether. Of course, there was a note.

_Dear Laguna,_

_I’m no good for you- no good for anyone. Sorry isn’t enough so the best thing I can do for you is to leave and let you get on with your life. I can never be who you need._

  


He was shooting twice a day the first time he OD’ed at Radiant. A guy from his dorm called campus police who took him to the hospital.

"Wake up Riku...." a voice called to him that seemed familiar but he couldn't quite place it.

He woke up to Xemnas ranting about how stupid he was. He hacked around the tube in his throat and started to gag, and Xemnas looked at him with hatred. “You will finish this year at Radiant and if you are still alive you will transfer to Twilight University so I can see to it that you behave.”

Riku looked miserable as tears ran down the sides of his head. The doctor rushed in and Xemnas left. When he was free of the tubes, he took a call from his mother and she drunkenly accused him of trying to ruin her life. She was embarrassed by his behavior and refused to see him until he was ready to act like a proper child. As soon as he was released, he went back to campus where his friends threw him a _welcome back from the dead_ party.

He did blow until he thought he would have a heart attack and systematically fucked every available female at the party and most of the males as well. Monday came and went as he lay in bed…he couldn’t even remember his schedule at that point. Eventually though, he went to classes and made an effort to do some work.

The weekend parties kept him moving. Riku ended up in town, downtown, or another town. He had to hitchhike back to Radiant once having lost his wallet and phone. He was _left_ in random places after doing various stupid things.

He remembered odd moments like puking on people he was fucking…more than once, getting puked on while getting head, sitting on his gear and sticking the needle in his ass, beating the shit out of a guy who tried to get him to bottom, beating the shit out of a guy who hit on Laguna even though they were no longer together, beating the shit out of a security guard because he woke him up…in a museum…in his underwear…with coke on his face…he went to jail. He was labeled a menace by the Radiant Garden authorities but many of his rides to jail became rides back to campus thanks to Dad’s money.

Taking _mystery drugs_ got him abandoned a lot. Someone would bring a drug and ask him to try it. He would do it, then they would all wait to see what happened. If the situation looked like it might end badly, they would just leave him in a random place that wouldn’t incriminate any of them.

He woke up behind a Chinese restaurant once, in the airport, on a transit bus, outside an elementary school, and ultimately in jail. He woke up in pools of vomit, piss, and worse. The list went on and each time he was left behind had a story.

Everywhere he went, people he didn’t know would yell his name. Doing a ridiculously stupid thing while stoned was called “a Riku”. He fucked girls he didn’t know. He fucked guys he didn’t know. He woke up more than a few times in strange apartments with notes left for him. _Thanks for last_ _night Riku…Thanks for this weekend Riku… Please walk the dog before you leave Riku… Please change the sheets Riku… If you find my underwear… If you find my wedding ring… If you find my dildo…_ the list went on and got stranger each time.

Sometimes he remembered and sometimes he didn’t but the times he did, he mostly wished he could forget. At a party downtown he wasn’t as high as usual and really wanted to get laid…and remember it. One particular redhead had been eyeing him as he set out to drink himself into a stupor.

She watched as other people hung on him and some groped him but he was watching her as well, so he didn’t take anyone else up on their offers. He was holding out for this chick because she seemed like a challenge. She had been hanging with a blonde girl all evening and he wondered if they were together. Finally curiosity got the best of him and he approached them before he got too wasted.

“Wanna smoke with me?” He asked the both of them.

“Definitely.” The blonde said and the redhead smiled as he led them to an unoccupied bedroom. Once the door was closed the blonde wasted no time getting down to business. She started shedding clothes to reveal something expensive and lacy.

Riku smoked with the redhead while the blonde blew him and then asked. “Why are you so quiet…I thought redheads were the ones you had to watch out for.”

She smiled through the haze. “I heard about you…I wanted to see if the rumors were true.”

Riku laughed, “What have you heard? Tell me, what do _they_ say?”

The blonde was making no move to get dressed so he figured he wasn’t going anywhere any time soon and didn’t even bother pulling his pants up; he just sat there with his pants around his knees while he smoked.

“Well _they_ say lots of stuff…you’re a stoner, you’re rich, you’re bi-, don’t care if you live or die, you’ll try anything once and try it again if you can’t remember.” The redhead said, slyly winking at the blonde.

“That sounds pretty accurate actually…” Riku said with a hint of sadness in his voice. “I think I was hoping for something a little larger than the truth, but the truth is bad enough I guess.”

No longer wanting to hear about himself, he stood to pull up his pants and get back to doing what he did. “Wait.” The redhead stopped him from buttoning his jeans and he smiled crookedly.

“What, now you want a turn?” Riku giggled and pushed her hair away from her face. She turned her head into his hand and licked his palm.

The blonde stepped behind him and began to pull his shirt off. “This is Amber, my girlfriend and she’s never had a man. I brought her here tonight so you could be her first…and I told her you would be ok with me being here…she was scared.”

Smiling, Riku wondered to himself if he had fucked the blonde before but figured it would be a buzzkill to ask. He was a little flattered and a little disgusted, but sometimes disgusting things turned out to be fun.

He did some blow before he began to undress the redhead and the closer they got to the act the more he thought of Olette. _This girl is not Olette,_ he kept reminding himself. _Amber, this girl is Amber._ Riku pushed her legs apart with a little effort and told the blonde, “She’s too nervous and I don't wanna hurt her. Get your ass over here and be her fucking girlfriend.”

This made Amber smile and the blonde lay beside her to kiss and comfort her while he divested her of her virginity. After the initial pain and discomfort she began to enjoy herself and the blonde wasn’t quite so cocky. Seeing her girlfriend writhing and moaning under a man wasn’t what she thought it would be. Riku whispered, “I think your girl is jealous…” He rolled her over so she could sit on top of him and the blonde immediately joined in the fun.

The two left the party shortly after, but Amber came back alone and dragged him back to the bedroom. He was cackling as she stripped him again and shoved him down on the bed. She was hooked and he was Riku. Every time they ran into one another after that night, they were fucking no matter where they were, and needless to say her relationship with the blonde didn’t work out. It had all been good until there was a (secret) pregnancy, a (not so secret) abortion, and another assault charge (for Riku). Amber aside, he continued to defile himself with anyone he chose… because he was Riku Valentine. He pondered once how many miles it would be if he laid all his used condoms end to end…like the plastic bottles on those _save the earth_ commercials… _save the Riku…_

  


Riku was getting really tired. Speedballing his way into another overdose changed everything.

"Wake up Riku!" He heard the same mysterious voice calling to him again, this time with more urgency.

He woke up in the hospital again, filled with tubes again, and hearing Xemnas bitching again. This time Xemnas was bitching because he wasn’t dead.

The doctor had called the family, thinking Riku wouldn’t make it but he did, so apparently Xemnas felt he had wasted a trip. He even heard the doctor suggest that he needed inpatient care and Xemnas said all _he_ needed was for Riku to stop fucking up and kill himself if that’s what he intended to do.

His mom had stopped speaking to him after his first overdose so he didn’t expect as much as a phone call from her. She would probably be back in the hospital herself and that would be laid at his feet by Xemnas as well.

Riku was released from the hospital and went back to school to another _welcome back from the_ _dead_ party, and since it was near Halloween, they were all dressed as zombies. _Awesome_ , Riku thought but he found no joy in any of it. Everything was gray, nothing had color or taste. His life felt empty and dead.

Winter break was coming up and he decided that he wasn’t coming back; he was going home to die. Instead of packing up his dorm, he gave away all of his things and nobody thought anything of it...just some rich kid giving away shit he didn't want.

When he got to Destiny, he called Hayner up and went surfing. He gave Hayner his favorite board and a wetsuit that he needed for cooler weather, telling him they were early Christmas gifts. Hayner was worried but Riku promised he would see him around.

He gave Snow his necklace that Lulu had given him made from shells and pearls. "Thanks stoner dude, but why?" Snow said. "I've never even seen you take this off."

Riku smiled. "Then its time, right?"

  


Standing at Olette’s door felt surreal after all the time that had passed since he was there last. Her mom answered, and hugged him briefly before calling out to her daughter. Olette came down smiling apprehensively and he smiled back, but his eyes were empty and sad. She hugged him. "What are you doing here?"

He tried to sound less nervous than he really was. "I just wanted to see how you were doing." After a pause he added “You know I really did love you Oly…and Luna…and I would’ve married you…”

It had been years since Luna's passing and even though she would always miss her baby, Olette had tried to get her life back on track. She looked confused but nodded then hugged him closely. Something was wrong.

  


Riku went up to his suite and opened all the doors and windows letting the cool ocean breeze fill the room. Staring out at the ocean, he thought of the mess he had made of his life, the failure he was as a son and as a human being. He didn’t need to be here anymore. Nobody needed him now that Luna was gone.

Stepping back inside, he locked himself in the bathroom where he stripped and showered then sat for a while thinking of the happy times in his life. He was so lonely and all he wanted was to be with his baby. Going to the vanity Riku took the ever-present razors then sat down, leaned against the cool tile and sliced both his wrists.

The cuts were deep and he watched as the blood spurted onto the white tile. He began to get dizzy so he lay his head down and waited and soon everything went black.

  


“Wake up Riku...” _That voice again...he sounds so sad…who is that?_

When he woke again, he was in a hospital bed with his arms bandaged and his hands covered with some kind of mittens. Frustrated that he had failed to die again, he started to struggle but his feet were restrained by ankle straps. He screamed.

For his efforts, he was transferred to the psychiatric ward of the hospital where he was detoxed and treated for depression. His doctor stopped in to tell him what a lousy excuse for human excrement he was for being so selfish after all Xemnas had done for him.

The nurses were cold and didn’t engage him in conversation. Everyone there hated him. They all viewed him as a selfish spoiled brat and had no qualms about telling him so. One nurse brought him the morning paper and he actually said thank you before he realized she was only showing him the story of his miraculous recovery from a third suicide attempt.

Knowing how irate Xemnas would be that it was splashed across the headlines, he was surprised that the man hadn’t come in and finished the job himself…of course _now_ he couldn’t because the world would be watching.

After being forced to have cosmetic procedures, ordered by his father to camouflage the marks on his arms, he was released to the man himself who gave him a stern lecture on the way to the airport. There he was given a suitcase and a one-way ticket.

"Classes are starting soon at Twilight and I want you to get your ass there and behave until I arrive." Xemnas growled. "And if you find that you _can't_ behave, there is a nice deep rock quarry on campus and I will make sure no one fishes you out."

Riku nodded and looked out at the planes taxiing outside... hoping his would crash…

  


Landing in Twilight Town, he found a car waiting to chauffer him to campus. The driver informed him that Xemnas was having his car delivered later and it would be at his disposal by the next day. He made his way to a private dorm that had been reserved for him, dropped his bags and fell across the bed as he rubbed his arms.

Dozing off and on, he had no idea what time of day or night it was when he heard a knock on his door. He stood and stripped off his shirt that was wet with sweat and tossed it on the floor. Standing in his doorway was a grim looking boy with steel blue hair and a sack of weed. “Welcome to TU. You’re Riku?”

Riku nodded and stepped aside for him to come in. “Yeah…and you are…”

“I’m Zexion and I’m your hook-up.” He said as he perched on the bed and lit up.

“What makes you think I need a hook-up?” Riku said as he took the joint from Zexion’s lips and smirked.

“Because you’re Riku…and Radiant Garden is my hometown.” Zexion smiled as he waved off the joint Riku was offering back and lit his own.

“Well, well…let’s do this, Zexion…you will be my hook-up until and unless you tell anyone anything about my past. Deal?” Riku said as he rubbed his sore arms that still had white bandages covering the skin grafts.

Zexion nodded, “Deal. So what can I get for you?”

Riku stretched out on the bed and thought for a minute while Zexion sat and marveled at the silver haired immortal. “Get me an eight ball, some smack, a sack of Bombs…as many as you can get…I need clean works… some Ativan, Adderall, Ambien…and a twink to suck my dick.”

By the time his list was done they were both laughing. Zexion hung out for a bit then left to fulfill Riku’s grocery list. He lay on his bed thinking that he would end up dead one way or another so he may as well enjoy himself while he was there. Nobody would ever convince him that this life was worth sticking around for. _Fuck my life_ he thought as he dozed.

  


Zexion came through with the goods a couple days after a disastrous visit from Xemnas. Riku was easing back into his old habit and feeling like superman again. One night after dinner he sat on his bed in his boxers about to pop his Ambien and check out, when there was a knock at his door.

He sat the Ambien aside and opened the door to find the last item that had been on his list. Before the guy even spoke Riku dropped his chin to his chest and giggled, then stepped aside allowing him to enter. When the door was closed he sat back down on his bed and had a bump. “Zexion send you?”

“Nnn…well he said you could help me with somethin…I wanted to do.” The kid pushed his hood back to reveal his face and Riku stopped breathing. He was a beautiful blonde, blue-eyed angel. How the fuck someone could be that gorgeous and be real Riku had no idea.

“What was it you wanted to do?” Riku asked dry mouthed as he watched the blonde boy chew his lip and scratch his nose. He very obviously needed a fix. “And what’s your name?”

“I’m Roxas…but you can’t tell anyone I was here.” He fidgeted. “My brothers all go here and they would um…”

“It’s cool, I get it Roxas. I won’t say anything about you being here. But you do have to tell me what you need before I can help you.” Riku got off the bed and stood too close to Roxas for him to mistake his interest for anything other than intimate. Roxas looked up at his face and took a quick breath. Riku smiled and reached to touch the soft blonde hair and tried to meet the blue gaze.

“I w-wanted to um…” Roxas stuttered then licked his lips. Riku put a finger under his chin and lifted it so that their lips were almost touching. He brushed his nose against Roxas’ nose and could feel the warm puffs as Roxas breathed. He had to be near this beautiful being and he wondered how far he would be allowed to go…how long he would be allowed to bask in his presence before he left like everyone else.

 “I wanted to m-m” Roxas tried again but this silver haired god was stealing his breath and his words and his heart. He put his hands on Riku’s hips and squeezed gently as he tried to get the words out.

When he squeezed, Riku blinked his eyes slowly and slipped his arm around Roxas, then kissed him. This was different for Riku. He couldn’t remember ever having been so strongly and immediately attracted to someone. Sure he had wanted people after seeing them before but this was beyond that. This was need.

He kissed Roxas like he would never let him go and Roxas kissed him back hungrily, desperately. Riku pulled his hoodie off and instantly began to touch and kiss every available area of exposed skin as he pulled Roxas toward the bed.

Stumbling forward, Roxas stepped out of his shoes and Riku shoved his sweats down and took Roxas’ erection into his hand, making the blonde groan and tug at Riku’s boxers in a desperate attempt to reciprocate.

Shedding them quickly, he grabbed Roxas’ hand and got onto the bed on his knees. Roxas crawled on in front of him and kissed him, pressing against him before he kissed a trail down Riku’s chest and stomach. Sitting back against the head of his bed, he let Roxas crawl up between his bent knees where he swallowed him down, moaning.

As he looked into the huge blue eyes, he felt tightness in his chest. He cupped his cheek and stroked it with his thumb already thinking what it would be to look into those eyes every day, to wake up to that face. Roxas pushed his legs wider apart as he sucked and stroked and squeezed Riku to orgasm and for a few seconds the world went white and everything was blissful and perfect. From the moment he looked into those eyes, Riku forgot everything that made him miserable.

Recovering and breathing closer to normal, he still sat naked on the bed watching Roxas wipe his mouth with the edge of the bed sheet as his eyes flicked from Riku’s face to his junk. He wondered what the blonde was thinking until he saw the fidgeting again. _He wants his drugs now_ … _that was just pay in advance_ _I guess._ _Oh well…leave it to me to fall hard for another junkie…serves me right._

“I want you to help me mainline…” Roxas blurted, obviously ready to get fixed before he lost his courage.

Riku’s ability to control his outward appearance had been mastered at a very young age. Looking totally unconcerned, he asked “Ok blondie. You got gear?” as he watched the blond reach into the hoodie and drag out a small leather case.

 He patted the bed and grabbed a textbook to lay their stuff on before teaching Roxas how to cook, load, and tie off. But when it was time to shoot, he was shaking so badly Riku stopped him. “Let me do it this time ok? You’re shaking so badly I…”

Roxas held out his arm and stared at Riku’s eyes while he surveyed the vein and then, out of the blue, he put his free hand on Riku’s cheek and pulled him close for a kiss. Riku smiled and his eyes glittered as he kissed Roxas again and sucked at his lip tasting himself there. “Let me do this and then we can do that…” Riku said softly and Roxas nodded.

When the needle pricked his vein he didn’t flinch. When the drugs hit his brain, he closed his eyes and sucked in a breath so Riku tipped him forward so his head was on his shoulder. Hearing Roxas moan made Riku smile, remembering the first time he mainlined and how it felt. The blonde lolled his head from side to side mumbling as Riku caressed his neck whispering to him. “Does that feel good baby? You like that?”

Roxas nodded his head and reached numb hands toward Riku as he was swept up into strong arms and kissed until he was breathless. The room seemed to move as Riku lay him down on the bed and moved the book to the table. Roxas stole a glance at aqua eyes filled with tears and wondered why he was so sad… but he didn’t ask.

Riku held him and kissed him like a lover and the longer their bodies were connected in that intimate way, the more Roxas came alive. He bucked against Riku and pulled him tighter to him by digging in with his heels, and when he felt Riku shove a pillow under him, he yelped but he held him even tighter.

In a drug haze, Roxas could hear Riku’s voice but his words weren’t registering. Riku however was aware that a floodgate had opened and he was powerless to stop it. _He is everything perfect and beautiful,_ Riku thought. He had never felt anything like this for anyone before and as frightening as it was, he would chase it with all he had. _He has to be mine…_ Riku thought desperately.

Biting him viciously on the neck as he came, Riku panted while Roxas screamed through his own orgasm, and then he held onto him, silently crying with his head on Roxas’ shoulder. Getting himself together before the blonde noticed, he kissed his neck. “My god…”

Roxas turned his back to him lazily and wiggled against him before reaching back to tug at his hair gently and giggle. That sound rang through Riku’s heart. If he needed something to live for, that sound, that face, that body… _this beautiful boy_ could be it. Pressing the blonde onto the bed gently, he kissed him and cuddled him trying to evoke as many of those giggles as he possibly could.

They lay quietly chatting about drugs, skating, and surfing but soon Roxas became quiet, then got up to dress. _He’s leaving…the always leave…_

When Riku opened the door for him Roxas looked at him with cold empty eyes, his demeanor had completely changed as he prepared to go back to his _other_ life with his brothers. “You can’t tell anyone I was here…no one can know.”

Riku nodded but kissed him softly again to try and kiss away the hardness his features had taken on. Roxas smiled a tiny smile and breathed in the sweet smell of his new temptation. He would keep this…him. He would keep him for himself…he was not going to share Riku with anyone…and that meant keeping him a secret. If Sora found out…

As Riku watched him go, he realized he was all in with this one. He knew at that moment that he had never been in love before. This was real. He felt a surge of emotion as he closed the door and thought _maybe_ his life wouldn’t always suck. _Maybe_ one day Roxas would want to be with him…he was definitely willing to wait.


	2. THE RED TWINS

THE RED TWINS

  


The Midgar slums was no place you wanted to be after dark unless it was your home. It was dangerous and if you didn't know the right people, it didn't matter if you lived there or not.

"Aaaaarrr!" An old bum yelled in pain as he tried to fend off his attacker.

"Shut the fuck up, ya pussy!" A little redheaded snot nose was cracking the bum across the knees with a piece of pipe.

"I'll kill you, you little bastard!"

*Plunk* the bum's head hit the pavement in the filthy alley and Reno dug through his pockets taking anything of value: a few bills, some dope, and a pipe. He looked at the bum for a few seconds and decided Da might like his coat so he stripped it off him and ran to the drain pipe attached to the corner of the shoddy building, tapping it three times. He waited a few seconds then looked up to see a familiar shadow. He hurried to the end of the alley and then strolled casually out, hands in his pockets, coat stuffed under his arm, dragging the ground.

Three blocks away a junkie lay dead behind a dumpster. It was easy to die in the slums and nobody cared. Reno walked into the building where he lived with his twin brother and their Da. His mom had gone to be with Jesus; that's what his Da said but Reno thought it sounded like a crock of shit and he didn't mind saying so.

"Hey old man." Reno said to his Da as he shucked his coat and pulled off his little boots. "Ya want this coat?"

Ruari Sinclair wasn't a nice man. He drank a lot, cursed a lot, fought a lot, and beat the shit out of his kids a lot. His name meant 'red king' and he expected to be treated like one. His wife Ailis had been dead three years and the little brats she left him with were his bread and butter most days. They were slick alright- he taught them that, or so he said. They were smart too- he would tell people. They were going to make him a rich man one day- he was counting on _that_.

Reno dropped the coat across the armchair that used to be green before years of sweat, dirt, spills and blood had turned it the color of a scab. Ruari looked at the coat and then at his boy. "Where's yer goddamn brother?"

"He's comin." Reno knew that Axel would cross the rooftops until he reached the corner of their street. They made it a habit not to be seen together outside of their sector.

"Yeah he damn well better…er else I kick yer ass fer it." Ruari sneered with his rotten teeth. "Ya toothless little fuck. When ye gonna grow some more fer me ta knock out?" He grumbled as Reno watched out the grimy window for Axel. Finally, he spotted him skipping down the sidewalk toward home.

"Here he comes." Reno said more to himself than his father, as he went to the door to open it for his brother. Axel slipped inside babbling about rabbits. He had blood on his right hand and his cheek. Reno grabbed his hand and asked him worriedly, "This yours, Runt?"

Axel paused and focused on Reno. "Not mine." He said pulling his hand away and wiping it on his dirty pants. After he deemed it clean enough, he gave his hand back to Reno.

"Let's go bath." Reno whispered.

"K" Axel agreed.

They didn't speak to their father when they were together unless they had to and the old man didn’t seem to mind. When they were yapping, he thought about his Ailis. Reno started their bath as Axel got their towel; they only had one that they all shared and when Da used it, they washed it. They washed each other's hair with bar soap and talked about the night's take.

"I got a few $20 rocks and a pipe. I also got some H off one guy but I donno who Imma pass it to. Did you hide yer stuff?"

Axel nodded. "I got a sack a weed but I wanna keep that. I also got a watch and a necklace. The water's cold… can we get out now?"

"I guess but we got mass tomorrow and ya know how father Liam is always lookin behind our ears so..."

"Oh yeah. This week is mass? I thought mass was next week?"

"No Runt. Ya gave a few days to the bunnies yo."

Axel scowled as they got into their oversized t-shirts for sleeping. Underwear was a luxury and you couldn't miss what you never had. They brushed and braided one another's hair and lay down on the bare musty mattress, listening to Da fumbling around in the next room. He slept on the couch unless he had a woman. If he had a woman the boys had to hide. They had made themselves a pretty decent spot in the closet because they weren't allowed to see Da's women…no peeking allowed.

Reno peeked once and got caught- that's when he lost his front teeth. He said it didn’t matter because it was easier to spit and smoke. Axel just thought it made him look like a tough guy…plus he could eat candy without opening his mouth.

Axel thought of all this as he tried to go to sleep but wasn’t having much luck.

"Reno" he whispered.

"What." Reno whispered back.

"Why we hafta go ta mass tomorrow?"

"Cause we do. Da said. So go ta sleep."

"Reno?"

"What?"

"You know that whole God thing is a crock a shit." Axel shared.

"I know. It's like playin pretend." Reno explained.

"Reno?"

"What?"

"Why do we get to do mass together but Chancey don't do mass with his brother?"

"Cause we the same person, just split in half." Reno said as he petted Axel. "Do you like Chancey?"

"Not as much as I like you." Axel yawned. He tucked his head to Reno's chest and fell asleep, but Reno lay awake listening to Da. He ran his tongue across his adult teeth that had only just come in a year prior. He'd be _graduated_ before Da noticed…and he was glad.

  


The next morning they walked to school. On the way, their friend Chancey joined them. "What's up Reno? What's up, nutter?"

Reno swatted him on the shoulder and Axel spat, "Fuck you, fat ass."

"So guess what? My Dad didn't come home last night." Chancy announced.

"So?" Reno piped up.

"So he’s prolly locked up again." Their friend said.

"Or dead." Axel added.

Chancy laughed. "No such luck, bunny boy."

"You never know. Father Liam says that miracles are real and happen _all_ around us." Reno witnessed to the boy as if he were a devout believer.

Axel scoffed. "Pfft" and Reno elbowed him, smiling.

"Yanno sometimes I forget you two freaks are younger than the rest of us." Chancy snorted.

"Whatever, yo."

Axel chose that moment to go off on a rant. "There goes one...a bunny...you see it Reno...Imma chase it..."

He was about to bolt when Reno grabbed his arm. "Fuck no, Runt. We almost at school and we got evenin mass."

Axel stared into the distance "He said you're an asshole."

Chancy laughed, "Your brother's a nutter, Reno."

"Fuck you, fat ass." Reno and Axel said in unison.

At school they were the freak show. Twin red heads, three years younger than everyone else in their grade. They were able to skip ahead but needed to complete every third year. They were almost eight years old and everyone else was 11 or close to it. They didn't like most of the kids and the feeling was mutual.

They had these stupid uniforms and they were so tiny compared to the other kids even the girls, Axel lamented. He liked girls but they didn't like him because he was a little boy. He told Reno once, "I can't wait til I get taller. Imma get Myra St. George to suck my dick."

"Runt, by the time we get tall as these kids we'll be past them in school and they still won't like us." Reno said as he and Axel walked down the hall holding hands.

"I'll still get it. She's a bitch with big tits and I hate her fuckin guts. I should just kill her." Axel sneered. Reno laughed at his brother because he rarely hated anyone and he had a feeling that maybe he had a crush on Myra St. George.

After school they headed to mass. On the way they shared a joint, caused a car accident, and stole two apples. As they changed into their cassocks and surplices Reno asked, "Do you think Father Liam is a creeper?"

"If by creeper, you mean lecherous faggot then yes, yes I do." Axel giggled.

“You're goin to hell, yo." Reno grumbled.

"WE are goin to hell. I'm not goin anywhere without you." Axel retorted.

Reno snickered "Hey check me out." He started doing a booty dance in his cassock and looked ridiculous. Axel cackled and then slapped his hands over his mouth, afraid that Father Creeper would hear.

Sure enough, Father Liam came in with a stern look on his face. "Boys! Being an altar boy is a privilege and I will not tolerate insolence and disrespect in the church. Am I understood?"

Standing side by side looking angelic they said, "Yes Father, sorry Father."

“Don’t apologize to me. Apologize to the Lord!”

When he was gone Axel flipped a bird in his general direction.

"Straight to hell, yo…" Reno muttered.

"Pfft" Axel said.

They perfectly executed all their duties and were out and gone as soon as they were finished. Going over to Wall Market in sector six, they sneaked into the Honeybee Inn to eat. Two ladies spotted them and hustled them into an empty room. "Stay right here boys and we'll bring you some goodies."

Reno smiled while Axel got his eyes full of stockings and garters. Soon they were sitting with four scantily clad ladies who were fawning over them and cooing about their beautiful red hair. The ladies were used to the twins and their strange mirror image movements but that didn't keep them from staring.

Reno was right handed and Axel was left handed. They were perfectly in sync as they moved and it was entrancing. If they were addressed together they answered together. They watched the pretty girls while they ate and let them brush and braid their hair.

"How come Father Liam lets you boys keep your hair long?" One asked.

"Cause our Da told him if we had ta cut it we couldn't be altar boys. He wanted us, so he said ok as long as it was clean and pulled back." Reno said.

"You boys know your Da is in here a lot. Aren't you afraid of getting caught?" Another asked.

"Nope." They said together.

They finished their food and took their backpacks behind a screen to change into their street clothes. If they got their uniforms dirty Da would kick their asses. Da didn't do laundry but the lady in 4c that he fucked did theirs once a week.

The whore who brought their food asked them as they changed, “How old are you boys now?”

“Almost 8” they answered.

“Well! Only ten more years til ya can come in for business.” All the girls laughed and Reno and Axel grinned at each other.

“If ya think we’re waitin til we’re 18 ta get laid, yer crazy, yo!” They all laughed as the boys emerged in matching jeans and hoodies, holding their book bags.

"Let's go see Baba." Reno said as they hit the streets again.

"K" Axel replied and Reno bumped his shoulder. "You know I hate that, yo."

Axel grinned and nodded.

"Well stop it then."

"K"

Reno growled and Axel squealed as they ran through Wall Market. Slowing their pace, they went inside a small shop yelling "Baba!"

A lady came out and hugged them both. "How are my boys? Have you eaten?"

"Yes ma’am" They chimed.

"Time for dessert then!" She presented them with cupcakes and they smiled those winning smiles and ate their treats. She fussed over their clothes and asked if they needed food for home.

"No" they said. They didn't take food home because the rats would get it and even though she knew this, she offered anyway.

Out the door and down at the train they decided where they were going for work. "I'm goin ta sector three." Axel said.

"That's too far!" Reno said.

"Nu uh." Axel argued.

"What if somethin happens?"

"Nothin's gonna happen." Axel scoffed knowing that Reno was just worried about him chasing bunnies and getting lost.

"Fine. I'm stayin in six." Reno said sadly. "Don't be late. I'll be at the corner of L and 44th at 10:00."

Axel grinned. "K"

"Goddammit!" Reno swore.

"Yer goin ta hell for that!" Axel laughed as he hopped the train for sector 3.

Reno waited until he was gone and strolled through the streets of sector 6. Before dark they shoplifted and picked pockets but after dark they got busy. Reno took the piece of pipe out of his book bag and walked the dark alleys until he found an easy mark. Some teenage junkie had passed out sitting on a crate. _He’s probably a whore_ Reno thought. He felt the pockets and checked for jewelry while keeping an eye on the junkie’s face to make sure he didn’t bat a lash.

What he found on the junkie whore was a game changer: a gun. He checked to see if it was loaded and tucked it into his ragged jeans. He wished his hands were bigger...it would be hard to shoot this one. He had found a gun last year but _asshole Da_ sold it. He couldn't wait to show Axel. The guy never woke up or moved and Reno wondered if he was dead. Moving on, he scouted the other alleys.

  


In sector 3 Axel scavenged through a cart full of junk that some bag lady had. _She’s dead now so she won't need it_ , he thought. She was kinda dead when he found her…he just helped her finish. Many people, especially women would want to cuddle him when they saw him out late. When he was close enough, all he needed to do was hug them and poke his knife in their jugular. It never took long for them to shut up. Sometimes he got their blood on him but he was learning to stay clean.

He found cool stuff in the cart and stuffed all he could into his bag. He was sneaking across rooftops, picking up what he could, stopping once to play in someone’s pigeon coop as he made his way back to the train.

At the station there was a lone man waiting. Axel stood near him, fearlessly. The man was wearing a suit...He looked like...a Turk. Axel’s heart leapt with glee!

"Hey Turkey." he smirked with all the smart-assery he could muster.

"Why are you out so late?" The dark suited man asked.

"Goin home." Axel noted the man looked foreign and had long black hair. He screwed his face up as he assessed the Turk.

"Where have you been that you are not home already? It is late." The Turk said.

"Visitin" Axel said vaguely.

"Visiting whom?"

"Why?"

"Because I want to know."

"Maybe I don't wanna share." Axel offered a sly smile.

"Maybe you are lying and have been out here robbing people." The Turk fired back.

"Imma kid." Sounding as offended as possible, he placed a hand on his chest.

"I was a kid once, too." The Turk said as he lit a funny looking brown cigarette.

"If you gimme one of those I'll answer yer question." Axel was pushing his luck with the assassin.

The Turk looked at the kid who couldn't have been more than 8 or 9 and arched an eyebrow. "Fair enough."

He gave him a cigarette and lit it for him. Axel took a drag and blew the smoke away from the man. "That's good… what is it?"

"It is from Wutai. It has herbs and is very expensive here."

"Are you from there?" Axel asked as he smoked the sweet cigarette.

"I am asking the questions now. Were you down here to rob people?"

"Nope" Axel stated with conviction.

"I do not believe you." The Turk said flatly.

"I do not care." Axel mocked his tone. "I said I’d answer yer questions. I never said I’d tell the truth."

"Touché" the Turk said grumpily.

They boarded the train and rode in silence. At sector 7 Axel strolled to the exit and was stopped by a strong hand. The Turk looked down and said, "I am Tseng. Who are you?”

"Nobody." Axel replied as he hopped off the train.

  


At the corner of L and 44th Reno waited under the streetlamp talking to the local whores. He sold all of his dope and a bracelet that he had just scored that night. Around 10:15 Axel came skipping down the street. He bowed to the whores and they giggled and petted his hair. One of them, a teenage boy, said "You guys should get home before your Dad gets pissed."

"Right" they agreed as they walked away holding hands.

That night was bad. Da was drunk and pissed off when they got there, so they ran straight to the closet to go through their things. He was yelling about them staying out late and said he didn't wanna see them until tomorrow. They knew better than to come out of the closet while he was awake so they ignored his ranting.

"I finally found a gun! This is gonna make everything easier." Reno spouted.

"Lemme see." Axel hissed.

Reno took the gun out and showed him. The standard Colt 1911 was their way to a better life. "I'm keepin this gun forever." Reno said as he touched it reverently.

They began going to the train graveyard so they could practice shooting. The guy at the gun shop in Wall Market cleaned it for him and gave him a box of ammo in return for all Axel's weed. Reno and Axel took turns shooting at the targets they found in the junk yard. They started out with big things but eventually used rats for practice.

  


After finding the gun, the twins were getting lots more money as well as drugs to sell so they began putting back money for their future above plate. They talked about their plan to get out of the slums and after a couple years of the money adding up, it seemed more real.

On the weeks they didn’t have mass, Da was back to beating their asses. "Ya lil assholes! I wish ya had died with yer ma!"

Axel stared blankly and Reno just watched Da, calculating his next move. He cracked Axel across the face making his nose bleed. Axel didn't flinch. That angered Ruari more so he cracked him again. Axel still stared blankly.

Reno screamed, "Stop Da!"

After the third strike Reno charged his father, shoving him away from Axel. "Stop! Hit me! Hit me, you asshole!"

Ruari laughed at the screaming ten-year-old. "Fine then. Your turn." He took a swing and everything went black.

When Reno woke up he was in the closet with Axel who was crying quietly. "Runt, stop crying. I'm ok." Reno croaked.

Axel stopped his sobbing and looked at Reno, his face a mess of bruises and blood, a big patch of his hair had been ripped out and his scalp was bleeding. Reno pulled him down and snuggled him and sang an Irish lullaby that their grandma used to sing before she went to be with Jesus and mom. _Fuck ‘em all_ , Reno thought. He petted Axel's face and promised him he would fix everything.

"I wanna kill him." Axel said flatly.

"No. We'll have ta go to the orphanage, yo. And that'll be worse than this."

Axel nodded but wondered how anything could be worse than this.

  


The next night in sector 5, Axel killed a man in an alley. He was a redhead and was drunk…and that was close enough. On his way out, he was sniffling and didn't notice his Turk, and bumped right into him. Axel looked up at him, pissed off and snapped "Watch where yer goin man."

Tseng laughed at him and grabbed him by the arm and shuffled him back into the alley. "Look you little shit, I have been watching you for over two years now. I have seen you all over these slums. You are going to end up dead or in prison. Why do you not stay ..."

Seeing the bruises on his face, Tseng stopped. He knew immediately why the kid didn’t stay home. "Am I going to find a body at the end of that alley?"

"Yep." Axel said smugly.

"Did you do it?"

"Nope."

"I do not believe that."

"I do not care what you believe, Tseng." Axel snapped mockingly.

Tseng looked at the kid, amazed that he remembered his name and added to the list of things he wondered about the crafty little redhead.

"Can I go now? I shouldn't be out so late and blah blah cause Imma kid."

Tseng released his arm and stepped away from him.

"See you around, Tseng."

"See you around, Nobody."

  
  


During the Christmas holiday of their 11th year the twins decided they wanted to give back to the good people of their community so they made a list of people who they knew to be _bad_ : Child molesters, rapists, murderers of innocents- there was no shortage of them in the slums. When they had agreed on a few names they set out to find and kill them as a gift to their neighbors and the good people like Baba.

Axel loved to skip along as Reno strolled and smoked. His episodes seemed to be getting farther between but they were lasting longer. Reno had to watch him closely so he didn’t miss the signs when Axel _changed_. He could tell when Axel was hearing voices and usually he could tell when he saw bunnies or _bad things_. When they separated to work at night, Reno worried constantly so he was a little relieved when the agreement was made that this particular ritual would always be done together. They had their own holiday tradition now.

  


Everyone’s favorite altar boys walked down the aisle of the church in perfect step with one another. At 12 they were also the favorite of Father Liam. They were growing tall and strong as well as handsome, so the Holy Mother Church was happy to provide them with new clothes and shoes whenever they seemed to be in need of them.

After mass Father Creeper informed them that they had earned the duties of Blessed Sacrament from Holy Thursday after mass until midnight, and then all day Good Friday and Holy Saturday. They thanked him profusely and left.

At Wall Market they walked into a pub and got two beers and a table.

“Goddammit yo, a whole weekend on our knees.” Reno grumbled.

“Thought you’d like that.” Axel laughed.

“Hey fuck you, Runt.” Reno laughed with him.

“Goin ta hell fer that.” Axel cracked.

“Hey, let’s go to tha Don’s” Reno suggested. Axel nodded and they had a couple more beers and headed out. After having done a few favors for the Don, they no longer had to sneak into the brothel- he gave them full access to the place. They still had to pay for services if they wanted them, but they could come and go as they pleased.

They trotted upstairs to see the girls who were still always happy to see them. Faces had changed over the years but a few were the same. They still sat with them to chat and brought them food. On this day the twins told the girls about their duties for the holy days and how they dreaded it.

One of them said, “We can help ya forget about it yanno.

The boys chuckled but the girls didn’t. Reno and Axel looked at each other and shrugged, and plowed headlong into sex ed together.

  


Later on the train home they stared at each other but said nothing. At home they bathed together like always, even though their lanky frames were too big to fit comfortably in the tub. They dressed in shorts now to sleep instead of shirts.

Sitting on the bed passing a joint they heard their Da come in with a woman. Reno and Axel looked at one another. _Where the fuck would they hide now?_ They turned their eyes to the closet and dreaded trying to sleep curled up inside as they were growing to be quite tall like their Da. Ruari banged on the door and kicked it open, holding the woman by the waist. They looked at him with identical expressions of surprise.

 “Guess what I heard at the bar, boys?”

They looked at each other and back at him and said, “What?”

“Don’t play dumb now! I know where ye spent tha afternoon!” They looked at each other again and stared before slowly turning back to him.

“Well don’t just sit there- we gotta celebrate! Come on in here and sit down with the missus and your old man.”

There was no more hiding in the closet after that. They could bring girls home if they wanted and the very first chance he got, Axel looked up Myra St. George. She was waiting when they got out of school, and Reno peeked through the door while Axel got what he had waited on for 5 years. They were in high school now and still younger than their peers, but no longer subjected to bullying. They were respected and feared and that’s just how they liked it.

  
  


Axel was back in sector two holding a junkie against an aging building searching his pockets. As the twins matured, the speed and accuracy with which they could rob people was mind-bending. They were the most effective cons under plate as most people outside of their home sector still believed that there was only one red haired thief. Axel extracted, sifted through, and assessed the contents of the junkie’s pockets and in seconds had tossed most of it on the ground while pocketing the drugs and money.

"Hey schoolboy, you ever try it?" The junkie asked as Axel’s eyes flashed over his body.

Deciding that he was probably referring to the drugs, Axel cocked his head to the side, rolled his eyes and kneed the guy in the balls. As the man writhed in pain, Axel further relieved him of his watch and cell phone, and left him in a heap. His work done, he set out to find his brother at the whorehouse and have a drink while he waited.

"Thanks for waitin, yo." Reno said as he approached. Axel nodded and stood to leave. "Aren't you gonna have a visit with tha girls, Runt?"

"Nah, not tonight. I just wanna... I'm good." Axel said and Reno raised his head up to look at his eyes.

"Are you high?"

"No, I just wanna go home." Axel said quietly, obviously struggling with something.

"No problem...is it the rabbits again?" Axel's delusions had become worse and Reno knew it. He would get lost and do things without remembering. He forgot a lot of things and people, especially dead ones. Reno had been doing damage control but when Axel strayed between sectors and got lost, he was harder and harder to keep up with. Hoping to ease his mind, Reno opened his backpack "Hey I got ya somethin. I know how much ya love the computers at school yo, so I scored ya a nice laptop."

Axel started to cry silently. He had a way of crying that was absolutely heartbreaking. Unlike Reno, who simply didn’t cry at all, Axel would let the tears stream from his eyes while, aside from looking like a lost puppy, made no other sound or expression. He looked at Reno with tears running down his cheeks. "I'm sorry…I."

"Did ya forget somethin, Runt?" Reno asked concerned.

"There was a guy and he had some junk and I ... Reno I don't know what... Reno?"

He hugged his brother at a loss for anything else to do. He comforted him at the bar and then ushered him home. Ruari was drunk as usual, and the twins managed to get to their room without an altercation. As soon as the door was closed Axel started shedding clothes and crawled into bed crying again. Reno undressed quickly and snuggled in with him petting his hair. "Please tell me what's wrong. Tell me what yer thinkin, yo."

"I don't ...Reno what's wrong with me??"

"I donno but Imma fix it, ok." Reno had no idea what was going on in his twin's head but he was determined to figure it out. He tried to make Axel stop crying with no luck. Axel was literally wrapped around him arms and legs bawling like a baby.

"Sshhhh" Reno said quietly then he started to sing the lullaby their grandmother used to sing to them. Axel quieted almost immediately and started to relax. Reno kissed his cheek and saw him smile- that was a win in his opinion.

"That guy that had the junk...He was um...nice." Axel whispered. Reno was puzzled but he knew Axel- there was more to his story.

"Nice um lookin…" Axel cleared his throat gently. There it was. He was attracted to a guy and it freaked him out. Reno had known that he was attracted to both men and women for a while but he could take things like that in stride. Axel took no change well.

"That's ok, Runt. I like some guys too."

"You do?" Axel looked up at him with red eyes.

"Sure. If someone is beautiful, it don't matter ta me if it's a guy or not. I mean why should it, yanno?" Reno reasoned. Axel nodded. "Tell me about ‘im." Reno smiled.

"He had black hair and really great tattoos...He was prolly about 20 and he was kinda... I donno... I feel stupid." Axel laughed.

"Don't. I'll tell you about the first guy I was with, yo." Reno offered.

"The first? You mean there's been more than one? And you fucked ‘em?" Axel was astounded. Reno always seemed like the big brother even though they were twins. He took ass whippings for Axel and tried to help him when he lost time, he beat up bigger kids for calling him a nutter- Reno was first and best at everything in Axel’s opinion.

"The first was a guy I met at The Honey Bee, he works there... He was nice ta me and showed me a lotta new stuff, yo." Reno laughed. "This _is_ kinda weird, talkin about..."

"But I donno how ta be with a guy." Axel said. "All the girls at Don's say stuff about us...they say we..."

"I know what they say." Reno stopped him. "Next time we go, ya want me ta introduce ya?"

"Yes..." Axel whispered then he flipped over with his back to Reno.

He spooned up to him and whispered, "What's wrong now?"

Axel mumbled. “…talkin bout it makes me…

Reno laughed in his ear "Poor Runt" then he wrapped his arms around Axel's waist squeezing him close. Axel bit his lip, scooted away to roll over again facing Reno, and then kissed him. "You take good care of me, Reno." He kissed him again, lips lingering.

Feeling Reno's hand in his hair, he turned to kiss his wrist and when he started to pull it away, Axel grabbed it, kissing the palm. Reno turned his face and kissed him deeply, as he reached down to touch him. Axel gasped in surprise but didn’t hesitate to do the same and shivered before scooting closer. "Is this bad?" he panted out.

"No." Reno assured him.

"Reno...show me?" he whispered. Reno hummed and grasped his hips, pulling their bodies flush together, then wrapped his hand around both their erections. Axel covered Reno's hand with his own and squeezed. There was no need for words when they reached their end. They held each other tightly and spilled between sweaty bodies as they continued to kiss and stroke each other's hair.

"I love ya, Runt." Reno spoke once his breath became more even.

"I love you too."

The Sinclair twins shared everything. They didn’t concern themselves with whether or not they had friends, or girlfriends, or boyfriends because they didn’t need any; they had each other.

  


A few weeks later after discussing and deciding that what happened between them was above God’s judgement, they cooked up a plan to torture the lecherous old priest that took every opportunity to grope and fondle them since they became altar boys years earlier. One day after school at mass, Father Liam kept looking at them strangely. They both noticed but didn't say anything, just waited.

"Boys," he said after mass that evening, "I would like to have you stay over and help me with some things if you don't mind."

"Yes Father." They said but soon they figured out that he just wanted to change some things on the altar and really didn't need them at all. They gave each other the look.

"Father Liam?" Axel said in his most vulnerable sounding voice.

"Yes, son?" The old priest asked as he watched the boys work.

"Can I have confession here? Or do I have to sit in the confessional? I mean it's just us and Reno. He knows everything about me anyway."

The priest looked intrigued and said, "Well I guess it would be alright, Axel."

He dropped to his knees and clasped his hands. "Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. It's been a week since my last confession."

The priest watched him quietly then touched his hair as if he was afraid. "What is your sin?"

Reno had approached his kneeling brother and joined him, looking very humble to the priest's surprise. He held the rosary he wore that Grandmother had given them to share.

Axel spoke quietly while Reno peeked to see how the old man would react. "I...I touched my brother in a sexual way."

Reno watched as the old priest turned red and then white and then red again. He scooted closer to Axel while they remained on their knees.

"And I kissed him." Axel said chewing his lip. Reno was about to giggle watching the old man squirm.

"And I let him touch me back." Axel added.

The priest put his hands to his face then reached to touch Axel's hair again and said, "Are you sorry for your sins?"

Axel kept his head bowed and shook it slightly "No...I know it's a sin but..." Reno reached over and took Axel’s hand. Axel continued, “But I love my brother…and when we touch each other…”

The old priest was shaking and interrupted, “Maybe what you have done isn’t a sin, son. Maybe you need to better explain your actions…”

Reno was about to chew his lips off to keep from smiling. Axel squeezed his hand letting him know he felt the same way. It was hard to keep the tremor out of his voice as he said, “I can show you and then you can decide if it’s a sin or not, ok Father?”

They opened their eyes as they heard the scrape of a chair across the carpet. The old priest sat down. Reno secretly hoped he didn’t have a heart attack while Axel prayed to all the saints that he did.

Axel turned to his twin and kissed him lightly then looked at the priest sadly. Axel, when he was lucid, had an amazing gift for schooling his expressions. Reno always said he should be an actor. Reno himself didn’t have the patience for acting; his temper always got the best of him.

“I don’t believe that is a sin, my son.” The priest said in a shaky voice. “You love your brother, as you should, and showing that you love him in that way- while not conventional is acceptable as long as there is no lust in your heart.”

Axel looked at the priest and mouthed the words _lust in my heart_ then whispered, “I don’t have a heart.”

Reno looked at him questioningly. This wasn’t a good sign. When Axel started to wander off mentally, things got unpredictable fast.

He turned to Reno and winked where the priest couldn’t see and Reno was at ease, then he kissed him again. They released their hands that had been clasped to embrace each other. Axel deepened the kiss as Reno grabbed his ass jerking him close. The priest gasped and began to pray.

Axel caressed Reno’s cheek as he broke the kiss and before the old man could react to this last transgression they tugged each other’s hair loose from the ponytails they were required to wear for mass. The priest stuttered in his prayer as Axel pulled Reno’s head back by his hair and began kissing and biting his neck. They touched one another as the priest watched until, in a rustle of fabric he fled to his office.

They looked at the empty chair and giggled quietly. They lingered briefly in case the old man had anything to say before they left… _penance maybe?_ Nothing.

Outside the church they cackled as they trotted down the street. “I’m sick of this shit yo. Let’s quit.”

“K” Axel said snickering.

“Dammit Runt!”

“Sorry” he giggled and started skipping. “Hey Reno, how much longer til we can move out?”

“It might be a while yo. I got a connection now, but I’m still building a clientele yanno.” Reno lit a cigarette and gave it to his brother then lit his own. “Have you seen Tseng anymore?”

“Not lately. He still thinks we’re the same person.” Axel laughed like a fool.

Reno nodded but didn’t laugh because he knew the Turks were no joke. Everything was a joke to Axel - he truly didn’t care if he lived or died.

Reno definitely wanted to live. He couldn’t really blame the Runt for being reckless. He didn’t even have control over who he was going to be every day so why should he take life seriously. There was a sad vulnerable Axel, a jester Axel who couldn’t be serious, a pissed off Axel who liked to fight, and a quiet Axel who only wanted to watch people die.

Reno watched his brother skip ahead of him and swing around a street lamp, and wondered if he would ever be a whole person, or just disconnected pieces jumbled together.

At home they changed their clothes and grabbed their bags. The days of changing at Don’s were over because their clothes took up too much room in their bags that could be used for more important things. Axel watched Reno empty the drugs into his bag. “Leave me some.”

Reno looked at him for a moment making sure he had heard correctly. “Since when do you use this shit?”

“Since I smoke it with the dealer in sector 3.” Axel mumbled.

“Smoke it is all you better do. If I catch ya with a needle in yer arm, we’re gonna have a problem yo. And I’ll kill yer fuckin _dealer in sector 3_.” Reno spat and Axel looked hurt.

Reno went to him and kissed him and held him, whispering. “I love ya Runt but junkies die. I don’t want that to happen to ya. I couldn’t live without ya.” He kissed him again and let him go.

  


Their grandmother used to have a saying… _talkin up a ghost_. If you talked about someone and they mysteriously showed up after a long absence or if you talked about a dead person and then found something of theirs; that was what she said.

The Sinclair twins must have talked up a Turk. As Reno walked the streets of sector 6 peddling heroin, he walked parallel to him in the shadows across the street, watching and taking photos.

He watched the redhead sell the last of his wares and check his watch before heading for the train. Over the years he had seen this kid go from pick pocket to murderer. It didn’t take long in the slums. He had to have a plan; he was too smart not to.

This little self-proclaimed Nobody had become Tseng’s pet project that he began pursuing on his off days…many years ago. He saw the kid everywhere and was amused at how sometimes he would skip like grade-schooler and other times he had the swagger of a seasoned killer.

The people that he killed were all junkies or other drug dealers or worse, so he didn’t make a fuss; ShinRa wasn’t concerned with crime in the slums. Don Corneo ran the slums and he didn’t concern himself with anything unless it cut into his profit.

Wandering around in sector 5, Axel went into the old church to sit down. It was the only church he liked. It was old and run-down but he found peace there. He lay on a pew and put his head on his bag and stared at the bottom of plate through a gaping hole in the roof. He wanted to go up there. He wanted to see the sky and feel the rain.

Sometimes he and Reno would go over to sector 8 where plate was never completed, just to see the sky. Hearing footsteps inside the church he sat up as quietly as he could and squinted into the darkness. The shadows moved like they were alive, and in the back of his mind Axel knew he wasn’t going to remember any of it… and then a black bunny hopped by.

  


“Hello again.” Tseng said as they waited on the train.

“S’up?” Reno said lighting a smoke. Tseng lit up as well and looked suspiciously at Reno’s bag. Reno watched Tseng’s eyes as well as his hands, standing at a comfortable distance but holding a relaxed posture. _He’s good_ , Tseng thought.

“So what brings the Turks to the slums?” Reno asked.

“I was just out for a walk.” Tseng said, “Visiting.”

Reno nodded, “Late for visitin, ain’t it?”

Tseng chuckled, “I feel we have had this conversation once before.”

Reno thought of Axel and figured he would play along. “Yeah I think we have.”

“What is it that you want to do with your life when you are done peddling drugs and leaving bodies in alleys?”

Reno looked at Tseng through the smoke from his cigarette and smiled. “I wanna be a Turk, yo.”

Tseng smiled broadly and nodded. “Good answer. You are quite the joker.”

Reno thought to himself, _no that’s my brother_. “I can be. But seriously, I just want a better life…up there.” He pointed to the underside of the plate.

The train pulled up and they boarded together. Reno sat right beside Tseng and the other train passengers left the car. Nobody in the slums got cozy with the Turks. The only thing you got with a Turk was killed or arrested. Tseng glanced at Reno as if to say in his monotone _you are in my space_. Reno smiled like a Cheshire cat but didn’t budge then brushed his hand against Tseng’s knee. Tseng looked at him sternly and said, “Please do not touch me.”

Reno moved his hand a little higher, hovering briefly and Tseng immediately pushed it away. “This is not a game. I do not wish to harm you but if you continue to touch me, I will.”

“Sorry” Reno said smirking, and was obviously not.

“I do not believe that.” Tseng said.

“I do not care what you believe.” Reno giggled.

“I am warning you kid, mocking a Turk is unwise.” Tseng snapped as he watched Reno’s focus shift to something outside the train, then stood abruptly. “It’s been real yo, but I gotta bail on ya. Until next time!”

He blew Tseng a kiss as he hit the emergency stop and got off the train in sector 5 because he had seen a familiar flash of red as the train sped through the night. Tseng was tempted to follow him but he was tired and he had work early the next day so he remained in his seat. Whoever died in the slums this night would probably deserve it anyway.

In sector 5 Reno followed Axel who seemed to be burdened with something heavy. He knew his brother wasn’t himself and the worst thing he could do was startle him; he would be chasing him the rest of the night.

Following him into an alley near the old church, he saw Axel sit down on the filthy pavement beside a body. Reno groaned internally as he wondered what he had gone to get before returning to the dead body… and why was he taking great care to do something to it?

He called his name and got no response so he moved closer and tried again. This time Axel stopped and looked slowly over his shoulder. “Glad you’re here. Can you help me with this?”

Reno approached to see his brother’s handiwork. Axel had taken the man’s insides out and was stuffing him with rocks. Kneeling beside him, he put a couple rocks inside the gutted corpse. “Why are we doin this, Runt?”

“Cause he’s the wolf, Reno…the one that ate the baby goats…” Axel said as he stuffed in more rocks stretching the skin of the dead man’s torso. He was obviously thinking of an old fairy tale and Reno was struggling between his need to help his brother and his need to vomit.

“That’s enough Runt. Let’s get goin before someone sees this.” Reno said as he stood when he noticed the man’s eyes were gone. “What ya do with his eyes, yo?”

Axel looked at the man’s face and scratched his head, patted his pockets then mumbled, “I ate…them…”

Reno winced as he stifled a gag. “We need ta get ya cleaned up, yo. Let’s go to the Don’s place before we head home.” He said with a shudder.

“K” Axel smiled knowing Reno hated it.

Reno sighed and took his hand, wet with blood and rough with grit, and led him down the street in the shadows. “So what did ya do with the other stuff you took outta tha wolf, yo?”

“I left it for the man in the church…I mean he didn’t see me. I didn’t wanna bother him cause he was cryin and talkin. I think he was crazy, Reno…or maybe prayin…same thing…same thing...same.” Axel said as he swung his free arm and flopped his hand as he explained.

“What did this man look like?” Reno asked curiously.

“He was _beautiful,_ Reno. He looked like an angel, a sad angel. His hair was yellow and spikey and he had a wolf head on his SOLDIER armor…so when I saw the wolf in the alley, I killed it for him…and the rocks were…the rocks were so he can’t come back…but if he does…” Axel rambled.

“You said somethin about baby goats yo. Where did they go?” Reno wondered, hoping the baby goats were some of Axel’s hallucinations and not some kid running around somewhere.

“They went with the bunnies…bunnies.” Axel mumbled as they walked then he began rubbing his face with his bloody hand. Reno didn’t know who this poor sad SOLDIER was but hoped he didn’t freak out when a found the pile of innards in his place of worship. Bless his brother’s crazy ass.

After stopping at Baba’s they entered the brothel through the back out of necessity. Reno had borrowed a blanket to wrap around Axel just to get him there because he was drenched in blood. The girls sent them straight to the shower and brought in clean towels and clothes for them both.

Inside under the fluorescents of the bathroom, Axel started to come around. “I’m cold, Reno.” He said, teeth chattering.

“We’re gonna get a nice hot shower yo. Just help me get ya outta these clothes.”

“What happened? Did I fall...or…swim in shit…what is this?” Axel winced in the light of the bathroom like he had just woken up.

“Yeah you fell baby, now get in there ok. Get under tha shower and rinse yer hair.” Reno said as he stuffed their clothes into a trash bag after searching Axel’s pockets and finding more heroin.

In the shower they shampooed each other’s hair and began washing away the grime and blood. Axel’s arms hung limply at his sides while Reno scrubbed. “Reno?”

“Yeah Runt?”

“What day is it?”

“It’s still Friday…it’s night time.”

Axel was silent. Reno looked up at his face and Axel was watching him with a blank stare and dead eyes. “I’m tired of this.” He said finally, then nuzzled Reno’s cheek and kissed it. “I love you but I’m so tired.”

Reno knew he was in trouble. He needed to get his twin to a good shrink and get him medicated so he could have a life…but all that stuff was above plate. They were just 16 and that stuff was still a ways off. Reno kissed Axel and held him as whispered, “Don’t leave me, Runt.”

Axel dropped his head and nodded as if he had been given a life sentence without a chance for parole. They put their chins on each other’s shoulders and stood under the hot spray.

“You guys wanna stay here tonight?” A voice asked form outside the shower.

They poked their heads out and there were three ladies holding robes for them smiling. They looked at one another from opposite ends of the shower curtain and smiled. “Yes.”

The night had plenty of distractions and they were in a much better mood by morning. Waking up in a mess of beautiful limbs but still clinging to each other was to become the norm for them.

They talked the next day about getting their own place and getting Axel some help. If they worked hard they could have the money in a year. Reno could take a few jobs for Don Corneo, and Axel could help with Dirty Sal’s porn business. They already got money from Reno’s pushing and Axel’s computer and electronics repair that he did from their Da’s apartment. With both of them having a second job, things would move a lot faster…as long as nothing catastrophic happened.

  


Nine months into the hard work and saving, something catastrophic happened. Reno lost Axel one night and didn’t find him for almost a week. When he did, he was strung out and filthy, lying in a bar bathroom. “Come on Runt, time to go home.”

Axel looked up at him with dead eyes and said, “I jus wanna diiiee.”

“Not an option, yo.” Reno hoisted him over his shoulder and headed home. He knew that Axel had been using heroin but he didn’t know how much Axel loved it. He was so worried about his psychosis that he didn’t entertain the fact that he was also becoming a junkie. Reno knew all about junkies. Junkies died.

Thanking the Father that their Da was out, Reno took him inside and cleaned him up. Unbeknownst to Reno, Axel had encountered Tseng on his week-long bender. The Turk had followed him here and there before deciding that he was just another junkie lost to the slums, and said goodbye.

Axel didn’t remember much of what he had done, and within 24 hours of his rescue couldn’t do anything but scream in pain from withdrawal. He had puked on every scrap of bed linen they owned and Reno was trying to keep him still and quiet as their Da came home.

“What the fuck ir you two doin in there?” Ruari kicked the door open to see the boys on the bed. Reno was pinning Axel down and trying to cover his mouth as he squirmed and screamed.

He grabbed Reno by the hair and jerked him off Axel and onto the floor where he began kicking his ribs. Reno cried out and tried to protect his ribs and get Ruari loose from his hair at the same time. Axel curled into a ball shivering on the bed and started retching again.

Ruari dragged Reno from the room kicking him and punching at his face. Since childhood Reno instinctively covered his mouth to try and protect his teeth but that left everything else open. Ruari knew this and took advantage of it as he dragged him down the stairs, beating him and out onto the street where he pulled a bottle from his pocket.

Reno tried to stand but his father still held his hair and jerked him back down, kicking him again and again until he stopped moving. His ears were ringing and his vision was blurry but he could feel something wet splashing over his battered ribs. _Great, he’s pissin on me_ Reno thought as he tried to focus on freeing himself.

Then suddenly there was heat and he started to scream. He was literally on fire. His father released his hair so as not to get burned and walked back into the building.

When Ruari Sinclair was back inside, people ran over to extinguish the flames but the damage was done. Reno had horrible burns on his ribs and hip that needed to be tended immediately but all he could think about was Axel. _What’s Da gonna to do to Axel?_

He struggled with the people trying to help him until he heard Baba say, “Settle down boy. What’s done is done. Let me take care of you and then I’ll see to your brother.”

Reno calmed and let his neighbors help him to Baba’s shop where she also lived. She put him in the back on a cot and called for the doctor. The slum doctor was a hack but he was as close as you were going to get to medical help beneath plate.

  


Back at the apartment, Ruari returned to the bedroom where Axel was lying in a puddle of his own vomit on the bare mattress. “I know what’s wrong with ye. Yer a fuckin junkie! Yer brother was tryin ta cover fer ye. Well, I don want ye here no more. Nary one of ye. Sa get out and take yer shite with ye. I said get out boy!” he yelled as he grabbed Axel’s hair and punched his face repeatedly.

The beating brought Axel to life, one of him, and Ruari didn’t expect it. Axel crawled off the bed ripping his hair away and leaving a handful in his father’s fist. He picked up Reno’s bag, got the gun and started laughing hysterically as Ruari reassessed his situation.

“You’re done beatin us, old man.” Axel pointed the gun at his father’s face. His eyes glittered with rage as Ruari started to back out of the room slowly. “The only reason I haven’t pulled this fuckin trigger is cause Reno told me I couldna kill ya…when we were 9…in August…on a GODDAMN THURSDAY NIGHT!”

“I want ye out when I get back.” Ruari said once more as he picked up his coat.

Axel was trembling all over and when the door closed he collapsed. He needed to find Reno. Knowing that his brother would be looking for him too if he was able, he wiped the vomit off his face and left for Baba’s place…no shirt, no shoes, and Reno’s gun in his jeans.

  


Baba ushered him in and told him what had happened to Reno. Axel wailed and cried when he saw his twin. “Let me kill him Reno! Pleeease!!” Axel began tearing at his hair and panting as he mumbled “…let ussss…let uss kill him…”

“You’ll go ta prison, Runt…and I’ll die or go in with ya. That’s not our plan, yo.” Reno spoke from the cot where he lay with gauze over his burns.

Axel went still and blinked, looking down at Reno repeating quietly, “That’s not our plan.”

  


Axel took over Reno’s pushing until he was well enough to get around and they stayed at the shop. The old woman loved having them and was sad when they told her they had found an apartment they could afford. “Who will look after you two?”

“We’re 16 and accordin to these new ID’s that Axel got us, we’re 18 yo.” Reno laughed. “We’ll be ok Baba, and I promise we’ll visit.”

They moved to their apartment with their few belongings. Their reputation preceded them so neighbors warmed up to them quickly and soon they could trade favors for an odd piece of furniture or a home cooked meal. One lady neighbor would come over when her husband was at work and do their laundry…and fuck Reno.

Another lady who lived in the building across the alley always left her curtains open. She got a surprise one day when Axel knocked at her door. She had been undressing for him and Reno nightly and they noticed that there was never a husband around, only a kid. One afternoon while her kid was out playing, Axel trotted over and knocked. She answered the door a little embarrassed to see the redhead face to face, leaning on her door frame smoking.

“Hi neighbor.” He said around his cigarette with a smile, then scooped her up and stepped inside her apartment, kicking the door shut. He fucked her into her mattress, much to Reno’s delight who was watching from their window across the alley.

One evening they were in Wall Market at the tattoo shop. The owner, an old man who loved the boys, was heart-broken when he heard what Ruari had done to Reno and offered him a free tattoo to cover his scars- a beautiful red phoenix. All the kids in slums began calling him phoenix because of it, and the redheads became infamous.

“Jiji!” they yelled as they entered and the patrons inside waiting all smiled and nodded to them.

The old man came out looking worried. “What are you boys getting into now?”

They laughed, “Nothin…yet. Just wanted ta let ya know we’re goin up next week. If ya need anything we can get it while we’re there yo. We already checked with Baba.”

“I don’t need anything except for you both to come back safely.” The old man said. “What takes you boys to the top anyway?”

“Axel needs ta see a doctor yo, a real one…and we’re applyin for some universities.” Reno bragged.

The old man came around the counter and hugged them. “I’m so proud of you both! We must celebrate when you return.”

“We will” Axel said as he hugged the old man back.

  


Later that same night they were hanging around a street lamp in sector 7 when a familiar face popped out of the shadows. “Busted” Axel hissed.

Tseng stood looking at the two of them for a moment before he spoke. “All these years…there were two of you…all this time.”

They looked at each other and said in unison, “We get that a lot.”

The Turk was not amused as he stared them down. “I guess you two think you have played me for a fool.”

“Not at all, Turkey.” Axel snarked and Reno hissed, knowing his brother was dancing on a landmine. That was Axel though, he didn’t care.

Tseng smiled at them and said quietly, “Very well…I will not mistake you two ever again. Goodnight.” He strolled away toward the train station.

The twins shrugged and went about their business of selling drugs. They had started going out together after the burning incident. Axel refused to let Reno out of his sight and Reno was relieved because it made Axel much easier to keep up with.

When they finally got home and crashed, they slept like the dead. The next night as they walked to the train they met the usual crowd at the platform where a guy in a long coat managed to bump into both of them. They were a little irritated but he was polite so they let it go. The next memory they had was waking up on said train platform, propped on each other back to back.

Turning around and looking each other over, they reached out to touch one another’s face. “What the fuck…” Axel said.

“What the hell?” Reno hissed as he touched his twin’s face. “You have tattoos…”

“So do you…” Axel said and then in unison, “on yer face.”

Looking around them for clues as to what happened they realized they had notes pinned to their jackets like their grandmother did when they were in kindergarten. They ripped them free and read them while still sitting on their asses on the platform as people veered around them on their way to or from the train.

Axel’s read: “You were the unpredictable one. Your marks indicate that you are like a jester and nothing is what it seems.”

Reno’s read: “You were the one always watching. Your marks indicate that your eyes are always open.”

They looked each other once again and said “Tseng”

Hurrying home to a mirror, they forgot all about the fact that they had been drugged and dragged all over Midgar in the night.

“That’s fuckin awesome!” Reno said as he saw his tattoos. They were red like his phoenix tattoo and sat high on his cheekbones.

Axel just stared at his for a moment then looked at his brother sadly. “I look like a clown…” Then he burst out laughing like a mad man. “This is cool as fuck!”

  


The next week when they hopped off the train on top of plate they had the address for a doctor and the University. The shrink was definitely their first stop. He listened to Axel and Reno’s account of Axel’s behavior and timeline of his symptoms, and since they were paying cash he started Axel on some medications immediately and gave them a number to call in case of emergency. He had a contact who regularly delivered medications to the slums to those who could afford them.

They left and headed for the registrar’s office at Midgar U. They were stared at and a few people whispered about their tattoos as they made their way to the office to wait but they paid it very little attention. Once inside they presented the staff with their paperwork.

After conversing amongst themselves they asked if they could re-test the boys. Reno and Axel agreed and set up a date for the same day as Axel’s next appointment with his shrink. As they did a little shopping, they kept seeing the same suit over and over on different people… _Turks_. They were being watched.

Axel’s cell rang and he answered the unknown number. “Yep”

“I can see that your new tattoos are healing nicely.” The voice said.

He turned to Reno grinning. “It’s our buddy, Tseng!”

Reno cackled as they walked through the crowded streets of Midgar.

“Say Tseng, next time ya wanna fondle us, we’d rather be awake for it.” Axel heard laughter in the background before Tseng could answer so he assumed this was some sort of _Turkey conference call_.

“I will see to it you are left in a more uncomfortable position if I have to apprehend you again.” Tseng said curtly.

“I get it, I get it.” Axel giggled. “Thanks though for the boss tats. We’re already notorious in the slums, this just adds to our charm.”

Reno snickered as Axel passed him the phone. “Tseng! I do appreciate that you made sure my ink matched, yo. It was a nice touch.”

“You _are_ the phoenix- I would like to make you an offer. Your Nobody will have the same employment opportunity as you, if you wish.”

“I do not wish, yo. He needs stability and I think college can give him that better than life as a Turk.” Reno glanced at Axel sadly.

“We understand your concern. We have already spoken with his doctor.”

Reno checked his watch and thought, _damn they move fast._

“If you agree to join us, he will be well taken care of. The best doctors and if need be, supervision…and of course we will take care of any costs.”

Reno perked up; _a better life for Runt and I get to be a Turk_. His life couldn’t get better… _could it_? He was afraid to look past what he was being offered. “Lemme talk to ‘im first.”

Axel was eating candy and people-watching while he waited for Reno to finish talking. He saw something small and black hopping in the crowd and started to follow. Reno watched him wander around briefly and said, “Look yo, I got my hands full at the moment. Gimme a day or two.”

“That is acceptable. If we haven’t heard from you in two days, you will be hearing from us.” The line went dead and he ran Axel down and guided him to the train station.

  


Back at home Axel took one of his new pills and they started making dinner. Their apartment wasn’t as shitty as Da’s so they kept food in the house to cook. Axel had bought Reno an apron that had chilies all over it, and the words ‘Hot Stuff’.  He made Axel’s favorite, and they sat to eat.

“So Tseng kinda made me an offer on tha phone yo.” Reno began feeling him out.

“Like a job?” Axel slurped down the homemade spaghetti sauce.

“Yeah, a job…but the thing is, I told him I wouldn’t do anything that wasn’t ok with you.”

Axel mulled it over and asked, “Would you still live here?”

“I guess yo, once I’m done with trainin…but Turks travel so I would be going outta town some.”

Axel looked a little nervous at the prospect of being without Reno but he couldn’t hold his brother back. “Will this be like now or…”

“When we get you squared away with college, yo.” Reno said as he chewed a piece of garlic bread.

“Yeah that’s right, I’ll be…goin away from …” Axel nodded his head. “That’s good Reno. You take that job and be a Turk. I’ll go to college and we can stay together when we’re both home.”

“Sounds like a new plan, Runt!” Reno sounded happy but still watched his twin for signs of distress.

They cleaned their mess and showered before bed. They both thought about what it would be like to be apart for days and nights and both were apprehensive, but they knew that things had to change to get better. Things changed when they got their own place and that turned out well…this would too. When they snuggled into bed together Axel kissed Reno and whispered, “I love you.”

Reno returned the kiss warmly. “I love ya too. I’m gonna miss this, yo.” He kissed him again and Axel settled his forehead against Reno’s chest like he had for as long as he could remember. The next day, Reno called Tseng and accepted his offer.

  


Time seemed to fly by after they finalized their new plan. Reno wanted to give Axel a big send-off party for college but Axel had asked him not to. He was nervous, and didn’t want a big deal to be made. The new medicated version of Axel was a bit more down-to-earth, but not a lot. He still sang and danced in the street sometimes, he still wore his hair in pigtails when he slipped into one of his others, but he didn’t disappear for days and he tended to recall nearly everything.

Reno would be leaving for training in a few days and Axel would be on his own for the summer unless he came home early. He spent some time reminiscing about the happier times he had spent in his youth, like their high school graduation where they shared the honor of valedictorian and spoke their entire speech in unison while their Baba and Jiji watched proudly.

The following Monday, he was gone and Axel was staring at the walls. The first week, he didn’t sleep at all. The second week he was delusional despite his meds, so he called his doctor. The doctor said he would send him something, which he did but not soon enough…

Axel had picked up his gun and tucked it in his waistband, and decided to go for a walk- the quiet apartment was a mocking reminder that his twin was away. He ended up in sector 6 talking to one of Reno’s old contacts and after telling him about the insomnia, the guy offered him some help. He accepted the pills and a little junk for later, then walked back home and went to bed.

Reno freaked out when he stopped hearing from his brother. After giving it some thought and talking to some of the other recruits, he decided it must be some kind of ploy by the Turks. It was probably a test to see how well he could deal with stress. Pushing it to the back of his mind, he continued to excel in his training and become an immediate favorite of Rufus ShinRa.

  


Arriving home after a few months to make sure Axel was ready to go off to college, what he found was a nightmare. Axel was strung out and there were people actually living there with him who Reno didn’t know. It only took the new Turk a few minutes to have the apartment cleared of strangers and their belongings, then he took a long look at his sleeping brother.

Through all the noise of throwing out the squatters, he slept on. He was pale and thin, hair dirty, and arms covered in bruises and sores where he had picked at his needle marks. Reno took a photo then hoisted his brother over his shoulder and walked out.

On the way to the train station he called for a car to meet him at the station up top. He stopped by their Baba and borrowed a clean blanket to cover his sleeping brother who drooped over his shoulder like a rag doll. By the time the train reached the upper station, the car was waiting to take Axel to a detox and rehab center. Reno walked in and got the respect his uniform warranted.

The orderlies took Axel to the medical wing and assured Reno that he would have a private room and the best care. Reno thanked them assured them that if he wasn’t satisfied with his twin’s care, they would know.

  


Back in the slums, he went inside his and Axel’s apartment and cleaned until dusk. He grabbed a bite to eat from a street vendor on his way to sector 6. If anyone knew how Axel got in this kind of shape it would be one of the guys there.

He strolled down the streets looking for his old contacts, his relaxed gait masking his inner rage. Up ahead a guy waved from the corner. _Bingo_ , Reno thought. He waved a finger in reply. When he stopped to talk, the guy had just finished selling to a girl who couldn’t have been more than 12.

“They’re getting younger and younger, yo.” Reno observed and noted the direction that the girl took when she left. “Yanno I saw Nobody before I came down this way. He’s a mess yo.”

“Yeah he told Ronnie he was havin some trouble sleepin so he hooked him up with somethin…not sure what though. That was months ago.” The guy said flatly.

Reno nodded, “Yeah, so where is Ronnie? I need ta catch up with him anyway.”

The dealer looked at Reno warily. “Uhh look I wasn’t rattin my brother out. I know yer a Turk now and all but we was just talkin, man…”

Reno started lighting a cigarette as he nodded, “I get it, I get it. Look I just wanna know where he is and we’re just two guys talkin. Now, you can tell me and live or you can keep yer mouth shut and die.” Reno checked his watch and looked back at the dealer. “Yer runnin outta time, yo. Decide.”

The dealer ultimately decided to live…sort of. “Ronnie’s down on 22nd every night about this time.”

“Thanks” Reno said as he shoved the barrel of his Colt under his chin and pulled the trigger, spraying the dealer’s brain matter on the street lamp they stood under.

He stepped back letting the body fall to the sidewalk. Taking out a handkerchief to wipe spatter off his face and then his gun he mumbled at the guy’s dead body… “I said I’d let ya live…I didn’t say for how long, yo.”

Strolling down 22nd he approached Ronnie smiling. “Just got back yo. How’s everything?”

Ronnie grinned, “Great man! Good to see ya. How’s it feel to be a Turk?”

“Great actually.” Reno said with a smirk.

“Yanno I was tellin the guys …they were sayin you would come down here and bust us all but I said no way… he survived this place an he knows how hard it is…he ain’t like that…  So can I hook ya up with somethin? On the house!”

Reno nodded. “Sure but not here, got a reputation to uphold and all now.”

Ronnie was happy to give the Turk some good drugs…that was like insurance. “Step into my office.” He chuckled as he walked into a nearby alley. Reno lit another smoke and followed, hands in his pockets.

Ronnie started to dig through his backpack as he asked Reno what he was in the mood for. Reno took a long drag off his cigarette and blew the smoke toward the opening of the alley and said, “How bout some of what ya been sellin my brother yo.”

Ronnie looked up to see the familiar smirk at the other end of the same Colt 1911 that he had been carrying since he found it, but now all newly chromed, engraved, and shiny.

“I-I-I…”

“That’s exactly what I thought you’d say yo. What ya got in there?” Reno said as he snatched the bag from the dealer’s limp arms. Dumping the contents onto the ground, he shuffled through it with the toe of his boot. “Niiiice.”

Ronnie was shaking and looking around for his chance to bolt. Reno noticed but didn’t say anything. _Let him have his moment of hope_ , he thought. When Ronnie felt he was distracted enough, he tried to make a run for it only to realize that while Reno was raking through the drugs with his foot, he had taken hold of his coat with his free hand. Reno cocked his head to the side as the fabric jerked and said, “Goin somewhere?”

Ronnie shook his head no and stood still. Reno nodded, “Yeah, I think you are goin somewhere. Get yer ass to the back. We’re gonna talk about my brother.”

At the end of the alley Reno sat down on an old packing crate and waved his gun. “Have a seat yo. I’ve had long fuckin day.”

Ronnie sat and waited on the inevitable. “Fer what it’s worth man I didn’t know that Nobody was gonna get strung out like that. I mean I thought he could handle his shit yanno. I didn’t know he couldn’t do it without you.”

Reno nodded. “Me neither man. Yanno he’s goin off ta college in a couple weeks…well as soon as he’s outta rehab.”

“He’s in rehab? That’s great and college…wow. Ya don’t hear that down here yanno.” Ronnie said as he started to relax. Maybe he had overreacted, the dealer thought.

“I know. I’m proud of im.” Reno said as he flicked his butt into the filth. “Ok, you ready?”

Ronnie’s eyes got huge. “Ready fer what man?”

Reno stood and wiped off the barrel of his gun. “To die, yo. Surely ya didn’t think I’d let ya live. That’s my _brother_ , _my blood,_ and you knew he was strung out and still kept takin his money. I know how shit works down here, like you said. I used ta be where you are, ya dumb fuck. So get up now and die like a motherfuckin man, yo.”

Ronnie stood up and began to cry as he said, “Sorry…sorry. I’m sorry.”

Reno paused at the heartfelt apology and asked, “Wanna get high first?”

Ronnie looked up through teary eyes and said, “Oh God yes.”

Reno picked up his bag and a handful of packets of drugs and tossed them his way. Ronnie sat back down and started preparing a shot with shaking hands.

“You got family, yo?”

“I have a brother…he’s a dealer up on 17th.” Ronnie said as he tied off his arm and found a vein. Reno thought about the dealer he had left on the curb before coming down and watched him. “Ya been really forthcoming with tha truth. I guess I could let ya go hang with him… ”

“I’d love to man. That’d be great.” Ronnie said as he injected the drugs.

“Ok, let’s go see him, yo.” Reno raised the gun and shot Ronnie in the head. He sat long enough to smoke another cigarette then left the slums to check on Axel.

  


Three weeks later, against the doctor’s better judgment, Reno took Axel out of their care so he could get him started to college and spend some time with him before he had to leave on a mission. He had new meds but was still adjusting.

Back in their apartment in the slums, Axel walked around touching things and whispering to himself. After watching him briefly, Reno excused himself to the bathroom pray silently. He had abandoned him to the filth of the slums and he would never forgive himself. Eventually he got himself together and came back out to see Axel sitting with his laptop typing and chewing his lip. “What ya doin Runt?”

“I was just checkin my e-mail. Goddamn I was AWOL for a long time…it’s a mess.” Axel typed and clicked. He glanced up at Reno and saw the worry on his face. Launching himself off the sofa, he wrapped his arms around him. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry. Thank you, Reno. Thank you for everything. Please don’t be upset.”

Reno smiled and hugged him back. “I love ya, Runt. You don’t have to thank me for anything. I shoulda been here to take care of ya.”

“No no, you deserve to have a life too besides takin care of me. I got this now. I’ll stay away from the junk and keep my own ass in line, I promise.”

Reno hugged him and rubbed his back, “Do you have any idea how much I love you, Axel?”

He pulled back and looked at him… Reno almost never used his given name. “I love you too.”

“I gotta go on a mission and I’ll be gone for a while. I want ya ta call me or text me every day and lemme know yer ok, yo. I won’t be able ta work if I donno yer ok.” He held Axel’s face in his hands. “And write everything down, yo. I want you to write down when ya take yer meds so ya don’t forget ok.”

“Ok I will.” Axel turned his head to kiss his brother’s hand.

Reno cooked Axel’s favorite for dinner then they went to shower and went to bed early. They clung to one another whispered to each other sleepily as they dozed. Reno woke at 3 a.m. and laid watching Axel sleep. He petted his hair and touched the tattoos on his face. Axel’s eyes fluttered open and he smiled, “What are ya doin?” he whispered.

“Memorizin this face, yo. Relaxed and peaceful, that’s how I wanna think of ya while I’m gone.” Reno whispered back. Axel kissed him softly. Reno held up a hand that Axel immediately pressed his own palm to, then twined their fingers together and closed his eyes.

Reno fell into a deep sleep plagued by nightmares that Axel was missing and he couldn’t find him.

The next morning as he cooked breakfast for them, Axel sat flipping through the newspaper. He paused while reading. “Hey Reno…Da’s dead.”

Reno quirked a brow as he felt a heaviness left from his heart. “Good. Bout time yo. How many eggs ya want?”

“Two is good.” Axel said, and life went on. 

  


For Axel’s first year at Midgar U, he unknowingly had a baby Turk as a roommate so Reno could focus on his career. He excelled in his field and was granted to begin a study which he completed over the summer and had published in the fall. Staying busy helped him get through the times Reno was away and it also helped him to earn multiple degrees. Axel found that he worked well under pressure but he made sure not to neglect his weekend partying.

Unbeknownst to his Nobody, Reno ended up in rehab twice during the years he attended MU. He had a bit of trouble sleeping which led to a bit of trouble partying when he couldn’t sleep. None the worse for wear, he was there to see his brother receive his Masters in Psychology.

Reno had taken his lumps and earned his spot with the Turks as an assassin just as Axel had taken his, and showed all of Midgar that a street rat from the slums with freaky hair and tattoos on his face could outshine the upper plate’s brightest. Celebrations were in order.

  


“What’s this?” Reno asked as he looked over some paperwork that Axel had put on the table between them while they waited for their dinner.

“I wanna get my PhD…” Axel said as he knocked back another shot. “Doin a dissertation will be a pain in my fuckin ass but I know I got it.” He tapped two fingers to his temple as Reno chuckled.

“I think I wanna do my study on twins and multiples but I haven’t decided on a direction yet. I got the summer and there’s so much…I got enough research for a good foundation with some other studies that I did before but I need…ah…I don’t wanna bore ya but…” Axel said as the waiter returned with their food.

Reno thought of the blonde hottie at work who had quadruplets at Twilight University and the fact that the Turks had a target in Twilight Town who they were still gathering dirt on…if he could get Axel to do his study there, then he could keep an eye on him as well as Cloud’s kids that he was always worrying about.

He debated telling Axel but then decided against it. He needed to focus on his _dissrtr…dissera…what the fuck ever he needed to focus on for his PhD_ , plus he should be unbiased. Reno realized that Axel had been talking the entire time his mind was wandering.

“…so I already have two years. I just want one more…Reno?”

“Yeah, yeah. I was listenin yo. Lemme help you. I have a few connections so lemme see what I can come up with before ya decide where ta go.”

“Thanks Reno. I sure have missed you. We goin home tonight or you gotta leave again?” Axel asked trying not to let Reno hear how desperately he hoped he would be staying home.

“I’m home for a while yo. Got some office work to do…” Reno said as he thought of Cloud then smiled. “I love ya Runt.”

“I love you too.”


	3. THE STRIFE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I added a few dividers because of the length of this chapter.

THE STRIFE

  


“I killed him…I killed him…” Cloud wept in the old church in sector five where he collapsed after dragging back to Midgar half out of his mind from Mako poisoning. He had escaped the mad scientists who had shanghaied his body after Nibelheim burned, but not without first being turned into a science project. He was suffering from extreme PTSD and there was a constant buzzing inside his head and he thought he would go insane from it. He saw Sephiroth’s face everywhere, he saw Zack’s face each time he closed his eyes. Staring through tears, he puked on the floor where he lay, and then slept.

Waking to someone poking you isn’t ever pleasant but when the poking is accompanied by a nagging voice that you’ve heard since your childhood…it’s enough to make you…

“WHAT?!” Cloud snapped as he sat upright and reached for the buster sword that he had lugged all the way from _wherethefuckever_.

Tifa glared at him. “We all thought you were dead! Where the fuck have you been? Do you know how upset I’ve been?! Do you realize what you’ve put Denzel and Marlene through? I can’t believe you’re just lying here sleeping like you don’t have a care in the world!”

Cloud rubbed his face with both hands as he sat trying to mentally turn the volume down on the nagging bitch standing over him. He was sorry he fucked her…ever. In his mind, he prayed to his mom’s gods that this was all a bad dream…or a prank. _Yeah that would be really funny…the Turks could pull off a prank like that_.

“…and what the fuck is going on with your eyes? Are you stoned?! I swear to God Cloud Strife if you’ve been laid up here getting high all this time, I will kick your ass! Get your ass down to the bar and see the kids!”

_Die…die…die_ Cloud thought as he looked at her from between gloved fingers. At 19 he _should’ve_ been laid up somewhere stoned and not saving the fucking planet, or listening to this. _Fuck my life…just fuck it_. Cloud stood shakily and brushed off his pants, looked down at the dried vomit on the floor then at Tifa’s angry face and said, “Whatever…” as he walked past her toward the door.

“So that’s all you have to say?! You are unbelievable! I can’t believe you take everything so lightly! No wonder Sephiroth loved you; you’re just as heartless as he was!”

Cloud turned at that with his hand still on the door and growled, “Don’t speak his name to me. You didn’t know him.”

“Like you did? If you knew him so well, how come you didn’t stop him BEFORE he killed our parents, huh Cloud?” Tifa spat with her arms crossed over her chest. “I’m sure you think because you’re sucking someone’s dick that you know all about them but obviously you two didn’t do anything else with your mouths…like talk.”

Cloud slid his hand down the door and turned, advancing a few steps toward Tifa who instantly raised her fists and scowled. He hissed, “Tifa…don’t stand there and assume that you know anything about my relationship with Sephiroth…or that you know anything about sucking dick. Trust me when I say that I’ve gotten better head from other cadets than I ever did from you.” He felt accomplished as her face got red and she clenched her fists in anger, and then took a swing which he easily dodged. “I may not have saved our parents but I saved your sorry ass…don’t make me fucking regret it more than I do at this moment. Now get your goddamn ungrateful ass down to the bar and cook me some fucking dinner.”

Cloud turned and walked out, leaving her there screaming at the top of her lungs.

  


He stayed at the bar for a few months after that, until he couldn’t take any more. Tifa had told him if he was going to live there then he had to pay rent. Her idea of rent wasn’t Gil, and knowing that he had insomnia she would come in at random times during the night to collect. He had lots of practice fucking her to shut her up over the years before he met Sephiroth, but he was ready to be free from her tyranny- even if it meant he never got laid again. He decided to run away.

He holed up in an old abandoned house right outside Nibelheim with enough booze to give himself alcohol poisoning every day for six months. The roof had a hole in it, the grass was two feet of hay, and there was no running water but he didn’t care. When everyone found out he was alive he became an instant celebrity…and he hated it. After an angry phone call from where he hid in a janitor’s closet at Midgar Mall, ShinRa agreed to give him time off to recuperate but then he would be expected to resume his military service.

Until that day came he planned to remain happily intoxicated. He would wander into Midgar at night occasionally to pick up odds and ends…a sack of weed, a whore, or more booze…SOLDIER metabolism and what not. On one particular foray into town he ran into Vincent Valentine who proceeded to buy him even more drinks and laugh at him while he puked. Cloud was a hot mess and Vincent knew it, so he decided to keep an eye on the brat so he didn’t end up as dead as his son, Sephiroth.

Vincent looked on as Cloud stood outside his shack, night after night, swinging his sword and screaming at things only he could see. He cried often and as much as Vincent wanted to comfort him, he was afraid of getting too close…he was on a collision course with disaster and suicide was a very real possibility. Instead of joining him in his misery, he watched and waited. Cloud talked to himself and tore at his hair. He went hunting for monsters just to have something to kill. He ignored his phone and rarely ate or slept. Just when Vincent was ready to give up on the kid, something happened that changed everything.

One afternoon, ShinRa trucks passed by his shack and he happened to be outside shirtless, taking a piss. The first two trucks blew by in a hurry but the third one had a flat and the men changing the tire recognized him immediately. Cloud Strife, half naked, drunk as fuck with a whiskey bottle one hand and his dick in the other. He saw them coming his way but he couldn’t stop pissing. _Godfuckingdammit_ Cloud thought as they came closer and closer. Looking down at his traitorous member he hissed. “Stoooppppp.”

Finally, he stopped and had just enough time to tuck his dick back into his jeans but the buttons would have to wait.

"Wow! Cloud Strife! Everyone at ShinRa is looking for you!" One of the men crowed, smiling.

"Thass bullshit right there cuz if tha turkeys wanned ta fine me...I'd be foun.” Cloud slurred.

The men had a good laugh and after snapping a few photos, thanked him for his service and went on their way, but not before Cloud gave them all a shot of Whiskey. "S'not healthy ta drink lone." He told them.

Within a week he was hauled in to see Rufus ShinRa. “Cloud…I understand that you’re young and reckless…but it’s time you dried out and got back to work.” Rufus sat on the corner of his desk looking down endearingly at his (new) favorite SOLDIER. “I’m worried that you will continue this downward spiral with the alcohol and…well, you need to be working. You need a purpose…so that things like this don’t happen anymore.”

Rufus clicked a small remote and a picture of Cloud appeared on the wall. Cloud bit his lip and watched as Rufus clicked through the photos: Cloud with an arm around a ShinRa employee while he held a whiskey bottle, Cloud with his hand down his pants, Cloud pissing. _Ugh_.

Cloud rubbed his face. “What do you want from me, Rufus?”

Rufus’ face went blank. “Resume your duties, soldier. I commend you for what you did. I can’t imagine how hard it must have been to …do that. But the company needs you.”

Cloud stared then nodded. Sure, he thought _the company needs me to be their poster boy. Better than a rent boy_. Rufus watched him process. “I know you may not realize or believe that, but it’s true. We’ve raised you to first class status and are prepared to make you a General as soon as you submit to the diagnostics that the science department requires.”

Cloud was dumbfounded and said quietly, “Rufus…I’m no general…”

“But you are. Give it some thought at least. I understand that you’re still in mourning but just think about it and what it could mean for your future.” Rufus clasped his hands.

“I’ll think about it.” Cloud spoke seriously and honestly as he thought of how generous his boss was being, considering the fact that he had killed his world famous general. “Hey Rufus…sorry about the um…” he pointed at the photo of himself still on the wall, larger than life.

Rufus smiled mischievously, “I’m keeping them in my personal collection.”

Cloud laughed and left him there to ogle his image.

  


After a week with Tifa and the children, Cloud moved to ShinRa tower and settled into his new office. He stayed in touch with Denzel and Marlene and let them sleep over on weekends but kept his contact with Tifa to a minimum. She seemed even more volatile since he moved out and he wished secretly that she would fall in love with someone and be happy.

One afternoon his secretary buzzed and she was crying. Instead of buzzing her back or taking the call, he went out to her desk. “What’s wrong Judith?”

She sniffled and said, “It’s that horrible woman from the bar. She’s angry and…she accused me of sleeping with you, Mr. Strife.”

Cloud looked at his middle-aged secretary and sat down on her desk. “I’m sorry. She’s…a bitch. Don’t worry about anything she says. Everyone knows she’s nuts. I’m sure if Bob got wind of her accusations he would laugh it off. He knows how much you love him, Judith.”

She smiled and dried her tears as Cloud picked up the phone from her desk and snapped, “Why didn’t you call my cell?”

Judith watched as the color ran from Cloud’s face then he dropped the phone. She could still hear expletives being shouted from it as it lay on the desk. Cloud stood and told her that she could have the rest of the day off before going back into his office to collect his things and leave.

Walking into the bar, he didn’t even slow down as he passed all the glasses and got a bottle of vodka before finding Tifa upstairs. She was done shouting but was still crying. “Cloud what am I going to do?”

“I’ll take care of you.” He assured her before taking a long drink. He had stopped in the doorway to her room just in case of fits of temper.

“Her eyes snapped up at him. Oh great! I was thinking I’d have to shut down the bar to have enough money for the procedure. God! Maybe you _are_ going to be a help in this.” She began drying her tears, looking relieved.

“Well it’s my baby, Tifa… of course I’m gonna take care of all that. I wouldn’t expect you to pay for prenatal care and childbirth and…”

She cut him off, “I’m not _having_ this baby. Are you stupid?”

Cloud gawked at her and sat his bottle down as he stepped inside and closed the door behind him. The closer he got to her the higher his eyebrows went and the brighter his mako eyes glowed. “You _will_ have this baby. You _will_ take care of yourself and _my_ baby or I will have you put in a place where you won’t have a choice. I have lost _everything_ in this life that was dear to me except your nagging ass, and you will _not_ take this baby away from me. Do you understand what I am saying to you right now?”

She screamed and hurled a pillow, a book, and a lamp. Cloud used the pillow to deflect the book and the lamp before leaving her there with her first and only warning about his child.

Two weeks later, they went to see her doctor under the façade of happy expectant parents. Two months later the doctor told them they were expecting quadruplets. Cloud was over the moon and set about preparing for four babies instead of one. The doctor explained about the higher instance of multiple births in military families and said that it was probably attributed to the treatments SOLDIERs received. Tifa was miserable and no longer bothered to hide it from her doctor.

Over the course of the pregnancy Cloud tried to talk her into marriage, even if in name only, but she refused. He bought a huge house in Costa del Sol but she refused to live there. She demanded he quit the military but he refused, just as she refused to sever her ties with Avalanche. As months passed and the babies began to move and kick, she seemed to resent him even more. The days of summer wore on and her health began to fail. Confined to bed, she began to ponder what each of her babies would look like and how much like Cloud they would be. The thought of all four of them looking like her would be a fitting reward for his ruining of her life, she thought with a wistful smile, but every Strife she had ever seen was blonde and blue-eyed…strong genes and such.

Her physical decline led her doctor to insist on an early delivery and in a moment of nostalgia, she chose Cloud’s birthday for the procedure. As the babies were born they were handed off to Cloud by a nurse and he held them for Tifa to see. Cloud had chosen their names: First was Ventus, then Vanitas, then Sora, and last was Roxas. They were all beautiful and perfect and healthy.

Soon after the delivery, Tifa coded and was rushed into surgery but her organs were failing. During the night, with Cloud at her side she took her last breath. He was devastated as he said goodbye to his childhood friend and lover, and the mother of his children. He wept, and felt for a moment that he was being punished for wanting a family and happiness.

Vincent showed up early the next morning with flowers for the new mom and cigars for Cloud. What he found was an exhausted father and a deceased mother. Knowing that Cloud couldn’t mentally take much more, he set to work on helping in any way he could, all his resolve to remain detached- out the window. He thought of his own son and how he had never been much more than an acquaintance to him during his short life, and he saw this as penance. Maybe helping Cloud would in turn help him bear the pain of finding out about Sephiroth too late.

  


Vincent left reluctantly that first night at home in Costa but Cloud insisted he would call if he needed help. He needed time to think. Watching his sons sleep, he reflected on the past three days. His boys were delivered on his birthday as per Tifa’s wishes… and she was gone. Vincent had come to welcome the new babies and congratulate the couple but instead ended up helping with funeral arrangements. Once that was over, all he needed to do was take them home to Costa del Sol. He had bought a beautiful home on the beach...Well ShinRa bought it when Rufus learned of the pregnancy. He had told him to find a house to raise his children in and the company would foot the bill. Cloud had been so excited to tell Tifa but it was short lived when she became angry and refused to live there. She said she didn't want anything that ShinRa gave him. He kept the house hoping to take them there for her recuperation because he was sure she would fall in love with the place once she saw it… she never did.

Sora cried out, startling the new dad, and he rushed over. He was awake and holding onto Roxas. A tear slid down Cloud’s cheek as he thought of how happy his mom would have been to hold the boys. Vanitas cooed and Cloud smiled. "You're talkative."

And so it went. Feeding took a long time and Cloud soon figured out that if he put them in their bouncers he could feed two at a time. Nighttime feedings were toughest because they would all be wailing at the same time. Diapers were ridiculous and he had cases delivered to the house. By the end of the first week he felt like he had done OK but it was time to restock the house and he wasn't going to take his 4 newborns to the super center.

"Vince hi... I need to go do a little shopping for the house. You think you could come by for a while?"

Vincent was only blocks away at a hotel, expecting Cloud to be calling. When he came over, he had reinforcements in the form of Cid and Shera. Cloud beamed as they came in and Shera shook her head at Cloud in awe. "How have you managed, baby? This house is so clean and not a thing out of place."

"It was easy...I haven't had time to mess it up. The boys’ room, now that’s another story." Cloud laughed.

When they entered the nursery, it wasn't as bad as all that. The boys were sleeping and Shera couldn't wait to get her hands on them. Cid just stared with tears in his eyes. "Goddammit boy they look like you spit em out." he whispered.

Cloud looked tired but happy and later, he would explain that even though he had lost four people dear to him: his mom, Sephiroth, Zack, and Tifa, he had gained four. He recalled his mom telling him once that the goddess gave to us but she also took away, and she would never leave us with nothing… _if all you have is a beating heart, you have something_. Cloud felt like the richest man on Planet because he had four healthy sons and a nice place to raise them, a good job to provide for them, and good friends to enjoy his life with. Cloud Strife felt blessed….and tired.

  


Weeks went by and Vincent popped in from time to time to find Cloud always happy, always tired, and most of the time disheveled.

“Why don’t you take a night off? Go somewhere and drink a little…unwind. Get some sleep for Gaia’s sake.” Vincent chuckled and Cloud peered into the mirror in his foyer. His hair was wrecked and he had dark circles under his eyes. Making a face, he giggled. Vincent shook his head. “I’m calling Cid and Shera and then I’m getting you outta here.”

He took Cloud to a bar where he let him drink until he was adequately sloshed, then drove him to a hotel nearby. Cloud was singing as they entered the expensive hotel and the lady at the desk recognized him. “Mr. Strife! How are you? What can we do for you this evening?”

Vincent spoke up on his behalf as Cloud stood with a silly grin and played with the pen on the counter. “He needs a room for two nights. He needs quiet and if you don’t mind…call me if he checks out early.” Vincent gave her a card and smiled, showing a little fang.

“Of course, Mr. Valentine.” She returned the knowing smile as she made the arrangements. “Will Mr. Strife be making use of the spa? It would be very refreshing for him. We all here are aware that he has four new babies and I think he would benefit greatly from a visit to the spa.”

“That sounds great…in the morning…and thank you.” Vincent said. He saw Cloud up to his room and then left him to sleep it off.

Once left alone, Cloud stripped and collapsed onto the huge bed, falling asleep almost instantly. He never heard the faint peck or the whispers of _housekeeping Mr. Strife_ …

Before leaving the hotel, Vincent made other arrangements to have something delivered to Cloud during his stay at the hotel. He instructed the three young ladies before him: “He’s 20, mako enhanced, and hasn’t had any fun in quite some time…enjoy.”

The next morning Cloud slept through his massage and his facial, then fell asleep again in the sauna. Early that afternoon he called Vincent to say thank you for everything and that he was coming home because he missed his kids. As soon as he arrived, before greeting anyone, he scooped up Ventus and Vanitas, kissing them and smelling their hair.

“You have a good time, blondie?” Cid asked grinning.

“Yeah…” Cloud mumbled as he snuggled his sons. “The housekeeping was excellent.”

Cid laughed and Cloud giggled.

Shera was holding Sora and Roxas while they slept. “These two have to be together all the time, don’t they?”

“Yeah Sora and Roxas are inseparable. It gets kinda hairy at feeding and bathing time but as long as they’re touching one another in some way it’s not so bad.” Cloud nodded. “These guys are a little more independent.”

  


Months passed and the boys progressed a bit ahead of schedule for normal unenhanced babies. Soon came teething and Vincent once again urged Cloud to take a break. “I had a break on Sunday.” Cloud yawned. “I took them all to the park and read for a while.”

Vincent looked surprised and asked, "Really now? What did you read?"

Cloud chuckled "I read that book on teething...the one with all the helpful hints."

Vincent laughed and clapped his friend on the back "You’re unbelievable, Cloud. You never cease to amaze me. You _do_ know that you're a wonderful father, right?"

"I know many things, sensei..." Cloud laughed. "Many things I know pertain to diapers and burping and formula but I have acquired great knowledge… but I guess I could use a night out. The boys probably wouldn't mind a night away from me as well. Let me get some notes together for you and Cid and Shera…a lot has changed in the past few months.”

When Cloud was gone, Vincent and Cid looked over the notes he left and began to think that they had bitten off more than they could chew. “What the blue hell is all this?”

“It looks like lists of things for each boy…Sora has to be with Roxas…Vanitas can’t be next to Roxas…Ventus will only sleep with Vanitas…I hope these little shits have their names on all their clothes.” Vincent snorted.

Shera walked through carrying Sora who was wailing away and chewing on his hand. Vincent and Cid looked back at the lists and scanned them, but by the time they found anything about teething Shera had already rubbed Sora’s gums with the oil and returned him to Roxas, quieting him immediately. She looked at the dumbfounded men and smiled, “The lists were for you guys. I talk to Cloud at least once a week so I know what’s going on. Why don’t you two go make us some tea?”

They stalked off to the kitchen grumbling about Cloud and Shera having baby secrets.

  


When the boys were six months old, Cloud tried a few nannies, none of whom he felt measured up. His year of paternity leave was half gone and he had to make some big decisions… later.

One afternoon when the boys were eight months they got a surprise visit from ‘Uncle Rufus’. Cloud welcomed him inside and warned that his white suit may not remain white for very long.

“Come on in…I’ve been in the floor with the boys all morning.” Cloud explained. “I think today’s the day!”

Noticing that he held a small video camera Rufus asked, “Day for what? Are they graduating already? Where are the little beasts?”

Cloud laughed, “No. Roxas has been trying so hard to walk…I think he’ll do it today.”

Following him out to the carpeted solarium, Rufus sat down and stared at the small Cloud replicas. Their hair had lightened to shades of blonde except for one. The one pulling up on the chair’s hair was so blonde it was nearly white. Cloud sat down gracelessly on his ass, on the floor and reached out. “Come on Roxas, come to Daddy!”

Roxas looked away from Rufus to Cloud and grinned, then turned and cautiously released the chair, taking his first steps. Rufus watched the spectacle of Cloud celebrating with his sons who had all begun to giggle. He was trapped there between joy for Cloud, sadness that his own father had been a piece of shit, and fear because all the baby laughter was beginning to sound like a horror movie soundtrack.

The two men watched as Roxas crawled to Sora and pulled his shirt toward the chair. Sora followed and Roxas pulled himself up then reached down for Sora. He held Sora’s shirt as he also stood and then they walked together before plopping down again and laughing. Ventus and Vanitas watched them quietly and then looked at one another before crawling over to attempt the same feat. They were successful as well and Cloud was celebrating all over again. Rufus was near tears as he got onto the floor on his knees to play with the babies. They crawled all over him and drooled on his suit, but he didn’t seem to care.

He and Cloud were relatively close in age and watching Cloud with his kids made everything he did as president of ShinRa seem very insignificant. He made himself a fixture in their lives, despite his demanding position and made a point to be there for all of the occasions that his own father had delegated to the Turks.

When their first birthday came around he showed up with a crew of men who sat to work behind the house building a playground complete with a pirate ship to climb onto. By the end of the party the men were done and the boys were taken out to play. Rufus played with them for a while but then returned to Cloud’s side. “I’d like a word, if you have a moment.”

“Sure. This is great by the way.” Cloud pointed at the new construction.

“Well, you guys deserve it. There’s something else, Cloud. I know that you’re reporting back to work next week and your job requires some travel.” Rufus said, watching Vincent play with Vanitas.

Cloud’s eyes dropped and he nodded. “Vince and Cid are gonna pitch in and help with the boys but…”

“I know, I understand…and that’s why I’ve decided to offer you a position that will allow you to be home every day and also to work mostly from home…if you’re interested.” Rufus turned to look at Cloud who was staring at him with his mouth slightly open in shock. “I…Rufus, I don’t know what to say. What position am I qualified for, I mean there’s nothing…I’m just a General and that’s all I know how to…”

“Director of SOLDIER. You’ll retain your title as General of course but I’ve been acting as interim director since Lazard…anyway, I think you’d make an excellent Director and if you don’t accept, then I will appoint you.” Rufus smirked.

Cloud was tearing up and lowered his head, hoping his boss didn’t notice. “I donno what to say Rufus…thank you.”

Rufus lifted his chin with a finger and smiled at Cloud’s tears, “Happy birthday, Cloud.”

  


Cloud took over as director of SOLDIER and stayed home as much as he could. The boys grew fast and milestone after milestone came and went. By the time they were three, he was considering therapy for Roxas because other than whispering to Sora, he wouldn't speak to anyone else.

One day as he tried to draw him out Ventus and Vanitas watched with interest. "Rox, did you know that of all you boys, you look the most like me?"

Roxas looked at him with large blue eyes and touched his hair, then touched Cloud's hair. Cloud smiled. "What is that? What do we have that's the same, Roxas?”

Roxas whispered "Haiw”

Cloud smiled wider, pleased that he had gotten a response that hadn’t first been filtered through Sora. "That's right baby. Can you tell me what color our hair is?”

"Lellow" Roxas whispered even softer than the first time.

"That's good, Roxy. I'll ask one more question and then it'll be your turn OK. Let's see..." Cloud looked over at Vanitas and winked. "What color is Vanitas’ hair?"

Roxas looked at his brother lovingly and whispered, "Blllack. It's my fabrit."

Vanitas grinned with pride and Cloud was stunned. That was the most Roxas had spoken to him in one sitting, in his life. Feeling accomplished, Cloud upheld his end of the deal. "OK now it's your turn. You can ask me any question you want."

Roxas turned to Sora who was sitting by his side holding his hand as always, and leaned over to whisper. Sora put his hand on Roxas’ cheek while he whispered and nodded vigorously. Roxas whispered a bit louder this time. "Who's da man dat watch us?"

Cloud smiled, "You mean Uncle Vincent or Uncle Cid?"

Roxas looked confused and shook his head. "Dat man inna black shiwt wif shiiiiny haiw." Roxas made the hand motion to indicate long flowing hair. Cloud’s jaw snapped closed and he looked at the other three boys.

“When does this man watch you?” He asked, trying not to let his panic show on his face.

“All the time.” Sora spoke in Roxas’ stead.

“He’s here now.” Ventus added.

Cloud looked around the room even though he knew they were there alone. _They must have made up an imaginary friend_ , he thought. _Ack…why would they make their imaginary friend look like Sephiroth?_ Cloud had a chill that shook his entire body and Vanitas giggled. Cloud chuckled nervously. “That was funny, huh Vani?”

“He touched you.” Vanitas giggled seemingly delighted that their invisible friend was theirs alone, and had the ability to tease their dad.

Cloud held his breath for a second and then asked, “I have some pictures…will you tell me if the man in the pictures is your friend?”

All four boys said, “YEEEESSSSS!!” and clapped their hands. _Oookay_ …Cloud thought _apparently Seph still has a fan club_. He retrieved two photos from his room: one of Sephiroth in uniform and one of him that Cloud himself had taken where he was in jeans and a tee. Sitting cross-legged on the floor, he herded the boys around to see.

“I’m going to show you a picture now and you tell me if this is your friend ok?” Cloud was holding the pictures to his chest as the quads nodded and waited for the picture to be revealed. Cloud flipped the photo of Sephiroth in uniform. It was the stock photo used by the media when Sephiroth died and was taken only months before Nibelheim. The boys looked at the photo closely, and then at one another.

“Dat’s not him.” Roxas spoke up for the group, which was a first.

“Okay guys well, this other one is the same man, so I guess I don’t know who your friend is.” Cloud lay the other photo down beside the first one before he made to pick them both up.

“Dat’s him! Dat’s him, Daddy!” Vanitas squealed, making the others look and they all erupted into screams and squeals of delight. Cloud looked at the photo of smiling, happy Seph and his heart ached to be held by those arms again. He could almost smell his hair and hear his laughter…it was as if he was there but just out of his reach. He watched as his kids passed the photo back and forth and decided immediately that it needed to be laminated so as not to be destroyed out of love by little sticky hands. 

“What his name Daddy?” Roxas asked as he stared at the photo.

“His name is Seph.” Cloud said reverently. They whispered among themselves and eventually began playing ball, the photo forgotten. Seeing his opening, the tired father went to his kitchen to get coffee. When he returned, the boys turned all at once to face him and froze.

Knowing guilt when he saw it, he scanned the room but found nothing unusual until he heard a plop… plop.. plop, plop, plop as their ball bounced then rolled toward his feet from the opposite side of the room. Taking a deep breath and closing his eyes briefly, he swallowed his heart down from his throat and said in his best playfully scolding voice, “Seph! You better not make a mess in here!”

The boys erupted into giggles and Sora ran to get the ball. Cloud watched them play and chase each other around the solarium and he watched occasionally as the ball seemed to change direction or was batted down if it went too high. The tears were coming…oh yes.

Unwilling to risk upsetting his boys, he stepped into the bathroom and locked the door before he slid down onto the floor to cry. He sobbed with his face buried in a towel and thought _he’s been here all along_. Life was so unfair and he felt so selfish for wishing that he could still have him. He felt he should count his blessings and be grateful, and not pine after impossible things.

Cleaning himself up and trying his best not to look like a wreck, he emerged to find his kids sitting in a half circle talking and holding hands. They looked up at him and began to speak in turn like they did so often.

“Seph say he sorry Daddy.” Ventus began.

“Sorry he made you cry.” Vanitas continued.

“He say he loves you.” Sora smiled.

“And us.” Roxas whispered.

Cloud went over and sat down in front of them and Roxas squeaked, his eyes getting huge and Sora clapped his hand over his mouth while Ventus and Vanitas giggled. “Let me guess…I sat on Seph?”

They all nodded and had a good laugh with Cloud. It took some getting used to but Cloud adjusted to life with Ghost Seph and as suddenly as it started, so did it stop.

  


By the time the boys were 5 they didn’t seem to recall having an imaginary friend at all. Cloud played with them on the playground in back of the house and marveled at how different they had all become despite looking so much alike. One thing hadn’t changed though. Roxas and Sora were still inseparable. They still whispered and held hands.

Sometimes Sora would stare off into space and his eyes would become empty but there seemed to be no other symptoms so Cloud decided he was just lost in his imagination and tried not to worry. Vanitas had shown a little bit of temper, but Ventus was always there to calm him down. He was the voice of five-year-old reason.

Their first day of school was an adventure in itself. Cloud had chosen the best private school on the island for his boys and had them all in uniform and ready to go. There were the usual hold-ups like Sora’s bladder or Vanitas and Ventus goofing off on their own planet but they made it there on time.

When parent hour was up and Cloud left, he didn't make it any farther than the coffee shop on the corner. He unpacked his laptop to work, promising himself that he wouldn't make a habit of it. Scrolling through his emails and trying not to look at the clock, he paid no attention to the customers coming in or leaving the shop. He sat for a time engrossed in his work when someone cleared their throat very near him. Cloud raised his head first and then his eyes.

"Let me guess...you just couldn't get any farther from the school." Rufus smiled.

"Well it _is_ the first day...wanna join me?" Cloud pushed the chair across from him with his foot.

Rufus sat and Cloud noticed that he wasn't in his trademark white. "Are you actually having a day off, Rufus?"

"Yes! What gave me away the street clothes or the fact that I'm getting my own coffee?" Rufus chuckled.

"Both." Cloud smirked.

Rufus reached across the table and closed Cloud’s laptop. "For God’s sake, if I can take a day off so can you."

Cloud smiled and flagged a waitress over. "Will you get me a refill and whatever my boss wants?"

The waitress winked at Cloud and then turned to Rufus, "What would you like Mr. ShinRa?"

Rufus grinned at her fiendishly. "I was trying to be incognito today but I see I've failed."

She blushed, "Everyone knows you sir."

Rufus placed his order and sat back to wait. "So, Cloud, what will you be doing with your free time while the boys are in school?"

"Working… I hope to spend more time at the office if they adjust well." Cloud fingered the edge of his cup.

Rufus watched him for a moment and then remarked, "Cloud...are you aware that in 5 years you haven't changed a bit? I'm not talking about your attitude; I mean the way you look. You don't look a day over 19. It's frightening, I tell you."

Cloud laughed, "Well...I don't really know what to say. Thank you? After all it was your science department that developed the pickle juice I was submerged in for months."

Rufus grinned. "I guess you're right there. I wonder how you will look in ten years?"

Cloud smiled and a blush tinted his cheeks. "The boys will be 15...that alone scares the shit out of me. I'm not really concerned with my looks."

"And that's part of what makes you beautiful." Rufus said as the waitress returned.

  


The boys enjoyed school and were eager to learn and the first parent’s conference was informative. "Mr. Strife, please sit. I'd like to start by saying that your boys are very bright and eager in the classroom. They are far beyond their classmates academically and developmentally so we have made accommodations by having half their day in a different class with more advanced instruction."

“That’s good… I mean I want them, for now at least to be in the same grade with kids their own age. Kids can be so cruel and I don’t want them exposed to that unnecessarily. They have the eyes and people will begin to single them out soon enough.”

“I agree.” She took out individual folders for the boys and opened the first one. "Ventus is the class peacemaker. It's amazing how quickly he can diffuse a bad situation between others and he loves to organize tea parties with the dolls."

Cloud looked at his writing and artwork and was satisfied.

"Vanitas is the defender. He will not suffer a bully to live." She giggled as she opened his folder.

"Has he been fighting?" Cloud asked with concern.

"No, but he defends all the smaller or more timid students. He has many friends." She smiled warmly. "Sora is so silly. He does his work and never disrupts class but at playtime he always has an audience."

Cloud nodded. "He’s silly at home as well. He’s always making the other boys laugh."

"Roxas is quiet. He’ll answer if I ask him a question but he doesn't talk to any of the other children besides his siblings. This concerns me, Mr. Strife."

This would be the first of many teachers who were concerned about Roxas.

  


A brief affair with the kindergarten teacher led to an amicable split eventually but left Cloud with a void once again. Busying himself with his kids and work, he slid headlong into an affair with his boss, the man himself. The boys enjoyed having Uncle Rufus around more often and of course there were amazing vacations, outings, and gifts, but the other most noticeable change in their lives was Vincent. He had become more scarce.

Cloud was accustomed to Vincent disappearing now and then but it had been so long since his last hiatus, he had to wonder of it had something to do with Rufus… of course it did.

  


One evening he was watching the evening news and chatting with Cid while Rufus played with the boys. He was trying to explain that Vanitas had begun cursing more lately.

“Well I don’t know why the hell he’s cussin more than normal.” Cid barked.

“None would be good…” Cloud said quietly, trying not to get Cid wound up.

“It ain’t hurtin a damn thing for that boy to use his words.” Cid grumbled. “He’s been cussin since he could talk…its part of who he is.”

The kids all came inside squealing “It’s raining! Uncle Rufus did a rain dance and made it rain!”

He stood behind them grinning like a fiend. Sora and Roxas ran off upstairs while Vanitas and Ventus sat down with Cloud. “What ya watchin, Daddy?” they asked in unison.

“I just turned on the news. You guys need to get changed for dinner.” Cloud patted their legs as he stood and strolled into the kitchen.

The news anchor was talking about the re-building of Nibelheim and Vanitas was completely engrossed. Rufus watched the boy as he listened. There was a picture of Sephiroth behind the anchor as he talked and as soon as it was over Vanitas and Ventus hopped off the sofa, crowing about how awesome that General Sephiroth looked in his uniform, then ran upstairs to change their clothes.

Later at dinner Vanitas sat slicing the air with the bread “I’m Sephiroth…gonna burn the whole damn town…”

Cloud glanced at Rufus helplessly and then turned his eyes to his raven-haired son. “Could you stop being him at the table, please…and watch your language.”

  


The boys were 8 when they got expelled from their first private school. Vanitas had attacked a bully and used a pencil as a weapon. Never mind that the bully was two years his senior and half a foot taller. Cloud went down to the school where the mother of the bully called Vanitas a monster… and it deteriorated from there. Two days later he got a phone call from the board of directors at the school saying that maybe his boys would fit in better at a different academy. Cloud hung up the phone and announced, “We’re going on vacation!”

 

The boys enjoyed their ski vacation while Cloud searched online for a new school and called Rufus, asking him to join them at the mountain resort.

“The boys got kicked out of school so you took them skiing?” Rufus asked grinning when he arrived.

“Yeah, I know…father of the year, right?” Cloud smirked. Rufus opened his mouth to reply when all four boys ran by them laughing and squealing, “Vani has a girlfriend!”

Cloud watched them blaze a trail through the indoor play land and shook his head. “I have my hands full.”

“That you do, Cloud…that you do.” Rufus beamed with pride when he saw the cause of all the giggles and squeals: a little blonde girl smiling at Vanitas.

That night the boys were gathered for story time and Sora had laid his head on Roxas’ shoulder. Cloud watched the two and it seemed the dynamic between them was shifting. Sora had always led Roxas after their first steps but now Roxas seemed to do more leading again and Sora was more passive, and they still held hands and whispered to one another. Roxas whispered to all the boys but he and Sora were constantly at one another’s side.

When story time was over and the boys went off to bed, Cloud and Rufus decided to have a drink by the fire. Sora and Roxas watched from the top of the stairs. Sitting in the shadows, holding hands, Roxas whispered. “Why did Vani kiss that girl?”

“Cause he thinks she’s pretty I guess.” Sora whispered back.

Roxas huffed, “I don’t think any girl is pretty enough to kiss. I don’t like him kissing…it’s not right.”

“But why, Roxy?” Sora asked.

“Because…he doesn’t kiss you and me and Ven. Why would he wanna kiss a stupid girl?” Roxas pouted.

Sora thought for a moment then asked, “Do you want Vani to kiss us?”

“I think it’s only fair.” Roxas scowled. “Don’t you?”

Sora nodded and they went off to demand their kisses from Vanitas.

 

“Why do you want me to kiss you?” Vanitas asked with his arms folded across his chest, feeling very worldly and mature since he had been the first to get a kiss from a girl that wasn’t a teacher or babysitter.

“Because we’re your brothers and you’re supposed to love us _more_.” Roxas snapped. Ventus sat between them looking from one to the other like a tennis match- his usual vantage point when Vanitas and Roxas argued. Vanitas looked at Ventus to gauge his reaction, then leaned over and kissed his cheek.

Roxas squinted his eyes at Vanitas in anger, prompting him to smirk and lean over to kiss Sora. Sora giggled and returned the kiss on the cheek. He ruffled Sora’s hair and looked at Roxas defiantly, then kissed him right on the lips. Roxas beamed with satisfaction and there would be no more arguments about girls and kisses until much later.

Downstairs by the fire Cloud got his share of kisses from Rufus and the next morning Rufus took Cloud’s laptop and phone and shooed him out to play with the boys. When he came in frozen and exhausted they were being enrolled in another private academy in Costa that was far more expensive than Cloud would have liked.

  


The Strife quads were fiercely popular in their new school and took total advantage of it. Their dad was a war hero and everyone knew his name. Ventus was still herding them all downstairs for school at age 10 and Sora and Roxas were still holding hands. There had been an issue in the beginning, and Cloud even encouraged the boys to do things separately once in a while but when they did things separately two things happened: Sora had anxiety and Roxas got into fights. Cloud decided that therapy would be a good idea.

Once forcibly liberated from one another, Roxas became introverted and started skateboarding while Sora became more and more outlandish in his behavior. The therapist seemed to think that Roxas was acting out but Sora’s behavior had nothing to do with whether or not he was in the immediate company of his brother. “Sora is exhibiting some signs of schizophrenia, Mr. Strife. I’d like to spend more time with him.”

After Cloud got a call from the school saying that Sora was being disruptive and talking to himself until they returned him to Roxas, Cloud relented.

_  
_ __  


_“So, Sora…why don’t you tell me what you like to do when you’re not with Roxas?” The doctor asked as he watched Sora fidget in his seat._

_Sora chewed his lip and thought for a moment then said, “I don’t really do anything …but wait until I can be with Roxy.” Sora looked off to his left and whispered inaudibly as the doctor wrote._

_“It smells funny in here…everything smells funny in here.” Sora mumbled “I don’t like the smells…I want Roxas. Where is he? Where is Roxas…I thought he was going to be here today.”_

_The doctor watched as Sora became increasingly agitated eventually getting up to pace around the room, asking for Roxas, when suddenly he stopped as if someone had physically stopped him. His head snapped around to face the doctor and then he walked right out of the office into the lobby asking everyone he passed, “Where is Roxas? Have you seen Roxas?”_

The first try at medicating Sora didn’t go over well with the other three boys. Vanitas and Roxas were angry and Ventus cried when Sora didn’t act like himself anymore. Ven would sit by him until he absolutely had to move and then Roxas took over, following him wherever he went. All four of the brothers went to the next therapy session and Cloud was near a breakdown.

“Boys, why don’t we start with Sora? I want each of you to tell me what you don’t like about what is happening with Sora.” The doctor said and Cloud sat and waited, knowing that Vanitas had been waiting to get this off his chest, but Sora was first.

“I don’t like the pills I take because I don’t feel happy anymore. I don’t feel sad though…I don’t feel anything.” Sora said, then added “and I’m always so thirsty.”

Roxas butted in. “He doesn’t act like Sora anymore. He’s not happy and it’s because of the stupid pills.”

Ventus snapped, “There was nothing wrong with him to begin with!”

Vanitas waited a second for the room to quiet then he said, “If I told you everyone should wear blue ties and that people who don’t wear them needed to be medicated because they obviously aren’t right in the fucking head, would you wear a blue tie or take the pills?”

The doctor looked at him for a moment as Cloud whispered, “Language Vanitas.”

“Son, this is far more serious than what your brother wears.”

“I’m not your son and I’m 11 years old so why don’t you explain to us what you think is wrong with Sor and then we’ll decide how we feel about the goddamn medicine.” Vanitas snapped as Cloud hissed “Vanitas!”

The doctor raised an eyebrow at Cloud and then explained as best he could to the boys what schizophrenia was and how Sora needed the medications so that his behavior didn’t get out of control. They listened and when he was done they conferred with one another quietly then gathered around Sora.

“Sometimes he sees stuff we don’t see.” Vanitas spoke first.

“And he talks to people who aren’t there.” Ventus added quietly.

“At night sometimes, he gets really scared and cries and won’t stop unless we sleep in the bathroom.” Roxas added as though he didn’t want to admit it. “I promised I wouldn’t tell… sorry Sora.”

  


Sora’s meds were adjusted and readjusted as he turned 12. He became a menace at school but was constantly defended by his brothers which led to _more_ fighting. Sora was always pranking other students and rearranging classroom furniture. He collected toads on a rainy morning and deposited them into his least favorite teacher’s desk drawer. He and Roxas refused to stop skateboarding in the hallways and eventually they were excused from that school as well.

"Put their asses in public school with the rest of the riff-raff." Vincent said as he swallowed a shot of vodka. Cloud had been seeing less and less of Rufus and as a direct result, Vincent started to show up more often.

Cloud rubbed his eyes. "But what about Sora? He's still adjusting to his meds and..."

"And nothing." Vincent said pouring another shot. "Sora is never gonna be normal but the kids at a public school will accept him faster than the snooty kids he's been dealing with up til now."

Cloud gave it some thought and called the boys down. They were all dog-piling Vincent as soon as they saw him. "Uncle Vincent! We didn't know you were here!" Ventus crowed as they all piled on his lap and shoulders.

"Well I just got here about two shots ago." He laughed and Cloud shook his head. The boys had noticed recently that if Uncle Vincent was doing shots at 6 in the afternoon he would be there all night...and it was Friday.

"How do you boys feel about going to public school?" Cloud asked his brood.

The room erupted in cheers. Vanitas howled "Finally! Thanks Dad! I love you!"

Ventus laughed and whooped loudly hugging Vanitas. Sora whipped Roxas against him and they were whispering cheek to cheek, still holding hands with big smiles on their faces. At 12 the boys were sliding headlong into puberty and Cloud was waiting for the fallout from the hand-holding and whispering. He watched them talk excitedly about shopping for "regular" clothes since they didn't need uniforms anymore, sneakers and jeans and jackets and tees and "Dad can we go to the mall?!"

He laughed and nodded. "This was Uncle Vincent’s idea so he's coming too!"

They dog-piled Vincent again.

  


Over dinner the boys all chatted about what public school would be like. Cloud watched them and Vincent watched Cloud. It was like the volume had been turned up on Cloud’s entire life and after having been friends for so long, he could see what was going on inside his head. He was like a spring that was being compressed past the point that it should break.

Cloud Strife wasn’t a control freak. He was not a naturally dominant personality but he had to be with his kids and he owned that shit. He chose to be dominant in his relationships and he owned that as well, according to Rufus ShinRa. But everyone needed some down time and Vincent gave Cloud his down time now and then, simply because since Sephiroth died, he and Chaos were the only ones who could.

  


Later at home they watched movies together. Cloud noticed that Ventus and Vanitas were giggling over their phones. and he smiled. Sora kept his head on Roxas’ shoulder whispering to him now and then and Cloud winced at the closeness of his lips to Roxas’ skin. He whispered to Vincent "Do you find that weird at all?"

Apparently, Vincent had noticed too because he turned so that lips brushed Cloud’s ear "Just a little, yes."

Cloud giggled before he could stifle it and all the boys looked up at once. Vince laughed and made them both drinks. When he sat back down he whispered to Cloud again, “That’ll probably change as they get older. They’re still children and you shouldn’t worry.”

Not long after, Sora and Roxas went up to bed. Vanitas was asleep on the sofa and Ventus was asleep on the floor in front of it. Vincent stood and looked at Cloud briefly before climbing the stairs.

Cloud entered his bedroom and was blindsided. Vincent grabbed both his wrists, shoving him down, and pinned him to the bed. Cloud growled as Vincent's eyes flashed yellow. He nuzzled his throat like a beast as Cloud panted and strained to free himself.

He always fought at first. It was survival instinct. Cloud knew that Vincent was just barely in control of Chaos and each time this happened he entertained the fact, however briefly, that this could be the time he slipped.

Fangs scraped skin as he struggled and grunted, trying to wiggle his wrists free but the panic began to subside. Vincent reached behind him with one hand while holding his wrists in the other. Cloud jerked when he saw the leather strap that Vince obviously had waiting. He quickly tied his wrists as the SOLDIER's eyes glowed electric blue. "I won't do this tonight "

"You will do what I tell you." Vincent growled as he ripped Cloud’s shirt completely off and Chaos laughed evilly. His fear forgotten, Cloud squeezed with his thighs as he kissed him roughly. He could hear the low rumble of a growl as Vincent divested him of what remained of his clothes and threw them at the bedside lamp.

He felt the slice of a razor fang across his pectoral and the subsequent drain of blood that followed, he writhed as hot skin touched his own and continued to struggle until he was properly bound. Finally, he was able to let go. Cloud wasn’t in control of anything here; he didn’t need to be so he stopped fighting. This was his down time.

  


Their first years in public school changed the quads a lot because they could be individuals. Vanitas was the tough guy, still defending the weaker or smaller kids but what had changed was that he looked so different from his brothers that none of the underclassmen knew he was one of the quads until it was pointed out. He wore mostly black and liked leather. Cloud allowed him to get his ears pierced and in doing so, Vanitas found his first love: pain.

Roxas skated everywhere. The misfits at school all gravitated to him and he seemed right at home surrounded by them.

Ventus fell in with the nerds, joined the cheerleading squad, and was happy there. Sora had settled somewhat but had developed a compulsion to smell things...and people. His friends teased him at first but after Roxas smacked one of them in the back of the head with his skateboard, the others saw the error of their ways.

Their early teens were developmental and experimental years. Ventus had a girlfriend, then a boyfriend, then another girlfriend. Vanitas dated lots of girls but never for long. He said it wouldn’t be fair to the rest if he settled with one. Sora and Roxas dated a set of twin girls who wanted them to do everything together. That seemed perfect since they were together every waking moment. It lasted for nearly an entire school year, but ended suddenly.

_"Where are the twins today guys?" Cloud asked._

_"We broke up." Sora and Roxas said in unison._

_"Wow what happened?" Cloud looked at the boys concerned but they didn't seem upset._

_"They said we were freaks." They said and Cloud noticed that Sora was rubbing the back of Roxas hand with his thumb._

_"That was shitty. You guys seem OK with it though. Are you?"_

_"We're fine, Dad." They said as Roxas turned and whispered to Sora. Cloud nodded and left them to each other but he couldn’t shale the feeling that he was missing something… something major._

_  
_

One afternoon a girl came by to study with Vanitas. “He’s in his room, have a seat and I’ll get him.” Cloud said as he ascended the stairs. Walking into Vanitas’ room he spoke softly. “Vani there is a young lady downstairs who said she came to study with you…however she doesn’t have any books and she looks closer to my age than yours. Shed some light?”

Vanitas smiled. “That’s Ash, she’s helping me study but not for school.”

“More light, Vanitas.” Cloud stared at his grinning son.

“Ok it’s not studying exactly, but she’s teachin me stuff…” Vanitas smiled coyly.

“Goddammit Vani…” Cloud snapped.

“Language Dad.” Vanitas quipped.

“Don’t make me ask her myself.” Cloud warned.

“Ok, ok. She is the piercing artist from the tattoo shop on 3rd and M St. She’s showing me how to gauge my piercings myself safely…that’s it.” Vanitas explained.

“I can respect that Vani, but I still would rather you go there because it’s sterile and…” Cloud was trying to be reasonable but that was about to end.

“Dad, I can’t…I mean I can but it’s embarrassing.” Vanitas tried to explain without saying that when he went in for a piercing or to gauge up, the pain turned him on.

Cloud saw a bit of a blush and thought maybe Vanitas cried or whined and didn’t want to do that in front of the people at the shop. “Ok…that’s fine then. She can come up. Don’t pierce anything new without asking me first?”

“Sure Dad. You’re the best.” Vanitas said as he hugged Cloud.

“That’s what you guys keep sayin…” Cloud chuckled as he left the room.

Back downstairs Cloud wasn’t going to let this young lady off as easily. “Miss Ash?”

She stood and smiled, “Yes. Which brother are you? Vani said he has three.”

Cloud looked at his shoes. That took all the fire out of him. He had planned to snark and snarl and be condescending and rude, and lay down rules about his kid…but she went there. He knew he didn’t look much older than his kids and one day he may even look younger than them. He took a deep breath and pointed up the stairs. Vanitas could explain this time.

  


In high school, Ventus was diagnosed with Narcolepsy and began medication. Immediately the boys developed a system for his episodes and Cloud watched it in action with amusement. They were on the beach when Roxas noticed Ventus’ eyes begin to flutter. They were walking toward him anyway but Vanitas was closer so he elbowed Sora who yelled, “Vani…catch!”

Vanitas didn’t even look in Sora’s direction, but found Ventus immediately and darted to his side just in time to catch him as he began to collapse. Tossing him over his shoulder, he walked toward the house.

Everything escalated from then on. They were driving, except for Ventus, and dating and planning for college. Vanitas had started smoking and as much as Cloud bitched, he still found a way to get by with it. Roxas and Sora did everything together, even brought home dates occasionally to allay any suspicions that Cloud may have had about their closeness. Ventus and Vanitas knew the truth but had been sworn to secrecy and Vanitas’ constantly being in hot water for smoking, new body art, or sleazy girlfriends twice his age made it easy for the others to fly under Cloud’s radar.

But even the best kept secrets have a way of getting exposed… especially in life or death situations.

“Hello” Cloud said flatly without even checking the caller I.D.

“Hello? Is this Roxas’ dad?” a female voice said.

“Yes, it is. Is something wrong?” Cloud asked instantly worried.

“I don’t know what happened to him I mean…we were at a party and he just…I don’t know.” The voice sounded near panic.

“Where are you?” Cloud asked grabbing a pen.

“We’re on the beach by the Grand Hotel…there’s a bonfire.” She said and he heard a moan in the background.

“I’ll be right there.” Cloud bolted for the door, hitting Vincent’s number on speed dial.

At the bonfire he found Roxas and a girl off to the side in the shadows. He was lying on his side and had been sick. Scooping him up he spoke briefly to the girl who was obviously stoned, and then took Roxas to the hospital where he was informed that his son was under the influence of alcohol and opiates. The following Monday found Roxas in a therapist’s office in a rehab facility. He would do his first six-week program and carry on as if nothing had happened.

While he was inside, Sora was inconsolable. He had been at the same party and for the first time, refused to follow Roxas. Cloud explained that if he had gone along with him then they both would’ve been in the hospital but Sora just shook his head saying, “Doesn’t matter…he’s everything…Rox is everything to me. I would rather die with him than live without him.”

After Roxas’ rehab, he and Sora were once again inseparable but it wouldn’t last. Cloud watched one afternoon as they came in from surfing, holding hands and smiling. Sora tugged Roxas’ hand to make him stop and turned to him to whisper. Cloud smiled as the boys slipped into their own little world but then he noticed Roxas’ hand on Sora’s waist and the small circles his thumb was rubbing on his skin. Maybe it was nothing but it looked sort of intimate to Cloud.

Then Sora pulled back to look into Roxas’ eyes and Cloud knew that look but he didn’t want to jump to conclusions, so he kept watching. Sora’s hands went to Roxas’ shoulders and he was saying something. Roxas had both hands on Sora’s waist now and was leaning into him. Their noses brushed briefly and Sora closed his eyes. Cheek to cheek again they continued their conversation as Sora’s hands went up to Roxas’ hair. They had to be clueless tha he was watching, Cloud thought. He was sure of it when Sora’s lips brushed Roxas’ ear and he instantly pulled their bodies together. _Nope_ , Cloud thought… _that was the line they just crossed_. _I should intervene and say…what? Don’t fuck your brother? Oh god…I’ll think of something_.

Cloud knew how devastated they would be at having been caught like this so he averted his eyes and waited for them to go upstairs. As soon as the door closed and the lock clicked, he knocked. “Guys? Can you come down to the kitchen we need to talk.”

There was a long talk and much crying after which he decided that the boys both needed to be in therapy. They were encouraged to do things separately again and weren’t allowed to sleep together anymore. Sora began drinking and Roxas started sneaking away from the house at night to do God knows what.

The therapist had a session with Cloud and explained that what was happening wasn’t common but the problem could be fixed. He adjusted Sora’s medications saying that his consent to the relationship probably stemmed from his psychosis.

“What about Roxas? He’s not schizophrenic…is he?” Cloud asked knowing that it took two people to have a relationship like this and he wasn’t willing to lay it all at the feet of his very troubled brunette.

“He’s definitely not. He is however very protective of Sora to the point of obsession. He has a compulsion to give Sora everything he needs so that he doesn’t need to go to anyone else for anything…even sex. He probably felt this way long before puberty but it would have intensified at that point.” The doctor explained. “He exhibits signs of manic depression so we are going to focus on that with him.”

“What should I do?” Cloud asked, desperate to help his sons have a normal life.

“Changing Sora’s meds will help. He may become more independent and even start to deny Roxas if he makes advances. Roxas needs continued therapy and we will start him on something to keep the compulsion at bay as well as combat the depression.”

Cloud nodded and thought of his kids and how they were about to enter their senior year in high school and would be going off to college. How would he deal with them being so far away? He had agreed to let them all go to Twilight University since the four of them would be together but now he wondered if that was such a good idea. He needed to make the other two aware of the situation before they all went off to college.

  


Senior year was full of studies and plans and dates and dinners. Vanitas only got into one fight at school that year… and it was with Roxas.

_Cloud sat between the two in the office and waited for them to cool off. Soon enough Vanitas was sent back to class. He wouldn’t even look at Roxas and it broke Cloud’s heart to see them like that. They had told him that the fight was over a guy that Roxas had befriended who Vanitas didn’t like._

_“He’s a junkie and Rox don’t need to be around that trash.” Vanitas had spat._

_“Fuck you Vani, you can’t choose my friends for me. Besides, look at the freak show you hang with.” Roxas had said bitterly. Vanitas bit his lip piercings and looked at his brother with murder in his eyes._

_Those were the last words they said to one another for a week._

That weekend Cloud invited Vincent over and they had a beach party and allowed the boys to bring their friends. The boy in question showed up and stayed close to Roxas. Sora had blossomed since his medication change and was lively and more than a little outspoken. He clowned around with everyone…and sniffed the ones who would allow it.

After a while Vincent and Cloud went inside to relax and let the teens relax a little as well. They went about making food for everyone when they heard angry shouting from the patio. They scrambled out to break it up before it escalated. As they suspected it was Roxas and Vanitas but they were away from the others, and Roxas’ nose was bleeding.

“Are you two fighting again?” Cloud snapped.

“No sir.” Vanitas said as Roxas stared a hole in him.

“Then what the hell happened to your nose?” Cloud turned to Roxas who was still staring at his brother.

“I hit him…but it’s not a fight, Dad.” Vanitas blurted as Cloud began looking over Roxas’ nose.

“When you hit someone and make them bleed, it’s a fight, Vanitas.” Cloud snapped.

“It’s ok.” Roxas said batting Cloud’s mothering away gently “I deserved it…we’re good, right Vani?”.

Vanitas looked sad but he stepped over and hugged his brother. “Yeah…we’re good Roxy. I love you.”

Roxas hugged him back and squeezed his eyes shut as he whispered, “I love you too.”

Cloud and Vincent went back inside after deciding that disaster had been averted.

“Thanks.” Roxas said. “You didn’t have to lie for me…I owe ya.”

“If you wanna do something for me Rox, lay off the coke. You don’t need that shit. I know you’re havin a hard time with the ‘new’ Sora but it’ll all work out. He still loves you. He will always love you.” Vanitas said trying to comfort his brother.

Later that night after the guests had gone, the boys all went surfing, clamored inside at a little after 2 a.m., then raided the kitchen and went to bed. Cloud woke the next morning to find Sora asleep in Roxas’ bed. They were snuggled close but dressed, so he decided he had to trust them at some point.

Graduation was emotional for everyone and they dispersed after their obligatory dinner with Dad to go to parties. Cloud waited up and kept his phone close by in case they needed him but the night was quiet and peaceful. The following morning wasn’t.

Vanitas came through the door around 8 still drunk and leaning on Ventus who was grumbling and shirtless. Sora rolled in on his board but before Cloud could scold him for skating inside the house, he fell and cackled loudly…he was drunk as well. Roxas was last to enter and he was staggering slightly and still scratching his head. Apparently, he hadn’t been awake very long.

Cloud sighed as he began to feel his years whether he looked them or not.

  


The summer was filled with parties and preparations for college but with minimal drama. Cloud even went away for a week-long trip for ShinRa and came home to find the house clean and orderly and all the boys in their own beds. That was such a huge relief that he collapsed on the sofa and slept until they woke him for once. The word that woke him was “Catch!”

Then the squeaking of sneakers on the floor and a yell of “I’m not gonna make it!”

Then a thud near the stairs. Cloud yawned and stretched and prepared for the rest.

  


The Birth of Strife House

  


Twilight U was an old school and walking across campus was like a time warp. The campus was still pretty empty and the buildings dark for the most part. It was eerie and gave Cloud chills. A feeling of foreboding distracted him from what should have been an enjoyable stroll around campus. They had gone ahead a week early so they could get their housing squared away and the Dean was waiting for them quite pleased to see their famous father had come along.

“Mr. Strife, I’m honored to meet you. We’ve taken care of everything on our end and the house you reserved has been prepared for your boys to move right in.”

The boys all turned to stare at Cloud with their mouths open. “When did…” Vanitas said.

“You got us a house?” Roxas asked.

“So we can all be together!” Sora squeaked.

“So we can keep each other in check, no doubt.” Ventus smirked.

Cloud laughed and Dean Xemnas watched the boys and marveled at the way they interacted with one another and Cloud.

“I wanted your first year here to be less traumatic…so I got you guys a house right off campus. It’s nothing fancy but you can all be together and next year if you wanna live separately you…” Before he could finish the boys were all hugging him and laughing and telling him how great he was and how much they loved him.

Dean Xemnas looked on in envy. His only child, an adopted son, hated him and lived to shame him. He couldn’t remember having a sincere hug from him since he was a small boy. Riku was probably the same age as the Strife quads but had insisted on going to Radiant Garden University because it was closer to their home on Destiny Islands, and also because it was far away from him. Now that the Strifes were here he supposed that was probably a good idea, considering his son’s genetics.

Dean Xemnas accompanied them to the house off campus where they would reside for the next nine months. The old house looked like it was built in the same era as the university itself and had been beautifully restored. TU owned many of the houses around campus and rented them as dorms. The boys walked in and immediately fell in love with the place. Sora bounded upstairs and the other three scattered as Cloud spoke to the Dean alone.

“I think they like it.” He chuckled.

“Apparently…” Xemnas said as he looked around seeing none of them. “They seem like fine boys Mr. Strife. I’m sure they’ll be happy here.”

“Do you have children, Mr. Xemnas?” Cloud asked passively as he listened to the chattering from all over the house.

“I do…I have a son about their age. He’s going to Radiant U.” Xemnas said hoping that Cloud wouldn’t pry.

“Really? Well I’m sure you miss him. I was sad at first when the boys said they wanted to come all the way here to school…but what do you do?” Cloud said.

“What, indeed.” Xemnas agreed thinking that this man had no idea how lucky he was to have happy respectful children who loved him. He was saddled with an ungrateful spoiled drug addict who hated his very existence.

  


Soon visiting was over and the boys were getting settled. Cloud told them he was heading out after double checking Sora’s meds and Roxas’ pupils and Ven and Vani’s breath. They all laughed and told him not to worry. _Pfft. Cloud Strife not worry…right_.

Sora flopped onto the couch. “He’s gone…what now?”

Roxas lit a joint and smiled. “Wanna hit, Sor?”

Ventus strolled by taking the weed from his hand. “Me first.”

Roxas giggled and Vanitas watched them and grumbled. “I’m goin to the store. I need a drink.”

When he returned with more beer than he could carry, Sora paid they guy who helped him before calling everyone together.

“I found this in the attic. Looks like the guys who lived here last had a tradition and I think we should keep it going.” He said as he shoved a large cardboard box toward them and smiled.

Ventus opened the box and picked up the note that was atop what appeared to be a bunch of deflated sex dolls.

_Mermaids:_

_In this House there is a tradition we call the swimming of the mermaids. Every year before the first day of class we had a party to celebrate and released some of the mermaids into the quarry. We hope you continue this tradition and enjoy your time here at TU- and remember your brothers are not always your blood.  –_

Vanitas burped and opened his second beer. “Guess it’s a good thing I bought extra. By the weekend the rest of the students will be here…”

“I’ll make some flyers.” Ventus said.

“I’ll find some more weed…” Roxas said.

“I’ll do something obnoxious and be no help at all.” Sora mumbled, and they all roared.

That night they got drunk so they spent the next day getting settled and stocking up on food and necessities. As soon as they could discern the partiers from the rest, they began to circulate their flyers. Roxas soon met his hook up in the form of a blue haired goth-looking kid named Zexion.

“S’up dude…I was told you could get shit.” Roxas said.

“You were told correctly, blondie.” Zexion said as he smoked behind the caf.

“So…I need shit for a party.”

Zexion smiled because _shit for a party_ meant money and since this kid was new, he would probably be a repeat offender…plus he was cute.

“I got you…just tell me what you need.”

Roxas smiled and rattled off what he liked and what he needed as well as what his personal favorites were. They needed weed but he liked his laced, but laced and dipped was his favorite. They needed some Adderall but he preferred coke. Zexion nodded and agreed to supply Roxas with what he needed for the party …and throw in a little something for him… as a gift.

  
  


"I hereby dub this Strife House, motherfuckers!" Vanitas smashed his beer bottle across the bannister shattering it and splashing bystanders with beer. The already rowdy crowd cheered and the music was returned to beyond noise ordinance level. Half the student body was in the house, on the lawn, porch, sidewalk, driveway, and in the street out front and everyone was smashed. A little after midnight, a crowd of them staggered down to the quarry to launch the mermaids. Zexion was among the observers and when they returned to the house, he raised his beer to Roxas and winked. Roxas was so stoned that he stared for a full minute before he realized who he was, and returned the wink.

Even stoned, the boys did so much in unison that the others were intrigued. Their guests would play games to try and trip them up and many of the girls insisted on kissing all four of them to see if they did that the same. Other girls wanted to test other theories but that was carried out upstairs. They were rock stars.

Around noon the next day, the Strife began to come alive. Ventus woke up on the bathroom floor in his boxers, Vanitas woke up in his bed with a girl he didn't know, and Roxas woke up in Sora’s bed, with Sora.

Vanitas walked down the hallway in jeans knocking on doors yelling "Get up!"

Ventus sat up and immediately began to vomit. Vanitas heard him and laughed as he lit a joint and took it in to share with his sick brother. "Wake and bake, Ven. It'll settle your stomach." Ventus nodded and took it from him, grateful.

Roxas pulled Sora against him and sighed. _Why did we have to stop this_ he wondered as he kissed his brother's face. Sora reached up with both hands and began combing fingers through blonde hair as Roxas smiled and covered his face with butterfly kisses. Sora sniffed, then kissed Roxas softly. "Shower...we smell like beer...."

Roxas giggled as they crawled out of bed.

Downstairs Vanitas made coffee and went back up to meet whoever he had fucked the night before. _She’s cute_ he thought…blonde hair, nice tits, not bad. "Hey doll. Time to wake up." Vanitas touched her arm and she rolled over lazily. As he ogled her naked form, she shifted and began to snore softly.

"Wake up, baby." He said again, this time sliding his hand down her back and over the curve of her ass, prompting her to arch her back and moan. He smiled and stepped over to lock the door. Shedding his jeans, he slid into bed beside her, wrapping his arms around her hauling her body against his. Her blue eyes came open halfway and she smiled right before she bit him.

"Aaaaaaaa!!!!" Vanitas screeched as pain shot through his neck, down his arm and straight to his dick. She rolled him onto his back and bit his lip, tugging the silver ring not very gently, as she crawled on top of him. He moaned and she snickered. Sitting up astride him she looked down and grinned as he grabbed her hips roughly and pushed inside her. She shrieked, then moaned before grabbing his wrists and shoving his hands away from her body.

"Why baby? Lemme touch you." Vanitas panted as she had her way with him.

"You are touching me...with your dick...that's enough." She growled. “And I’m not your baby.”

"But I want..." Vanitas began.

"I'm aware…we covered that last night. Shut up." She growled before a soft whine escaped her as she used his body.

Vanitas opened his mouth to speak but before he could she slapped him hard across his cheek. He moaned and growled "More". The sadistic blonde grinned as leaned down, and sank her teeth into his shoulder.

He screamed and grabbed her, tossing her off him. She began to laugh but stopped when he pounced on her, snatching her legs up over his shoulders. She clawed at his back and cursed at him. She even kicked him once but she wouldn’t let go of him. Vanitas had found his favorite toy in the form of a blonde named Larxene. They were loud, violent, and unapologetic.

  


Sora and Roxas were in the kitchen making some greasy food for Ventus when they heard the noise and giggled. "That bitch is crazy. Did you see her last night pulling on his snake bites? That shit looked painful." Roxas said.

“He seemed ok with it…” Sora pondered as he crushed a Dramamine and sprinkled it over Ventus’ hash browns.

“That’s an understatement.” Roxas snorted, sliding some bacon onto the plate. “Considering he fucked her in the bathroom with the goddamn door open…do you hear that shit, Sor? Sounds more like fighting than fucking.” Sora snickered and they took Ventus his food.

  


The next night people began to filter into the house looking for a place to party. The Strifes didn’t have to provide anything but a roof. Saturday night ended up being much like Friday night so Sunday brought a visit from Dean Xemnas.

Opening the door in his My Little Pony boxers Sora squinted at the morning sun and the angry Xemnas. “Dean Xemnas sir…good morning. Do you always visit people at the ass-crack of dawn or…”?

“Mr. Strife, we need to have a talk about you and your brothers’ idea of campus decorum.” Xemnas snapped.

“S’not on campus, sir…” Sora was rubbing his eyes and scratching his ass as he stood in the doorway clearly not allowing him to enter nor giving a fuck that he was pissed.

“But it’s owned by the university!” Xemnas said a little louder.

Sora winced and snapped, “So I’ll have my dad buy it!”

“I’m afraid it’s not for sale. Speaking of your father…I should probably give him a call to let him know that you boys have been misbehaving. I’m sure he would be quite…”

Sora scowled and cut him off. “Call him…I fucking dare you.”

Xemnas whipped out his phone having come prepared to blow the whistle on them. Sora stood unfazed. “After you tell him we’ve been bad, pass me the phone so I can tell him how you were here last night and offered to blow me if I let you call me Cloud.”

“But I didn’t… I wasn’t…you wouldn’t dare.” Xemnas stood still, not dialing the phone.

“Oh I would…and Dad would believe me…poor little troubled Sora.” He stared at Xemnas unflinching.

Xemnas looked into the bloodshot blues as Roxas appeared behind Sora wearing only a bedsheet. “Who you talkin to, Sor? Come back to bed…that chick…oh hey Dean Xemnas. What’s up?”

Xemnas opened his mouth to speak but Sora beat him to it. “The Dean here was sayin that he liked our party and he hopes next time we can spend some quality time together so he can get his mouth on my dick…he was just leavin.”

Xemnas’ eyes bugged out as he began to stutter. “Th-th-that’s not…”

“Wow.” Roxas said. “Way to go Sora. First weekend here and you’re already fuckin the Dean. Well done…”

Xemnas stormed off and Roxas patted Sora’s back. “Time for your meds baby boy, and that chick from last night wants you to come back upstairs.”

Sora closed the door and pulled Roxas’ sheet off as he followed him up the stairs. “I don’t wanna take those pills today…just lemme have today.” He sniffed the edge of the sheet.

Roxas turned and stepped back down so he would be even with his brother. Wrapping his arms around him, he whispered, “Dad says you have to…you need them, Sor.”

Sora hugged his naked brother to him and nuzzled his cheek. “I need _you,_ Roxy.”

Roxas shivered and kissed Sora’s ear hissing, “Me first, and then take your meds…promise?”

“Promise.” Sora whispered as they ascended the stairs holding hands to evict the chick they had slept with the night before in favor of one another. Afterward, as Sora slept, Roxas crept into the bathroom and sat down to smoke A-bomb and cry.

  


By Winter break The Strife, as they were called were notorious for their parties as well as their antics around campus. Sora’s on again off again affair with his psychoactive meds made for a very colorful individual. He had started volunteering at the homeless shelter in Twilight Town in his spare time and befriended a lady named Aerith. She lived at the shelter in winter but the rest of the year she lived under the freeway bridge downtown. She adored Sora and even though she wasn’t in her right mind most of the time, she always made time to speak with him.

Cloud had come to spend the Thanksgiving weekend with them in Twilight Town and they spent more time asking him questions about what he had been doing with his time than talking about college. He was overjoyed at seeing them so happy.

Weeks later they were all packed and ready for winter break, so once they got Sora out of the duffel and seated on the plane, they were on their way back to Costa for a month.

Cloud picked them up at the airport and they chattered all the way home. Roxas came down with ‘the flu’ a few days in and was confined to bed until Christmas. New Year’s was a big party on the beach with Uncle Vince and everyone drank in excess. Vanitas begged to take Cloud’s new motorcycle back to school and Cloud of course said, “Not no, but HELL no!”

  


Back at TU the boys fell right back into their routine and the rest of the campus partiers did as well. The first man through the door of Strife House was Zexion and he was holding. Roxas eyed him warily as he approached and gave him a half hug. “S’up man? How was the vacay?”

“I should’ve seen you before I went back…I was really sick, Zex.” Roxas said quietly.

“So, you kicked and you’re clean…planning to stay that way?” Zexion asked as Roxas’ eyes flicked from his face to his book bag. “Say somethin dude you look like a psycho right now.”

Roxas dropped his head and Zexion leaned in and said, “Come with me…I got you.”

He followed Zexion to the upstairs bathroom where they locked the door and snorted some coke. Roxas was on top of the world again and Zexion gave him some weed and a little junk for later…if he wanted it. Roxas blew him for his generosity.

They chatted during the party and Roxas found that he was a mainliner. He thought about it briefly but didn’t want to get that far gone on the stuff though… because junkies were assholes.

Freshman year ended with a monster party and word from Cloud that he had paid the rent on Strife House another year in advance, since they seemed so happy there. Their grades were mediocre but that was to be expected, everyone said.

  


Summer break was spent regulating Sora’s meds, getting Roxas clean and back to the shrink, and Ventus and Vanitas getting drunk with Uncle Vince and joyriding on Cloud’s motorcycles…not at the same time of course. Cloud was exhausted by midsummer.

“How did I do it every day, Viiiince?” He moaned as he opened a beer and flopped onto the deck chair.

Vincent laughed. “It’s kinda like bein in the jet stream…as long as you’re in it and cruising along, you don’t think about how fast you’re goin because you acclimate to it. But after you’re out of it for a while…then you get back in there- it’s like getting you head snatched off your shoulders.”

“That’s incredibly accurate.” Cloud murmured and they toasted with their beers.

The boys noticed that Uncle Vince hadn’t spent a single night since they had been home and were curious as to why. They speculated that maybe he had a girlfriend and left it at that.

Cloud sat watching them surf one afternoon while steaks cooked on the grill. His boys were men now…but they were still his boys. He noted the progression of body art that Vanitas had started getting shortly after he went to TU. The outlines of four dragons covered his chest and back, most of his ribs, with parts that disappeared under the waistband of his shorts. There were parts where the color was being filled in and he marveled at how committed his son had to be to this particular idea, to sit for so many hours under the needle.

Bouncing up to sit with Cloud and smoke, Vanitas grinned and flicked salty water on his old man. Cloud laughed at him and flapped his wet hair as he sat by him. “You know Vani, that’s going to be beautiful when it’s finished.” He said nodding at his son’s art.

Vanitas smiled proudly. “Thanks Dad…you donno how much it means to us that you accept the things we do like this. A lot of guys at school take a lotta unnecessary shit for the smallest things…piercings, tats, even hair color. We’re lucky.”

“I don’t know about lucky Vani, but I want you guys to feel comfortable expressing yourselves. It has always pissed me off the way people are so quick to judge others on outward appearance.” Cloud said as he stood to check the steaks.

“You’re fuckin awesome, Dad.”

“Language Vanitas…and don’t tell me you’re just expressing yourself…you little smart ass. I know you’re thinking it.”

They both laughed and Cloud sat back down, when something caught his eye. “What happened there?” He pointed to a scar on Vanitas’ shoulder.

Vanitas grinned like he Cheshire cat and said, “Overzealous female.”

Cloud winced. “Looks like a small overzealous shark.”

“Closer to the truth than you know.” Vanitas chuckled as Cloud’s eyebrow rose a fraction and he laughed with him.

  


Sophomore year at TU saw at the Strife boys back at their house and preparing for the swimming of the mermaids once again and Ventus busily preparing a calendar and planning theme parties for different weekends throughout the year while Sora headed down to the shelter to re-up his volunteer status and get started. Roxas was a little quieter than usual and Vanitas had been watching him closely since Sora started his new medication schedule.

The blonde seemed to be taking it harder than Sora that the two were spending less time together. The new schedule and dosages seemed to have made a huge change in him. He was still as nutty as a squirrel turd but he appeared to have his compulsions under control…except for the sniffing. There would always be sniffing.

“Rox, come help me with this stuff.” Vanitas called out.

Roxas dragged over to him to see what he was doing then picked up some laundry to figure out what belonged to whom. “What’s goin on with you?” Vanitas asked point blank.

“Nothin…I’m good.” Roxas said quietly, fooling no one.

“Bullshit Rox…spill it.” Vanitas tried not to stare at his brother, keeping his eyes on the laundry.

“It’s stupid, forget it.” Roxas said, folding a pair of his own jeans.

“Not stupid if it’s botherin you this much. You can tell me…I won’t say nothin.”

Roxas stared for a moment and mumbled, “M lonely.”

Vanitas thought before he spoke. He knew better than to say the generic things like _but you have_ _all of us_ or _you have lots of girls around_ or _you should go out more_. He went straight to the root of the issue. “Sora?”

“Yeah.” Roxas said almost in a whisper reminding Vanitas of when they were really small and Roxas would only speak in a whisper and usually only to Sora.

“You could volunteer at the shelter too if you want. Me and Ven can take care of shit around here.” Vanitas offered knowing that Roxas wouldn’t do it.

“I’m not gonna follow him around like some love-sick puppy, Vani…he’s doing good and having me taggin along will just fuck it up. He’ll feel sorry for me or feel guilty or somethin and then…never mind.” Roxas said taking the last of the laundry and heading upstairs leaving Vanitas to ponder what he had said.

Twenty minutes later Roxas slid down the bannister holding his board and yelled through the house, “Goin to skate, back later!”

  


Right down the street from Strife House and connected to campus was a huge old cemetery that covered a few city blocks. There were paved roads through it that dipped and curved…the perfect place to skate in the city. Roxas skated until he was tired then chose a mausoleum to sit by where he fired up a joint.

He thought about Sora and the relationship they had versus what it was now. He hated that he was so attracted to his brother. His shrink said that he shouldn’t be and the laws of nature and gods said he shouldn’t be… _he was wrong_. He was wrong in how he felt about his brother and he was wrong for wanting it to continue. He should find someone else to be with and stop waiting on Sora to have a lapse in his meds.

Maybe he should be like Ventus he thought and just fuck everyone but not be with anyone. Ventus seemed happy being a slut. Everyone on campus knew he was a slut and he was perfectly ok with that. No one on campus knew that Roxas had fallen in love with his brother and if they did, no one would be ok with it. Maybe he should just get high and not worry about it. Roxas nodded to himself and headed home.

  


Walking into the house, he heard screaming from upstairs but before he panicked he realized it was just Vanitas and Larxene fucking. The blond he had hooked up with the year before kept coming around and they sounded like the soundtrack to Fight Club. He sat down on the sofa and popped in his earbuds as Sora came through and grinned at him pointing at the ceiling. He just smirked and turned his focus back to his cell.

He didn’t see Sora circle round to the back of the sofa nor did he notice that Sora had leaned down over his shoulder and was currently sniffing his hair. Roxas felt a tickle on his neck and reached up to scratch. Sora moved away. As soon as he dropped his hand he felt another tickle but when he reached up to scratch his neck a hand caught his wrist firmly. Roxas whipped his head around and Sora kissed him, grinned, and walked away. “Fuck my life.” He whispered.

The party the following weekend was a turning point for the brothers. Roxas was high enough to be around Sora without feeling awkward and Sora was in rare form. It was a toga party so everyone was dressed in their finest bed linen. Ventus had bought a bunch of huge pillows and tossed them in the corner of the den and people were pulling them out to sit on as they passed the bong. Vanitas watched Roxas and Sora for a while and thought that maybe things would be ok after all. They were laughing and talking and being…normal. That in itself was strange.

It didn’t last. Roxas had meandered off to the kitchen with a dark-haired girl who had started hanging out a lot. She was a stripper who went to school at TU. Not long after, Sora went into the kitchen to get another beer and came right back out looking like he had to puke. He went directly upstairs, built a blanket fort in his room and wouldn’t come out.

Eventually, he needed food but insisted on eating in his fort. Vanitas had had enough, and went up to drag Sora out physically… but it turned into a vicious tickle fight which Vanitas lost. He lay on the floor panting and laughing, having been ejected from the fort after his defeat. He waited there for a few minutes and soon Sora’s head popped out, and he began to whisper to Vanitas sadly.

Sora explained that Roxas and Xion (the stripper) had been practically fucking when he had walked into the kitchen. He wasn’t prepared for the shock of it and it made him a little sick and scared. He was worried that Roxas would want to be with Xion all the time because she was funny and pretty and…a girl.

“Sor…I know how you feel about Roxy but you’ve changed so much, baby… and Rox has been kinda stuck, well…being Rox. He needs to be with other people Sora…and so do you.” Vanitas looked away because he didn’t want to see Sora cry. He took a deep breath thinking how this shouldn’t be him…it should be their dad but he truly didn’t want to drop this on Cloud.

“I get it…we can’t…that’s what the doctor said…” as Sora spoke his voice got lower and lower. “I shouldn’t expect…I want him to be…”

Vanitas heard the flap of blankets and the rustle of clothes, then Sora’s footsteps leaving the room.

Sora went into Roxas’ room and crawled into bed with him. “Roxy” he whispered.

“What’s wrong?” Roxas whispered back.

“I know what the doctor said and I understand but you’re still my favorite.” Sora sniffed Roxas’ hair as Roxas rolled over to snuggle him.

“I love you, Sor.” Roxas said, feeling nothing but warmth and comfort.

Things between them became a little easier after that. Roxas did his own thing (drugs) and Sora hung out with the homeless people, comforting the pelts of dead cats and the cart lady who picked up the contraband that got tossed off the freeway bridge by people fleeing police.

Ventus and Vanitas whored their way through many of the girls at school and in Ventus’ case, some of the boys, before branching out to the clubs in town and adopting a few strippers who became regular entertainers at Strife House.

  


Finally, summer break rolled around again and the boys went back home to Costa. Roxas sought out his boy who used to sell him weed to let him know that his needs had matured and if he wanted his money he would need to procure more than weed for him.

Cloud took half the summer off work to spend with the boys, but the second half of the summer, he was oddly absent. They knew he had been going into the office in Midgar more often but they had no idea it was that often.

“Ya think he’s got a girlfriend?” Vanitas asked his brothers as they sat on the beach drinking and smoking and getting blown (Roxas).

“Donno…maybe. If it’s anything serious I’m sure he’ll tell us.” Ventus said, and Roxas grunted from under the blanket Ven had tossed over him and the flavor of the week.

Sora sat with his hash pipe ignoring them all and singing softly as he stared at the ocean. Vanitas and Ventus watched him briefly to make sure he had no comment to offer and then carried on their discussion.

“It would be weird to see Dad with a chick. He’s never dated anyone…oh except that teacher we had way back. Remember that, Ven?” Vanitas chuckled.

Ventus laughed and opened his mouth to speak but Roxas croaked “Sora” from under the blanket. Silence fell like the Hindenburg as Ven and Vani turned to look at Sora to see if he noticed. They knew what was happening under the blanket and they prayed that wasn’t why Roxas had called out his brother’s name. Sora stared at the ocean, eyes glazed…oblivious. Roxas poked his head out of the blanket/tent. “Sora…didn’t you hear me callin you?”

Ventus and Vanitas looked at one another clearly relieved and helped snap Sora out of his trance. “Hey Sor, Rox is talkin to you.”

“Oh…” was all he said then he crawled over to where Roxas was and went under the blanket with him and _random summer chick_. Soon there were puffs of smoke escaping the blanket and they heard Sora and Roxas giggling.

  


Just when they got into the groove of summer, it was time to go back to school. Roxas had a new agenda and he couldn’t wait to talk to Zexion about it. How high was too high, really? Sora was happy to be going back to Aerith and the bridge people. Ventus was happy to go back to the regular whores at school and the parties of course. And Vanitas was just happy because…beer.

Junior year brought more new faces and that meant more gawkers. The Strife didn’t try to walk two by two in perfect step, they just did. More often than not, Sora and Roxas spoke in unison if they were both talking to the same person. Any question that addressed them as _you guys_ was definitely answered by both. Their closeness had returned without the intimacy and it was beautiful to watch, especially for people who weren’t used to seeing it.

  


Ventus stood near the caf handing out flyers when Vanitas came rolling by on his board shaking his hand flinging blood off his knuckles. Ventus shook his head and looked around for the fallout. He saw a guy sitting on the grass…no…getting up off the grass with blood on his face. _School’s in_ , he thought as he watched the freshman use his shirt to stop the blood gushing from his nose.

Just when he was about to pack it in someone caught his eye. There was a blonde guy looking around at the place like he was new…a freshman maybe, but he didn’t carry himself like a freshman. Ventus realized he was staring at the guy, so he walked over to welcome him.

“Hi, welcome to TU.” he said politely as he looked over the crazy blonde hair that was almost a mohawk but wasn’t. The blonde looked at him and offered a shy smile and nodded. “Is it that obvious?”

Ventus was so shocked by the color of his eyes that he didn’t even hear the question. His own eyes travelled from the impossible blue of his eyes to the shy smile to the slender build and long fingers, to the jeans that fit too perfectly, stopped at the worn in doc martens then travelled back up slowly to the eyes. Ventus raised his eyebrows and tried to find his composure. "I'm sorry what did you say?"

The blonde smiled again. "I asked if it was so obvious that I'm new here?"

"Oh...um no... It's just that I'm not…new… and I don't remember seeing you here before. I mean I would have remembered you...I'm Ventus."

"I'm Demyx... I'm a transfer from Midgar U." He chuckled.

Ventus got himself together and remembered that he was holding a handful of flyers for their welcome back party. Holding one out toward Demyx he blurted, "We're having a welcome back party tonight...you should come."

Demyx took the flyer and read it. "Strife House...I don't know where that is but I..."

"I could come by and walk you over. It's off campus." Ventus said as he silently wished he didn't sound as desperate as he felt.

Demyx blushed and smiled nervously "Well how can I say no to that… _So_ sweet."

Ventus found his cool after hearing that and grinned. "I try."

"Do you now? So do I... if I think it's worth it." Demyx said quietly and smiled again. Ventus was so taken with the blonde that he didn't notice it had started to rain.

"I um... Ventus...we should probably um..." Demyx said just as Ventus realized it was raining and had started coming down harder.

"Oh!" He shrieked as he jerked his jacket off and flung it over Demyx’ head and shoulders. "Sorry." Ventus said as he started toward home. "I’ll be back around 6. Which dorm?"

"I forget the name but there's a scary lady named Larxene…" Demyx said as he hurried toward the caf.

"I'll be there!" Ventus shouted as he ran off.

  


Inside the caf, Demyx pulled the jacket off his head and shook the rain off as a girl walked over smiling. "Well I see you've met one fourth of the Strife. Congratulations."

Demyx smiled and said, "One fourth?"

"They're quadruplets. You'll meet them all if you're planning to go to that party.” She pointed at the flyer in his hand. “My name’s Xion, by the way."

"I thought I'd get settled and just have some _me_ time but he said he would come down and walk me over...and he's so..." Demyx said.

"Yes darling, all of them are so..." Xion batted her eyes and they laughed together. She gave him the rundown on the Strife as they ate and the more he heard the more excited he became about the party.

  


Across campus in a private dorm, a very angry and disheartened Riku Valentine looked down at the colorful flyer before tossing it into the trash. Stripping to his boxers he lay on his bed staring at the bandages that covered his arms from his wrists halfway to his elbows. "Couldn't even do that right... Loser." He grumbled to himself then he lit a cigarette and started peeling off the surgical tape. A knock at his door disturbed his progress and he growled "What?"

Dean Xemnas strolled in and stood over him where he lay sprawled on his bed and stared down in disgust at his adopted son. Riku looked up at him blankly, not knowing what to expect.

"I'm only going to say this once, Riku. Stay out of trouble and away from drugs but if you cannot, then make sure you do a better job on your next suicide attempt."

Riku was numb to his insults after all the years so he merely smirked. "I won't let you down sir."

As soon as the words left his lips, Xemnas slapped him across the face hard enough to loosen one of his molars and split his lip. Riku smiled up at him with bloody teeth and quipped "I love you too, Dad. Thanks for the -"

Xemnas hit him again. "Damn you boy, don't you know when to shut up!"

"Apparently not...if I did you wouldn't keep -"

Crack! Across the other jaw, making his ear buzz annoyingly. He didn't raise his head for a fourth as a tear slid out of his eye and dangled on the tip of his nose, bloody drool string vibrating gently with his breath.

"I wish I had never signed those Goddamn adoption papers. You are the worst thing that ever happened to me." Xemnas spat as he walked out slamming the door behind him.

Riku was exhausted and broken, having come to campus fresh from rehab. The only visitor he had up to that point was when a kid named Zexion who came by to bid him welcome and offer to be his boy if he didn’t want to stay on the wagon. The blue haired kid said he was from Radiant so he knew who Riku was…reputation preceding him and all that. He didn’t want to think about any of it and Zexion hadn’t come through with the goods yet so he crawled under the covers planning to stay there until Monday.

  


Demyx was waiting nervously and jumped when he heard the knock at his door. He had taken care to dress in something that he thought Ventus would like. Years as a whore had given him more than a little insight into what men liked.

That was all behind him now, he reminded himself as he opened the door. "Hi...Ventus." Demyx smiled and Ventus looked him over. _Wow_ he thought, _were his eyes that blue earlier_.

"Ready?" Ventus asked.

"Sure um...gimme one sec." Demyx said as he turned toward the bathroom "Come on in, I won't be long."

Ventus stepped inside and looked around. When his eyes fell on the guitars, he smiled as he thought of those long fingers that reached for the flyer. Demyx emerged from the bathroom having taken his meds and gave Ventus back his jacket. They strolled out, talking about his guitars and music. Demyx was in heaven.

At Strife House the party was already becoming lively. Xion was dancing for Roxas and Sora as they held hands and watched. Vanitas waited for a lull in her routine then walked over and scooped her up. She squealed and laughed as he carried her to the kitchen. Roxas lit a joint and passed it to Sora who hit it then lay his head on Roxas’ shoulder. "I'm so wasted, Roxy." He whispered.

Roxas giggled and rolled his head to the side so their cheeks were touching "Dance with me Soraaaa." He stood and pulled Sora up by both hands.

"We can't dance to stripper music..." Sora slurred and Roxas cackled wrapping his arms around his brother as people milled around them drinking and smoking. They began a slow dance when Roxas noticed that Sora was getting heavier and heavier. “I know just what you need, Sor…”

  


Riku woke disoriented to rapping on his door. He looked at his clock and touched his face remembering his visit from Xemnas. The knock sounded again and he mumbled “…gimme a minute…Jesus.”

Still in his boxers, he opened the door to a surprised looking Zexion. “C’min.” Riku said as he left the door open and turned to get a cigarette off his desk. Hearing the door close he turned back to face Zexion and jerked his head toward the book bag in his hand.

Zexion held it out still staring at the Riku…which irritated him to no end. “What’s your problem dude? You never seen a guy in his boxers before? Did you like, skip gym class or some shit?” Riku mumbled as he opened the bag and dumped the contents on his bed.

“Your face…you have blood.” Zexion said nervously.

“Oh! Oh sorry dude.” Riku laughed. “Had a disgruntled visitor earlier…shoulda cleaned that shit up but I fell asleep.”

Zexion nodded and said, “I would’ve been by earlier but I saw Dean Mansex hanging around and I didn’t wanna chance it.”

Riku nodded but didn’t offer any information about himself or what had happened to his face as he sorted the drugs.

“I wanted to drop this off on my way to Strife House… you should come. They’re…”

“Pass dude, maybe next time. I look like I been hit by a truck and I feel about the same. I really just wanna bake and sleep.”

Zexion nodded “No problem man…I get it.” He was silent as Riku went to his closet and came back with a roll of bills. He sat on the bed and started counting out Zexion’s part. He was being generous.

“There is one thing that’s not there…” Zexion said and Riku looked up and stopped counting. “The blonde to suck your dick will come later.”

Riku cackled and threw a couple more hundreds on the pile. “You’re my boy, Zex! You wanna hit with me before you head?”

“Sure, why not. Those guys are probably wasted already. I hooked them up with enough shit to tranq a family of elephants.” Zexion said as he sat on the floor beside the bed and got his own gear out.

Upon waking Riku had no intention of banging any H but when the opportunity presented itself he couldn’t find a reason not to. His mouth watered as he watched the drugs cook and he noticed that Zexion had come out of his hoodie and was cooking a speedball. His tracks were dark but Riku didn’t see any sores. He looked down at his own veins and thought for a second that this was a bad idea. He glanced at Zexion’s tracks as he hit then pulled his foot up on the bed to shoot between his toes. He was going light anyway compared to what he was shooting before he died. _Funny_ he thought… _before I died._

  


Strife House was a riot and Xion had introduced Demyx to everyone who she deemed important enough to know except for Roxas and Sora who were AWOL. Someone said they were doing blow in the kitchen and someone else said they had left on their boards. Both stories were probably true. He made his way back to Ventus who had been keeping an eye on him as he circulated through the house with the dark-haired stripper.

“I’m baaack.” Demyx said smiling.

“About time.” Ventus laughed and grabbed his hand. “Come with me.”

Demyx let himself be led out onto the deck then turned to face Ventus. “I’ve heard stories tonight…about you.”

Ventus smiled sheepishly. “I’m a bit of a slut so I’m not really surprised.”

Demyx nodded and his heart fell just a tiny bit but he wanted to know Ventus for who he truly was and didn’t want any bullshit. Demyx was done with bullshit. Obviously Ventus had no problem being forthcoming with the ugly truth so he went on. “I appreciate your honesty.”

“Lies hurt people.” Ventus said seriously. “And I don’t like hurting people…especially people who look like you.” He smiled and tugged Demyx’ shirt pulling him closer.

“You’re too sweet…” Demyx said quietly as his mind wandered back to a redhead that once made a habit of calling him Beautiful. He reached for Ventus’ hand that was still attached to his shirt and pressed it to his chest. Ventus lowered his head and bit his lip then looked up at Demyx through ash blonde bangs and melted into his arms as Demyx kissed him. Walking backward to a deck chair that he had spied on his way out, he sat pulling Ventus onto his lap, kissing him greedily and pulling his tee up to his chest. Ventus moaned at the touch of the long hands on his bare skin as he threaded his own fingers through blonde hair. Demyx wasn’t paying attention to the cool night air or the damp feeling of autumn, all he felt was Ventus and when he heard the soft moan escape his lips he pulled him closer, making Ventus squeak. “You wanna go…my room?”

Demyx nodded and stood, still holding him. Ven giggled, “I guess you can carry me if you want.”

He kissed him hard and turned to stumble through the house toward the stairs. They heard a few cat calls and some applause before they reached the correct bedroom. Demyx kicked the door open and Ventus kicked it closed.

  


Everyone that went to give the mermaids their proper send-off came back inside still amped. Sora and Roxas threw some pillows by the coffee table and hauled out the hookah. Flopping unceremoniously onto the floor, they loaded up and lay down with their heads slightly under the table to smoke and giggle. Xion and Vanitas fell in with them as well and they discussed what was important as well as they could over the blaring music.

“This shit id dope.” Vanitas yelled and pointed to the hookah. The others nodded and Xion giggled. “Says a lot about the quality of head he probably got in exchange for it, right Roxas?”

Roxas gaped because he was so stoned that he wasn’t clear if she had actually said it or if his conscious had taken to screaming at him. Glancing toward Sora he knew immediately that she had said it. Sitting up too quickly, Sora banged his forehead and cursed before crawling away. Roxas tried to follow but was too disoriented from the smoke and decided that he would just have to reap the consequences later… or maybe he would just throw himself into the quarry. That was an option.

  


The following morning, they were still under the coffee table. Sora had rejoined them, snuggled against Roxas, and the house was quiet. Roxas woke first to feed his habit and then he woke Sora and Vanitas. “Let’s go pester Ven and his new guy.”

They crawled out snickering and headed upstairs. Upon entering Ventus’ bedroom they all hissed at the sun shining too brightly through the curtains, then proceeded to the bed. Vanitas crouched down at the foot of the bed while Sora and Roxas stood beside it in plain view. They looked at one another and raised their eyebrows as they checked out the naked body lying next to their brother who was obviously a cover hog.

Vanitas tugged the duvet enough to make Ventus try and tug it back. The other two watched grinning. Vanitas tugged harder and Ventus grumbled and pulled harder before abandoning it altogether to snuggle Demyx for warmth. Demyx rolled to his side and Roxas and Sora’s eyes shot from his bits to each other and mouthed _damn_. Vanitas was wheezing trying to stifle a laugh at his brothers’ antics then he snatched the duvet completely off the bed.

Demyx sat straight up in bed. He didn’t know where he was and he didn’t know these people and when he looked next to him in bed and saw a head of ash blonde hair- his brain thought Rufus ShinRa and he panicked, immediately scooting away from Ventus while trying to cover himself. Ventus rolled over, “Cut it out you guys…. assholes.”

When Demyx’ brain registered that Rufus wasn’t there, he let out a long sigh and rested his head on his bent knees. Vanitas was lying on the floor laughing while Sora and Roxas stood giggling. “Get up, Ven!” They said.

Demyx raised his head to stare at the two speakers who seemed to have one voice or one brain or maybe he was hallucinating…They looked at him appreciatively and smiled. “Hi.”

“Stop that…it’s creepy.” Demyx grumbled, trying to get his composure and still trying to cover his parts.

They laughed together. “We’re sorry.”

“Still doing it.” Demyx said as he managed a sheet skirt and crawled off the bed toward the bathroom.

Sora elbowed Roxas and they said “Come baaack!”

Demyx scurried into the bathroom and slammed the door. They were silent until they heard the lock click and they burst out laughing. Ventus sat up grinning, “You guys are assholes. You scared the shit out of him.”

“Easy target.” They said as they left the room still giggling. Vanitas stood to follow but Ventus stopped him. “Vani?”

“Yeah?”

“How do you…nah never mind? Forget it.” Ventus said as he started to search for his underwear.

Vanitas squinted at him and stood for a few seconds longer before nodding and walking out.

  


0

  


Back in Costa Del Sol, Cloud was lying on the beach dozing under an umbrella when his phone buzzed. He groaned, knowing it was work and checked his empty glass before he checked his phone. “Rufus” he grumbled as he pouted wishing he had another margarita. The message said:

I’m sending you a package via Turk…a new one. Be gentle.

“Pfft” he went inside to make another drink. Emerging from the house with his laptop and a pitcher of margaritas with a straw in it, he collapsed back into his spot of shade. Rufus’ face popped up on the screen and he was grinning. “Good to see you…Cloud.”

“Not my favorite greeting Rufus, but please…go ahead.” Cloud grumbled as he slurped at the straw.

“I sent you a text about the package and I clearly see you are at home, so what warrants the call?” Rufus said as he sat buffing his nails.

Cloud belched loudly making Rufus hiss “Cretin!”

“I don’t see why you gotta send a new Turk…I like the old Turks just fine and they don’t fuck with me or ask me a bunch of questions.” Cloud complained around his straw.

“Consider it part of his training then. That way if you end up kicking his ass, it will be justified.” Rufus said making Cloud giggle.

“Cloud Strife are you drunk?” Rufus leaned toward his screen making Cloud laugh out loud.

“Rufus, my boys are back at TU and yes I’m drunk. If you’re that worried for your new Turkey then maybe you shoulda sent an OLD one!” He cackled as he tossed the straw aside and turned up the pitcher.

“Ahh! You are a Neanderthal Cloud, and its sooo very hot.”

Cloud looked closer at the screen and smiled. “Rufus, are you flirting with me?”

“I’m always flirting with you dear, you just don’t always catch it. Now! This Turk will be there soon so I suggest you sober yourself and put some clothes on for goddess’ sake.” Rufus chuckled at Cloud’s silly drunken grin. “And take those sunglasses off so I can see those beautiful baby blues before I go.”

Cloud pouted but took off his sunglasses for Rufus.

“Oh my God you’re still gorgeous! I think the next time I need a package delivered to you I’ll bring it myself.” Rufus said seductively.

Cloud smiled sweetly “Just bring yourself…I got your package.”

Rufus squealed and Cloud laughed. “It has been a long time, hasn’t it?”

“Yeah…” Cloud said, trying to remember the last time he had Rufus’ ankles up by his ears.

“You wouldn’t want this old man now though. You look as young as your sons…and alas I do not.” Rufus said with a dramatic flourish and wave of his hand.

Cloud winked at him “You’re still hot.”

Rufus giggled. “I love the flattery dear but I need to go. I have engagements to keep. Be nice to my baby Turk.”

“Will do.” Cloud closed his laptop and looked at his empty pitcher before falling back onto his blanket.

  


He woke himself up snoring, still on the beach. He needed water so he started to get up when he noticed two bottles, ice cold, by his side. _Where’d this come from_ , he wondered as he opened one and chugged it. As he tipped his head back he noticed a Turk uniform and long red hair. _That must be the baby out there wading in the surf. She gets points for bringing me water_ he thought.

Taking off his sunglasses as he didn’t really need them this late in the afternoon, he noticed the boots sitting by his blanket. _Wow_ , he pondered, _she has really big feet for a chick_. Cloud stood and dusted himself off then walked down to greet the baby Turk. “Hi…thanks for the water.”

“No problem, yo. Thought ya might need it if that pitcher was full when ya started.” The Turk smiled. “I’m Reno…I brought…you...” He stalled out as Cloud kept getting closer and closer to his face.

He stopped only inches from Reno’s nose and said, “You’re a dude.”

“I’m…sorry?” Reno was completely confused.

“I thought you were a chick but you’re a dude…and you’re _pretty_.” Cloud said the words but his expression was one of frustration. His eyebrows drawn together and his mouth turned slightly down at the corners.

“Thank you? I think…” Reno was frozen to his spot in the sand, pants rolled up to his knees, nose to nose with the savior of the planet who just called him pretty. What should his next move be?

“You’re pretty too, Sir.” Reno grinned.

Cloud started laughing and backed off. “Come on baby Turk Reno. I think I’ve had too much sun.” Cloud laughed as he walked toward his house.

“And maybe too many margaritas, yo?” Reno chuckled as he followed.

Cloud kept walking but raised one finger and chuckled, “You can NEVER have too many margaritas!”

  
  


Roxas saw Zexion crossing the quad with his bookbag and fell into step beside him. "What's up Zex, you got a minute?"

"It's Saturday Strife, I have deliveries to make. Speak it." Zexion slowed his pace for his next best customer.

"I wanna um..." Roxas stalled and Zexion stopped because he felt like Roxas needed his undivided attention. Roxas winced and scratched his head.

"You wanna what Rox? Fuck? Drop out? Get a puppy?" Zexion asked with a smile, secretly hoping that Roxas wasn’t about to ask him out. He didn’t date his customers, not even the ones who gave excellent head.

Roxas chuckled "I wanted to ask you about um...mainlining."

Zexion nodded "The only way to fly, in my opinion. But look I've never helped a first timer and I'm a bad trip sitter." Wheels were turning in the dealer's head as he added "Come with me."

Roxas followed him to his dorm where he gave him a set of works and said. "Go to the Sawyer building up to the private dorms, 2A. He'll help you." 

"Thanks. How will I know I got the right guy?" Roxas asked nervously.

"You'll know" Zexion smiled. "His name is Riku. Tell him I sent you."

Roxas nodded and Zexion gave him a two-finger salute and started to walk away. "Let me know how that works out for ya."

  


That night after the party was in full swing and Sora was adequately wasted, Roxas went upstairs to grab his hoodie and gear, and head over to Sawyer.

Ventus was busy chatting up other people and while Demyx understood that he had no intention of settling down, he didn’t have to like it.

Vanitas had gone downtown at the strip club where Xion danced where he met a friend of hers named Namine, who was newly single.

Spotting a new face in the crowd she danced his way and leaned toward where he sat at the stage side bar. "Hey baby, you're new."

He smiled when he heard the lilt of an accent in her voice that he wouldn't have expected. "I'm a friend of Xion’s." He said as she inched closer in her dance and he tucked some bills into what she still had on. He was decent about it and didn't try to grope her so she beamed and he gave himself a mental pat on the back.

After her set she went backstage and showed back up on the floor in a different outfit. He had left the bar after her dance and moved to a table. She walked past him carrying drinks and he watched her blank stare turn to a fake smile as she approached the table to deliver the order. As she turned back, he looked away and lifted his hand for a waitress, facing opposite the direction he knew she would be coming.

"What can I get for you baby?" She asked as she popped a stiletto on the chair opposite his. He looked up and she gasped. "Oh my God you're Xi's friend! I thought you left." She smiled and put her foot back on the floor.

"No... I just moved… I saw what I came to see." Vanitas winked.

"Well can I get you a drink or maybe something to eat?"

"How about a dance?" He asked. 

"Absolutely, come with me."

So far it had been all business. She was treating him like any other customer at the club but he was about to change that. In the private room, she closed the door and he sat on the cushy sofa. She turned to him and before she could ask for his money he was giving it to her. She smiled "This is too much, cutie."

"No, it's not..." Vanitas smiled but refused to take the money back. She turned on her music and started to dance, and smiled sincerely as he bit his snake bites and tucked his hands underneath his thighs. She pulled him up from the sofa and did her tease routine but as she pulled his shirt up she gasped. "They're beautiful."

"Thank you." He kept his hands obediently by his sides.

"Can I take it off?" She asked excitedly, all her business composure gone away.

"Sure ...can I smoke?" Vanitas asked just being himself.

"Sure." She grinned as he pulled his shirt over his head and lit a smoke while she bent to inspect the dragon tattoos, her dance all but forgotten.

Tracing some of the details with her fingers she breathed. "Sooo beautiful."

“I wanted to say that to you but you steal my fire by saying it first."

She laughed out loud "You are so funny! Do you go to university with Xion?"

"I do. You should come hang out after work." He said figuring she had probably heard the same line a million times.

"If Xion is coming, I will come too. What is your name?"

"Vanitas."

"Vanitas… I like that name."

"I like the way you say it. Say it again." He smirked.

"Vaniiitas." Namine cooed.

He closed his eyes and said softly, “Say it.”

Her lips brushed his ear and she moaned "Vanitaaas…"

He shivered as his defenses fell and his hands hovered inches from her body. She pushed him gently back to the sofa where she went back to her dance, sliding her hands up his thighs and chest, then climbing onto his lap and dropping her top. He knew the rules and respected them because these girls were at work. _Who wanted to be harassed on the job, right_? But that didn’t mean it was easy.

The rest of her tiny outfit was gone and Vanitas was singing Irish drinking songs in his head as he chewed his lip rings. The devil on his shoulder was saying - It's right there in your face idiot - touch it! But he didn't. When her hands brushed across his crotch his eyes flicked to hers and she smiled. "Impressive."

"Thanks." He spoke so softly that it was inaudible over the music. She spun and turned the music down then returned to his lap.

Completely naked and straddling his hips, and asked seriously "If I let you touch me… what would you want to do?"

"Are you giving me permission??" He asked, recalling that Xion had warned him that her friend had been assaulted by a customer recently and was having some difficulty getting past it.

She was about to say no out of habit but then..."Yes"

Vanitas raised both his hands and placed them on each side of her face, then kissed her softly. Namine stared at him in amazement. “That wasn’t what I expected.”

“But was it what you wanted?” he whispered.

She nodded and hugged him smiling. “Too sweet, Vanitas…”

  


Back at Strife House Zexion had come and gone, Roxas was still AWOL when Vanitas returned, Ventus had been dragged off upstairs by Demyx, and Sora was walking around shirtless smoking and sniffing random people. Before Vanitas had a chance to ask about Roxas, he walked through the door and went straight to Sora, grabbing his hand and pulling him into a hug. Sora was smiling and they were whispering to one another. Vanitas was relieved that things seemed to be normal… _their version of normal anyhow_.

A few people were staring at the two brothers whispering and holding each other like lovers so Vanitas walked over to them and wrapped his arms around the both of them and whispered, “I love you guys but people are gonna talk…you should give them something to say.” He chuckled and walked away to wait for the fireworks.

Sora grinned his biggest stoner grin. “Kiss me, Roxy.”

Roxas giggled, “Ok... but”

Sora kissed Roxas deeply in the middle of the crowded room. There were howls and catcalls and whistles just as Demyx and Ventus descended the stairs. They both saw the spectacle and Vanitas standing off to the side laughing so they went on as if all was normal.

Sora and Roxas began to laugh and stumbled into the kitchen together to get drinks. As soon as the door was closed Sora turned Roxas to face him and squeezed his arms. “Where were you?”

“I told you I went to see Zexion” Roxas tried to free himself as his stomach burned and fear crept up his spine.

“Zexion was here.” Sora spat “And you taste like come. Where WERE you Roxas!?”

Roxas stared at Sora like he had two heads. “S-sorry…” was all he could think of to say. Sora stared back at him and suddenly started laughing as he walked out of the kitchen. Roxas needed to vomit. He had just had the most amazing sex with the most amazing guy only to come home and be assailed by his brother/lover/whatthehellever they were. He didn’t know if Sora was really pissed or not, but he was a little afraid to leave the safety of the kitchen.

  


The party wound down and the week passed without incident. Sora spent more time with the bag lady but he and Roxas still found time to torture Demyx between classes.

“Ssshh here he comes Sora.” Roxas giggled. Demyx was walking in the direction of where they were crouched beside the shrubs that bordered the quad. Getting their game faces on, they stood and strolled up to fall into perfect step on either side of him.

“Hi Dem!” They said.

Demyx winced “Hi guys…”

“You free for lunch?” They asked.

“Actually, I’m meeting my study group for lunch.” Demyx said as the sound of their footfalls keeping time made him want to hum.

“We wanna have you for lunch, Dem.” They said and then laughed, also in unison.

Demyx shivered. “You guys know how creepy that is right?”

“We thought you liked us …” They said looking hurt.

Demyx being a kind-hearted person, was instantly devastated that he had hurt their feelings. “I didn’t mean it that way guys, I swear. I love you guys…you’re awesome. Let’s go get lunch together. I can go to study group Monday.”

They grinned at him and carried on to the caf. Sitting between them, he smiled a little nervously and then moved to the other side of the table so he could face them. “This is better. Now I can look at you while we talk.”

They smiled and he began to notice that everything they did was exactly the same. They were both right handed and every move was like a choreographed routine; they even chewed and swallowed in time with each other. It was fascinating and strange and his food was getting cold. They looked at one another and winked and went back to their eating without as much as a stutter in their actions.

“Ssso, g-give me the ssscoop on your b-brother V-Ventus.” Demyx stuttered as he attempted to stop watching. Demyx had a terrible stutter that stemmed from horrendous abuse he suffered as a child at the hands of adoptive parents. He also had Tourette syndrome but the meds he took normally kept it all at bay. His stutter would resurface if he was under stress for a period of time however, and during finals week he barely spoke unless he was high. He secretly wished he had smoked some greens before running into these two.

“He’s a slut” they said, “or was.”

Demyx smiled and tried not to tic as they drank their waters. “W-well, sssadly he has t-t-told me in no uncertain terms that h-he d-d-d-oesn’t wanna settle down.” He sighed. “But I’m not going anywhere.”

They cocked their heads to the right and said, “He’s an idiot.”

This made Demyx smile and relax at the same time. _They’re not so bad_ he thought.

After lunch, they walked him to class before running to theirs. They were shot down that he seemed to be acclimating to their antics so they decided to up their game.

Waiting outside the library in the shadows that evening, they smoked a joint before they saw Demyx walk out under the gas lamps that lined the walkways on campus. They sneaked through the shadows whispering his name at random times and watched as he started to come undone.

Soon he was running as fast as he could toward his dorm but they were keeping up and calling his name louder each time. Inside Demyx’ head the Turks were after him to drag him back to Rufus and he wasn’t going to just let them get him. He bolted into his building and slammed the door, panting.

“What the hell happened to you?” Larxene barked as she came out to see what the noise was.

“N-nothing.” Demyx said as he collected himself to climb the stairs.

Outside Sora and Roxas were laughing their asses off as they walked toward their temporary home.

The campus wasn’t completely deserted and as they passed the big fountain Roxas noticed a familiar head of silver hair zip by on a skateboard heading for Sawyer Hall. He watched with his eyes without turning his head and right before he was out of his line of vision Riku looked up and saw him. He smirked and reached out his hand in his direction as he rolled out of sight.

Roxas tried his best to think of a reason he needed to stay behind but he had nothing. Sora had begun to chatter about the house and the party that they needed to get back to. Tomorrow night was supposed to be a pajama party and Sora was psyched. He had bought new pajamas just for the party…and matching slippers.

Tonight’s party was just a party though, and Roxas needed to get home and fix. The first time he fixed by himself he was so nervous he couldn’t get his vein, but since then it had become second nature. He had only been back to Sawyer once during the week and Riku wasn’t there. Riku was there now, his gut told him…and Riku has drugs. He looked at Sora as they neared the now infamous Strife House and chewed his lip. People were there and the music was loud.

  


Xion and Namine were both working that night so Vanitas had bailed on his brothers to sit at the club. Ventus was passing the bong while he waited on Demyx no doubt, because each time the door opened he looked up hopefully. Zexion strolled in around midnight followed by Riku. A few people called his name as he walked in, making him smile a little as if he was embarrassed. Aqua eyes searched the room as he lit a joint and offered Zexion a hit. He hung back in the crowd like a wallflower and listened to music.

Sora and Roxas came sliding down the bannister of the stairway and he couldn’t help but smile. Seeing Roxas relaxed and happy was amazing to Riku. He saw him around campus from time to time but he always seemed so serious…unless he was chasing Demyx like he had been earlier.

Riku watched without staring and made himself scarce in whatever area they migrated to. Roxas had made it clear that he didn’t want anyone knowing that they knew each other like that. He didn’t blame Roxas. _Look at him he_ thought, _blonde and beautiful and surrounded by people who care about him. Why would he want them knowing he associated with me…an outcast and a loser?_

Riku slipped out the door virtually unnoticed but when he reached the bottom step and started down the walkway, someone called his name from the direction of the deck outside the kitchen. Looking in that direction he saw a familiar head of blonde hair so he walked over casually and said, “S’up Rox?”

Standing in the shadows Roxas reached to pull him closer and further from the light. “I came by the other day and you were out…I wanted to get some more um…”

Riku grinned crookedly and said, “I wanted some more of that too…” and he bent to kiss Roxas.

“I meant some more bombs…but yeah that too.” Roxas smiled but he could see the wall go up over Riku’s expression when he nodded. Digging thru his bookbag he produced a baggy full of what Roxas was after, and pressed it to Roxas’ chest.

Roxas reached to push the bag away but Riku wouldn’t budge. “Take it.”

“But I don’t have the money on me.” Roxas said.

“Don’t worry about it…my treat.” Riku said flatly looking like he just wanted to be anywhere else. The doors to the deck opened and closed and he saw panic in Roxas’ eyes. “Go on…”

Roxas looked at him briefly and then kissed his cheek before running to the front of the house stuffing the drugs down his pants as he went. Riku shook his head and slunk off in the shadows back to his dorm where he fixed and swallowed half his Ambien…

  


He woke up Monday around lunch time covered in puke and piss. Everything hurt as he tried to get up from the floor. He remembered shooting after he left Roxas but then... _oh yeah, the Ambien._ He decided he should probably crawl to the bathroom as opposed to walking because if he passed out from dehydration at least he was already on the floor. Managing a sitting position, he peeked over the edge of his bed.

_Well_ , he thought _that's where the puking started_ as he eyed a dried mass with half-digested pills mixed in with whatever he had eaten last. The center of the bed was reasonably free of vomit but he could definitely tell that he had a lot to drink that day... _Friday...that was Friday_.

Looking weakly down at himself he began trying to blow the gummy vomit out of his nose using his sheet as a tissue. His boxers were wet on one side and dry and stiff on the other, and as soon as he could breathe through his nose he wished he couldn't. All he could smell was puke and piss, so he began his crawl toward the bathroom gagging.

Turning on the shower he crawled over into the tub and lay there thinking about all that he needed to do when he heard his door open and close. _Oh shit_ he thought _that can only be one person_. Riku didn't have the energy to get up so he lay there sticking out his tongue to catch the warm water as chunks of vomit loosened from his hair and began to clog the trap.

Xemnas stepped into the bathroom and glared down at him. He stared back, silently passive.

"I will assume from this mess that you are using drugs again."

"You assume correctly." Riku croaked.

Xemnas folded his arms as he stared down at the silver haired boy who was so desperate to ruin his life. "Didn't you learn anything at the hospital?"

"Yessir" Riku said quietly. "I learned that I'm a piece of shit, undeserving of your support or pity or love and I have shamed you and Mom, sullied your reputations… and I also learned that I don't deserve the life you've given me and" at this point Riku started to cry "adopting me was a mistake because I have never brought either of you a moment of happiness. And I learned too that I am a miserable failure at suicide and as a son, as a friend, as a lover, as a father..."

Riku continued to sob as Xemnas stared down at him with tears in his eyes. "Your mother...your mother wanted you Riku. She loved you but you ruined that. You ruin everything you touch and if you don't see that then you should go back and visit the grave of your baby daughter."

Xemnas shook as he tried to control his emotions. "I would rather it was you in that grave." He turned from his weeping son and growled "I want this mess cleaned up immediately."

When Riku stopped crying he was alone, so he struggled to his knees to strip off the filthy boxers and get cleaned up. He still had no idea that it was Monday.

  


Sora was planning to go down to the bridge to see Aerith and Roxas chewed his nails waiting for him to leave. He hadn't seen Riku around in days and he _kind of blew him off on Friday night_. _Riku probably fucked whoever he wanted_. _He probably left and went straight to someone else_ Roxas thought. Besides after Sora’s episode in the kitchen at the party Friday he was wary of him finding out that he was seeing someone…but he wasn’t really seeing him… _was he?_ He had told Riku that first night that he didn’t want anyone to know about the drugs. What he _didn’t_ tell Riku was that he didn’t want Sora to know about the sex.

Sora knew he had flings before and even joined in sometimes but if he thought his position with Roxas was being threatened…well who knew what he would do. He would be hurt, definitely. He never wanted to hurt Sora. Roxas understood the shrink saying that they shouldn’t sleep together but that didn’t undo the years they had spent doing it, or all the mixed-up feelings that went with it.

Sora had his meds to take the edge off his wants and needs and emotions just as Roxas had meds to take the edge off his, but the guilt…the guilt ate him alive. Everything he did in his life was weighed and measured by what he thought Sora’s reaction would be. And he had never…ever put anyone before Sora.

As soon as he was gone, Roxas headed to Sawyer Hall. When he was nearly there, he heard the sirens and the horns of the firetrucks. “What the fuck?”

Getting closer, he saw the firemen going behind Sawyer with the hoses and they came back a few minutes later, some cursing, some laughing. Roxas was watching, puzzled when he heard a cough and a giggle. He turned toward the sound and sitting there in the twilight under a huge oak tree smoking a cigarette with a Cheshire grin, was Riku.

Roxas strolled over like he hadn’t been almost running to get there to begin with. “What’s going on over there?”

“Some idiot dragged their mattress outside and lit it on fire.” Riku giggled.

Roxas smiled. “That’s fuckin crazy. Why would someone do that?”

Riku smirked as he started to get up off the ground. “Because the quarry was too far to drag it and dump it.”

Roxas cackled realizing who the idiot in question was.

“Let’s take a walk.” Riku looked around suspiciously. “Dad will know it was me.”

  


The two walked to the cemetery where they perched in front of one of the old mausoleums in the shadows. “I haven’t seen you around in a few days. I actually thought you’d come to the pajama party Saturday night.” Roxas said as he picked up small pebbles by his feet.

“I was impaired. Were you needing something or did ya just miss me?” Riku looked at him and winked.

“I uhh…”

“That was a rhetorical question, Roxy.” Riku smirked.

“Don’t call me that. Sora calls me that.” Roxas snapped quietly.

Riku looked at the blonde and tried to figure out how he could be so perfect. His eyes the perfect blue, his mouth the perfect shape, his tiny nose, and that hair…he was jerked from his reverie when Roxas spoke again.

“I didn’t need anything. I just um, wanted to hang out.” Roxas’ words set Riku’s mind spinning. He wanted to hang out but he didn’t want anyone to know they even knew each other? Riku pulled out his phone and tapped out a text message then asked, “You wanna hang out now?”

“I thought…um, sure.” Roxas said as the sun finished setting on Twilight Town.

Riku stood and brushed off his overpriced jeans. “Come one we can go to Zex’s. He’s out.”

Roxas stood and started after Riku. “Are you sure?”

“He will be by the time we get there.” Riku smirked again as they trudged through the cemetery toward the Phillips Building.

  


Sora was sitting under the freeway bridge holding the pelt of his friend’s long dead cat while she talked about random things and people, some imaginary and some real. “Aerith…do you think you can love someone too much?”

“Yes…yes. You can love someone so much that you stop loving yourself…and that’s bad.” She said sincerely as if she had done it herself. “Sometimes people you love go away…or get sick and die…and you’re left with nothing except a baby and you don’t even get to keep that…fuckin stupid…just…Sora…love yourself first.”

He thought about what she said and thought of Roxas. He loved all his brothers but he and Roxas were closer…too close. He should look for someone else, maybe then Roxas would feel like it was ok to be with someone else…to love someone else. The thought alone pissed him off so he shoved it down and shook his head.

“Let’s smoke this, Aerith.” Sora said as he pulled a joint and a lighter from his hoodie.

“Yay!” She said excitedly. “Look Sephiroth! Sora brought some herbs to smoke! He’s such a good boy.” Picking up the gray pelt of her former pet she cooed and cuddled it as Sora passed her the joint. _I’m not crazy_ he thought… _until I start doing that, I’m not fuckin crazy._

  


Inside the Phillips building all was quiet as they made their way through the halls. A girl came out of one of the doors and smiled. “Hiiii Riku. What brings you here?” She walked past them toward the stairs.

“I’m not actually here.” He smiled at her over his shoulder.

“Ok I get it. My lips are sealed.” She winked and kept moving and so did they.

Zexion’s dorm was much like any other dorm, two of everything. _Two!_ Roxas thought… _he has a roommate._ Riku closed the door and locked it, then turned to Roxas who had stopped right inside by a desk, where he froze when he thought about the phantom roommate discovering them. Riku touched his elbow with a single finger and said, “Earth to Roxas. Where’s your head at?”

“Hmm? Oh, I was just thinking about Zexion’s roomie…won’t he be coming back?” His heart was beating faster than he wanted it to as his skin tingled where Riku touched him.

Riku dropped his hand and mumbled, “He’s gone home for a week…don’t worry…no one will know.”

Roxas turned to see Riku pull his shirt over his head and toss it onto one of the beds. He bit his lip and stepped closer and began taking off his own hoodie. Riku was smiling and Roxas’ eyes explored the exposed skin and the healthy attention behind the jeans he was wearing.

Even standing nose to nose, Roxas couldn’t look him in the eye. He watched the rise and fall of his chest and the tip of his tongue as it darted out to wet his lips. He looked at the clean silky silver hair and the earrings glinting on his lobes. He couldn’t do the eyes…not yet.

Riku studied the blonde’s face as he looked him over. _What’s he thinking? Is he deciding if I’m worth it? Why does this have to be secret? Is it because I’m the Dean’s kid? Does Roxas even know I’m the Dean’s kid? Does Roxas want to fuck me or does he just want to fuck? Why_ _won’t he look into my eyes,_ Riku wondered… _that looks like guilt, but why?_ _He must have someone and is cheating with me._

He raised a hand to touch Roxas but he immediately raised his hand to meet it, palm to palm. He threaded their fingers together before Riku leaned down to kiss his slightly parted lips. He tried to take his time but Roxas was aggressive and already peeling off his jeans and yanking at his underwear. “Slow down, baby.”

“I want you…” Roxas said as he shoved Riku’s jeans down to his knees “to fuck me.”

Riku tried not to be disappointed that Roxas was acting like everyone he had ever fucked since Olette, but he was. He never should have entertained the possibility that this one might be different. He wanted so much for Roxas to be the one who would care.

He stepped away from Roxas and glared at him. “No…not like this. I’m not your _bitch_ …you can’t even look me in the eye and you think you can tell me to fuck you and I’ll do it?” He pulled his pants up. “You don’t know me Roxas, you don’t know anything about me.”

“I’m sorry… this was a mistake.” Roxas mumbled as he started to pick up his hoodie, feeling humiliated that he didn’t even know how to communicate properly with anyone but Sora… _Sora_.

Riku stopped him, taking the hoodie and tossing it aside. “Maybe it is, maybe it isn’t but before you fuckin leave this room you’re gonna look me in the eye… Roxas.”

Presently Roxas was staring at his own feet. Riku took his hands, leading him to the bed and guiding him to sit. Roxas kept his eyes lowered, cheeks still pink but smiling slightly. “I don’t see what the big deal is about the eye-looking…”

Riku laughed “There he is, ladies and gentlemen. Roxas has entered the building!”

Roxas grinned but kept his head down.

  
  


Vanitas silently slipped his arm from underneath Namine's head as she slept. She had showed up at the party with Xion and they talked and drank while he rubbed her feet. She had fallen asleep talking about Midgar and how much she loved the city.

He admired her determination as she told him of how she and her family had fled Wutai when she was a teen and settled in the slums. She worked and saved to pay her own way out and she hoped to one day earn enough money to have her own business. She didn't like dancing but it was lucrative.

He stretched and strolled into the kitchen for a beer. Mostly everyone had gone and he assumed the rest had crashed. Walking upstairs to check on his brothers he heard moaning coming from Sora’s room and kept moving. Roxas' room was quiet, not even music was playing and that was suspicious. Opening the door a crack, he still heard nothing.

All was dark and quiet as he entered and tiptoed to the bedside lamp where the dim illumination revealed an empty bed. Checking the time, he left to find Ventus and maybe to question Sora but only as a last resort. Nobody liked to be interrupted when they were fucking... _fucking_...maybe he should check with Sora first.

Taking a deep breath, he turned back in the direction of Sora's door when it opened and a redhead from his western civ class walked out with her shirt buttoned wrong, wearing a hat with Mickey Mouse ears on it. He turned his head thoughtfully then caught up to her. "Was Roxas in there with you guys?"

The redhead looked at him unfazed. "No... not this time."

"OK Thanks" Vanitas went to the linen closet to grab a blanket and step over to knock on Ventus' door.

Demyx opened the door sleepily. "Yeah?"

"Looking for Rox. You seen him?"

"No sorry. Want me to help you find him though?" Demyx had become honorary family as he was easily Vanitas’ favorite hanger-on at Strife House.

"Nah, he'll wander in later." Vanitas said as he headed back down to cover Namine so she wouldn't get cold...or get groped.

Upstairs Sora text Roxas.

Sora: where ru??

Sora: ru seein some1??

Sora: who is it?

Sora: u don’t love me

Sora: I flushed my meds

Sora: I hate u

Sora: I love u

Sora: where ru??????

 

  


Riku sat on the bed and pulled a stone faced Roxas onto his lap. He meant to look into those eyes. Whatever reason Roxas had for all this guilt, he wanted to know. He had no intention of ending this fling or affair or whatever it seemed to be becoming but he still wanted to know what he was up against.

Roxas didn't want to look into his eyes again. He didn't want to see the raw emotion that he had seen the first time; he didn't want to feel the guilt or take a chance on the other seeing into _his_ soul. Riku was his dealer not his friend, Roxas kept reminding himself. There was no obligation to tell him anything but he felt a desperate need to. Maybe it was just a need to tell anyone...

Riku lifted Roxas' chin and kissed him. "Look at me, Roxas."

Roxas turned his face away but then dipped down to kiss Riku's neck and nip at his throat. The warmth of his lips tickled Riku’s skin and sent chills down his arms. Leaning into the touch he ached for more.

"Am I that hideous?" he asked as he traced his hands across Roxas’ chest making him shiver.

"You're not hideous... It's just your eyes...they see too much when you look at me. I don't want you to see...me." Roxas mouthed against his neck, reaching back down to the jeans that were never re-fastened.

"Then tell me..." Riku said as he allowed him to touch and kiss while he simply held him. "Why do you seem to feel so guilty about this...do you have someone? Are you cheating… Roxas?"

Hearing the question, he froze briefly as he felt Riku's hand move from his waist around to squeeze his erection through his pants. "Yes..." He breathed right before Riku covered his mouth with his own and crushed their bodies together.

Roxas breathed in the scent of him as they kissed, and squirmed trying to wiggle free of his jeans. Riku giggled as he pushed him off his lap to stand so that he could rid him of the rest of his clothes.

As soon as Roxas was stripped, he tugged Riku's jeans down below his knees and left them to crawl back onto his lap. Riku tried to still him long enough to retrieve some lube but Roxas continued his assault, so Riku stopped fighting him and let him have it.

Roxas kissed and caressed, nipped and sucked; his actions mirroring the touches he himself craved. Riku wanted the blonde so badly but he wanted more than just sex. He knew Roxas didn’t understand and he didn’t know how to make him see that he was in this for more. Afraid that the truth would cause Roxas to reject him in favor of whomever it was he was involved with, he kept silent except for the soft hisses and moans.

Roxas slid off his lap and sucked him down sloppily as Riku lay back propped on his elbows to watch. He wondered who Roxas’ significant other was and whether it was a girl or another guy. _He’s so beautiful_ Riku thought, _he could have anyone_. What was so special about this other person that he needed to sneak around?

Feeling the saliva run down his balls, he reached for Roxas and pulled him up "C'mon. That's enough."

"Okay" Roxas said innocently, making Riku want to tell him everything, tell him he couldn’t leave, tell him that he was in love with him as he crawled on top, allowing Riku only seconds to position himself before he sank down onto him.

"Ooohhhgoddamn." Riku groaned gripping Roxas' thighs as he bucked up making him whine. Roxas rode him hard and began stroking his own weeping cock. _I may as_ _well not even be here_ Riku thought as he watched Roxas' beautiful face in ecstasy with his eyes closed tight. It had been a long time since he had felt as used as he did at that moment, and it hurt.

Roxas felt hands caress his hips, his thighs, and then cover his own to help him stroke himself. Without realizing he was relinquishing more than just control of the pace, he moved his hands.

Riku wanted the beautiful boy to want him, and he wondered who he was seeing in his mind while he fucked him. He wanted to be good enough to make him forget about whoever it was he was hiding from. “Roxas” Riku moaned but the blonde still didn’t open his eyes.

Riku growled as he grabbed his hips and pulled him off, then tossed him down onto the bed. Laying half on his stomach, Roxas was panting as he turned but Riku pushed him down. He began to turn again but was pushed fully onto his stomach as Riku crawled onto the bed behind him and shoved his legs apart. "If you don't wanna look at me then get on your fuckin knees."

Roxas was trying to process the words when his hips were jerked up and back roughly as Riku spread his cheeks and spit before shoving inside again. He was mortified as Riku kept him spread while he fucked him. _He’s probably looking_ Roxas thought. _He probably thinks I’m a whore. He probably thinks I’m disgusting. I am disgusting. This,_ Roxas whimpered _is exactly what I deserve_.

  


Demyx woke to the feeling of being watched. He had been too relaxed since getting to the school and the paranoia that had recently started creeping back in made him wonder if he didn’t need his meds adjusted…or maybe he had been smoking too much weed. Looking around the dark room he didn’t see very much of anything. He strained his eyes to make out shapes then snuggled closer to Ventus. Drifting back off to sleep, he couldn’t shake the feeling that someone else was there. As soon as he began to snore, the door opened silently and Sora slipped back out.

  


Vanitas opted to snuggle with the sleeping Namine as opposed to abandoning her to sleep in his own bed. He heard the stairs creak softly and knew immediately that it was Sora. Raising his head, he whispered, “Sora…what’s wrong?”

“I donno where Rox is and I can’t sleep.” Sora whispered back as he neared the front door.

“But where ya goin?” Vanitas asked as he started to get up. “Sor?”

“I’m just going to skate the cemetery is all…so I can get tired and s-sleep.” Sora said, not very convincingly at all.

“Did you take your meds?” Vanitas was approaching him and saw him turn away quickly as he fumbled with the doorknob. Vanitas knew that in Sora, that was a sign of panic. _What the hell is going on with him?_

“I did…I just can’t sleep without…” Sora said just as he managed to get the door open. Vanitas could hear his labored breathing in the dim lamplight of the living room and he worried that he may be having a panic attack. He was certain that Sora had skipped his meds and wondered how many days he had missed. _I really should call Dad_ he thought.

“I know buddy, I know you want Rox ok…but why don’t you sleep in Ven’s…oh yeah. Well why don’t you sleep down here with me and Namine?” Vanitas asked calmly reaching a hand out to his brother.

Sora turned so that Vanitas could see half his face. “It’s ok…if I sleep here with you and Namine?”

“Sure Sora. I love you and I want you to get some rest. Come on…you can skate the cemetery tomorrow if you want. We’ll skate it together.”

Sora closed the door slowly and turned to face Vanitas. He was covered in a light sheen of sweat and his breathing was starting to return to normal. “Come on, Sor.” Vanitas took his board from under his arm and sat it by the door then began leading him to the sofa. “Namine really likes you, yanno.”

“Really? Why?” Sora said wiping sweat from his face with his tee shirt.

“Cause you’re fuckin awesome.” He wrapped an arm around his brother and sat on the sofa pulling Sora across his lap so that he could thread fingers through his hair.

“I don’t feel right, Vani…I just feel… _wrong_. What’s wrong with me?” Sora asked before he yawned.

“You know what the doctor said about your condition and when you miss your meds you don’t feel right.” Vanitas said as he soothed his brother.

From the other end of the sofa a soft lilting voice said, “Do you want to lie here with me Sora?”

He looked up at Vanitas’ smiling face and said, “Yeeess Nami…”

Sora crawled over to snuggle with Namine who had all but adopted him as soon as they had met earlier that night. Vanitas wondered if everything really _would_ be alright like he kept trying to tell himself…more than that, he wondered where Roxas had gone.

  


Riku was relentless as he fucked Roxas. He seemed to be only seeking his own pleasure…if he found pleasure in destroying Roxas’ ass. Roxas had given up on any form of resistance and an hour and a half after he walked through the door of Zexion’s dorm, he felt like rag doll. The only noises he could make were involuntary groans.

Riku hadn’t uttered another word after his initial command and Roxas assumed this would probably be the last interlude between the two. There were tears streaming from the corners of his eyes but if Riku noticed he didn’t acknowledge or care. Roxas reveled in the punishment and wanted it to go on forever.

Riku had watched as Roxas cried and then turned his own eyes to the ceiling so that Roxas wouldn’t have the pleasure of seeing the tears he shed himself. If there was a god, he was cruel for allowing him to be this close to something so beautiful that he knew he would never be able to keep. Roxas was beautiful and perfectly broken…just like him.

Leaning down over Roxas’ back, he didn’t bother helping him find completion as he found his own, and Roxas cried out at the pressure and the pleasure and the pain. Riku did something then that he didn’t plan, and he wished immediately that he could take back…pulling away slowly, he lay down beside Roxas who had collapsed, and kissed him softly on the lips, the forehead, then the tip of his nose. Roxas did something completely unexpected as well: he giggled. Riku was devastated.

  


Ventus woke in the predawn hours to Demyx tracing lines on his abs, pushing the covers down as he went. Smiling at the soft touch he reached down and took Demyx' hand and bought it to his lips.

"I have to go, Ven." Demyx whispered as Ventus kissed his fingers.

"Why?"

"Because... reasons I'm not ready to discuss right now." Demyx chuckled as he pulled his hand away.

"Did I do something wrong?" Ventus asked clearly not worried about it.

"No baby, I just...you do everything right and beautifully, and you make me feel...Ugh, I'm not ready for all these feelings and I know it's not what you want. Can we just drop it for now?" Demyx spluttered.

"OK...just...we talked about commitment and relationship stuff, and you know..." Ventus began.

"I know. And I need to go, ok. I shouldn't be spending the night..." Demyx sat up and started to collect his clothes.

Ventus watched him quietly, thinking about what Demyx was struggling with. He should just let him go. Demyx would find someone great because he was a great guy and deserved to have what he wanted.

Ventus was convinced that he would never want a relationship. Relationships were hard and he didn't think it was worth the work just to have someone to wake up beside day after day. As he lay pondering his thoughts, Demyx kissed his forehead and mumbled that he would let himself out.

  


Roxas smiled ang lightly touched Riku's cheek, exactly where his dimple would appear if he were laughing, and gazed at the closed lids with long charcoal lashes. It was amazing how fast he had fallen asleep and Roxas was hesitant to leave. He enjoyed the peace he felt and the soft scent of Riku that reminded him of how he thought a baby would smell...all clean and sweet. Roxas wondered why it had to end, but then… Sora crept back into his mind... He squeezed his eyes closed as his stomach knotted and burned. Peering over at the clock- he moaned, looking toward his jeans crumpled on the floor- he dreaded...

Riku rolled toward him and draped an arm across his stomach then slid his hand up his chest, jarring Roxas from his mental streaming dread.

"Stay..." Riku whispered without opening his eyes. He didn't want to see Roxas' expression...he was happy with the expression he had seen before he fell asleep. That smile was what he wanted to remember until he saw him again. Feeling warm puffs of breath on his face, he knew Roxas was close enough to kiss, but he hesitated.

"I can't... I ha" Riku kissed him before he could finish and much to his joy, Roxas returned it passionately. Stroking his chest, he slid a hand up to Roxas’ throat to feel the smoothness of his skin and the slight, steady thump of his pulse.

Roxas put a hand on Riku’s cheek reverently as the kisses ended and in return, Riku kept his eyes closed to allow Roxas his freedom from scrutiny even though he wanted to gaze into the blues that would haunt his dreams and fantasies. As long as he kept his eyes closed he could imagine Roxas happy. Too soon he felt the bed move as Roxas sat up groaning. He giggled but he rolled away…he wouldn’t watch him go.

Roxas dressed silently and avoided checking his phone. Stopping at the door to look back or not, he was silently debating. Riku couldn’t help himself as he listened to the faint sounds of _leaving_ and rolled to face the door. Roxas glanced over his shoulder to see sad aqua eyes fixed on him and stared briefly, letting Riku finally have the eye contact he had demanded earlier… then left without a word.

  


Walking into Strife House, he didn't know what to expect. Whether or not Sora would be mad wasn't the question; _how_ mad Sora would be was the thing. He checked his phone as he propped his board against the wall right before a strong hand grabbed his throat and slammed him against the wall, holding him there.

Staring into the furious eyes of blue flashing with gold, Roxas knew only one way to get free. Raising a knee, he got Vanitas solidly in the balls and ran upstairs as soon as he was released. Locking his door, he sat on his bed to read the messages Sora had left, then he fixed while he cried.

Vanitas writhed on the floor briefly before he started for the stairs. Halfway up, he met Demyx coming down.

“See ya later, Vani.” Demyx mumbled and he descended, not noticing that Vanitas was irate and limping.

“See ya dude.” Vanitas snapped as he trudged on, holding his balls.

“Roxas…open the goddamn door. I’m not gonna hurt you. I don’t wanna fight.” Vanitas said to the locked door, attempting to keep the murderous tone out of his voice.

“Bullshit, Vani.” Roxas barked as he tried to roll a joint before giving up and getting his pipe.

“We were worried about you, that’s all. Where were you?” Vanitas picked at the grain of the wood as he propped his forehead against the door.

“ _We_ weren’t shit. _Sora_ was worried and you were pissed because I wasn’t here to pacify him. I want my own life!” Roxas was shocked at the honesty of his own words.

“Since fuckin when don’t you have your own life?” Vanitas snapped angrily ripping at the doorknob.

Roxas had moved closer to the door to sit on the floor and smoke and as he spoke he tapped the doorknob. “Since ever…and that right there is exactly why you’re still on the other side of that fuckin door, motherfucker.”

Vanitas flipped a bird at the door and sat down. “You smokin?”

“Yep.”

“Open up and share.”

“Nope.”

“Bogart.”

“Yep.”

Vanitas thought about their lives and how close Roxas and Sora had always been. He assumed that they both had wanted it that way. He never thought for a second that either of them felt trapped by their relationship. “Sorry Rox…you’re right…and I think we should call Dad about Sor.” Vanitas admitted, lying down and sniffing at the crack under the door.

“Agree. Shotgun?” Roxas poked his fingertip under the door. “Right here.”

Vanitas slid across the hardwood to position himself correctly. “Ready.”

Roxas moved his finger and blew the smoke as Vanitas inhaled it, then coughed and banged his face on the door making Roxas giggle from the other side. “Dumbass…” he mumbled.

“It was your idea!” Vanitas tried to sound angry, still lying on the floor. “Lemme in now.”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“You can’t be trusted.”

“Since when?”

“Since you hugged my neck with your fingers. Fuck you, Vani.” Roxas was giggling now and Vanitas couldn’t help but smile.

“I said I was sorry.” He smiled.

“I forgive you. So spill about the blonde.” Roxas said then hissed because he knew what would come next.

“I will if you tell me who you were with tonight…last night.” Vanitas could see the faint light of dawn illuminating the rooms downstairs.

“Never mind.” Roxas said sadly.

Vanitas wanted to help him but he didn’t know how. Hoping there would be more words from his blonde brother, he stared at the crack under the door and waited but there was nothing.

  
  


After receiving a distress call from Vanitas, Cloud entered the kitchen of Strife House to find Sora counting the marshmallows from a box of cereal that he had emptied on the counter. There was a small cabin built from square crackers nearby and a marshmallow fort on the table, complete with marshmallow SOLDIERs that had toothpick arms and one double marshmallow SOLDIER with a toothpick sword. Cloud closed his eyes briefly when he heard the familiar rumble of laughter in his head.

“Hey Sor.” He touched Sora lightly on the arm.

“Hey Dad!” he spun around and hugged him. There was a bit of a tremor in his arms and Cloud wondered how long he had been constructing his food art.

“Wanna come home for a visit?” Cloud smoothed Sora’s dirty hair from his forehead.

“Is it ok? I mean, can I? What about school?” Sora asked as he sniffed Cloud’s hair and clothes. “You smell different.”

“I came from Midgar…I’ve been working.” He silently hoped that Sora would take that explanation and let it go. He probably smelled like Reno since he had taken him to the airport to see him off and kiss him goodbye.

“Oh…I got a …something…it’s a green paper…from my professor…I donno where I put it. Help me find it, Dad.” Sora mumbled as he sniffed random spots on Cloud’s shoulders and hair.

“Ok baby. Is it in your room?” His heart ached for his son but he knew he had to keep it together. There would be time to break down later when he was alone.

“Yeah…I think so.” Sora turned abruptly and started for the stairs.

Inside Sora’s bedroom Cloud could almost gauge to the day how long he had been off his meds. Everything was out of place but not in disarray. Lacrosse trophies were set up like a small city in the center of the floor, around the city roads had been built from post-it’s with mini-wheat cars and mini-marshmallow people and jelly bean animals. Books formed walls around the city and outside the walls were (wilted) broccoli trees and rocks. Cloud’s heart fell to think of Sora being so near the quarry in this state of mind.

“I have some papers in the closet…maybe it’s one of them.” Sora carefully opened his closet to reveal all the clothes squeezed to the center and the walls papered with different colored notes. Cloud scanned them as he got closer and the more he read the more devastated he was.

_Mr. Strife…your work is amazing…_

_Mr. Strife your recent submission was the best I have read…_

_Sora, I would like to take your work with me and present it at the next seminar in Midgar…_

_Would you be interested in speaking at the next…?_

Each paper was praising Sora for his work in bio chemistry and Sora had stuck them to the wall in order by date and separated by color.

“Sora, did you respond to these?” Cloud was concerned that his son may be missing important opportunities.

“Sure, yeah…cause people need to understand.” Sora seemed surprised that Cloud had even asked. “Here it is…the last green one. I wanted you to see it.”

Cloud looked closely and noted that the date was only days ago.

_Mr. Strife, we all appreciate the brilliance of your work and would like to meet with you about a possible tenure here at Twilight University. We understand that you may already be obligated as we are aware that you have been scouted by more than one company. Please join us for dinner on the 25 th. A formal invitation will follow. If you have any questions, please feel free to visit my office any time._

_Sincerely, Dean Xemnas_

Hugging Sora and telling him how proud he was of him masked Cloud’s panic over the severity of his situation. “If you’re making that dinner on the 25th then you should come with me today so you can be back by then. Right?”

Sora nodded sadly, the reality setting in while Cloud was reading that he was probably there because he had stopped his meds. He told Vanitas he hated the meds because it felt like he was putting a corset on his brain. He wanted to be normal without pills but if Dad was there, then it probably wasn’t going to happen. Cloud helped him pack a bag and then sent him to shower while he talked to his brothers.

  


Sora’s absence had two of the Strife brothers holding their breath until they saw how Roxas handled it. They never knew with him- his reactions had run the gamut over the years from silent indifference to screaming rages where he had to be sedated and carried out of the facility where Sora was being treated. Ventus and Vanitas agreed to stay close to him for the first week and report any incident to Cloud. There was none. Aside from spending more time skating and doing assignments, Roxas was Roxas.

One afternoon he sat working on a paper but his mind kept wandering. After stretching his arms, he decided to go skate and clear his head before he butchered the paper completely. The cemetery was quiet and appeared to be empty as far as he could see, so he popped in his ear buds and hit the first hill. Lost in the feel of the pavement and the music, he began to sing as he skated.

Sitting in the shadow of a mausoleum, Riku was smoking and reading with his earbuds in. Board across his lap supporting his book, he caught a glimpse out of the corner of his eye of someone or something zipping by a few rows down the cemetery. Deciding his book was more important he focused and turned up the volume on his Ipod.

Soon the distracting flash was back, closer now and he could tell it was another skater. Popping out his buds, he could hear the grinding wheels and …singing. Smiling in spite of himself he listened quietly to the song that he recognized as the skater weaved in and out of the mini-streets that ran through the cemetery.

The singing stopped abruptly at the skid of wheels and a loud “Fuck!” followed by the patter of sneakers running to keep from eating it. The sounds made him chuckle because he had been there himself many times. _Fuck pebbles_ he thought. He heard a familiar giggle then the scrape and clatter of the skater hitting the hills again. Soon the singing started again… _different song_ , _same band_ Riku thought.

He peered around the corner of the mausoleum and watched Roxas zipping through the cemetery smiling and singing. _He looks so free and happy_ Riku thought…it was a breathtaking sight. The louder he sang the bigger his smile got and Riku was enraptured. As Roxas neared his hiding place he almost ducked back behind it but he didn’t want to be a creeper so he sat very still and watched. Roxas flew right by him and didn’t even notice.

Riku listened and knew that he was about to be discovered so he popped his buds in but didn’t turn his music back on and opened his book.

Roxas saw him as he passed the big white mausoleum and slowed down. _Goddamn he’s beautiful,_ Roxas thought as he cruised the silver haired boy who seemed oblivious to his presence. Hitting the next corner, he hopped off onto the grass and grabbed his board. Strolling up to Riku he didn’t stop until the toes of his sneakers were touching his. Riku looked up at the blonde and smiled. Roxas could’ve died a happy man when he saw the dimples in his cheeks.

Taking a seat beside him he said quietly, “How long you been here?”

Riku couldn’t hide his happiness. “Long enough to hear your renditions of a couple of Weezer songs. Good job, by the way.”

“Thanks” Roxas laughed. “I needed a break from writing so I came out for a skate.”

“I came out here for the sun. It’s nice out for October…I miss the sun.” Riku said as he continued to smile and stare at the blonde. He had been clean since the Ambien incident so everything was intense…especially emotions.

Roxas hopped off the stone that they were sitting on and kneeled between Riku’s feet and thought immediately of how much he looked like some of the angels around the cemetery.

Riku’s pulse quickened as he watched the blonde fidget.

“Wanna go somewhere?” Roxas asked as he plucked at blades of grass between Riku’s shoes.

Riku knew what he wanted and he had plenty of that but he wished for a second that Roxas wanted to go somewhere to be with him just for him…and not for his drugs. “Sure…my place?”

“Yeah. Race you?” Roxas said grinning. Riku stood, grabbed his stuff and nodded. Even if Roxas just wanted his drugs he wasn’t going to pass on an opportunity to enjoy his company.

  


Upon entering the dorm, Roxas dropped his board and began shedding: Hoodie, shirt, shoes. Riku watched him with greedy eyes and slowly dropped his own hoodie on the chair by the window then went to the closet to get Roxas’ treats. Before he could turn around the blonde was behind him wrapping him in his arms and fumbling with the buttons of his jeans.

“Slow down…you want this first or…” Riku said as he turned to face a blushing Roxas.

“I’m sorry I thought…” Roxas stuttered.

“You thought you _had to do that_ first?” Riku was a little pissed that Roxas would think that and immediately thought of Zexion, and wondered if he had taken advantage of him. _I’ll sort that out later_ he thought. “I donno how it worked with your other guy but…it doesn’t hafta be that way with me ok?” Riku stroked Roxas’ cheek and nuzzled his hair. “And as far as that grudge fucking last time…that shit won’t happen anymore either. I was sore for days and I don’t see how you walked home.”

Roxas mumbled. “It was a miserable walk, and then my brother jumped me as soon as I got there…still worth it.”

Riku laughed and held up Roxas’ little square of brown. “Here ya go, baby…and you don’t have to fuck me for it.”

Roxas looked at him intently and then nodded as he snatched the square from his hand and went straight to get his gear from his hoodie. “You not doin any?”

Riku watched him with a bit of pity. He had been a junkie for a long time but it was still depressing to watch another junkie when you were clean. “I um…not today. I been clean for a week or so…just enjoyin the break…the lucidity…the coke.” He laughed because heroin was the only thing he was off of.

“So, get high with me.” Roxas smiled as he cooked.

Riku watched him and noticed the bruises on his arms. “Lemme do that…your arms look… lemme help.”

Roxas handed him the needle innocently and Riku crumbled at the huge blue eyes looking up at him. “You’re killin me, Rox.”

“What I do? Help me, Riku.” He pouted. Riku shook his head with a smile and waved his arm, directing him to follow. Sitting on his new bed, he put the needle over his ear and started taking down Roxas’ pants. Roxas giggled and Riku chuckled. “I said I wasn’t gonna fuck you, didn’t I? That might have been a lie.”

“S’ok.” Roxas said quietly and Riku looked up to see him watching him, biting his lip, hands by his sides.

“You want me to?” He asked softly as he tugged Roxas’ jeans down and his hair brushed against his stomach.

“Yes…” Roxas whispered but having his pants around his ankles Riku could already tell what he wanted and the junkie in him knew which one he wanted first.

“Turn around…Imma shoot this behind your knee and give your arms a break, ok. I’m sure your brothers would go the fuck off if they saw those tracks.” Riku spoke and Roxas felt a little prick.

“All of em would…except maybe Sora…umph.” Roxas bent over grabbing onto the bed and Riku chuckled. “Hit?”

“Yeah” Roxas slurred as he crawled onto the bed. Feeling a little resistance, he looked back and saw Riku holding his underwear staring at him ferally. “You’re not gonna need these, baby.” He pulled them down allowing Roxas to crawl out of them and collapse giggling. He shed his own clothes, and snorted a line.

 

00

  


Roxas left for Strife house and Riku set about completing a paper he was writing on the popularity of psychedelic drugs in the sixties in contrast to the rise of opiates after the end of the Wutai War. When he finished, he got a bump before heading to Xemnas’ office. He didn’t have an appointment so there would be a speech about his precious time and following protocol. He didn’t care.

“Hi, is my Dad busy?” Riku politely asked the receptionist who was always flirting with him. She was a junior and this was her work study. Riku would rather take his eyes out with hot forks than to work for Xemnas.

“You may go in.” She smiled and winked. He smiled back and leaned across her desk to kiss her cheek. “Thanks”

Walking into the office, he took a deep breath then blew it out as he closed the door.

“How are you Riku? Are you enjoying your new bed?” Xemnas asked sarcastically.

“Yes, as a matter of fact I was just enjoying it a bit ago with another student but that’s not why I’m here. I wanna see mom. I wanna talk to her and she won’t return my calls. I thought maybe you would ask her for me. Please.” Although he asked humbly, Riku kept his head high because Xemnas hated to see him cower. For some reason it pissed him off… _sign of weakness or whatever_.

“I will speak with her, yes. Is there something that I can do for you until she gets in touch?” Xemnas was curious as to why Riku suddenly wanted to talk with his estranged mother.

“I just need to um…apologize for some stuff. Sir. And I think I should do it face to face is all.” Riku said honestly. Being off junk brought a new perspective and the last time he had spoken to his mother it had been very ugly.

“Very commendable son. I’m proud to see you taking some initiative with your mother. She loves you very much and has been distraught since you two haven’t communicated properly.” Xemnas said from behind his desk.

“I take full responsibility for her condition, Dad. I do. And I’m very sorry for what I put her through…and you.” Riku said humbly without a hint of sarcasm.

Xemnas however didn’t pull any punches. “I think we both know that part of that statement isn’t true.”

Riku began to chew his lip but didn’t lower his head. “I am sorry for what I’ve done to you.” Riku spoke as calmly as he could but his voice cracked slightly.

“Is that an apology?” Xemnas asked as he stood looking down his nose at his son.

“Yes sir.” Riku said hating the way the words felt in his mouth and feeling the tears rise to his eyes but not spill. He wasn’t allowed to cry in front of Xemnas. “I’m deeply sorry for what I put you and Mom through…for years. I’m grateful that you have anything to do with me at all after the things I’ve done…I don’t deserve it.”

Xemnas eyed him warily and nodded. “I accept your apology. I’ll contact your mother and she will be in touch with you.” He walked around the desk and shook Riku’s hand then pulled it forward to look at his wrist. “Healed nicely. Very good. I hope all that is behind us.”

“Yessir. Of course.” Riku nodded and left the office as quickly as he could without being rude. Outside he took a deep breath then vomited into the perfectly trimmed hedges.

  
  


People began to filter into Strife House at dusk. Zexion was approaching the yard when he heard a shrill whistle that could only be one person…one infamous person from Radiant who bumped him back to delivery boy with Xaldin. He turned and put his business face on. “S’up Riku?”

“I want to know how blondie’s been paying you for his shit.” Riku lit a smoke, making sure he stopped on the sidewalk.

“Well, he paid with cash, mostly.” Zexion wondered if Roxas had stiffed Riku or shorted him maybe.

“And when he didn’t have cash?” Riku blew a stream of smoke through his nose staring at Zexion with a seething glare.

“You know how it goes man…what’s this about?” Zexion asked even though he had a good idea that this was about jealousy, not drugs or money.

“What it’s about is a good customer thinking he has to blow you just cause he shows up empty handed once in a while. It’s bad business.” Riku spat.

Zexion had heard enough stories about Riku not to want on his bad side. “Well he hasn’t been to see me in a while so I donno who…”

“He’s been comin to me.” Riku said still giving Zexion the death glare.

“So what ya want me to do, Riku? Fuckin apologize for lettin him suck my cock?” Zexion sighed inwardly, knowing that he wouldn’t be hanging around Strife House much anymore…if at all.

“No…just stay away from him. If I’m not around and he comes to you, give it to him. GIVE. IT. TO. HIM.” As he repeated the words he poked Zexion in the chest.

Zexion nodded and started backing away, “Yeah whatever _boss_ man.”

Riku snarled and thumped his burning cigarette in Zexion’s general direction, then strolled up to the house like he owned it.

  


Drinking a beer and chatting with a girl near the kitchen Riku looked like just another party-goer. Roxas came sliding down the stairs and everyone yelled “Roxaaaass!”

The blonde grinned and cruised by without missing a beat and winked at Riku when nobody was watching. Riku was over the moon. He hung at the party for a while and decided to bail since he knew better than having any alone time with Roxas. Stopping in the guest bathroom for a leak before he left, he was about to zip and run when someone walked in without knocking.

“I was done but uh…” He looked up into the face of one Roxas Strife who looked like he had no irises.

“You came…” Roxas giggled as he kissed Riku and began groping him.

“Mmph mm mmhmm ph phn” He only released the blonde long enough to lock the door and then indulged him.

Out of his jeans, Roxas pushed Riku none too gently against the wall and dropped to his knees. Riku was panting as he watched and touched the blonde’s face with a shaking hand. “Baby…” Everything was so much more intense when he was straight and the vision of Roxas on his knees sucking him off would be burned on his brain forever. He was beautiful and as much as Riku wanted to keep him happy by keeping them quiet, he wanted everyone to know…not just Zexion…that Roxas was his.

Riku picked him up and pressed his back against the bathroom wall, glancing up at a small framed picture before sliding a few inches to the left… just in case it fell. Roxas pulled his knees up as high as he could get them whispering “Please, please…Rikuuu.”

Riku groaned as he held him up by his ass, ignoring his own protesting muscles. Hands trailed over straining biceps and found their way into soft silver hair as he tried to be quiet and keep his feelings to himself. The music blaring through the walls allowed him to take a few liberties. “Roxas…fuck!”

Roxas didn’t seem to even notice as he whined and pushed against him mumbling about the floor? Riku stumbled to the sink and sat him on the counter. Watching Roxas’ eyes flick from one thing to the other around the small bathroom and then back to his face, he wondered where this was going to end up.

Roxas released the death grip he had on his shoulders and pushed him away before sliding off the counter and dropping to his knees again, this time tugging Riku’s hand to join him. He wasted no time, kissing Roxas greedily and before he could focus on his angelic face, it was gone as Roxas turned his back to him and braced his arms on the side of the bathtub.

“Goddammit Rox…” Riku mumbled as he shoved back inside him. Roxas moaned and the music seemed to get even louder outside the bathroom. Riku shivered as he leaned down over Roxas’ back and dug his fingers into his hips. Roxas whined his name desperately, arching his back with a groan and Riku was helpless to do anything other than what he wanted.

He paid no mind to his knees grinding onto the tile of the floor or the fact that the zipper of his jeans had somehow made its way underneath one of his shins- that was probably bleeding. He paid no mind to the voices outside the bathroom or the beat of the music that made everything vibrate. All he felt was “Roxaaas…say you’re mine…say it Roxas.”

“Yes” Roxas whined, free hand reaching back grabbing for anything as he reached his end. Riku whispered unintelligible things and felt sweat trickling down his face as he came, and was acutely aware that he was probably bruising the pale skin that he loved to touch. When he had stilled all but his panting, Roxas pulled his hand to his lips and licked his sticky fingers. Riku’s head plopped onto his shoulder and he whimpered. “Why god?”

Roxas giggled “I don’t think I can stand…” He grunted as he started to crawl away, allowing Riku to slip free from his body.

“I think I’m bleeding.” Riku murmured as he watched Roxas stand slowly and step shakily to the sink.

“What? Where?”

“It’s all good…my zipper.” As he stood he looked down past red abused knees and to see that the zipper pull was fully embedded in his leg, and yes, he was bleeding.

“Holy shit!” Roxas giggled and rummaged for a band aid.

“Worth it.” Riku grinned and slapped Roxas’ still naked ass.

  


As he left the party, welcoming the cool breeze outside, Riku noticed there were more people arriving but he brushed it off and started toward his dorm. He had done enough partying, puking, fucking, and dying at Radiant to let a few slide. He was happy. He saw Zexion hanging around another dorm as he passed so he stopped to speak…probably a bad idea but he did it anyway. “S’up?”

Riku looked infinitely more calm than he had for their previous conversation, so Zexion engaged him. “What was up with you back there at Strife?”

“I’m just looking out for Roxas.” Riku didn’t want it to escalate but ready if it did…

“You’re a junkie and a pusher just like me… but if he’s your pet, I’ll keep my distance.” Zexion made his case and waited for Riku to bite.

“I’ve been a pusher for a few years but I never made anyone blow me for dope.” Riku spat, dropping his smoke because he knew what was about to happen.

“I didn’t _make_ that twink Strife blow me…he just did.” Zexion said evenly, with a smirk. “He loves sucking dick… I just allowed it.”

Without warning, Riku sucker punched him and then stood over him as he rolled around holding his nose. He winced at the blood and shivered, making sure none of it got onto his custom-made shoes. “Is it broken?” he asked quietly.

Zexion stopped and looked up at him. “I don’t think so…” he sat up and touched his nose gingerly.

Riku grabbed him by his shirt and hit him with a right, then dropped him. “Now it is.” He left for Sawyer to turn in early.

  


Roxas and Riku passed by one another a few times each day going to classes but didn’t speak. They would nod at one another like mere acquaintances. Vanitas had started watching Roxas’ behavior at parties to try and figure out who he was seeing but finally he gave up and thought he was just relieved to have a break from Sora. Hopefully things would be better when Sora came back. All Cloud had said was _he’s different_.

Their famous father showed up with Sora in tow the Monday before Halloween. Sora was quiet but he hugged all his brothers and told them he really missed them but the nurses at his facility were hot. They all laughed and breathed a sigh of relief that Sora hadn’t changed _that_ much. He showed no aversion or preoccupation with Roxas either, which was good.

Cloud took them all out to dinner and as they drove away from campus they passed Riku on his skateboard. Cloud hissed quietly but didn’t speak. Roxas stared briefly but tried not to be too obvious. Sora however squawked, “Check that shit out. Has he been here the whole time…how the fuck did I miss _that_?”

Roxas looked out the window and then at his brother, trying to keep his expression in check, but Sora paid no attention. Ventus spoke up. “He’s the Dean’s kid, Sor he’s been to…the house a couple times. He transferred I think, because I never saw him before this year.”

“I saw him hanging around Zexion.” Roxas added to try and deter Sora.

Sora nodded, “Zexion’s the guy who brings our w…”

“Weekly bulletin, yeah that’s him!” Vanitas snapped and everyone let their breath out at once. Cloud drove on in silence.

Sora glanced back and saw that Riku had stopped and was texting on his phone. “Damn he’s hot…” Sora hissed and Roxas rolled his eyes.

Dinner was an adventure as always and the Strifes saw that their brunette sibling was more like his much younger self: carefree, wacky, no filter.

The other boys seemed content to let Sora take center stage. Vanitas didn’t mention his new girlfriend because he figured his dad wouldn’t approve of him dating a stripper, Ventus didn’t mention Demyx since they weren’t _really_ dating, and Roxas didn’t mention anything because he was a junkie who was fucking his dealer.

Back at Strife House Cloud hung out and made sure Sora got settled back in, and then left. As soon as he was out the door Sora went to Vanitas and patted him down for a joint and then fired it up. They all laughed and just like that, there was a new normal at Strife House. They began planning their annual Halloween bash.

  


Tuesday morning Riku was on his way to his first class when his cell buzzed in his pocket. It was his mom and the text said _I see you_. Stopping his board, he looked around and didn’t spot her anywhere at first, then he saw her by the fountain smiling at him. She was dressed in business gray with dark glasses, her long blonde hair pulled back but hanging down her back like spun silk…she was beautiful. He smiled in spite of himself and walked up to her not knowing what to expect.

“Hi Mom.” He said breathlessly, as he sat his books on his board and reached out a hand.

Her lips quivered like she would cry for a second, then she held out both her arms. Bitching out or not Riku hugged his mom right there at the fountain in the center of campus. “I’ve missed you so much.” He whispered, realizing that he actually had.

“I’ve missed you too. Why don’t we go somewhere and spend the day together, yes?” She wiped a tear that escaped her dark glasses with a black gloved hand.

“Yes.” He beamed.

Her idea of going _somewhere to spend the day_ meant a spa in Travers Town. They hadn’t had a spa day together since Riku was very young and in junkie years, it had been eons. They chatted about school and her work while they got their massages. Facials were quiet martini time. Mani/Pedi time was their fourth martini and she was speaking more freely, and Riku was beginning to giggle.

After spa they went shopping and she spoiled him with designer clothes. He talked her into buying herself a pair of chucks which she wore for the rest of the day while they shopped…with her gray skirt and blazer. Riku told her she looked amazing and he meant it. They held hands as they walked and he wished that he could take back every single time he had made her cry. She was never the same after Luna…but then neither was he.

They ate at a nice restaurant where they had more drinks and she laughed louder than he had ever heard her laugh. Reaching across the table he took her hands. “Mom…I wanted to say that I’m sorry for the things I said back then…after…when I was on drugs at Radiant. The things I did were terrible and the things I said to you were unforgiveable. I am so sorry.”

She stared at him silently then squeezed his hands. “I forgive you darling. My Riku.” She smiled. “None of it is your fault, you know. You were born faulty…damaged…I expected too much.” She sniffed. “I told your father he was too hard on you…that he pushed you too hard but he wouldn’t hear of it. I knew deep down that you weren’t going to amount to much but he seemed to think that you would be great. I was happy to have you just as you were …to play with and to comfort me.”

Riku stared at her, dumbfounded. _She said that like she was talking about her dog or something_.

“Had he not agreed to adopt you, I would’ve gladly hired you just to have you with me… a pool boy perhaps. You always loved…”

The wonderful day he was having, just withered and died. He wanted to leave. He wanted to cry. He wanted to scream… but he did nothing. He merely sat quietly and listened to what a failure he was, and accepted it as truth. He would never be able to please either one of them.

"What's the matter now, Riku?"

"Nothing, Mom. I've had a great time today. Thank you." he said numbly, trying to find his emotional footing… it kind of felt like when you were deeply absorbed in a book and then dropped it, losing your place completely.

"I enjoyed seeing you darling. You're such a beautiful boy...you could easily make a fortune on your looks...that may be a good career path for you. I understand that your GPA is rather lackluster...and this _is_ your senior year." She stirred her drink and winked at him.

"You think I'm beautiful?" He asked, desperately trying to glean something positive from the entire day.

"Yes! Didn't your father tell you that we were very pleased with how you turned out physically? And I know you recall the summer in Paris with Leon… the painting and the drawings. Honestly if you were homely I’m sure he wouldn’t have bothered… much less letting you bed him the way you did…. Swept him off his feet, and you were just a boy at that.”

Riku nodded, merely waiting for her to wind down.

“So, my beautiful boy, are you seeing anyone?”

"I um... Yes, but nothing serious." He thought of how he worshipped Roxas even though all he wanted from him was sex and drugs.

"Well tell me about him." She said as she leaned across the table.

Riku sighed. "He's truly beautiful, Mom. He has the bluest eyes I've ever seen and his hair is...It's the color of yours almost. It's just...he's beautiful."

She smiled "It sounds like you're infatuated darling. Why isn't it serious?"

"He doesn't want...he has a ..." Riku trailed off as a smile spread across his mother's face.

"You're his man? His... Oh my." She giggled and ordered another drink, offering Riku but he opted for shots instead. The waiter left a bottle of Grey Goose and a glass. _This will probably end badly_ , Riku thought.

"Tell me...is he one of your professors?"

“No…he’s um.” Riku didn’t know what to say. No one was supposed to know about Roxas.

"Let's go see your father!" She giggled, forgetting about Riku’s love life momentarily. She was already flagging the waiter back and Riku picked up the vodka…he would probably need it.

  


"He'll be mad." Riku looked across campus, dreading the long stagger to his dorm

"Nooo he’ll be happy that we had a fun day together."

"He'll be mad because we’re drunk." Riku warned but she was getting out of the car already, business suit and chucks. Riku hopped out and rushed to her side so he could attempt to keep her from staggering. "Would you like to see my dorm instead?"

"Oh yes dear and you're probably right about your father. Who would know better what makes him angry than you?" She snickered.

Riku nodded, mocking his father. "Indeed."

Upon entering his dorm, she scanned the room and mumbled “Dreadful… like a prison. I’ll send Miguel to decorate… honestly, how do you tolerate it.” A knock at his door made him wince as he offered her his chair and turned to shoo away whoever it was. Opening the door, he was surprised to find Roxas. "Rox... Hi."

Roxas looked at him hesitantly "Bad time?"

"My mom's here."

"Can I meet her?" He grinned and Riku nodded dumbly scrolling down his mental list of things he thought Roxas would say, wanting to meet his mom being nowhere near the list, much less at the top. Ushering him inside, he realized that he was unable to deny Roxas anything.

"Hello Mrs. Xemnas." Roxas smiled and reached for her hand.

"Hello there little blonde boy! I would stand to greet you but it seems Riku and I had a little too much to drink with our dinner." She giggled as she took his hand.

Roxas laughed and turned to Riku "Dude, you got your Mom drunk?"

"She got herself drunk... I was merely an innocent bystander." Riku giggled. "Mom this is Roxas Strife."

"Strife...your father has to be the famous SOLDIER-you look just like him."

"Yes ma'am." Roxas said politely.

"Riku, do you have anything to drink?" she asked and he went to his fridge while Roxas sat on the side of the unmade bed and absently picked up a pillow, fluffed it and held it against his chest.

Riku returned with bottles of whiskey, vodka, and tequila and his mother raised a brow, then looked at Roxas "Have a drink with us, Roxas?"

"Absolutely!" he grinned and Riku rubbed his face thinking of the implications of Xemnas walking in to discover her thee having drinks with an underage student.

They did shots and talked about school gossip. Riku had sat by Roxas on the bed and his mother noticed that their arms were touching and it looked like their pinkies were hooked together. She stopped talking mid-sentence and squinted. "Are you two holding hands?"

Roxas looked at their hands and blushed and Riku bit his lip and waited for the worst.

"Oh, I don't mind. I should be going anyway...give you boys some alone time..."

Roxas stood, "No I should go. I intruded and I apologize. Riku, I'll see you another time. Mrs. Xemnas it was nice meeting you."

He started out despite protests from Riku's mother and as Riku held the door for him, he hissed. "Can you come back later?"

"Yeah...text me."

"I will" Riku stuck his fingers into Roxas jeans pocket and pulled him close, dropping a quick kiss on his lips. Roxas’ tongue darted out, making Riku giggle and kiss him again. He was hopelessly lost to the blonde and he knew it.

  


Mrs. Xemnas flopped ungraciously onto Riku's bed and dragged a pillow under her head. "I'm going take a short nap before I go to face your father."

"Don't blame you." Riku covered her with a blanket from his closet and she smiled and dozed. He got a shower and put on pajama pants before waking her. "Mom, it's late."

She smiled groggily. "Mon prince." Riku smiled crookedly as she pulled him down by the arm. "Snuggle with mommy like we did when you were small."

Riku smiled and snuggled in bed by her, and then text Roxas.

Riku: Mom is staying the night sorry

Roxas: np tmrw?

Riku: sure if I survive this

Roxas: LoL

Riku snapped a selfie beside his sleeping mother and sent to Roxas

Roxas: beautiful

Riku: she is

Roxas: I meant U

Riku: whoever it is you're with...leave them. I wanna be with u

Roxas: can't

Riku: Y

Roxas: Its complicated

Riku didn't text back and neither did Roxas.

  


The next morning Riku was awakened by a slap across the face and yelling. His mom was telling Xemnas to shut up as he was threatening to kill him. Xemnas lowered his voice and hissed "I will bury you sooner or later, you little bastard."

"I said nothing happened! We were just snuggling like we did when he was little."

"He's no longer _little_!!"  Xemnas roared. Riku looked back and forth between the two, the blood leaking from his lip ignored. "Look at him!"

"He's still my son!"

"He's _never been_ your son!"

"Yes, he is!" She cried desperately as if Xemnas’ words could take her child from her.

"I want you off my campus before noon or I swear you will go right back to the hospital." Xemnas threatened, pointing a finger at her face.

Riku watched his mother's fire go out with those words and Xemnas walked out and left them. She sat down to cry and Riku hugged her close. "He won't send you back, Mom. He loves you."

"How can he love me and accuse me of being intimate with my own son?" She cried.

"I don't know...the one I love can do no wrong in my eyes" Riku suddenly realized the depth of his feelings for Roxas and it was frightening.

She stared at her son silently for a moment as she dried her tears. Thinking of how young and naïve he was, she looked him over briefly. "Sit down and let me do your hair before I go, baby."

He sat as she dug through her bag before plundering his bathroom for conditioner and elastics. She brushed and sprayed conditioner as she talked. "You're in love with this boy...Yes?"

"Yes" Riku croaked near tears and desperate for a hit or a smoke or something to alter his reality.

"Walk away now and save yourself the heartache later." Her judgement was clearly colored by her own experience.

"I don't think I can." Riku said quietly. “It's Roxas.”

She had finished his braid and fastened it so she took his hand and led him to sit on the bed with her. "Look at you...stop that now." Wiping his tears away she looked into his eyes. "Does he know?"

"I haven't told him, no."

"Don't. He'll be gone before you’re finished speaking. Give him time, Riku. If he has eyes in his head he will fall in love with you." She kissed both his cheeks and stood. "Now get me something to wear with these lovely shoes so that I may get out of this wretched little town." She laughed making him smile.

He felt proud that she chose to wear some of his school sweats and as he walked her to her waiting car, a passing student whistled and said "Nice ass baby! Hey, Riku and where ya find that one?"

She looked horrified but before she could speak, Riku had punched the guy in the mouth. Shaking his hand, he turned to her, "Sorry Mom."

She was smiling "Do you know how long it's been since a man defended my honor?"

He smiled checking the tooth marks in his knuckles. "Long time?"

She laughed and hugged him. "Yes. That was lovely what you did there."

"Part of my skill set." He raised an eyebrow and smirked.

"Be a good boy, Riku."

"I will...try." he smiled. "I love you Mom."

"I love you my darling."

And she was gone. Their first meeting in 3 years and he was feeling good when he stepped over the bleeding boy, and went about his day.

  


“We should do a theme.” Vanitas said later that day.

“What kind a theme? Let’s do pirates!” Sora said with his face in Vanitas’ hair as they sat on the sofa.

“You can be a pirate Sora.” Vanitas patted him.

“I changed my mind…Imma be Peter Pan.” Sora smiled and lit a joint. “Peter fuckin Pan…OOOH!! Can Nami be Wendy?!”

Vanitas snatched away his weed and hit it. “If Namine is being Wendy then I’M being Peter fuckin Pan!”

“Noooo! It was my idea and I don’t wanna be a Lost Boy!” Sora was trying to wrestle the weed back from Vanitas as they argued.

“You can be Captain Hook!” Vanitas squawked as Sora climbed onto his lap and pinned his arm to take the joint back.

“Great! Thanks Vani! You’ll be an awesome Peter fuckin Pan…wearin tights…and you’re straight…so you say…Peter fuckin Pan…” Sora walked away chuckling with the weed, leaving Vanitas to wonder who had actually won the argument.

  


Roxas chewed his lip as he stared at his phone. When he left Riku in the care of his mother, he had returned to Strife House to find Sora ‘entertaining’ a cheerleader in his bed. Passing through to bang some junk in the bathroom, he collapsed at his desk to nod. When he came around, Sora was calling his name and the girl- whoever she was- was reaching for him. Watching turned into self-pleasure, which turned into joining in, which turned into taking turns. He felt a tiny bit guilty for banging a stranger but he was high so he didn’t feel like he should be held accountable. _Riku probably fucks people all the time_ he thought.

“S’up Rox?” Sora strolled past and flopped down in the desk chair.

“Nothin…s’up with you?” Roxas was enjoying Sora 2.0.

“I finally talked to that hot guy…the one with silver hair.” Sora said passively as he picked up a shirt Roxas had worn and discarded, and stuck it to his face.

Roxas thought he would vomit as his stomach turned inside out. “Really?” was all he could muster as he kept his eyes on his phone.

“I invited him to Halloween. I mean he was probably comin anyhow but I just wanted to speak to him. He smells nice.” Sora said with the shirt still over his face.

“He does…” Roxas mumbled as he text Riku.

Roxas: did u fuck my brother??

Riku: WTF Roxas??

Roxas: well did u?

Riku: NO

Roxas: ru going to

Riku: Whadda u care neway?

Roxas: he’s my brother

Riku: m not good enuff fr u and now m not good enuff fr yr brother?

Roxas: I never said that

Riku: didn’t have to

Roxas: what does that mean?

Riku: why do I have to b a secret but nt varsity squad??

Roxas: it was just Nelle n I was blown out of my mind

Riku: that’s not how I heard it

Roxas: u heard lies

Riku: who ru seein?

Roxas: nobody!

Riku stared at his phone remembering the times Roxas claimed that he was seeing someone and that’s why he couldn’t be with him and thought… _he’s been lying_. He waited, wondering if Roxas would see that he had slipped.

Roxas: not anymore

Riku: were u ever?

Roxas: yes

Riku: who?

Roxas: not important

Riku: I don’t wanna b with ne1 else

Roxas: then don’t b- bt if u can’t keep it low thn I can’t see u nemore!

Roxas felt panic rising in his chest and stared at the text he just sent. _Why did I say that? Why am I sabotaging my own possible happiness?_

Riku: f that’s how u want it- just remember this is ur call

Roxas: what ru sayin?

Riku: u don’t want me- some1 will

Roxas didn’t hear any more from him and when the Halloween party rolled around that weekend, he watched the door. Vanitas was Peter fuckin Pan and Namine was Wendy. Sora was Captain Hook and Roxas was a lost boy dressed in teddy bear pajamas…with ears. Ventus was dressed as a sheep and everyone got a kick out of that because of his narcolepsy. Demyx came as a rock star and of course brought his guitar.

Most of the campus was there at some point during the party, all in costume. The booze flowed and the drugs were passed. Zexion showed up as Edward Scissorhands and Riku came in shortly after dressed as the Mad Hatter. Roxas saw him when he came in and as soon as their eyes met Riku started toward him. Roxas panicked and went upstairs.

In his room he was pacing when he heard the door open, then close and lock. The only light in the room was a lamp but Roxas could see the hat as Riku approached him without speaking. He grabbed Roxas and kissed him roughly.

“Where were you?” Roxas asked as Riku’s hands sought a way to get him out of his teddy bear pajamas.

“Why?” Riku asked breathlessly as he found a zipper in back. “Thought you didn’t wanna see me?”

“Zexion said…” Roxas began but Riku stopped him with a growl “When did you see him?”

“Downstairs just a little while a eeeep!” Roxas squeaked as Riku pulled his bear suit down to his knees. “Riku!”

“You gonna tell me no?” He hissed when he felt Roxas’ hands trying to find their way through all of the layers of his costume.

“No…I mean wait…I mean ah fuck it.” Roxas stopped his grasping and stepped back nearly tripping over his suit.

Riku looked like he was right out of a fairy tale and Roxas just wanted to start over with him…but he didn’t know how. He didn’t even know where to begin. Riku stared at him and then lowered his head and turned to leave.

“Riku wait.” Roxas started toward him, pulling his suit back on. “Can’t we just talk?”

“About what?” Riku never turned around, merely paused with his hand on the doorknob.

“The girl… it was a mistake… and I’m sss”

“Not important.” Riku interrupted, throwing Roxas’ own words back at him and then he left him there. The truth was, Zexion had been the one to tell Riku about the cheerleader… and the truth was, Riku had been devastated… more truth was, that Riku blamed himself for all of it.

  


When Sora realized Riku was there he made a point of catching his eye then winking at him. Riku smiled and tipped his hat. Demyx was playing and singing but beginning to slur but nobody noticed as they passed him the bong. Vanitas was wired and walking around on the furniture saying he could fly but when he ran for the stairs saying he had an idea, he was stopped abruptly by a fussy sheep. “You’re stayin on the ground floor, Jenny. You’ve done enough blow tonight that you won’t sleep til Monday. Stay down here so we can watch you burn or go fuck Nami somewhere…in the pantry or somethin.”

Vanitas laughed and spun around a few times then bolted up the stairs just to slide back down cackling. Hopping off the rail, he yelled, “Where’s my Wendy!?”

  


Roxas reappeared and Sora went over to corner him. Roxas thought he would swallow his tongue when Sora wrapped his arms around him and sniffed his hair then whispered, “Did you see the hatter? He’s so hot.”

Pushing his panic aside he fell back into past protocol and rested his hands on Sora’s waist and whispered back. “I did and he is. Have you talked to him?”

“No, not really. I donno what to say…and the chicks here are on him like gnats.” Sora hissed.

“Maybe you should just leave it, Sor.” Roxas whispered.

“Maybe…Rox?”

“Yeah?”

“Are you happy?” Sora asked as he stopped his hair sniffing.

“Yeah…I’m good. Don’t worry about me.” Roxas kissed his cheek and Sora nuzzled him and smiled as his eyes closed at the softness of the touch.

Neither of them noticed the eyes on them. When they were together like that they were in their own world where no one else mattered. Riku watched the two and glanced around to see who else had noticed. Ventus kept looking their way but he wasn’t staring so it must be normal to a point. Riku wondered _how_ normal.

“Dude lets cook.” Zexion said distracting Riku from Hook and the Lost Boy.

Riku nodded as they headed for the second-floor bathroom.

He had been clean- pretty much- for weeks so this was going to be bliss and he knew it. He had been waiting for Roxas but now what was the point? So Riku set about the business of being Riku. As they walked past Sora and Roxas, he glanced up just as Roxas’ eyes fluttered closed. He never missed a step as he proceeded to the bathroom but his brain was baked. _Is that why Roxas_ _is putting me off? Is that why he said it was complicated? Is that why he was all fucked up and weird about a relationship?_

Leaning against the bathroom door while Zexion cooked his drugs, Riku pondered what he had seen: hands on hips…chaste cheek kisses…whispered words…they looked like lovers.

“Hey man, you got your gear?” Zexion asked as he sat in the corner so he couldn’t fall to either side…if he did that is.

“Nah…I wasn’t planning to saddle up tonight…but I got my girlfriend.” Riku smiled and Zexion chuckled and watched him snort an obscene amount of coke.

“AAaaaaahhhAAA!!!” Riku laughed and dragged Zexion to his feet.

“You’re insane.” Zexion giggled as he stumbled a little before getting his balance.

Riku turned and tipped his top hat grinning.

The two descended back to the party and Riku went about wrecking any female who got in his personal space, completely ignoring both Roxas and Sora. He wasn’t back on Destiny or at Radiant but apparently Riku was still Riku after all.

  
  


The morning after Halloween, Strife House looked like a fairy tale massacre. There were bodies everywhere among the litter of bottles, bongs, discarded costumes and wigs. Very few of the attendees had left the party so when Vanitas emerged from his room he had to step over bodies every few feet in order to get to the kitchen and his coffee pot. Squinting at the clock in the den he thought of going back to bed.

“Mornin Vani” Namine said from behind him.

He turned and smiled, taking her into his arms. “Mornin baby. I tried not to wake you. Want some coffee?”

“No…I need to go. I have an interview later and then work tonight.” She kissed him and then started toward the door. “I’ll text you later, mi amor.”

Vanitas suddenly didn’t want her to leave so he hurdled the bodies between them and scooped her up into a hug to whisper “No te vayas, amorcito.”

“I need to Vanitas. And after last night…I need rest, nene.” Namine smiled sweetly at his glistening eyes.

He smiled back like a fiend and nodded. “Okay you win this time.” She left him there in the sea of bodies and waved over her shoulder.

Ventus had the hangover from hell and sat on the stairs holding his head until he smelled coffee. Walking into the kitchen he patted Vanitas on the shoulder. “Mornin.”

Vanitas nodded “Yeah but just barely.”

“It’s gonna look like a zombie apocalypse around here when people start wakin up.” Ventus giggled despite his headache.

“I know right. Is Dem here somewhere?” Vanitas passed his brother a cup of coffee.

“In bed.” Ventus mumbled.

“So, is that a thing?” Vanitas raised a brow as he sipped his coffee.

Ventus sighed. “No…I donno. It’s too early for a question like that. Come on.” He motioned Vanitas toward the deck and they walked out together. Demyx stood in the doorway to the kitchen and smiled before turning to go.

  


Roxas and Sora woke up together in Sora’s bed. Sora reached for his meds and then crawled over Roxas, sniffing his hair as he passed. Roxas grabbed on, trying to pull him back down whining “Nooooo”

Sora giggled, “I gotta pee and take my meds. I’ll be back in a minute.”

Roxas smiled and rolled himself in the covers like a burrito, never opening his eyes.

Sora jumped back into bed and shook Roxas. “Wake up (sniff). There are people everywhere!” he laughed. “I left the door open so we can watch them…they’ll look like a bunch of zombies.”

Roxas rolled to face the doorway and Sora snuggled behind him to wait.

  


Riku woke up in Roxas’ bed to one of two naked girls who was mumbling “…crazy ass Strife parties…last time I ever…” He watched her get off the bed and thought about how many times he had done this. _Seriously_ Riku thought _I need to stop this shit_.

“Hey…” he spoke and she turned around blushing and wide eyed.

“Hi…Riku, I’ll be out of your hair in a few minutes.” She said as she plundered the clothes in the room for her discarded costume.

“No rush…hell it’s not _my_ house.” He sat up and found a half a joint and lit it up while he watched her appreciatively.

“Mine either but…shit…I should go.” She said and then the usual ensued. “Thanks for um…last night. It was amazing and you are…wow…but seriously my boyfriend can’t find out about this…ever.”

Riku nodded but didn’t reply right away. He was busy thinking about how he was everyone’s dirty secret or like the ugly items in the lost and found that no one would ever claim. He missed Radiant. He was a legend at Radiant.

“My lips are sealed, baby.” He choked out around the smoke and she smiled, stepping closer in her fairy costume to kiss him on the forehead. Scrunching his face, he asked, “The fuck was that?”

“You have blood on your…everywhere else.” She scowled and slipped into the bathroom.

Riku touched his face and felt the dried blood that had to have come from his nose. “Faaack.” He grumbled. When the first girl departed, he washed his face and began looking for his costume pants. Girl two woke up before he found them and she was much less sorry for what she had done than Girl one.

“Come back to bed, Riku.” She purred as she sat up reaching for him.

“Gimme a reason.” He smirked.

Smiling at the challenge she threw the covers off. Riku shook his head and started to turn and leave her there…that’s what the old Riku would have done…or would he? She would be humiliated and sad. _Fucking is not a public service_ he thought as he walked back to the bed, _most of the time_.

  


Sora and Roxas heard the noises coming from Roxas’ room and giggled at each other. Then they heard banging and something fell over. Roxas’ eyes grew wide and Sora laughed at his expression. “Somebody’s getting their ass wrecked in your bed!”

Roxas hissed “Yuck Sora, stop laughin.”

They waited until the noises stopped and watched the doorway. Sora had laid his head on top of Roxas’ so they were cheek to cheek facing the door, only covered to their waists with Sora’s arm draped across Roxas’ chest. It was so normal to them they didn’t consider possible implications.

Riku opened the door for Girl 2, who had been dressed as a fairy as well and let her exit first. She strolled by the doorway carrying her wings and glanced inside to see the two spectators. Smiling, she waved and moved on past to the stairs. They giggled quietly.

Riku lit a cigarette and started past the doorway when he felt eyes on him. Sora and Roxas both sucked in a breath as he turned his head and met their stares head on. Taking a puff off his smoke, he turned his head sideways trying to figure out the two-headed beast, then his lips curved into a smile. An eyebrow rose as he turned his entire body to face the room but didn’t enter.

Riku had put on the knee length pants that were part of his costume as well as the ruffled white shirt that he failed to button, and the vest. The hat in his left hand and the coat across his arm drooped a bit as he leaned a shoulder against the doorway and continued to stare as he smoked.

“Goddamn” Sora whispered as he ogled Riku.

“Yeah” Roxas whispered back as he tried to read Riku’s expression.

Sora kissed Roxas’ cheek as a protective gesture and watched Riku watch them. Roxas was barely breathing and his heart was pounding in his ears. Riku bit his lip as he watched Sora disappear behind Roxas in the bed…except for his arm still across Roxas’ chest.

_Goddam_ Riku thought, _how fuckin hot is that? That’s gotta be why Rox has been stallin me._ _Godfuckingdamn I gotta walk away…_

Sora’s hand moved down Roxas’ abs to grip the cover and start to pull it up but stopped. Riku was standing with his mouth hanging open, cigarette forgotten. He saw Sora’s eyes peek over Roxas’ neck and then watched them curve as a devious smile blossomed on his face. Riku’s eyes flicked from Sora to Roxas (who looked like he was going to have a stroke) to the covers.

Sora gave the covers a tug downward just enough to make Roxas gasp and Riku stand up from his leaning position. Roxas lost his deer in headlights look and lay half-lidded staring at Riku blankly. Sora raised his head enough to smirk before he leaned down to kiss Roxas’ neck softly and pull the covers down lower. He could feel Roxas’ erection underneath so he pushed it down with the covers so that all Riku could see was smooth pale skin and the faint outline of obliques. They seemed to be whispering to one another as Roxas reached down to cover Sora’s hand with his own.

Riku watched, stunned- Roxas’ mouth open slightly, Sora whispering with his lips brushing against his ear while their hands gripped the covers and Riku had a pretty good idea what else. Finding his Zen, Riku flicked the butt of his forgotten cigarette into one of the many half empty cups nearby and stepped inside the room swinging the door closed quietly before sitting on the wingback chair by the window.

Sora whispered, “What now?”

“You started this Sor…trade places with me.” Roxas hissed, feeling completely exposed and humiliated. Neither one had noticed as they whispered, that Riku had put his coat aside and was unfastening his pants.

“No…I don’t wanna.” Sora snipped and Roxas grunted as their joined hand squeezed his cock.

“But Sor…” he began to protest but Sora was pressing against his ass and squeezing him again.

“Fuck…” Roxas hissed then he heard a hiss from the chair. They looked up simultaneously to see Riku stroking himself silently as he watched them. “Just do it Sor.”

Sora rose up to his elbow and pushed the covers down to Roxas’ knees, baring both of them before he covered his mouth with his own. Roxas and Riku moaned in unison, making Sora smirk into the kiss. He rolled to his back as Sora continued to kiss him and put both hands in his hair, but at that very moment he wished for death. How would he ever look Riku in the eye again? Sora however, gave no fucks at all. Roxas raised his knee partially shielding himself from Riku’s greedy eyes but Riku grunted and as if they had fucking telepathy, Sora pushed Roxas’ knee flat onto the bed then threw a leg across him to hold it down.

Roxas wrestled his leg free and raised it again so Sora rolled him back to his side and pressed against his back shoving a knee between his legs, spreading them and mumbling “Don’t fight me, Roxy…you belong to _me_.” Just loudly enough for Riku to hear.

Roxas reached up with one hand to grab Sora’s hair and back with the other to grab his hip. Sora hummed as he kissed and nipped at his neck slipping his left hand under Roxas to hold him. Riku mumbled curses as he watched the two writhe on the bed and Sora’s hand became wet and slippery when Roxas neared orgasm.

“Goddammit.” Riku hissed as Roxas leaned his head back onto Sora. He was determined not to leave that fucking chair, but when Roxas tipped his head back and released Sora’s hair to reach his hand toward him, all of Hell couldn’t have kept him in it. Riku growled as he took the few steps to the bed where Roxas’ hand immediately took over what Riku had been doing himself.

Looking up into the aqua eyes and letting Riku see all that he was, Roxas let go. He felt the heat of Sora’s orgasm against his ass where he had him spread, then his own spilling onto the bed as Riku’s spattered his chest and drained down his arm. Sora began to giggle as Riku panted and leaned over to brace himself on the bed before his knees said _fuck it_. Roxas was stone faced and closed his eyes as he released Riku and then rolled over to curl against Sora.

Riku stood and grabbed some tissue before getting his pants in order, and Sora petted Roxas’ hair while he looked up at Riku with dare in his eyes and a smirk on his lips. He opened his mouth to speak but couldn’t think of a single thing to say so he turned to get his jacket and hat. At the door, he looked back at the two who hadn’t moved, but he still couldn’t speak. He opened his mouth and closed it again, bit his lip, tried again, then shook his head and left them.

Passing by the kitchen he saw Ventus and Vanitas having coffee and they waved. People were staggering around everywhere, searching for clothes, keys, dignity, whatever, and Riku leaned into the doorway. “Best fucking Halloween party. EVER.”

As soon as he was gone Roxas got up to shower. “Can I join?” Sora asked sheepishly, knowing the blonde was pissed or embarrassed or both.

“No… just take your meds, Sora.” Roxas snapped as he went into the bathroom and slammed the door. Turning on the water as hot as he could stand it, Roxas stepped into the spray. He cried quietly as he bathed, then got out and jammed a needle in his arm to make it all go away.

Sora stared at the locked bathroom door and sneered. “You honestly thought I didn’t know…you thought I wouldn’t smell him on your clothes…” Scrambling off the bed, he bounded downstairs and grabbed a cup of coffee before he started helping clean up. He told Vanitas he was going down to see Aerith after they were done and he may wanna check on Roxas because he seemed pretty bummed, but he had no idea why. Vanitas remarked that Roxas was almost always bummed so he didn’t worry too much about it.

 

Riku left the Halloween party thinking that he had it all figured out but wishing he didn’t. He couldn’t imagine what it must be like to be in Roxas’ position. He obviously loved his brother who was clearly bat-shit crazy.

All this time he had been giving Roxas shit about having someone else when all the time it had been someone who was completely and utterly inescapable. It was a fucked up situation, but then it wouldn’t be the first one Riku had been involved in. He decided then that he wouldn’t press Roxas for answers anymore and when he came by for dope, he would let him do whatever he wanted because as long as he had that, he still had a tiny piece of Roxas for himself.

  
  


The first time after Halloween that Roxas needed drugs, he puked on the way to Sawyer because he was so mortified at the thought of facing Riku. He had even gone to Zexion first to try and avoid Riku altogether but Zex was clean and planning to stay that way. Knocking on the door he half hoped that Riku wasn’t there…but he needed…so he sucked it up. When the door swung open he mumbled, “I umm… need.”

“Get in here.” Riku tugged him inside by the elbow and Roxas looked everywhere but at his eyes as he waited.

“So, we’re there again? All the way back there?” Riku brushed a hand across his cheek before turning to the closet.

“Sorry.” Roxas squeaked, so close to tears that his nose was beginning to run.

“What are you sorry for, Rox?” Riku asked placing the balloons into his shaking hand and closing his fingers around them.

“For not…for fuck…for lyin…for all of it.” Roxas sputtered as hot tears ran down his cheeks. Riku rubbed his arms and pulled him close, his own heart breaking for him.

Roxas didn’t return the hug. Instead he fumbled through his pockets then asked, “Will you help me?”

“Sure.” Riku took the gear and the drugs and stepped away as Roxas took off his hoodie. Riku hissed when he saw his arms. “You gotta move Rox. Your arms baby…shoot between your toes.”

Roxas nodded and began to put his hoodie back on but Riku stopped him. “You don’t have to go yet…just…I’ll still help you.”

Roxas nodded again and seemed to relax a little. Riku helped him with the drugs and as soon as Roxas was high, he wanted to thank his dealer…and his dealer let him because he was a dealer and Roxas was a junkie whore.

  


The parties went on and Thanksgiving was spent kicking junk for Roxas and saddling up for Riku. He was coming up on a month at home on Destiny and he couldn’t manage it straight. Roxas on the other hand was afraid that Cloud would know he was stoned so he kicked it before the holidays. The others kept an eye on him and said that he had the flu even though they had a pretty good idea that he didn’t.

Demyx asked Xion to spend some holiday time with him at his apartment in the city and Vanitas promised Namine that he would be back in time for New Year’s to spend time with her. Sora said goodbye to the homeless people at the shelter and went down to the freeway bridge to party with the rest. He had pizza delivered like he did before each break and like every other time, they lit all the trash barrels on fire and got loaded. Good times.

  
  


Winter break brought harmony to the Strife home in Costa Del Sol. Roxas was quiet but even he seemed to enjoy Christmas Day surfing in the sun with his brothers. Sora never mentioned the morning show they put on for Riku; it was as if it had never happened. Cloud seemed to have more lengthy phone calls than usual but he just said it was work and the boys didn’t question it because he seemed so happy.

Riku spent most of winter break stoned at his home on Destiny. His mom was back in the hospital courtesy of his dad and he wasn't allowed to see her. Xemnas was at the estate but he stayed in his study. He didn't come out when Riku sat against his door singing Christmas carols at the top of his lungs. He didn't come out when Riku had a meltdown about his mother and tried to jimmy the lock with a spoon while he ranted. He didn't come out the night Riku was brought home by the police for being drunk and disorderly, nor did he come out when Riku slept in front of his door the night before he left to spend New Year’s in Radiant Garden.

  


The Strife were back at TU and seemingly well-adjusted. Vanitas had been back for a week with Namine so they were surprised to find him at Strife House.

"Me and Nami had a fight. She threw me out yesterday." Vanitas admitted. “I was high and burned a hole in her blanket…she was _beyond_ pissed.” After giving him a pep talk they were all ready for a party.

Sora went to the homeless shelter to check in and speak with Aerith, Ventus sought out Demyx to begin their drinking early, and Roxas went to his room to shoot dope and cry. Being back at TU was a blessing and a curse. He was back where he could freely self-medicate but he was also back in Riku’s general vicinity. He was back to being a junkie whore, back to being owned by his brother.

Once settled, Riku went to Xemnas’ office knowing it would be empty. Sitting in the big chair he opened drawers until he found the one he wanted. In this drawer were Xemnas’ expensive pens, his expensive imported candy, and his journal among other things. He took it out and flipped through seeing the entries for the days leading up to winter break. _Every single day he uses this_ Riku thought before replacing the journal to stroll around the room.

Taking out the expensive dark liquors from the small cabinet he drank some and poured some into the potted plants before pissing into the bottles and putting them back in the correct place with the labels turned just so. Sitting back at the desk Riku took out the candy and ate the entire box which he chased with imported brandy, then opened the drawer again and shoved two fingers down his throat. Puking all over the expensive pens and the journal and whatever was in there that he didn't care to look at wasn’t his initial plan, but it seemed like a good idea at the time. When his stomach was empty, he gagged a few times then picked up the photo of his Mom and left.

Back at Sawyer, he found a hooded bundle at his door. "What ya need, Rox?"

Zexion raised his head and an eyebrow. "Sorry?"

"Sorry Zex, come in."

"Dude I just wanted you to know that I'm going to the methadone clinic and if you wanna go too... you can go with me."

Riku smiled crookedly and said honestly. "Thank you but I don't think I'm ready yet. I appreciate the kindness, though. I mean it." With that he hugged him and patted his back. It would be different not having Zex around all the time. Even after he jumped him over Roxas they remained friends, tied together by a shared addiction.

  


“Welcome Back from Xmas Break. We’re All Broke as Fuck” the banner across the den hung sloppily as people milled around with cups of booze and various other items of an illegal nature. Demyx sat playing as random people sang along. Somehow it turned into a game where he would play a song related to the people picked out by Ventus, while everyone listened.

Vanitas watched quietly, smiling. He wished that Ventus would be good to Demyx but it wasn’t his place to say anything as he was having problems of his own. Namine was always bitching at him about smoking weed and partying in general. He pondered his thoughts as he began ass-watching from his spot on the sofa. A few asses in, and he realized he was looking at guys… _fuck_ _my life_ he thought, and then he text Uncle Vincent.

Vanitas: S’up nunky?

Vincent: the fuck is a nunky?

Vanitas: uncle…saw it on tv

Vincent: how’s it going? Cloud said you guys had a great time over break. Sorry I wasn’t around more.

Vanitas: it’s good. We did. And what’s up with that? Where were u?

Vincent: busy

Vanitas: I C. Come visit?

Vincent: sure-when?

Vanitas: surprise me :-)

Vincent put his phone away and left the coffee shop in Midgar. He didn’t tell the brat that he hadn’t been around because his pop had a new sweetheart… another Turk.

  


By midnight the cops had been by to warn about the noise so they toned it down momentarily. Thirty minutes later they were back in full swing. Roxas was dancing with Xion as Demyx sang Roxanne by the Police, and Ventus was howling because…well because.

Vanitas walked by and Demyx began to play Smoke Two Joints by Sublime and he nodded and grinned and kept moving. Out on the deck he sat down and propped his feet on the railing, lighting a joint.

“Surprise.” A deep voice said beside him from the shadows. Vanitas panicked, jumping out of his chair and grabbing a mop that stood nearby. When he heard the laughter, he sagged and put the mop down.

“You scared the fuck outta me Uncle Vince.” Vanitas was holding his heart and his weed.

“You’re lucky it’s not your dad surprising you. He would have a fuckin meltdown if he saw this.”

“Ya think?” Vanitas giggled as Vincent took the chair beside his, then reached up and took the joint from his fingers.

“Want a drink?”

“Sure…but just a beer.” Vincent nodded as Vanitas reached for the joint. He looked up at him and laughed loudly. “I took it from you, so it’s mine now. Go get me a drink ya little punk.”

Vanitas laughed as he went inside and Sora rushed out and jumped on Vincent’s lap. “We missed you over break. What the fuck Uncle Vince?”

“I was busy Super Sora. Cloud said you guys had a good time, though.”

“We did.” Sora said sniffing his dark hair. “You don’t have a smell…”

Roxas came out smiling and crawled on top of Sora who was still sitting on Vincent who grunted “You guys are getting a little too big for this.”

“I miss you, Unc.” Roxas said as Sora nuzzled his hair, breathing deeply.

Vanitas and Ventus came out together and crawled on top of the pile, laughing while Vincent yelled and the chair broke. He crawled from under the laughing ball of Strife and stood to brush himself off. “You boys will never change.”

As if on cue three of them glanced at Roxas who didn’t notice. Vincent grunted in understanding. “So get me my beer ya slackers so I can be on my way. You know an old man needs his rest and now I also need to see a chiropractor.”

They dispersed but he grabbed Roxas’ elbow. “Hang on, Blondie. What’s goin on with you? You look angrier than usual.”

Roxas looked at him puzzled and mumbled “M not sad…I was smiling.”

Vincent looked into his eyes and saw the misery. He hugged Roxas and whispered, “Tell me, Roxas.”

“I can’t…I… can’t…” Roxas murmured quietly and then loosened himself from his uncle and walked away.

  


Riku never showed up at Strife House that night. Sitting on his skateboard under the big oak near the quarry, he pondered his life. He was so tired. Looking at the picture of Roxas on his phone he wondered what he was doing and how he was coping. He had awful images in his mind of Roxas being sad and alone, crying and strung out, but he couldn’t go over to the party and not be with him. He didn’t have the mental capacity to play pretend tonight.

He wanted to tell Roxas that he loved him but they couldn’t get past that dealer/junkie surface. They had gotten off to a decent start but never really had a chance because…Sora. That was it. If he survived the summer (literally) he would hook up with Sora. That would make Roxas choose. He just didn’t want to be lonely anymore and Sora would be happy to have him…and if it made Roxas finally decide what he wanted, well that was just a bonus.

  


Spring semester was tough and the boys did a lot more studying. Cloud came for a visit, Demyx and Ventus grew closer but were still unofficial. Ventus running through the house in one of Namine’s slips, being intercepted by Demyx and kissing like newlyweds… but still unofficial. The other three quads agreed that their fourth needed to wake up before he lost his soul mate.

Vanitas and Namine were officially taking a break and unofficially over for good. He spent a lot of time painting and studying, and watching asses. The days dragged on with Roxas and Sora once again moving in tandem, finishing each other’s sentences, and sharing a bed occasionally.

Outside sitting on the grass beside the deck, Riku was waiting for Roxas to go to bed. He couldn’t stay away from Roxas. Standing to peek through the window he saw that he and Sora were still working so he sat back down and sighed. Taking a vial from his pocket he snorted some coke and started to pull up blades of grass. He took out his phone and dimmed the screen before he text his mother.

Riku: I miss you

No reply came and he wasn’t surprised. He heard voices and scooted behind the shrubs at the end of the deck to listen. Vanitas was on the phone outside.

…I said I was sorry Nami…no I…ok but I…

Apparently, that was all, because Vanitas’ phone went flying across the yard. Riku smiled as he heard the door slam. Soon he grew too restless to sit any longer so he stood and stretched but peeked in one more time. Roxas was gone but Sora and Vanitas were still there.

He sneaked around the side of the house and looked up at Roxas’ bedroom window. His lamp was on and he could see his shadow pass by the thin curtains. He stood with his skateboard under his arm watching as Roxas got ready for bed. Riku didn’t realize he was crying until the light went off and the wind hit his wet cheeks as he skated away.

  


The last week of junior year was busy and of course there was a party planned. Roxas hadn’t been back for drugs in weeks so Riku was assuming he had cleaned up for the summer. He had gotten off junk as well but he knew it wouldn’t last.

Sora went to the freeway bridge to say goodbye to Aerith, and as he helped her pet the gray cat pelt she called Sephiroth, she gave him a flower boutonniere and they danced under the bridge as cars passed overhead. The rain started soon after and they continued to dance and sing to each other. Sora didn’t know what other people considered family but this was as close as he ever had to a mom and he was keeping her.

After getting a lecture from Vanitas on what an idiot he was for not committing to Demyx, Ventus had an attack and woke to find the note on his chest. Scrawled on the paper were the words: _Don’t be an idiot_. He smiled and folded it tucking it into his pocket then called Demyx to see if he could come and visit him at his apartment over the summer. Demyx was no longer sad about packing up his dorm.

Vanitas sat on the edge of the fountain watching asses and wondering why the end of his junior year in college felt so anti-climactic. He was the watcher and many things he had noticed around Strife House weighed heavy on his heart but he tried to express it in his work instead of internalizing it. Pondering the lives of others briefly, he glanced down at his phone where he had once again tapped out a text to tell his dad that he had changed his major to art… and once again deleted it. _I’ll tell him over the summer,_ he thought as he nodded to a passerby who happened to be the subject of his exam project… kind of.

  


Later that afternoon before the last party of junior year, Roxas dropped his board and went ripping through the cemetery with his buds in, singing. Not long after, he saw Ventus and Vanitas go sailing past grinning. Bringing up the rear was Sora wearing a flower and a smile. They skated until near dark and never noticed the still figure seated in the shadow of the white mausoleum watching them.

 

000

  


Stepping off the plane in Costa, Roxas felt better immediately. He didn't know what he wanted but here there was no pressure. Being clean brought clarity and he kicked his own ass for what he had done, but at least he could forgive himself a little. He thought of Riku but only briefly. Looking at his brothers, he thought - _It's time to worry about Roxas for a while and let everything else sort itself out._

They walked across the parking lot to their dad’s waiting SUV and people turned to watch them. Four identical beautiful faces, and for their trip home they had worn their jerseys with STRIFE across the back, they walked in step, two by two effortlessly.

Cloud was standing by the car watching his boys with pride. _I wish Reno could be here_ he thought smiling. _He would have some smart ass shit to say_.

Vanitas elbowed Ventus, "Is dad smoking?"

"Looks like it." Sora said from behind as Ventus and Roxas grunted.

Vanitas chuckled "But we just got here."

They all roared with laughter and Cloud smiled. "Hey Dad!" they all said as they surrounded him in a group hug.

"Hey guys! Food first or home?"

"FOOD!!!" The yelled as if enough people weren't staring.

  


There was more of the same at the restaurant and the owner wouldn't let Cloud pay the enormous bill, instead he asked for a family photo to display in his establishment. They happily obliged and with Cloud in the center they looked like 5 brothers.

As soon as they got home they all suited up and went surfing. They surfed the afternoon away and built a bonfire on their spot of beach, spreading blankets out so they could laze properly. He was so relieved to have his boys home and seeing them all relaxed and happy dropped his stress level considerably so he was ready to have some fun with them.

"I know you guys are men now, but you’re still my babies, so why don’t you all tell me...something I don't know about your lives. Vani, you first." Cloud sat down a cooler of beer and tossed them all one before he flopped down and laid his head on Ventus' lap, looking at his other boys through their fire.

"Let's see...something you donno bout my life...will this get me into trouble?"

Everyone laughed and Cloud assured them "No repercussions."

"Hell Yeah!" Roxas squawked and everyone roared knowing he had the most to tell.

"OK...no repercussions...remember when I had the chick come over when I was a kid...for the piercing?"

"Yes...I remember because she thought I was your brother and I didn't correct her." Cloud said and Ventus raised his fist for a bump.

"Well the reason I started getting pierced at home is cause after the initial couple I figured out I’m into pain and every time I would go back I’d embarrass myself." They all laughed at Vanitas til Cloud was wiping tears.

"What about all your tattoos? How did you get through that?" Cloud asked still chuckling.

"My artist would let her come along… she was my girlfriend, Dad… and she was twenty-two!" Vanitas grinned. Another burst of laughter erupted and Vanitas added "OK it someone else's turn now...Ven!"

Ventus looked down at Cloud grinning. "This is something I recently discovered- I like wearing women's clothes." They all laughed and hooted about the slip.

"What slip?" Cloud asked giggling.

"This guy I was seeing asked me to put on a slip that was in the laundry, so I did." Ventus said as everyone snickered.

"And paraded through the house in it!" Sora laughed.

They all laughed as Cloud howled "Did no one see this as a great photo op!?"

"Oh Yeah!" Vanitas flipped through the pics on his phone and showed Cloud.

"Aww Ven... you look beautiful." He said reaching up to stroke his sons smiling face.

"You're the best, Dad!" Ventus said as he threaded his fingers through Cloud's hair. "OK who's next?!" Ventus said. "Roxas!"

They all hooted and applauded "Come on Roxy! No repercussions remember!" Sora wailed hugging his closest sibling.

"Lemme see..." Roxas said tapping his chin with his finger making them all cackle. That in itself made Cloud curious. They all seemed to be hanging on Roxas' words. "I... got really drunk and puked on a girl." He said and Vanitas snorted because he knew what was coming. "While I was fucking her." Roxas finished to all around moans and laughter.

"What did she do!?" Cloud asked as he finished his beer.

Bellows of laughter followed as Roxas squawked "She got up and sucker punched me!"

Vanitas squealed "Larxeeeene!!!" and they all were laughing and crying together.

"Ok Sor, your turn...make it good." Ventus said encouraging his brother.

"Umm..." Sora said as he thought. "OK Dad, no repercussions. I get high with a homeless lady who talks to a dead cat." They all fell over laughing and Sora beamed. "Been doin it for the last three years."

After they settled Ventus smoothed Cloud's hair and said, "Your turn Dad." They jumped and howled and got more beers to await a big revelation.

Cloud moaned "Nooooo."

"Yeeeeaaahhh!" They yelled and began to chant "DAD! DAD! DAD!"

"OK OK!" Cloud said laughing. "No repercussions... 0. None." They were intrigued and fell silent.

"I... had an affair with...one of my superiors at work...for three years." Cloud said solemnly.

The boys stared. "When the fuck did you have time?" Vanitas blurted making everyone laugh and then they chorused "Language Vanitas!"

Laughter and giggles subsided again and Ventus asked "Who was it?"

"Can't say, guys." Cloud smiled shaking his head.

"Someone we know?" Sora asked.

"Yes." Cloud said softly remembering when they were small and could see Sephiroth. God how he missed him still.

"Why did it end?" Roxas asked.

"The person died...K.I.A." Cloud said as he watched the fire.

"Did you love her?" Vanitas asked as he watched the ghosts of the past play in his father's eyes.

Cloud almost corrected him when he said 'her' but he didn't. He only replied "Yes."

The boys all looked at their Dad the hero and thought of how much he had lost and sacrificed to be their father...and he _was_ the best. As if each knew what the other was thinking, they all crowded around him "We love you Dad."

He smiled. "I love you guys too. I'm the luckiest man in the world."

They had their moment and then looked at one another, silently agreeing that the beach confessional hadn’t even skimmed the surface of the burdens they carried. Ventus grunted and looked away sadly while Vanitas looked to Roxas with pain visible in his eyes. Sora looked out toward the surf with a seething stare and after cowering from his side just a fraction, Roxas diverted. “Let’s cook some dinner out here… we can invite the neighbors. What do you say, Dad?”

Cloud beamed and nodded. “I think that’s a great idea.”

Turning music on and getting the food together the 5 began to draw a crowd. Their family bonfire ended up being a beach party with beer, food, dancing, and night surfing. The boys watched as Cloud asked one of their long-time neighbors to dance then they high fived each other and giggled. She was an older lady who had been living there since her retirement about ten years prior. Cloud winked at them as they danced by and the boys all chorused, "Hi Ms. Harvey." She smiled and waved and they all grinned. Their Dad was fuckin awesome.

  
  


Riku woke up but couldn't open one of his eyes. Touching his face, he hissed at the swollen painful egg under the right eye that refused to function. Looking around at gray walls and a freshly hosed floor, he raised his monovision to meet three staring sets of eyes. Slowly he sat up, feeling the needles of pain from bruised ribs and found that his left wrist was purple and swollen to roughly the width of his hand. Dropping his gaze back to the floor, he made his way to the communal toilet to have his morning piss. Holding his breath to keep from screaming, Riku wondered which one of the blue boys had been butt-hurt enough to work him over so thoroughly.

Sitting back down on the metal bench he kept his eye on the floor as he was approached by one of the other residents of the cold damp cell. Shuffling through his disjointed memories he tried to recall what had landed him there this time. "Hey Pretty..." The inmate said sweetly. "About time you woke up."

Riku rolled one aqua eye up to inspect his forward cellmate and determine his chances if he needed to defend himself. The man was medium height, very thin, with long black hair (possibly a wig), too much make-up, and wearing too short cut-offs, a string top, and heels...obviously a prostitute. Riku smiled, relieved that he wouldn’t need to fight, and even though the inmate flew in the face of everything his father had instilled in him growing up, it was people like this whom Riku trusted. People like this guy/lady made Riku feel accepted and at ease.

"Hey...how long have I been out?" He patted the metal bench, summoning the cautious but kind whore to his side.

"They brought you in and dumped you last night and you slept through...its afternoon now, around 4." She seated herself gingerly by Riku's side.

The student nodded and looked around the room again. One of his cellmates had stretched out on the bench opposite the one he sat on, and was eying him warily with a scowl while the other stood in the corner ignoring everyone, or so it seemed.

Looking back at his new 'friend' Riku smiled crookedly. "Guess you don't know what landed me here, huh?"

The whore beamed and shook her head, black hair swinging in chunky curls (definitely a wig) "No but the officers who dumped you said that your _rich asshole dad_ would be to get you before the sun went down."

Riku snorted and immediately regretted it when his nose began to bleed. Covering his face with a hand, he reached for the tissue that his friend had scurried to get from by the toilet. "Here... that looks painful, Pretty...They tried to mess you up."

"Thaks, bud I dodt feel real priddy ride dow." Riku staunched his nosebleed like a pro. One didn't use drugs on the scale that Riku Valentine used drugs without knowing the fastest, most effective way to stop a nosebleed.

"My name is Violet." The guy in the wig stuck out her hand.

"I'b Riku. Dice do beet you." Riku smiled with his nose full of tissue and took Violet’s hand and kissed it.

Violet gasped and then squawked, "Well that's a first! I would ask you what's a guy like you doing in a place like this, but since _you_ asked _me_ , I'm sure you don't know."

Riku smiled. "Ok thed, whad's a sweed lady lige you doig id a dup like this?"

Violet giggled, "I think you could probably guess."

Riku nodded. "Probably. Did dey bust your pip too?"

"No...so it's not going to go well for me later. I'm just enjoying my mini vacay." Violet said with a brave smile, waving her hand with a flourish. "So, tell me Pretty, what's a smart college boy like yourself doing with those?"

Riku's eyes fell to see a fuchsia painted nail at the end of a long thin finger pointing at his fresh tracks. He lifted his Cycloptic gaze to meet deep brown staring eyes. "I'b edjoig by subber break?"

"Hmmm. I think you may need to reassess your idea of fun." Violet said thoughtfully and then patted his arm. "You’re too pretty to go out like that."

Riku chuckled. "So I beed told."

"It's true. You should take care of yourself. You're devastatingly handsome, and obviously smart. You'll make some girl a fine husband one day." Violet said sweetly and Riku thought of how that was very motherly of her. But Riku was the king of deflection and sucked at introspection so he replied, "Or sub guy?"

"Yes, or some very lucky guy." Violet sniffed as she watched Riku for a sign that he may be taking a shot at her.

He knew all about discrimination and prejudice so he winked at her and said, "I dod't thik I'b the settlig dowd type, Vi. As a batter of fact, I seeb to rebebber subthig bout a fide youg bad od by lap right before I got hauled id...yeah...that's why I'b here." Riku started to giggle making Violet smile.

"What did you do?! Tell Violet everything!" She scooted next to him and he grinned and lay his head against her, but then leaned away to remove the tissue from his nose.

Stepping over to the toilet he flushed it, then washed his hands in the sink. Touching the mouse under his eyes gingerly, he hissed, then sighed and splashed some water on his face and dried it with his shirt. Running his fingers through his hair he turned to go back to his bench and his new friend.

"You pretty enough to go back over there with your whore, or you need me to help you with your good eye?" The inmate on the bench grumbled.

"Look dude, I don't want any trouble...I got enough." Riku said as he turned away. The other inmate let it go because he really wanted to hear Riku's story. He had been locked up plenty and he had never seen the chief escort a prisoner to a cell before…but then he had never been locked up with Riku Valentine. Keeping quiet about what he knew of the notorious frat boy, he peered at the other inmate who seemed to share his thoughts and nodded.

Riku stretched out on the bench and lay his head on Violet's lap. She looked as proud as she had probably ever looked in her life as she combed her bony fingers through his silver hair, picking out the dried blood.

"I was at this party on elm...for a while anyway. I hooked up with this guy...cute but not usually my type...anyhow, he's all over me and so I let him blow me. I'm getting ready to bail cause the party's burning out and I'm outta blow. This kid starts like he's gonna follow me home." Riku began and as he spoke the other two inmates had moved to sit on the bench directly in front of him so they could listen.

"I said dude, I'm not even _from_ here- I'm going to Destiny." Riku said and then chuckled, "He gets pissed and tells me that his dad’s a cop and if I don't take him with me then he’ll have me picked up. So then I say let's just stay at the party, thinking I'll slip out after he's wasted, right? Well _I_ got wasted and ended up fucking him." Riku shut his eye and snickered. "He was in _high_ _school_ he said...I probably really deserved to get my ass kicked...anyway...I said he could come home with me after."

At that there was a chorus of "Aww" then he continued. "We stopped somewhere to get a bite to eat before we left town...One of those all-night waffle joints. They were full up, so we were gonna wait in the car for a few...and then we decided to fuck while we waited…aaaand then someone called the cops." Riku giggled and the sound was infectious. The other three chuckled with him. "And wouldn't you know, the cop who busted us was his dad."

They all roared at Riku's misfortune and he had a coughing fit, but continued. "Things escalated really quickly after that."

"I bet! So, what they charge you with?" The guy who had been in the corner asked.

"Well turns out the kid was seventeen, but just, so they pinned me for fuckin in public, indecent exposure, d and d, and assaulting an officer." Riku said grinning. "The public was a given, because I was reaming that kid pretty good...his dad yanked me out of the car with my junk out, so there was that."

The others were still laughing. "Man, I would've loved to have seen that cop’s face." Bench guy said and corner guy nodded.

"I guess you put up a good fight then?" Violet asked.

"I didn't resist. I didn't _wanna_ get my ass beat...I was wasted and I knew it, but when the cop saw his own kid crawl out of the car with his pants down, he snapped and started teeing off on his face...calling him…all kinds of shit. It pissed me off so I jumped him." Riku said sadly. "I got a couple good swings in before the other cop got me...and then I spit on the dad cop."

The others hooted and bellowed but Violet just smiled and sighed. "I think I'm in love!"

Riku was still laughing when an officer came back and called his name. "Valentine! Shut up and get your ass out here."

Violet watched as a shadow fell across Riku's face and he sat up slowly. Pulling off his hoodie to reveal tanned muscles covered by a black beater, he gave the hoodie to her. "Put this on...what's your last name?"

"Flowers...why?" Violet asked as she pulled on the warm hoodie and Riku strolled to the cell door. "Violet Flowers, really?”

“No, William Turner really, why?” Violet asked again.

“I can take you with me." Riku said as he was cuffed by the officer.

"You don't have to do that, baby. I'm in no hurry to get the shit beat out of me. Besides, your daddy ain't gonna bail out a whore for you." She snorted but her heart was touched that this wayward youth wanted to help her out.

Riku turned to her and smiled as he was being led out, "Sure he will."

Riku left the cell with the officer and the two guys on the bench shared what they knew with Violet. Bench guy looked at her and smirked. “You’re not from Radiant, are you?”

Now snuggled in the warm hoodie that proudly displayed the Twilight University logo, Violet shook her head. “I came here from Port Royal a couple months ago.”

“Our esteemed cellmate was Riku Valentine. He’s pretty well known around here. Rich college kid…kind of a junkie Robin Hood.” The corner guy said and the bench guy snickered. “He’s been hangin around Radiant since high school…all the pushers know him…most of the pimps.

He’s always doin shit like bailin people outta jail, helpin out the bums, whores, other junkies…and kids. He’s big on kids.” The bench guy continued. “His old man is loaded and he usually funds whatever Riku wants to do. Sometimes he ain’t around for months and just when we all think he’s dead, he shows back up, stoned and giggling.”

Violet nodded and pulled the hoodie sleeves down to cover her hands. “I’ve never been lucky in my life…I guess it’s finally my turn huh?”

“Honestly, I was shocked to see him back at all. Jimmy said that his dad sent him to Twilight Town after that thing a while back.” The corner guy said quietly and the three huddled together to gossip.

“What thing?” Violet asked, eyes wide.

“Heard Riku tried to kill himself at his house on Destiny…it was in the papers.” Bench guy said and corner guy nodded. “Word was he actually died, but they got him back…I heard it wasn’t the first time either.”

Violet looked sad. “Why would such a beautiful boy try so hard to end his own life?”

“Donno…he just don’t give a fuck about himself. I mean as much as he seems to care about other people, he don’t give a single fuck for his own life.” Corner guy shook his head.

  


“Violet! Get your skinny ass out here!” An officer had returned as their chat would down and opened the door yelling.

Violet stood and smiled at her fellow criminals as she walked toward the door. Corner guy piped up and said, “Tell Riku to hit up Bobby on 5th  for me!”

Bench guy added, “And tell him my girl Jessa works at the mall Sbarro!”

Violet nodded and followed the officer out. In the lobby, she was greeted by Riku and a very imposing man in a suit who could only be his father; they had the same beautiful hair. The father looked stoic as he signed the release papers and Riku reached to take Violet’s hand. He was holding an ice pack on his eye with his free hand and had another one taped to his wrist.

Xemnas broke the uneasy silence when he leaned toward the bullet-proof window as he slid the paperwork into the opening, and growled. “This department _WILL_ pay their medical costs; my lawyers will see to it…and this farce will _NOT_ appear in _ANY_ publication.”

The officer behind the glass looked a little green but had no response as they left the station. Riku tugged Violet’s hand and whispered. “No matter what, just keep quiet, ok?”

Violet nodded obediently as she followed them to the chauffer driven car. Taking their seats quietly, they both snapped to attention when Xemnas turned to look back at them both. “You need to go to the hospital Riku, but would you like to eat first?”

“Yes sir. Thank you.” Riku responded and Xemnas turned to the driver. “Take us to Celes, Riku and…Violet are under-dressed, so inform them that we will be entering through the kitchen and dining in private.”

As soon as the car was parked at the upscale restaurant, the driver was off and running. Soon he was back to open doors and escort them to the kitchen entrance. Walking through the busy kitchen, a few of the employees spoke to Riku and smiled, nodding to Violet who smiled politely. Seated in a large dining area that was closed to the rest of the establishment, Violet was beginning to get nervous. They were the only diners in a room that easily held 50 tables.

Riku patted her hand and asked quietly, “What would you like to eat?”

“This is a French place…I don’t know…fries?” Violet said, making Riku grin.

Xemnas spoke up just then. “I can order for you if you like.”

Violet nodded, “Thank you.”

“Riku will you be having the usual attempt at _American_ cuisine made by this nice _French_ establishment?” Xemnas peered at Riku over the menu.

“You can order for me too, Dad. I’ll try something new.” Riku said with a half-smile.

“Very well.” Xemnas mumbled as he was secretly pleased with Riku’s unusually compliant behavior without having to scream at him to get it.

The three proceeded to have an extravagant meal complete with wine and small talk…very small talk…mostly about the food and the French in general…but, baby steps. When they were finished, Xemnas excused himself to the bathroom where he asked the attendant to give him privacy and to please not allow anyone else entrance. Inside he covered his face with a towel and sobbed.

Xemnas had no idea with to do with his son and hadn’t had a clue in years. He didn’t understand him and why he was so bent on destruction. His wife was no help anymore as she was so distraught by his last suicide attempt that she was lost in a world of prescription drugs and therapy. Taking some deep breaths, he attempted to regain his composure.

At the table, Violet relayed the other two inmates’ requests to Riku who nodded and explained to Violet that once Xemnas cut them loose he would go over to see her pimp to make sure she didn’t get any shit for her arrest, and then offered to get her a legitimate job in town. “Who’s going to hire an uneducated whore, Pretty?”

“I’ll find you somethin. Just tell me you’ll stay off the street.” Riku said seriously.

“I…I will. I promise. But only because you’re so pretty.” Violet smiled and Riku, being Riku, kissed her cheek and winked.

  


Xemnas returned and they proceeded to the hospital where they were tested and x-rayed and in Riku’s case, splinted, taped, and stitched. Back in the car they drove down and recovered Riku’s BMW from impound where they said goodbye to Xemnas. “Thanks again Dad.” Riku said as the sun was going down on another day in Radiant Garden.

Xemnas nodded and paused, then shook his head. “Riku, I…am relieved to see you alive. I know you have your own ideas about me, but I…even under the circumstances, I’m happy to see you. I’ll be going back to Twilight early, so if something should arise, it may take me longer to get to you.”

Riku was stunned at Xemnas’ attempt at making amends but he was wary of reading too much into it. Managing a smile, he murmured. “I’ll stay out of trouble.”

“Very good. Violet, it was a pleasure. Please take care of yourself.” Xemnas said sternly as he tried to keep his emotions in check.

“Thank you very much for everything, Sir.” Violet smiled.

“Thank me by taking care not to let this happen again.” Xemnas scolded, making Violet roll her lips together to keep from smiling. “Yes Sir.”

  


Driving through the dusk toward the hotel where Violet’s pimp lived, Riku called a guy to deliver a message that one of his bag men was in lock-up and then called the Sbarro and asked for Jessa. “Your man’s in lock-up.” Incoherent babbling. “Yeah…I was…he was fine when I bounced.” Babbling again. “Aaah! Hahaha! Yes, this is Riku.” Squealing and laughter. “Look I gotta go. Take care. Call me back at this number if you need that.”

When he ended the call, he was pulling into the hotel lot. Violet stared at him with tears in her eyes. “What?” He asked, truly confused. “I told you I’m not gonna let him hit ya.”

“It’s not that…you’re just such a good guy.” Violet sniffed.

“Not really, Vi. I’m really a junkie asshole…and when I tell your daddy in there that you won’t be coming back, you might get to see that, yes?” Riku said as he stretched his eye as wide as he could get it. If he was going to have to fight with this guy, he would like to at least have binocular vision to make up for his useless hand. He stared at the rundown hotel briefly and asked curiously, “Are you one of Jack’s”

“Yes” Violet sighed.

“Cool, come on.” Riku hopped out and Violet noticed a spring in his step. That was a really good sign or a really bad one, she didn’t know this Robin Hood well enough to discern.

She trailed him quietly as he went to the correct door without a question to her and stepped back slightly before kicking it open and off the top hinge. “Jack!”

A few squeals were heard as three women scattered and scrambled to other rooms. Jack the pimp looked startled as he spun to face the door, coke covering the tip of his nose. “You.” He seethed.

Riku sneered viciously before launching fist at the pimp’s face without replying. The fight that ensued was short in which Riku used the pimp’s head to break the television and then proceeded to pilfer his stash of drugs. “Take a seat, Vi. I gotta fix.”

She sat and watched Riku shoot heroin while he sat on the filthy floor beside the body of the unconscious pimp. Inside she was screaming for him to stop but her mouth remained closed. When he was hitting Jack, she was mortified at how his face contorted with rage. It was like watching a waking nightmare. She wondered if that intense hatred was self-loathing, and if all the good that he did for others was an attempt to atone for something he couldn’t forgive himself for.

Tossing her the keys he slurred with a smile. “Drive…I’m impaired.”

Before he left he scrawled a note and clipped it to the pimp’s dreadlocked mane _. “Thanks for the brown…Violet don’t work for you anymore.”   - Riku_

  
  


By the end of June Roxas was staring at his phone willing it to do...something. He missed Riku even though thinking of him reminded him of the mess he had been the last time he actually spoke to the drug dealer.

Ventus walked by and glanced at him then said. "Who is it Rox?" he knew his brother was pining for someone but he had no idea who.

"Nobody." Roxas said as he faked a smile and went to the kitchen.

Thinking of his own someone, Ventus text Demyx.

Vanitas watched him smiling at his phone. _Idiot_ , he thought then he looked at his own phone and thought about Namine for the first time since he left TU. _Wow_ he thought, _I didn't_ _even realize that I had forgotten about her...out of sight, out of mind I guess. That really puts shit in perspective._

Roxas couldn't take it anymore so he text Riku.

Roxas: s'up

Riku: Roxaaaass

Roxas: lol ru stoned

Riku: yeessss so wasted

Roxas: wubd?

Riku: I got arrested! Lol call me.

Roxas almost bolted from the room but he knew his sibs would get nosy so he walked upstairs to his room casually and called Riku. The phone only rang once before Riku answered making Roxas heart leap.

"Hi Blondie!"

There was loud music and people laughing and talking in the background, obviously a party, then Roxas heard a door close muffling it all. "Better?"

"Much, haha. Sounds like a good time." Roxas said cheerfully as his gut started to twist because hearing that voice made him want to be where he was. Riku could tell Roxas was smiling and that made him smile. He thought of a thousand questions he wanted to ask but his drug muddled brain couldn't get the words organized.

"Spill. What you get arrested for?" Roxas lay across his bed and waited for the scoop.

"When I got home, Dad was still pissed bout his desk so I went to Radiant to party." Riku slurred into the phone and Roxas closed his eyes trying to picture what he must look like. "I was with some guys and one of em… his dad was a cop and when he saw his kid with me, he lost his shit. He hit his kid like… just, it was bad and I lost it. I fuckin… Haha! They hit me Rox... In ma face...a lot. I got shitches. Stitches!" Riku howled into the phone and Roxas’ face split in a ridiculous grin.

"You're insane!!! Did they hit you for resisting?" Roxas asked giggling.

"That and other stuff… and fr singin on the way to jail!" Riku cackled and wheezed as they laughed together.

"What were you singing, idiot?!" Roxas had forgotten about his brothers and was laughing and squealing into the phone.

Riku wailed "ROOOOXXXAAAANNE!!!"

Roxas howled and rolled on his bed. "Oh my God!!!"

Riku’s laughter tapered off. "Come see me, Rox. I miss you so… you don’t understand."

"I can't...you know how my brothers are." Roxas said quieter.

"I donno why we can't...why you don't...what's so bad about me, Rox? You fucked that girl that cheerleader and Sora knew… right? He was there, right? So why am I different? Why don’t you just tell him? After Halloween I think he prolly considers us all more than acquaintances…"

“I can’t… I just, not yet…he’s doing so well on his meds. Maybe this was a bad idea.” Roxas felt nauseas while inside he screamed _Noooooooo!_

“I’m sorry… I’m sorry, look I promise I won’t ask again. No pressure, baby. I promise, ok?” Riku paused as Roxas heard someone enter the room where Riku was and speak, to which he replied "I don't want to-I'm on the phone. Yeah. No, no ok… just fuck off." Then the door opened and closed again.

"What was all that?" Roxas asked feeling jealousy knot in his stomach.

"Roxaaas…I know I’m not good enough fr you…you’re an angel and I ruin everything I touch... I won’t ask you for more, just… "

"I never said any of that." Roxas said sadly.

"You ditn haf to...”

“Who’s there with you?”

“Some girl wantin ta fuck an I said no..." Riku was slurring worse the longer they talked. "I said no fr yooou, Roxas. Come seee meee."

Roxas chewed his lip. "You could come here. You can stay at the Grand Hotel and I can see you there."

Riku was quiet for a moment and Roxas was about to retract his offer when he heard a soft gasp. “You want me to come see you? Really? I will, I mean I can’t wait to see you…I just gotta go home first...oh wait, I am home."

"That party is at your house?!" Roxas gasped thinking of Dean Xemnas.

"Yeah, my house...Mansex was pretty chill when he got me outta jail, but he left and said he'd see me at school."

"What did you do to his desk and where's your Mom?" Roxas asked recalling the seemingly good relationship he had with her.

"I messed it up before...an she's with her sister in Paris." Riku sounded sad.

Roxas felt sad for him but he had never had a mom, well he never knew her, so he redirected. "So are you coming?"

"Yeah baby. I'll text you when I hit town...you can hide me from your brothers if you want." Riku said dejectedly.

"I just don't know how Sora would take it." Roxas mumbled finally speaking the name that was wedged between them.

"Of course he'd be pissed, Roxas." (sniiiiiiff) "How long has that been goin on?"

"Since...since always. It's not all the time either...I mean he does what he wants." Roxas said as he traced the pattern on the duvet with a finger and thought, _that includes fucking me_.

"So why don't you?" Riku asked and Roxas could hear rustling in the background.

"I donno." Roxas answered honestly. He had never cared about anything beyond Sora’s happiness.

"I wish you were here Roxas..." Riku said softly then giggled quietly.

"What are you doing?" Roxas hissed as he smiled.

"You know what I'm doin... Goddamn I wish you were here...you'd feel sooo…Uuunnnnhhhh." Riku groaned into the phone.

Roxas bit his lip grinning and then hopped off his bed, went into the bathroom and turned on the shower for noise. "I can’t wait to see you... " Roxas husked as he shoved his hand down his pants.

"Goddamn Rox I want you...Every time I close my fuckin eyes I see you…feel you... and the morning after Halloween God... when you reached for me...that's what I want baby...want you to be thinkin bout me every time you get off...shit!"

Roxas heard the clatter as Riku's phone hit the floor. He also heard familiar grunts and moans. He finished himself then listened as he cleaned up because Riku hadn't picked his phone up off the floor yet.

(Rustling sounds-like Riku moving around)

(Door open and close)

Voices... (Female) you fuckin asshole!!!

(Riku) what?! Stop fucking hitting...what I do?!

(Female) you asshole! I can't fucking believe...

(Sounds like slaps on bare skin and Riku giggling)

(Female) I woulda fucked you...you know I needed some smack...you asshole...

(Crying and more shuffling noises)

(Riku) here… you can have this...stop cryin...you don't hafta fuck me for that shit Goddamn...please stop cryin

As Roxas listened his heart sank. That could've been him...just another junkie whore. His stomach flip flopped and he thought he would puke. Turning off the shower he sat on the bathroom floor with his head on his knees. The girl on the phone had stopped crying and Riku was saying something he couldn't quite make out then he heard "Rox, you still there, baby?"

Roxas was silent for a moment, then whispered "I need to go."

"OK...I'll text you."

When the call went dead Roxas threw up until he had nothing left. He thought about all the times he had been to see Riku for drugs...all the sex...all of it. How much, if any of it would have happened without the drugs. He didn't even know how much of his feelings for Riku were real now. Maybe he should just let Sora pursue him and see what happens. He was so fucked up...the whole situation was fucked up.

  


The middle of July Ventus left for Twilight Town and Demyx. Vanitas was getting restless and oddly enough, so was Cloud. Sora was content to stay on the beach all day and half the night. He would disappear with this girl or that guy or hit a party at a hotel, but never missed his meds and never seemed to be too wasted. Random nights he would slip into Roxas’ room and into bed, but only to cuddle.

Roxas slept, ate, surfed and stared at his phone. One afternoon he came through the house dressed in shorts and a henley and asked to borrow one of Cloud's bikes to go to a party on the other side of the island. Sora was out surfing and had made plans for a party on the beach. There were only 2 weeks of summer break left and Cloud figured Roxas may be getting stir crazy so he cut him loose.

  


Roxas took the bike and headed out early enough to make it to the other side of the island...but he didn't go there. He went to the Grand Hotel and parked inside the garage. After taking the elevator up to the penthouse, he stepped off into the entryway and across to the huge double doors.

He wasn't prepared for what he felt when he saw Riku sleeping on the huge expensive sofa in a hotel robe. He was _breathtakingly beautiful- like an angel_ , Roxas thought as he sat beside the sofa on the floor to watch him sleep. He had obviously spent some time on the beach because his skin had a healthy glow. Tracing his cheek with a fingertip Roxas silently wished that they had met under different circumstances.

Riku's eyes fluttered open, a smile spread across his face, and he reached for Roxas' hand. "You came." He whispered, surprising the blonde.

"Of course I came." Roxas was puzzled for a moment. _Does Riku not have a clue how beautiful he is? Does he not understand that people would kill or die to be with him? Am I one of those people?_

"Why are you sad?" Riku kissed his hand.

"I... I just...I'm happy to see you." Roxas couldn't say all he was thinking and if he could it wouldn't make any sense, so he did the only thing he knew that would make sense to Riku- he began to undress.

 

Very few words were spoken from that point on. Riku was insatiable and when Roxas was exhausted they did some blow. They ordered room service but barely ate and the sun was rising before they fell asleep. Roxas had text Cloud around midnight to say he was smashed and spending the night so the only person there would be repercussions from, would be Sora.

In the early afternoon he woke to his phone buzzing and Riku kissing his ass...literally. He groaned and reached for his phone as Riku bit him gently and then spread his cheeks, giggling. It was Sora calling so Roxas didn't answer. Lying on his belly as Riku buried his face in his ass he arched his back and heard a growl from behind him. Riku sat up on his knees and grabbed Roxas’ hips, nearly standing him on his head. He squawked and laughed and tried halfheartedly to wiggle free when he felt the tongue pushing inside him. He gasped as Riku delved as deep as he could over and over, turning Roxas into a shivering moaning mess before he began to lower him back to the bed.

Roxas whined and pulled his knees underneath him so Riku attacked him anew, mumbling things that Roxas chose not to decipher. Fingers slipped in with the tongue then it was gone and the fingers were soon replaced as well. Roxas groaned Riku's name as he gripped the sheets, and fingers were bruising his hips, but he didn't care …because in this moment he belonged to Riku.

Roxas thought of their first time and how unbelievably beautiful he had felt. He thought of the time after when Riku had shoved him down because he wouldn't look into his eyes. Roxas wanted nothing more than to please him but he didn't know why. _Is this how it feels to be in love?_

As if he had been having very profound thoughts of his own, Riku leaned down onto his back and hissed into his ear. "Why can't it always be like this? I would worship you, Roxas."

Hearing his own words, Riku realized he was breaking his vow not to pressure the troubled blonde, but at that moment he didn't care...until Roxas started to cry. All the confusion, mixed emotions, and guilt descended on him at once when Riku whispered to him, he couldn't hold it in any longer. He wanted so much to tell Riku _Yes_ but at the same time it scared him to death. The only love he had ever known was Sora and no matter how consistent he was in his love and care, Sora was equally inconsistent in returning it. He didn't know how to have a relationship and he didn't know how to love someone that wasn't his brother. He didn't even know how to accept love from someone else...if that's what this was.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, please don't cry." Riku pulled away immediately and lay down to hold Roxas while he cried. "Please don't cry baby. Please, I didn't mean to pressure you. This is enough, this is all I need okay." Riku begged and sniffled, determined not to cry on an already sobbing Roxas. He felt a knot in his chest as he silently cursed his own mouth. He buried his face in Roxas' hair and prayed to a god he had never believed in.

Eventually Roxas stopped and dried his tears. "I should go."

Riku held his breath afraid to speak.

"I need to get Dad's bike back and... I donno."

"Rox I'm sorry." He said quietly as he watched Roxas get out of bed.

"You don't need to apologize for anything... don't apologize to me...It's not...I'm not...worth it really…" Roxas' voice trailed off as he spoke.

Riku sat up and rubbed his face. He had no idea what to do to fix this. _Dad was right when he said I ruin everything I touch_ he thought.

Roxas was at the door, but he stopped. Riku jumped off the bed and ran over slapping his hand on the door to keep it closed. "Don't leave...me." He felt panic rising inside him and he didn't know what to do to make it stop. Roxas didn't turn or speak as he laid his head against the door. Riku tried to calm himself and laid his cheek against Roxas' hair. _Here is all that’s left in my life that’s beautiful and he’s walking out. I’ve had failed again._ After a few minutes of silence Riku dropped his hand and walked away, leaving Roxas to decide on his own.

Roxas left.

Riku screamed and pounded the door. This seemed so final. Why did he feel like his world was ending all over again? Why did he ever let the blonde boy into his heart? Why did he have to be so stupid? Why couldn't he just not care? Why couldn’t he just … die…

  
  


Back home with the bike Roxas walked inside to find Cloud jogging down the stairs looking stressed.

"Rox! Hey baby. Glad you're home. Sora's gone and we donno where he went or really how long he's been gone." Cloud looked worried.

Roxas took out his phone to text Sora.

Roxas: where ru??

Sora: whadda u care?

Roxas looked at Cloud. "Is he good on his meds ‘cause he's bein a dick right now."

Cloud had never heard Roxas talk like that about his brother _. Maybe he has a hangover_ Cloud thought... _or maybe he's just tired of being a part of Sora_. All of their life it seemed the two had been the same person. _The therapy may finally be paying off_ he thought.

Roxas: get ur ass home. Dad is worried sick

Sora: I'm at school

"He says he's back in Twilight Town, Dad." Roxas snipped and then called Sora and unloaded on his ass right there in front of their dumbfounded father.

"Listen Goddammit, you don't fuckin do that Sor, not to us and especially not to Dad. That was shitty what you did takin off like that without telling anyone… I should kick your ass when I get there. We've always tried to take care of you but that only works if you let us. Just because you get pissy about me goin out without you doesn't mean you can show your ass like a five-year-old. I get to have a life too, Sora!!!"

"Sorry Roxy...you're right. I'll call Dad right now and apologize. I love you." Sora said humbly.

"I love you too." Roxas hung up his phone, "He said he's sorry and he's gonna call you."

"I'm proud of you, Rox." Cloud said surprising his son. "He deserved every bit of that and you're right...you have your own life to live."

Roxas nodded and hugged his dad before he whispered, "You're the best."

  


Back at TU they were getting settled. Sora, Demyx and Ventus were already at Strife House when Roxas and Vanitas arrived. Judging from Roxas' expression one would’ve thought he was walking into his death row cell. He dropped his bags by his bed and collapsed. Staring at the ceiling he immediately wanted to get stoned and forget everything. He found his gear then thought of where he'd have to go to get the junk and put it away again.

  


Vanitas was unpacking when he heard his door creak open. "Whatcha need?" He spoke over his shoulder assuming it was one of his brothers.

Arms slipped around his waist and a soft voice said, "I've missed you, Vanitas."

He smiled, "Nami... How was your summer?"

"I spent it thinking how stupid I was for letting you go." She said with her head against his back.

He turned to her and hugged her close and kissed her hair. _Why not_ , he thought but he knew his heart wasn't in it.

  


Sora headed down to see Aerith but halfway there he ran into Riku. "S'up Riku? How was your summer?" Sora asked as he chewed on a twizzler that hung out of his mouth, flopping like a snake trying to escape death.

Riku watched the twizzler briefly, smiled and replied "Decent. How was yours?"

"It was ok. I surfed a lot...drank a lot." Sora continued to murder the twizzler. "I was headed downtown, you wanna come?"

"I need to get to campus...get settled, yanno." Riku said as Sora nodded. He had just come from downtown seeing Xaldin to re-stock for the upcoming month.

"OK. See you this weekend I guess then… mermaids yanno."

"Yeah. I'll see you then...if I don't see ya before." Riku gave him a half smile. Sora grinned and started walking away backward, whacking away at the candy while he looked Riku over appreciatively. Riku couldn't help but laugh and shake his head. _Maybe the next best thing wouldn’t be so bad...maybe Roxas isn't_... _yes he is_ , Riku thought as he walked to his car, _Roxas is_ _everything_.

  
  


Later that afternoon Xemnas paid the boys a welcome back visit. "There’s something I want to speak with you about. There's a gentleman who is conducting a study and I'd appreciate it if you boys would consider being a part of the group." He passed some paperwork to them and smiled.

"We all have different majors so I donno how we could..." Vanitas trailed off as he read the paper. "Wow a study of twins and multiples. Cool."

"I have spoken to Mr. Sinclair and I'm very pleased that he chose our university. I assured him that he would have more than a few willing participants as we have a few sets of twins here besides yourselves. He didn't mention the four of you so if he's not aware then this will be a pleasant surprise for him. He's doing this in pursuit of his PhD in psychology and after having read some of his work I feel he's a promising candidate...very bright young man..."

"Cool. Thanks, we'll look it over and let you know...wait this selection seminar is first week." Ventus said.

"Yes he is eager to get started since he only has until the spring to complete it." Xemnas said then added, "If you boys are inclined to be a part of this I may be inclined to extend a few exclusions from campus policy on your behalf...seniors should enjoy their last year here, yes?"

Roxas hopped up shaking his hand, "Absolutely, were in!" They all laughed including Xemnas.

"What if Sora won't do it?" Ventus asked.

"He'll do it." Roxas snapped bitterly, and Vanitas raised a brow but let it go.

  


The days that followed were filled with preparations for classes and the final swimming of the mermaids for The Strife. Roxas waited two days before he broke down and went to Sawyer. Riku was stone faced as he let him inside and went immediately to get the goods from his closet. Roxas was silent as the grave and Riku asked as he placed the balloons into his hands, "Need anything else?"

Roxas looked at him blankly and Riku watched as his eyes traveled from his hands up his arms, across his chest, up his neck, paused at his lips, then stared directly into his eyes. "No."

Riku wanted to crumble, he wanted to kiss him, he wanted to die, but instead he nodded once and turned his attention to his phone, clearly dismissing the blonde.

  


Walking two and two in perfect step, the Strife approached the building designated for the selection seminar where Mr. Sinclair would either choose them or not and they stopped to rally before entering.

“Ok guys, I think we should go in as two sets of twins instead of quads.” Ventus said to his brothers.

“Why?” Sora asked as he munched on jelly beans.

“Just to fuck with him. Maybe he’ll pick the four of us and no one else. I’d like to have him all to ourselves.” Ventus said pointing to Sora and Roxas then to himself and Vanitas.

“All to ourselves…what else did you find out about this guy?” Roxas asked.

“Well, I told you guys he’s a genius, recovering addict, and has a twin, right?” Ventus said as he took out his cell. “What I didn’t let you guys in on…is this.”

Turning the phone around for them all to see, he had a picture of Axel Sinclair from Midgar University. Sora stopped chewing his jelly beans and drool dripped off his lip, Vanitas slapped his hand to his forehead and groaned, and Roxas grabbed his crotch with one hand and his ass with the other and squeaked. Ventus cackled. “I know right!”


End file.
